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So this is something that always bugs me. regardless of how wonderful of a day River may have had , and regardless of how much I know its all good. and regardless of the support Ive gotten from my SO.. and how calm I am after River has taken the drivers seat for a while. Everything is great life is great.. yada yada.. Then why the next day , do I always feel like I did something wrong ? This has been a common denominator all my life.. I mean I know some of the answer its childhood and society programming. But It seriously ruins my Zen !! I force myself to ignore it as much as possible but its still there does it ever go away? Does anyone have any tricks that help ? .Cheers RC
@river Perhaps you have yet to make peace with yourself River. Look at what you have girlfriend! An SO that is supportive, opportunity to be River without needing to hide anything, and that delicious warm comfortable feeling of being totally immersed in your femininity. I used to have those same bad feelings hun, and the results of those bad feelings were purges, self incrimination, doubt and even despair. That was until I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to change regardless of the circumstances, I wasn’t bad or perverted, in fact many (perhaps most) of the qualities of my personality that were most appreciated by others whether in drab or out as Genivieve were decidedly feminine qualities.
So I asked myself, what is wrong with that? At that point I accepted that Genivieve was me and I truly began to enjoy being feminine when I had the opportunity. I still enjoyed my male pursuits, but cherished the girl time in a different way that made it more precious and important. I also think that my acceptance of myself as Genivieve allowed me to present a much more real and believable feminine persona. I had more fun when out and about en femme and did things that I had been afraid of before. I don’t know if this long reply will make any sense to you but if it helps, I am glad!
Hugs, Genivieve
@geniv_cd Thank You very much. and Yes It makes absolute perfect sense and I agree. I honestly have thought especially after my SO support that I was good with it all. Im no longer hiding I dress basically whenever I want and often. after a few days im completely at peace before and during. but darn like today im doing Rivers Laundry and still cleaning off the glue on my fingernails. sorting thru my pictures from last night and enjoying every minute. but this feeling is still there in the back of my brain. it will take a day or so and then It will be gone. If I could just skip the next day I would be perfect It seems no matter how incredible my journey with River has been this past year I just cant shake the next day guilt. maybe as @rebeccabaxter said just do it more and more and eventually ill retrain my brain.. Have a great day RC
@river I suppose we all have had this feeling from time to time. It’s that lingering sense of guilt/shame that was drilled into many of us even before we knew that cross dressing or gender variance was a thing.
Like any conditioning you can slowly practice telling yourself “no” or “stop” whenever the guilt or shame rears its head. Given time, it should fade away.
@kimdl94 Thank You. Ive been telling myself that for many years but then I was still in DADT mode I really thought after my SO acceptance and having complete freedom it would be better. I was very surprised today that it was still there. and it really frustrated me . Its only been barely 2 months. maybe I just need more time. Have a great day RC
@river River, you are a beautiful woman and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are doing something that you enjoy and presumably feel that it is the right thing to do/be. You open with your loving and supportive wife, which means you are not hiding yourself from her or keeping secrets.
I hope you can get over your sense of guilt, and enjoy being yourself. Many of the other girls have given some excellent advice, I hope some of it works for you.
Hugs Christine
@christineth Thank You so much. I know im in a great place and oh so lucky to not only have River in my life but to have so much support from my wife and all of you lovely ladies. which is why im confused I cant honestly think of one thing thats wrong right now yet I cant shake the feeling . It will pass by tomorrow ill be right as rain. Have a great day RC
I struggled with those feelings for decades. A few days or weeks of bliss and then self-loathing. Purge. Rinse. Repeat.
I started coming to terms with my gender variance ten years ago. It was rough going at first. Self-acceptance meant unraveling years of social conditioning. A good gender therapist helped a lot. Eventually I started to figure out who I really was and learned to embrace it. Now I live authentically. It's a pretty good life.
I hope you find your happy place River.
Liz xx
@lizk Thank You !! lately I thought I had come to terms with it all I was sincerely in a great place and I still am. just cant shake the I did something wrong today. but may have had a revelation here with all the great responses this was the first time since i started dressing openly with my wife that she is away and I dressed alone. maybe this is why it feels wrong again. I honestly thought I was done with that. Ill talk to her about it when she gets home tomorrow. Have a great day RC
You said it perfectly, Liz. For me, it became a matter of acceptance. Life became so much easier once I accepted who I am on the masculine and feminine sides. My guilt, I might add, used to come right after I dressed. I remember when I couldn't get out of my clothes fast enough. Thank goodness those days are gone.
Love your wife, love your life!
Lisa Ann
Right! Funny how that works. We learned to love ourselves and guilt magically disappeared!
#nevergoingback
Liz xx
@river Does it ever go away?
As Genevieve said, maybe you need to determine why you are dressing in the first place. You may think that you know, but there is that nagging question still. Do you really?
Once you accept that you are fulfilling a need, maybe your concern / guilt will go away.
@harriette Thank You ! does it ever go away. ? this is where the confusion started as I thought it was gone. and today came screaming back. but I think we solved it here. I think its derived from my moe recent freedom to Dress whenever I want and have been with my wife and last night I did alone. I think my consciousness said hey what the heck are you back to this? even though it was not the case . but It felt kinda like I was back to hiding. I think this may have triggered the feeling something was wrong. only way to know is to do it again and again and again.. etcetera etcetera.. With and without my wife and then take stock again in a little while. Thanks again have a great day RC
@river River ,you are two halves of the same person,please cherish both of them and yet you are the same person.I truly believe that we were built to see both sides of the spectrum and to have fun with both sides and to appreciate both sides.We have an advantage not many men have,we know what both sides are and we appreciate that.You are also helping your SO to ,as the saying goes,broaden her horizons.It takes time to let go of the doubt installed in us by society because they have not recieved the gift we possess.Please put your thoughts at rest and have fun with this gift of femininety and enjoy it.You will be much happier with no regrets.
@heels234 Thank You So well said. Its easy to think back as to how much excitement and joy River had brought me and those around me. I appreciate her everyday. She has helped me relate to others . and has helped me to be able to articulate a position in a distinct way that shows compassion and understanding. I am one whole person a product of evolution. not one or the other but a bit of both. and I dont want to be anything else. I think this was caused by dressing alone for the first time after My wife met and accepted River. It felt like I was hiding again and felt wrong and I couldn't explain it so attributed it to the old Guilt thing that I thought was gone. Im going to talk to her about it tomorrow when she gets back and see when if it triggers again next time. Thanks again have a great day RC.
@river I feel the same way River. Not every time but still many times. I am still not completely at peace with my crossdressing
@coloradog1 Thank You.!! Fortunately it passes just in time to do it all again.. as others have said just keep on keeping on and go for it as often as possible and eventually one may find inner peace with both sides of the same coin. I blame society lol Have a great day RC
@river I too fought the same demon. Then one day i saw a woman looking back at me in the mirror. It was then i knew who i really was. I suddenly stopped feeling guilty and accepted who i was. Now I'm just saddened when i have to stop dressing and change back to him.
@robertaf Thank You ! yes I remember the first time I got everything right and was in full Fem and saw myself I remember saying "There You Are !!" what a revelation that was. I may also be confusing the next day depression with being in DRAB but it also makes me not want to dress so I dunno. I think this time it was dressing alone for the first time in a while made me feel like I was hiding again. Soon as my wife gets home Im going to discuss it with her and have a girls day soon and see what the next day brings. Thanks again have a great day. RC
@river I felt that way for a long time too River. With help and as time passed, being Lauren became more and more of my norm and the feelings you describe were replaced with an eagerness to return to being my authentic self. As you say, a lot of it is how we were raised to act and think as children and the societal "norms" that are programmed into us. In your case, I would try to focus on the calm that brings to you and the support of your SO. These are such beneficial things and hopefully they can replace the negative feelings you experience. Once I was able to get past the negative feelings, my next day focus became my next experience and how I was going to continue to develop myself as a woman.
Stay Beautiful!
Lauren
@lauren114 Thank You so much.. As expected its all gone today. I think it was that River was alone for the first time in a while and felt like I was hiding again. Soon as my wife comes home im going to talk to her about it and then soon have a girls day together and see what the next day brings. Thanks again. Have a great day.. RC
@river I've had to come to grips with my other self as well. I will spend the day as Tia while at home and just go about my everyday activities but, at the end of the day I don't go back to male mode. I stay with my breast forms and padded panties and put on a silky nightie and go to bed. It was awkward at first with the different body shape to get a good night's sleep but, it got better. In the morning, I greet myself as Tia. My dog loves me no matter what. If I have to go out and do guy things, I will wear a pair of panties and maybe a sport bra and small breast forms. Like an 'A' cup under my drab clothes. This way I am always in Tia mode in one way or another. Love yourself, Love who you are.
Love, Tia
@tia Thank You. I've tried sleeping with my breast forms but had the same Issues I was so distracted. So i usually end up with my normal jammies on. I also get just a little can go a long way in keeping you in the zone . sometimes just leaving my nails on or putting on my eyelashes early in the morning So I just feel them is enough to keep reminding myself that River is in control today.. Have a great one!! Cheers RC
@river I guess I recall that happen8ng to me. It all changed when I realized my coming out was not enough. When I accepted totally I am transgender, and love me for who I am, those feeling all went away. It might not be the same for you but acceptin* myself did it for me.
@jillleanne Thank You. I certainly have learned over the years to never say never. I do still have alot of conflict to resolve. after dressing with my wife I felt like I was done with those doubts. but I sure I need more work toward Inner peace. Thanks again. Cheers RC
@river Hi River. I often feel the same way... a bit sad the next day or several days later.
I know I'm lucky compared to so many others on here, and not as lucky as some. I have a beautiful collection, I have chances to dress and even go out (solo, during the day), my SO is more of DADT, I work from home, and I'm thankful for everything. I try to remind myself of that.
Will I ever wakeup and start my morning routine thinking I'm normal. I don't feel that will ever happen. I have a hidden suit beneath as a permanent crossdresser.
Will the world ever just stop all this gender conforming nonsense. I don't think so. And that's part of my frustration. The best is when there is some mediation where both of my sides can fit in at different times.
I've been fortunate to make many friends in life. None know of my CD side. I fear how they will react. I wish I could start over and they could meet Lea from the beginning. Would I still be good enough to fit in their circles. Do they like me and accept me unconditionally.
All these things are the cause of any sadness I feel. Most days, I'm happy. I just wish I didn't have to feel like I'm hiding so much so often.
@lea-jhene Thank You.. ya spot on. Who would I be if from birth there were no expectations of us to be one way or another. though children need guidance on right and wrong and things like you don't get anything in life unless you work for it kinda stuff. but what would society look like if there were no predetermined stereotyping based on chromosones. As you said I can't complain got lots of friends and Im free to enjoy River as well but imagine there was never anything to come to terms with we were never in conflict with 2 halfs but always one whole person from day 1. Again. " Who Would I Be !! " Something Ill never know Have a great day Cheers RC
I force myself to ignore it as much as possible but its still there does it ever go away? Does anyone have any tricks that help ?
I am guessing here. Are you talking about the deflation felt after dressing en femme and then having to go back to some sort of drab mode?
I only dress androgynously as much as possible, all day every day. At home, in public, day in day out. Because of this I don't experience mood swings. It is my normal mode all of the time.
At home, I can have more fun, especially if my wife is not home, but even over this past week I always wore various miniskirts because the building is just too hot, and I have been wearing bold coloured nail polish for a few weeks, now, without hiding it much in public.
Is this a trick? No, it is my normal mode. I bought these clothes to wear, so I wear them as much as possible, as often as possible. And I look damned good doing it, too. 😇
@harriette Thank You.. I just dont know what it is. I have depression isssues that I manage the best I can , That probably aggravates it more. Also as River is a big Stress relief for me, the next day is a reminder Its time to go back to reality. And I usually dress the evenings that I have to work the next day , which also contributes to the crappy feelings. Come to think about it Cross dressing is probably the least of my issues. 
. Im activity working on resolution. so will see . I dressed Tuesday and was fine Wedenesday so its not every time. Like anything else some days are better than others. . Have a great day RC
@river Hey, River. I did not read all of the replies to your post but know that you are not alone in how you feel! I also have a knowing, accepting, and supportive wife, but also suffer from bad guilt feelings the day after Geena gets out - and I am so amazingly happy when I get to let her out. My therapist tells me I just need to accept that it is okay for me to express myself. Don’t know your age but I’m Gen X and I’m quite confident my feelings stem from the “stigma” on transvestites (as they were called then) when this part of me was “born”. You are not alone and it is okay! Now, if I could just get myself to accept what I’m telling you, lol 😊😊
@geenageena Thank You and Spot on. Im Genx as well 54, Odd that in the 70 and 80s most of the rock bands looked like girls , maybe my parents were right and they influenced me more than i thought. lol. then grunge happened and the hair bands were no more. Or maybe it was Rocky Horror that converted me lol.I think that was the first time I understood what Transvestite meant.. 
Have a great day. RC
Yes, dress again, then again, until the feeling goes away.
Depends if I am able to dress again then the uplifting feeling I get from being Lizzy stays but as I can only dress as my living situation allows which maybe only once every few months I can go months feeling a bit down to be honest. Was able to be Lizzy for a weekend a few weeks ago and felt really uplifted as it was a nice break from the everyday grind of my job and life. However, since then I have felt a little down and trying to replace the uplifting feeling of being Lizzy with other things such as going for a nice walk or even having a few drinks at my favourite pub.
@lizzy89 Dressing again always helps !! Im not so bothered that Im in DRAB again. its just the feeling I did something wrong that I cant shake for a few days that is what drives me nuts. Thank You. Have a great day RC
@river no problem, think my top tip is to find a welcome distraction such as another hobby I like hill walking and running but doesn't have to be as extreme as that can be just reading a nice book or watching your favourite TV show or movie. Hugs Lizzy
@lizzy89 Generally Im working the next day. so that may be part of the problem as on weekends im always doing my hobbies and rarely get time to dress. my best happy drug is my dogs but they are with my wife until tomorrow. uggh. puppy love solves everything 
Cheers RC
@river I think part of it may be that you’re still in the working world River. I had those “OMG, what in the world am I doing?”moments after dressing when I was still in the rat race too. In fact, almost everything I did for pleasure then, felt rushed. I never really got to enjoy things…too busy always thinking about work. And then the guilty feelings of, well I probably should have been doing something productive and contributing to the family dynamic instead of prancing around in my pantyhose🥰!
The good news is that will all go away when you retire. In fact, if you’re like a lot of us, you will then be able to fully embrace it and really devote time and energy to continually improve. It took me a couple years after retiring to realize, “oh yeah, I used to crossdress way back when. I bet I could really have some fun doing that again…” How right I was!
GP
@gracepal Thats an excellent observation. you are correct work seems to be a catalyst . Im in a very stressful buisness. high tech thats constantly changing. River is my release from that then the next day its all back in full force. River is the uphill work is the down hill. maybe when the downhill is gone it will all be up. Im so looking forward to that. Thank You . Have a great day RC
@river You’re welcome RC. Instead of feeling guilty, view River as your reward for putting up with the stress and strain of your business life🥰. We all need balance in our lives girl.
GP
Hi River,
I used to feel that way on the day after. My association with the ladies on CDH has helped me to accept myself so much better. As a result I don't get the feeling that my dressing en femme is wrong. The only other thing is the wrongness of the secret will have to be addressed at some point.
Hugs,
Autumn
@augustvaliant Thank You.. Yes I agree CDH has helped immensely. Which is why I asked this.. with all the revelations learned here. coming out to my wife with full acceptance all the support and so on. I still get this. its frustrating. 45 ish years ive been doing this. whats it going to take.? I basically only have 2 possible things left. Go out in public, tell my whole family . I honestly dont think either of them will solve this. maybe hypnotherapy i dunno. Have a great day RC
Hi River, I used to feel that way but not anymore. These days, the day after dressing (not often and DADT), my wife always comments on my positive mood. I think it's about acceptance and being relaxed about who you are. We often have our inner battles, some we might not be fully conscious of. Over a year ago I came across Ren and his song 'Hi Ren', he sings about his inner battles and while not bout cross dressing, I'm sure all here can relate to those battles.
@janeplain Thank You. yes Inner battles even though I feel that im good with it all There is still part of me that is not. I need to address that part of me . it stays hidden until the day after then hides again. maybe as others have said just let her out more and more and eventually that part of me will be gone. 🤞Have a great day RC
Hello River,
I think this happens to a few of us, I used to feel that way many years ago, especially before I knew that there are so many of us dressing, now I just enjoy it. I am 100% Carla when I dress and I go all in, makeup, underwear, accessories, acting and feeling like a true woman.
I never like to wear anything feminine in drab mode, having two very different and separate personalities, hopefully you can get to that point, it will be more fun, best to you.
Carla❤️
@carlafirst11 Thank You. my consiousness Is def 100% in and 100% out as well . but my sub conscious is still fighting me. Probably why I still after all these years have trouble dreaming about It. soon as any CD content finds its way into a dream I wake up. uggh so frustrating. I need to de-program somehow. Have a great day RC
River, I have not felt the guilt you do the next day, but when I get to dress with wife. I always thank her for letting me have my day and how much I enjoyed sharing it with her, it removes my mind from any shame, and I start thinking about the next time.
Hugs
Lynne
@lillie Thank You. yes I do the same she deserves all the credit I can give her. last week we spent all day together River and her and I was great the next day. she is away for a few days and River was out all day and night yesterday and today the guilt is bad. light bulb.. I just had a revelation here which is why I look to you all. maybe Now Im feeling guilty that she is not here and im confusing that. hmmm. break thru !! Thanks again RC
We are raised to fit into society's norms and when we decide to live outside those norms, it's natural to feel some uncertainty or guilt about what we're doing. That guilt will exist until we finally, truly acknowledge and accept ourselves as being a crossdresser or a trans woman. Then the guilt either vanishes or gets reduced to levels that don't bother you anymore. I know, it's happened to me. And to scores of other ladies on CDH whose lives have changed for the better because we accepted and loved who we were.
@d44 Thank You. thats part of my confusion I thought I was there. Ive been feeling so elated and free lately. yet this old feeling took hold today. .Maybe something I saw or heard triggered this as Ive been so good. But also something Ive realized talking with you all about it is this was the first time River was alone since ive been openly dressing with my wife. Its all together possible this is why I feel something is wrong today. Im going to talk to her about it when she gets home tomorrow. Thanks again. Have a great day. RC
Hi River
I completely understand this, the feeling you have done something terrible..... You haven't of course, and in theory you are in a great place with your SO's support. My thinking is that you have yet to fully accept and understand your true self. You may think you do already, but quite often there is a lot more to explore within our selves than we think. From my personal experience it took years, as Andrea grew I realised I wanted different things, I explored transition and rejected it, I never thought in truth I did want to transition, but I needed to explore it to be able to rule it out. You need to know what you don't want as much as what you do want. It takes time but your feelings will change, the thing is not to worry about it, concentrate on the happy times, think about where you want to go and have fun. In time you will find your happy place....
@andreauk I really appreciate and commend you on going in a direction to see if it's the right direction. I have always been in the camp of how do you know unless you try. Respect !! Thanks again. RC
Interesting topic indeed and I apologize I never felt guilty or ashamed the following day more disappointing that I was unable to dress guess it would depend on who knows and hopefully did not offend or disrespected anyone that could have a guilt conscience hopefully not the case and hopefully your feelings get better after many more times dressing enjoy have fun TC
@erinb Thank You.. I think we collectively have figured it out . In 45ish years of dressing its only been the past few months Ive been completely free. full support and acceptance from my wife. and last night she was away so I did what I have always done and let River out. but Ive been so free lately as I dont need to wait for her to go away. I think Im feeling that since I dressed alone that something was wrong . like im back to hiding when Im not. Im leaning towards this to be the culprit. but I never would have without all the wonderful advise. Have a great day RC
@river Most of us have spent decades being told that what we are doing is unacceptable, or immoral, or flat out wrong. We've spent most of our lives hearing this and it's ingrained.
It has to be unlearned. I feel it's something that should be a little mantra in everyone's day. It sounds silly, but I think that's the process that reverses this thing we learned day in and day out.
In the end, you have to be able and willing to accept that River is a part of you. Only then can you express yourself that way and feel good about it.
@melodeescarlet Thank You very much!! and I so agree and wish there was an easy way to de program. Ive.been in such a good place lately this was unexpected. which was my reason for posting. I always knew where the guilt came from and all my freedom lately has been so revealing. which is why I was so taken back when it returned I thought I was done with all that. I do like the mantra approach. maybe For( R 1 1000 print I am River and River is me. and im good with that !! ) 😉 . I think we all collectively came to a revelation also that this was the first Time I was alone since my wife met River officially. and I may have confused the something is wrong with the old feelings derived from my programming with Im back to dressing alone. or feeling like im hiding again. Im not but since fully being accepted recently im in all new territory here. But Adding the above mantra cant hurt. maybe ill shorten it though to Its all good girl !! Thanks again. have a great day. RC
I went 40 years of dressing before no more twinges of guilt or remorse or self chastisement. Finally, I got this idea one day, maybe I'm a trans woman. Not a cross dressing man. And it all cleared up. No more telling myself "you gotta be strong" etc. Nope. No, I'm woman inside. I understand that now, and am relaxed and at ease day after day. But I am single and that is a factor to take into account.
Melodee (@melodeescarlett) sounds like a wise woman in her post that River is part of you.
@danikiss22 Thank You ! agreed as @andreauk said I may need to explore that direction to know if it's what im missing. I have always been a component of how do you know unless you tried it. I have asked myself that question oh so.many times. I honestly dont think thats me but who knows. after Ive been With River a few days I just dont feel like it for a while vs the drive being stronger. so I think im just CD and I do enjoy all my guy time hobbies , wrenching in the garage etc. but girls like that stuff also maybe Im a tom boy 🙂 . But I think in this situation we collectively may have figured it out. Since I have been free to Let River take over lately last night was the first time I did when the wife was away in a while. I think the old feelings came back because I was alone like I always had to be and I thought that was over. but I know Im not hiding anymore. but maybe it felt that way. its so complicated!! Thanks agajn. Cheers RC
River,
Thank you for your reply. I hear you hon! I too enjoy taking care of my car repairs. Last week in my garage: tire rotation & oil change. last winter did the radiator in the older car. Car ramps & hydraulic jacks up the wazoo. Two tool boxes full of non-metric tools I can't bear to throw away.
I did the attic insulation in here, modernized the sewer drain plumbing in here, cutting out the drywall & cast iron, and putting everything back with new. Install garbage disposal, haul out the ladders to clean gutters. etc. Paint. New floor in the bathroom. But I also wish if I could, to do all that stuff in a dress. I like living as a woman, and the complete morning-to-morning day after day is clothing, makeup, hair, shoes. There's no titillating issues connected with it. It's not exciting. it's just life for me. Content, fulfilled, rich, and self-improving every day. Gosh I like being a woman. so content.
Dani
I feel so different about it now that I have been a part of CDH. I’m almost always underdressing now w panties and have realized I don’t have to go to the nines every time I dress. Sometimes it’s just a bra but Stacie is always here now in some way and I’m learning to enjoy it more.
@staciebobacie Thank You. yes CDH has been a life saver for me as well. the collective knowledge of so many smart women has helped me.in ways that I just cant begin to explain. as in this post I think we collectively figured it out. Since Ive been dressing with my wife lately and I did it alone last night It felt like I was hiding again and doing something wrong. Ive been free of that . I did not do it alone because I had to the opportunity just presented itself. Im in all new territory for me because of CDH and its great territory to be in. but maybe a pair of panties or some nylons under my drab cant hurt !! 
Have a great day RC
I think I may be at a distinct advantage on this question. I did not begin to actively crossdress until age 69. As such, it appears I was able to escape the ingrained guilt and shame put upon us at a young age by society/religion that teaches us that what we are doing is perverted/immoral/wrong. Coming to it as late as I have I knew none of these things were true and what I was doing hurt absolutely no one. It may be hard to do, but i think truly recognizing this will go far in helping relieve those feelings of guilt left over from a much younger and easily influenced age. Civilization as we know it will not end because of what we do!
@krisburton Thank You ! and so true. Why have guilt over something that hurts no one and only makes myself feel good. This was more of a feeling something was wrong and not really guilt though. and I think it was derived from dressing alone after a while of sharing with my wife and I was feeling like I was hiding again. and something was wrong that I couldn't understand. Im going to talk to her about it when she gets home and have some girl time with her soon and see how the next day goes.. thanks again have a great day RC
I too have been through guilt stages and what was I doing, the earliest was that society saw this as wrong, I knew this was right for me so why is it wrong. Well times were different and what society says affects the mind. It stymied the inner self until I had to express it more so toughed it out, telling family then friends. My world didn't come crashing down it opened up. The guilt started to wane as I progressed to get out and about. In a relationship that accepts there may be a new guilt, are you betraying them as you now manifest differently.
Is it more of a worry than actual guilt as you are accepted but where are you going with this, what will the future bring. I realised the guilt had gone being overtaken by concerns and worries about the what if's. You are getting good vibes from your partner and are talking things through which is the best policy.
As the song says, 'Sometimes it's hard to be a woman'....
@ab123 Thank You! you definitely hit a nerve there. alot is what If. what would my life look like if I completely embrace her. better ? worse ? different? same? what if i let her go what if.. thats a great forum topic. Thanks again Have a great day RC
@ab123 For some reason, this reminded me of a negative reaction I got - oh, thirty plus years ago. I'd gone into a second hand shop looking for women's clothes, clueless about pretty much everything. I'd grabbed a few items, and the woman at the till said "Are these for you", in a disapproving tone.
I said no.
"Well, she must be a funny shape, so."
I paid, and quickly left.
And I was pretty crushed. Something I really feared would happen, happened. Not just her twigging this guy was buying clothes from himself, but being put on the spot - with other people in the shop.
And, look, that woman was probably quite a nice person, in the right circumstances. I even wonder if she knew just how much that hurt, maybe she'd have said nothing. I probably looked to her like this furtive guy, lying about his motives. And if he has to lie, he knows it's wrong. And I did deny I was buying clothes for myself. I probably wasn't promoting the best look for the crossdressing community!
Around the same time, I went into a small lingerie shop. Took a day off work, so it would be quiet. Pushed myself in the door, and I'm sure I was that same furtive-looking guy. The woman running the place said, gently, "Do you need help with sizes, or anything." In the context, she was clearly letting me know that all customers were welcome in her shop. Whether shopping for myself or a girlfriend, it didn't matter to her. But I politely said "No, it's OK."
I absolutely needed help with sizing - I couldn't even respond to a friendly offer of help.
And, yes, it's much better now. I've still got milestones to pass, but I reckon I'm up for it.
I think what I'm trying to say is, yes, many of us are coming from a place of shame. I know I'm drawn to crossdressing, for whatever reason, and I have been for as long as I can remember. And very strongly drawn to it. And no chance of a Nobel Prize at the end of it, no matter how accomplished we get!
But, look, it's worth it. In my humble opinion.
@martha “Are these for you?” 30 years ago, it didn’t even happen to me and I want to respond to that lady. What a busybody! You probably came up with some great responses yourself after the fact as we all do. So many good comebacks for that one.
“How about I pour you a great big cup of don’t you worry about it?”
”Her shape is no funnier than yours lady.”
I’m guessing that question wouldn’t happen too much anymore nowadays. Some progress has been made and there seems to be a little more awareness of our hobby.
As I will always say: “Hey, they’re just clothes.”
GP
@gracepal It was a different time - without internet, I actually don't know how I even knew crossdressing was a thing you could do!
I'd be very surprised at anything like that reaction today. To be fair to the woman, the 1980s was a time of great social change in Ireland. A lot of old certainties were being questioned, and I think folk of her generation really feared where it would take us all.
