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[Solved] How do I see other CDers?

50 Posts
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148 Reactions
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Posts: 1335
Topic starter
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

My wife asked me a question today, while I was talking to her about one of our illustrious members: She asked me if I saw everyone here as female. I had to reply that I did.

Despite the fact that 99.9% of members here are actually men, I manage to put that to one side and not even think about it. If I regularly thought of everyone as their true gender, I'm not sure I could be here.

I know my recently-mentioned health issue was male, but I put that on here because it is relevant to most people here, to some degree anyway—but usually when I'm on CD Heaven, I'm talking to women, usually about women things.

Do you naturally think of us all here as women, or do you sometimes struggle with the dichotomy?

Becca

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49 Replies
19 Replies
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1728

@rebeccabaxter Becca, great question! I most definitely think of all the members here as girls. No argument xx.

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3858

@rebeccabaxter 

I'm trans and maybe have a different perspective.  I see many of the girls here as women.  They are presenting as women.  Many would admit it's how they are wired.  It isn't going away.  Nor would they want it to.  Simply put, many girls here NEED to present as women to feel whole.  They ARE women.  They are my sisters.  That Y chromosome they were born with is irrelevant.

/LK

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Duchess
(@reallylauren)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1230

@rebeccabaxter  Hi Becca, you are all my sisters, and sisters are obviously women.  Blow Kiss  

Hugs,

Ms. Lauren M

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Lady
(@sunnyday)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Oxford, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 139

@rebeccabaxter - I think of myself as male and other crossdressers and transwomen as male - certainly in the biological sense. If I see another CD or transwoman though, I more often than not will think, "Oh, she looks nice" or something similar beginning with 'she' - which sounds contradictory to my first line. Maybe I'm happy to refer to someone according to what they present as in a social context but stick to a biological definition in other contexts.

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Duchess
(@gina5)
Joined: 3 months ago

Reputable Member     Washington, United States of America
Posts: 118

@rebeccabaxter Rebecca, I like to think of everyone here as women. We’re all here for support, and when I’m in Gina mode, I’m looking for everyone’s feminine perspective. I’m not always Gina, but here I am.  It’s an escape.

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Duchess Annual
(@emmat)
Joined: 9 months ago

Prominent Member     I don't do cities ;-), Powys, United Kingdom
Posts: 335

@rebeccabaxter 

A cryptic thought for the New Year.

How do I see other CDers?

Well, if I take this literally, I don't. All the CDs I know are in a virtual world called the internet. And all they know about me is how they interpret my postings and PMs on said internet

Frustrating at times, isn't it? 'irl' takes on a more significant meaning.

eM x

 

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@rebeccabaxter Leave it to Becca to come up with another good one for us all to ponder as we play around in our pantyhose.🥰

Now that I’ve been on here almost 4 months - I can say that I think of the majority of us here on CDH as “dudes in dresses”. That said, some are VERY good at being dudes in dresses. (I won’t name names, you know who you are ladies.🥰)

Some of the presentations here are truly breathtaking. Extremely good looking. Sexy. Provocative. Fantasy-worthy for lack of a better term. Like Becca, I too - put the male side of the girls here out of my mind. CDH is not the venue for “bro-culture” discussions. That’s not why we’re here. But as I get to know some of you, through PM’s and whatnot, that other side has to come out I would think. It will with me at times, most certainly. Just because I’ve “discovered Grace” doesn’t mean the end of everything that came before. In fact it’s the opposite. Grace is a creation of everything that came before. “All Grace, all the time”, would bore me to tears.

We all have our own perspectives on the subject of crossdressing here on CDH. I’m not here to tell anyone what theirs should be. And no one here has tried to tell me what mine should be either. That’s the beauty of it all. The wonderful creation that is CDH. We’re all on our own journeys here, the stars of our own CD shows. That’s the beauty of it.🥰

GP

 

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2198

@rebeccabaxter 

I'll turn your question around and ask, how do you see yourself when you're here? 

I see CDH as many things, a sanctuary, somewhere to meet and chat with others like me, a resource etc. But most importantly, this is somewhere I can be Allie and only Allie. The female half of the whole me. 

So, I see and know myself to be all female while I'm here and think of everyone else in the same way, as sisters and friends.

When I first told my wife about stuff from here, I'd say "she" when mentioning one of the girls. Only once did she say, "but they're all men though", to which I replied, "Not while we're on CDH". She accepted this (as she has accepted my own increasingly blended attitude and appearance) and now uses "she" herself when we're talking about girls from here.

It's the inclusive nature of this community that allows and encourages the feminine outlook and behaviour that we all enjoy. Otherwise, as you say, Becca, why would we be here? 

Thanks for another thought-provoking topic 🤔.

Allie x

 

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1335

@alexina 

Allie,

When I'm on CDH, everyone is one of the 'girls'. Both my wife and I refer to the place as 'The Girl's Site'. Whenever I talk about a CDH member with her, I always say she, not he; my wife does the same.

When we are out and my wife thinks she sees a cross-dresser, she will say to me, "I think I've just seen one of your lot," but will refer to the person as 'she' when continuing the conversation.

I am aware that most people here are men but I just ignore the fact, just plain ignore it. As I said in my OP, if I started to think of everyone as a man wearing a dress, I probably wouldn't be on the site at all. I'm not trans, not homosexual, and to be quite honest, don't really enjoy the company of men much, but this is different, much different. Here, I am one of the girls, everyone else is a girl and I talk girl things, with girls; THAT'S what keeps me here.

Becca

x

PS You'll note I use the word 'girl' while being well aware that very few of us are young enough to fit in that category, but it's a more friendly term than 'women'—although I use the term 'ladies' quite often.

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2198

@rebeccabaxter 

Here, I am one of the girls, everyone else is a girl and I talk girl things, with girls; THAT'S what keeps me here.

I'd say that pretty much sums it up for me too, Becca. Nicely put.

Re, girls, yes, I usually say girls, and, like you, I know we're all nearer centenarians than teenagers  but there's a youthfulness about the chat here. I've said this before, to new members, you'd never guess our ages by reading our writings. So, girls.

I hope your recovery continues apace by the way. Yeah, ok, you might guess my rough age by my use of "continues apace". What the hey what the hey...

 

 

 

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@alexina I like your take Allie, turning it around. We’re certainly not posting pics of our drab selves are we? As Becca says, on CDH we’re all “one of the girls”. My wife and I refer to CDH as the “Dollhouse”. She’ll walk by and say “How are the girls in the Dollhouse this morning?”

She has taken a few pictures of Grace as well, leggy ones. Never has she said - “Hey, what’s the deal with you trying to look sexy for a bunch of men?” (Something I would probably bring up.) She gets it that it’s a hobby and I’m trying to do my best to perfect and enjoy it. No overthinking whatsoever from her. She knows me well. 

One of the things I just love about all this is when spending time with my bros doing manly things and thinking - If you could see me in my alter ego you would not believe it.🥰

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2198

@gracepal 

"Dollhouse", I love it 😊. I'm going to ask my wife if she'd like to call us that. 

Smile Face

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Lady
(@krissykitty)
Joined: 10 months ago

Estimable Member     Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 57

@gracepal YES!! if my man friends could see my alter ego whooo, and here I'm a girl!! And love it my escape!! Married for 32 yrs and have 2 girls so I've been around the lfe stye forever don't have to change it they all know so I'm just being free Krissy lol my wife named me that

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Lady
(@lisa55)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Gloucester, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 555

@rebeccabaxter I think of us all as being female. I think deep down inside we are women. We might have a male exterior but we each, in our own way, try to accommodate our need to be who we want to be or should be. We each seem to have some level of femininity within us, and we express it. Some hide away, not showing anyone else this side of themself. But they know there is some special about them. While others are more confident and hide their maleness away and let their femininity shine. But in a way we are still all woman at heart. 

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1209

@rebeccabaxter I see everyone here as girls and I sincerely hope that comes across during my interactions here.   I love the discussions here with the girls.  The free and open conversations that I am able to have here with you girls is very important to me.

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Lady
(@joanarbour)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     Missoula, Montana, United States of America
Posts: 169

@rebeccabaxter well, to paraphrase someone - if you feel like a girl, dress like a girl, think and present like a girl ………

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Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 363

@rebeccabaxter interesting subject . I had this exact convo with someone a while back . I personally found it v strange at first that I naturally, after a few days on CDH saw everyone as female . I don't even question it now . In the same way when I see hubby dressed I automatically see her as she . We had a funny convo in chat a while back when some people shared pics of them as men and it kinda actually blew my mind because it was strangely almost a shock like suddenly finding out my new women friends were also men.😅it was like my initial reaction to finding out about hubbys CD but in reverse ... 😍I never feel like I'm chatting to men and also in the same way hubby absolutely sees it the same way , because I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be happy with me being on a chat room most nights chatting to a group of men , you are all just me female friends and I love it !😍

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(@carloscloset)
Joined: 3 months ago

Estimable Member     Colorado, United States of America
Posts: 111

@rebeccabaxter My view about it is if you see yourself as a female, or present to the world as a female, I assume you are a female and treat and address you accordingly.

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(@marleneroberts)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Allentown, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 575

@rebeccabaxter  " I most definitely think of all the members here as girls." as a post stated. That is where I'm at. I even hear in my mind the posts being read in a female voice. Best, Marlene.

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Posts: 2075
Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

That's an interesting question Becca it's something I've never really thought about, maybe it's because we all use names that are associated with women that we take it for granted that we are talking with other women, 

A lot of our small talk is about women's things like that's a nice dress 👗 i bought some new heels 👠, I'm going to the salon to get my hair done and whilst I'm there I'm getting a manicure 💅 and i think I'll have a pedicure too, it's not what men really talk about if I'm in the pub with some men friends we talk about football and politics and other men's stuff, 

Hugs Roz X Blushing  

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Posts: 77
Duchess
(@rebeccaoh)
Estimable Member     Oxford, Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 7 months ago

I personally think of everyone here as a cross dresser. Not amab or fmab, uniquely cd. If someone is out as trans etc that would be unique or if someone has pronouns I would follow that too. 

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Posts: 508
Lady
(@kerrismith)
Prominent Member     Belvidere, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

While I may not be technically a woman I can still suffer from a woman’s disease.  I have developed a lump in my right breast and had to have a mammogram to evaluate it.  Boy having your boob squished in a machine is an event I never thought I’d experience.

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2 Replies
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1829

@kerrismith I hope you're ok Kerri. Hugs, Anna xx

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Hostess
(@cdsue)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 2111

@kerrismith yes the disease doesn't discriminate - hope your mammo came out alright

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 58
Guest
(@Anonymous 99924)
Trusted Member
Joined: 2 months ago

I view all of us as lovely ladies whether we are talking about skirts and heels or sports and beer .

Allison. 

XX 

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Posts: 1742
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I would have to say I probably think of more of the members here as men than women. The people who call out they are transgender or intersex I see as women. Those who have socially transitioned or further I also see as women. But I don't think of the part timers as women.

A couple of points to this. I don't say "Hi Girls" or "Hi Ladies" when I go into chat. I think a lot of the topics brought up here are unique situations for males trying to dress as females. These are different than some unique situations that a cis-female has talking with other cis-females.

I think the questions I see and the answers I give tend to be helping a male with female tendencies negotiate this world we live in, or occasionally helping a female deal with a male with feminine tendencies.

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Posts: 107
Lady
(@cathryn)
Estimable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I always have to remember that that the girls on here are not truly girls. There are several girls on here in which that is very hard to do. They are every bit as passable as if the were born with correct chromosomes. Wow!!! Some of you have got it going on !!!

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Posts: 216
Lady
(@joannajoy)
Reputable Member     British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 2 months ago

I’m a girl trapped in a male body, trapped in a male world, I was born male…but when I come here I am free to be a lady, amongst other ladies , and be part of a ladies world,  and that is a beautiful thing. 

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1 Reply
Guest
(@Anonymous 99924)
Joined: 2 months ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 58

@joannajoy my feelings are the same

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Posts: 618
(@caroline2k)
Noble Member     Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

I see other girls on here as 'other girls like me'. I see them just as I see 'real women', and feel way that I do towards them.

I find attractive Tgirls just as attractive as genetic ones. More so, in fact. I have decided that it must be to do with the clothes they are wearing. Beautifully clothed and made-up Tgirls... mmm! lol

I do find genetic girls attractive when they are 'dressing down' as it were, but I don't feel that way about CDs; women can be attractive in jeans and T-shirt and without makeup. Men in jeans and T-shirts? Not a chance! 🙂

 

 

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1019

@caroline2k Totally agree Caroline. Women can make even men’s disgusting clothes look pretty darn sexy at times. It’s definitely all about the clothes for me.🥰 I think they’re like kryptonite as I can get weak when I see a really cute outfit on a person. Doesn’t matter which sex it is, if you look good, you look good!

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Posts: 1829
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 11 months ago

Great question. I think of everyone else on here as female and think of them using she / her. 

I just see myself as a bloke who likes makeup and pretty dresses.

Hugs,

Anna xx

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Posts: 1062
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I've never really given it any thought. I think I've always viewed everyone as feminine just in varying degrees of progression.

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Posts: 1524
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Becca!

When I joined CDH in 2019 I felt everyone here was a man in a dress. (Except for a few SOs who are GGs.)

There have been many times since then that I have completely succumbed to the notion that we are all women. But it's a temporary notion. The first few times it happened I have to say I was quite surprised. Sudden realization caused me to "snap back to reality". It was amazing really. Coming from my upbringing, it was nothing short of shocking that I would even entertain the  concept of such a notion, much less FEEL it. 

In the last 5 years my feelings on many things have changed a bit. Especially how I see myself.

I see transwomen as women. I see the rest of us a part time women who are basically men with feminine characteristics. Some have much stronger feminine characteristics than others. Many, myself included, are in flux. Changing as they age and becoming more feminine with time.

I think that's a beautiful thing.

Hugs,

Autumn

 

 

 

 

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Posts: 2111
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

A very interesting question that I've never given much thought. When I'm here I'm talking to other CD's or TG's discussing feminine things which, in my  opinion, makes us ladies. Special ladies but ladies. I don't see me having conversations about lingerie, dresses, skirts, blouses, make up, wigs, heels (any female shoes for that matter) with my male friends. Heck it took a good period of time before I could have conversations like that with my wife. I think it is a mind set as to how we view ourselves and each other. I will readily admit that I wouldn't come close to passing or blending in as I have a goatee my wife won't let me shave off (I think it is her way of keeping me indoors when dressed - lol). We accept our feminine side and express it as we see fit for ourselves. Someone mentioned kissing - I don't have issue with that as most cis females air kiss or cheek kiss when they meet. If that is the type of kiss you're speaking of I don't see anything wrong with that it is just an extension of your femininity. Now if you're speaking of a more passionate kiss, well that is another matter.

Bottom line we all love wearing female clothes, being feminine and sharing our experiences, how we perceive each other is an individual matter. When I am here I am talking to my sisters and address them as ladies or girls and use proper pronouns for the situation. Like anything else everyone has an opinion and no one is right or wrong. Enjoy being here and being able to share with like minded people.

For a long time (decades) I thought I was alone. It has been a breath of relief to find this place and realize I'm not and to be a member of an understanding and loving community of like minded people.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 170
Lady
(@leslienix)
Reputable Member     Southport, Merseyside, United Kingdom
Joined: 7 months ago

I just see people

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Posts: 471
Lady
(@krisburton)
Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Altho the vast majority of us are biologically male I see all of us, myself included,  as women when online or in the company of others. In online exchanges, I will often lead with a greeting of "Hello ladies" or something of that sort.  I can also find another CD or TG attractive - can't stop being attracted to the female form. As a younger person I might have found this confusing but not now. It's  all part of the fun and fantasy for me.

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1728

@krisburton Nailed it Kris xx.

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