Notifications
Clear all

Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.

Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.

How healthy is stealthy

18 Posts
7 Users
24 Reactions
160 Views
Posts: 801
Lady
Topic starter
(@valentina16)
Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 month ago

[Note from Valentina: I have taken the bold step of submitting my “Q” as an article instead. Not yet approved in any way shape or ‘form’, but those of you who managed to read it before I took it down will remember the exquisite nature of the lyrical prose, surpassed only by Wordsworth himself who did (I will share) sit peacefully writing about a host of daffodils, not a million miles away from where I am writing this to you now. lol. 

Seriously, I hope it will be acceptable as an article, and in the meantime, I wanted to keep it fresh as a bunch of daisies for y’all.

The basic Q was, you chose stealth out of necessity and perhaps shame. Is that ultimately best for you and your mental well-being.

Answers on a postcard please. 💚

Reply
17 Replies
11 Replies
Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1133

@valentina16 

 Nothing like playing in the Pink Fog!

 First its a I'll try this and then well if I add that. Then how about full on glam girl? Then out the door enfem you go! 🥰

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@gafran I will admit now Fran, when I first saw your inimitable Pink Fog reference, on my first welcome from you (TY☺️), I let it ride by. I now, albeit after a couple of weeks, see its absolute relevance to our status and journeys. Thank you, in pinkness and in fog! 🥰

Reply
Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1133

@valentina16 

Your mighty Pretty Pink 💗💗💗 Welcome! 🥰

Reply
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1828

@valentina16 The balance I have now works for me and my wife.

Roughly - 

Stealth - every day

Femme evening - 2-3 times a week

Whole day en-femme 1-2 times a week

Outing - well away from home and every couple of months

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@annaredhead Thank you. This seems like a reasonable model, one which might enable Mrs Redhead to feel she is the important ‘I was here first’ woman, nay, lady. And please, for clarification, when you say Stealth, do you mean no one sees apart from your good lady wife?

Reply
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1828

@valentina16 Stealth for me is underdressing - I never wear male underwear or use male grooming products.

Four of my female friends have met me as Anna, two of which know me only as Anna.

One of them is a photographer that I have posed for in both modes, the others are makeup artists. 

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3856

@valentina16 

For many of us, hiding who we are becomes increasingly difficult as we get older.  I suffered a breakdown ten years ago from decades of denying who I really am.  It's when I finally knew that I needed to accept who I am and learn to love myself.  I refer to it as my 'egg cracked'.  Within a few days, I came out to my GF and got into gender therapy. 

Every time I've come out to someone, it's been a little weight lifted from my shoulders.  Everyone knows now.  I'm fortunate that I haven't lost anyone.

Liz xx

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@lizk Hugs. Man-hugs, femme hugs, whichever hugs you want. Sorry to hear it got to the point of a breakdown. x

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3856

@valentina16 

It was a long time ago.  The silver lining is that it got me where I need to be.

Reply
(@geniv_cd)
Joined: 8 years ago

Reputable Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Posts: 260

@valentina16 

Valentina, A very interesting and I believe common situation for girls like us to deal with. For me and only me, I was in stealth for much of my marriage. Was it easy? No but I never felt it to be a serious danger to my health. However, I did choose to come out to my wife of over ten years at the time and with kids involved. In retrospect, I would not do that again if I had a do- over. I did not tell her before the marriage, thus she had no out other than to end our marriage. To her credit, we stayed together, and had a good relationship, but it was not the same as it had been before I told her about Genivieve. The hurt I caused her was a hurt she did not deserve. My obligation as a father and her husband had to take precedence over my desire to be Genivieve. I am happy that I chose to do that looking back. So, for me personally stealth would have been the healthier route to take for everyone involved. It is important to carefully consider all the possible variables in decisions of this nature. How the decision affects us is only one of them.

 

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@geniv_cd If there were a button for ‘best answer’, I think this would get my vote. It is perhaps too easy for a CD person to be, am I allowed to say, self-centred. I admire and respect your commitment to your wife and the vows you made. You say your marriage was not the same. It is quite possible that a marriage can change for a variety of different reasons, ie not CD reasons, so perhaps your reservations could be outweighed by the fact that she would have found out eventually, and then you would have had to deal with “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”. You were probably in a no-win situation. For my money, I think you did the right thing.

Reply
Posts: 304
(@Anonymous 100087)
Reputable Member
Joined: 2 months ago

i don't know about you. but all it took me was to dress up like a woman for Halloween and go to a block party with 1000 people. walked through about 10 bars on that block. then decided to walk around the street for a couple of blocks. some guy yell out (to bad you won't be able to do that tomorrow). wrong thing to say to me. i've been going out ever since. never was in the closet. the rush was so strong that i knew i wanted to keep going out dressed. glad i didn't take forever to get started. now i go and have been every place imageable.   

Reply
3 Replies
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@prettytoes I do love your block parties. Was invited to one in Texas a while back. Nothing like them in the uk unfortunately. The weather is sooo unreliable. Take care. Happy rushing here and there!! 💚☺️💚

Reply
(@Anonymous 100087)
Joined: 2 months ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 304

@valentina16 haven't been to one in about 10 years. but i have gone to about a dozen concerts dressed.

Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

@prettytoes …the party I was invited to was for music, I took my guitar and sang/played. Not en femme.

Reply
Posts: 316
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 2 years ago

It was the stealthy for me that was so unhealthy. Being stealthy for the first 20 years of our marriage did my head in and led me to some very dark places. I hated the lying and I would be so down on myself and ashamed as while I didn't think I was the only crossdresser in the world I thought I was one of very few weirdos. Coming out to my psych and wife and now my kids was the best thing I ever did. That was way over 10 years ago now. I realised I wasn't weird. I no longer felt guilty or ashamed and realised it's just who I am and that's ok. I can now be fully open and honest in our marriage and while we have had some hard times coming to terms with me being gender fluid my wife accepts that is a part of me and is happy to work with me to allocate female time for me even though she has said she doesn't want to see me dressed.

Reply
1 Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 801

©[current-year] Crossdresser Heaven | Privacy Terms of Use | Link to usContact Vanessa | Advertise with Crossdresser Heaven

 
[kleo_social_icons]
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!