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Today I considered what to wear for voting at the city clerk's office and chickened out, wearing drab over my panties and pantyhose. Upon returning home, with the day being pleasant and sunny, decided to open the living room drapes and let the sun shine in. "Ahh, but now, Dani, that means no bra, no forms, no dress nor wig - the best you can do is to wear one of your tops with the guy pants."
If I am ever going to get somewhere with transitioning, sooner or later it will be necessary for my neighbors to know, will it not? Well darn it, I need to be in a bra!! So help me, I am not going backwards -- I'm not doing that anymore. "Dani, be a victor."
I seized upon a plan for the day. A black underwire with my 400g forms, black cami, and dark loose top to wear with the pants. I've decided any of my good neighbors across the street that can see in, well, they will start to wonder at least! "OMG is he wearing a bra?!?"
My thinking is, with this strategy for the winter months, they have time to discover, to think about it, and can figure out I'm still a good neighbor who takes care of his place, the lawn is mowed, the sidewalk shoveled and everything gets put away all the time. It's already possible to see in through small windows in the front door - if I'm in a wig or a flow dress. And eventually of course my in-house open-drapes attire with continue to bloom.
Considering this is a normal Wisconsin city here, what do you think?
How was it with your public en femme evolution?
Dani
@danikiss22
My first few public outings were in Palm Springs CA. About two hours away from my home in San Diego County. That was almost six years ago.
Those outings always involved at least a one-night stay. The entire time I was there, I was fully out. No male presentation whatsoever. I did that several years and learned that I'm trans. I also made some dear friends that have become chosen family.
If you are struggling to live more authentically it's okay to start with baby steps. Maybe underdress whenever you leave home. Or start mixing in some female clothes that won't attract attention, such as women's jeans.
Another option is to do what I did. Have a weekend away from home. Madison is a very accepting city from what I understand. That might also give you an opportunity to meet other girls. Outings with a group is the best way to become more comfortable.
/LK
Dear Liz you are an inspiration. I too have learned I am trans and since that time I have become really happy.
Dani
@danikiss22 I am thinking that we all have different final goals and different levels of comfort with sharing our cd life with the world
As I have mentioned here before I have cd off and on all my life like so many here. About 5 years ago I accidentally let my Ex find out and admitted everything to her. The first thing she did was to tell our 3 grown kids, then she threatened to tell my mom and my brothers.
It took a couple years before I dressed full fem in front of everyone, most of the time wearing women's clothes but trying to present androgynous . I dressed this way at my Church also. Now it has been a little over a year that I have been going out fully fem all the time. I even went to the Iowa caucus as Cassie back in January. I intend to go vote soon dressed as Cassie.
Mind you I live in small town Iowa, population about 1300.
Cassie
@danikiss22 my coming out in the neighborhood came in fits and starts. For a long time I felt daring wearing a womens blouse under a jacket, or women’s slacks/jeans. I really felt that I was pushing the envelope when wearing a bra and forms underneath or a touch of lip gloss and mascara.
Of course, no one really noticed these things but me.
what do you think?
How was it with your public en femme evolution?
After reading your profile and considering your age, may I recommend that you get some councelling before you plan anything serious regarding transitioning? You have been crossdressing mostly indoors for a couple of decades, are single but have family that apparently don't know about you crossdressing, and now you are setting yourself up to "accidentally" out yourself to your neighbours. I'm not sure how well this in going to work out for you and, therefore, would recommend a good councellor. Good luck and, please, let us know how your plans work.
My reveal happened quickly without a lot of gnashing of teeth and fingernail scratches. That doesn't mean that it was easy or accepted. Not at all.
Harriette,
Thank you for this message about counseling. I've done some 25 years ago but not regarding CD/TG, at least not directly I think. Looking back for the first time in decades at it, very possible dysphoria was an issue, but not me, my wife, nor counselor ever thought to bring it up.
I guess my impatience to live authentically is affecting my judgment and this site very likely has best collection of wisdom &/or experienced advice. I'm asking myself, too, now that I'm approaching 70, I think my time for authenticity is running out, and it affects judgement too.
Dani
@danikiss22 I read some impatience in what you wrote and I just wanted to bring your attention to it because of the risks involved.
Make a reasonable plan with attainable goals and then, if you still need help, seek out a professional. No harm done, right?
Please keep posting here.
Awesome. Excellent instruction. Thank you I will take your advice to heart.
@danikiss22 Hey Dani 🙂
My coming out was quite unusual for being really rapid. For the last several years I'd felt a growing feminine side in my personality. I was living with my partner at her house, and then about three years ago I started under-dressing, then dressing more fully. All just in private at my house, where I work from my study. At the end of 2023 I finally got a full presentation together with a wig, shoes, makeup etc. and at about the same time, I joined up here. I knew that I wanted to start going out fully en femme in public this year, so back in the early Spring I actually told my immediate neighbours to expect to see me around as a woman, and got going with it. At Easter, I realised that I was transgender and came out straight away to my partner and my immediate family. I then got leave of absence from my partner to live as Fiona at my place over the summer. From my first proper steps out of the front door to starting to live as Fiona was about 3 months. Then by July, I knew that I wanted to stay this way and came out everywhere else in my life, including work. It's only just approaching a year now, since I adopted my feminine name - but it's been the best year of my life so far, by far 🙂
@danikiss22 I took it in one leap from closeted to out on the street in vegas. Not to say I wasn’t a nervous wreck for 3 weeks before. But with a makeover, and my CD sisters hand holding it went smooth. I really stopped thinking what others saw or felt. One other key is trying it in a place you won’t be personally recognized. Happy Trails!
@danikiss22 I dressed (sort of) and didn't go out for, uh....52 years. And then I did and have for the past 2 years usually a few times/month. So...whatever sort of graph that makes. 🙂
But as @lizk said, we all walk our own paths and each journey is different!
I gradually started wearing nighties at home, then added other items, started wearing a dress at home. Next I added a wig, then makeup, then went smooth. This took about 6 months and was a coming out to my wife.
I started dressing at home and doubt if any neighbours saw me but eventually started to walk out after dark. I had a coming out to family which allowed me to dress elsewhere and start going out. This led to my confidence building and would leave my house dressed. I do not know if anyone saw me but eventually neighbors were told and everything progressed from there to being full time. Time scale twenty years! However it has to be said that year on year my trips out were getting more frequent and a lot more people got to know which all went well to full time and it was the right time as everything was in place.
It was a loooooong journey for me. I first started in the late 70's as a child very much in the closet. I would crossdress in my room at night after everyone was asleep, or watching late-night TV. I didn't have the home to myself until the mid 80's, which is when I dressed up every chance I could get, and even went out a few times during the day, but we're talking the Long Island suburbs here, so no one was around. This continued until I decided I wanted a girlfriend more, so I gave it up for decades. Fast forward to last year, where my wife and I realized that as a couple, our love life was stagnating, so we decided to truly have no secrets and tell each other everything, and that is when I told her I liked to crossdress. After that, it took many months for us to proceed with our new lifestyles. Finally, I started to go out dancing with my wife en femme and have been doing that almost every weekend. Even so, I always look outside first before leaving just to see if there are any neighbors out, and so far I've been lucky. That being said, I know I will be discovered eventually, since I've also had to leave my house all dressed up during the day a few times. When that happens, I guess we'll see how it goes, but I'm determined to keep moving forward. Of course that's easier said than done.
One thing that has given me confidence to face them is by going out and meeting people as Orchard, which included my friends, who I am very grateful for accepting that I do this. Having someone you know accept you for being a crossdresser goes a long way to boost your confidence, and soon you won't care what people think of you because you've discovered yourself and are finally living it. Keep in mind, though, that I'm from New York and it's pretty liberal here. So, "read the room", as they say, and come out on your own terms on your own time. For all the advice everyone is giving you, only you know what's best for you. Don't stress. Have fun. Be safe.
Hey Dani, Liz is right and there is Green Bay too and you are only 30 miles away. Let me know if you want to know more about that community. Marg
Hi Marg. I'm planning on attending the 1st Thursday event at Napalese Lounge in Green Bay. But I'm interested if you have additional info cuz I'm all in for meeting other trans women and CD sisters.
And a little farther but not much is Madison where I can find sisters in greater numbers. Yes, I might just have to do an overnighter in Madison at least until I make some in-person sisters. I really would like to get to the full-trust point where we sisters get together taking turns hosting at home or even as travel companions. I'm just impatient I guess. In another post I announced I'm going to Madison tomorrow and work in a color tour at the same time. But if I can get out at least partially dressed I will feel wonderful. It was a bit of a thrill tonight also for the first time stepped out into the dark night on the back porch. I can see why others have talked about their first time 'on the back porch.'
Hi Dani, I think that you will meet some of the Mad City ladies at GB. There is usually quite a nice group from around the State and everyone is friendly. I am just recovering from a bad case of pneumonia and if I can get my strength back I will be at GB too. Safe Journey, Marg
