How do you know?

Sorry, can't help with this one. When I discovered my true self I came out full bore. I'm a girly girl, lots of pink, lots of sexy and more feminine than most GG's! I'm a woman and there is no man, well maybe he can make an appearance if there is a female he likes but on a daily basis he has to stay in his cave. (Girls have a closet, men have a cave!)

❤

Beth

Hi Lysette,

I would guess all of us had this turmoil in the beginning; I remember wondering (as a teen) if I was supposed to have been a girl. And again, a few years ago, when I began to develop small breasts and was overwhelmed by the urge to Dress; I was certain something was wrong with me. It was after I discovered CDH that I understood that I was different, but still normal. I accepted the feminine side of my nature, came out to my wife.

It's a bit different for each of us; I recently realized that I'm socially Trans, without need for HRT or surgery. I'm comfortable presenting as a girl. Your path may stop when you accept yourself as a CD, or it may continue as did mine. Just know that acceptance of yourself will end the turmoil.

Hugs,
Bettylou

You are a male that prefers to present a feminine personality. Lots of people like to. Some are female and apparently a sizeable number are male. That feminine personality is your gender at any one time. Some people are gender variant although most are pretty much gender invariant.

Your sex can influence your gender (hormones, experiences, etc.) but it does not predetermine it. Personalities are subject to modification by a number of influences, sexes are pretty much fixed in the human species.

You are not supposed to identify with females (sex) as sex is only a part of the issue. Nor would I wish to identify with the more extravagantly masculine (gender) element of the male sex. I don't mind them so much as they are relatively boring. So, being male and wanting to be feminine should not be regarded as aberrant. It is practically predictable and certainly verifiable.

You are seeing the various aspects of the matter but you are misinterpreting them through the lens of socially-defined precepts where 'gender' is erroneously equated with 'sex'.

'She' does not come upon you suddenly but, like any personality, grows with time and experience. You appear to be in the early stages of the development of a feminine personality. The degree to which this personality becomes more clarified and even infuses your masculine persona may still be questionable but, if you find it becoming a necessity to adopt frequently, you may have to seriously consider telling your wife.

Araminta.

Acceptance of my femininity has been a slow unfolding over my whole life. My transition is the same, a slow unfolding of itself. We are all different and change at different speeds. Just give thanks to the gifts in your life and enjoy every moment.

You don't have to fight loosing your masculinity.  There isn't one scale with masculinity at one end and femininity at the other.  Instead, there are two scales, one for masculinity and one for femininity.  You can be higher on the feminine scale without having to loose anything on the masculine scale.

I appreciate this perspective, it seems to fit. I, at least, don't associate Bridgette with a loss of masculinity, but she is definitely a she. When I'm Bridgette, I'm female. The rest of the time I'm male, although there are times when I'm rather androgynous, but that's more recent. But Bridgette is always girly. You don't have to give up one thing to gain another, you can have both, though not necessarily at the same time. I do think that if you feel you're overall becoming more feminine, and feeling less masculine, you should have a talk with your SO at some point, otherwise an awkward discovery could jeopardize your relationship.

Bridgette

Lysette;

I know exactly where you are coming from, and some time ago I wrote an article here about my struggle. Some people feel like they don't like or need labels, but some of us need something to help us identify with what we are.

For a long time I called myself a "regular guy", which maybe I wasn't totally, ever, but maybe I was close to it. Then as I was being pulled further into femininity that somehow didn't fit anymore. Regular guys don't dress up in women's clothes whenever they can. Well at least no one told me they do!

I think one has to accept oneself for what you are, and embrace your feminine side as best you can. It takes a lot of time, and I think so many of us go through a similar path, we are different.

A very good friend, another crossdresser put it to me an interesting way. Right now we are all on the same bus, but we have got on at different times, and we stop at various points along the way.

Amy

This is so true, BettyLou, the moment in time, when I accepted what I was feeling, was the moment my questioning and turmoil ended, and the pure enjoyment took over
Hugs, Regi👩💕

[postquote quote=473332]
Love the bus analogy.

Yes, indeed, Regi; with my full acceptance of Bettylou, I can honestly say that I enjoy being a girl - just like in the song of that name.

Hugs,
Bettylou

Thank you all very much for your input. It looks like we are all on the same bus, some get on at the terminus and some get on at local stops. Some want the highway and some want the scenic route, like me.

apart from wearing drabs the male side has gone, and although I’m not coming out fully, I’m finding knickers to keep me tucked in and female size trousers. I have a gorgeous black trouser suit that I wear at times. My wife says she’s sure it’s a female size, I say it’s comfy.

It’s been a journey of 45+ years, and still working hard to sit comfortably with it.
Moving slowly in the right direction (or at least along a path that feels better than it does worse)

I feel that the fact that you are here, asking and wondering, trying to make sense of it all is far, far better than being ‘stuck’ in whatever life that was before.

Good luck on your journey, Rei

Hi, Lia!

This seems similar to some ideas I have had.

I haven't quite worked out my thoughts on the matter but I feel that how we perceive our role in intimate encounters is what I refer to as sexual identity as separate from sexual orientation. That is, during coitus we might see ourselves as feminine or masculine rather than as male or female. Therefore sexual identity is related to one's gender at the time and, for some people, sexual identity, like gender, is variable.

So, a feminine, male cross-dresser having intercourse with another (masculine) male may technically be 'homosexual' (same-sex) sex but it is more importantly woman-man sex where 'woman' and 'man' reflects gender and not sex (male-female). This I see in the same light as what most people would call 'heterosexual' coitus.

It is a tricky concept but basically I feel that the terminology and concepts relating to sexual orientation need to be radically revised to reflect a much wider range of attractions and interactions.

Araminta.

Lysette your synopsis is spot we all get on at different points, some have different stop offs ultimately we are on the same journey.

Love Sarah xx