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For those of us in a relationship, in the closet or living with others. For whatever reason you are suddenly solo, in a flat or apartment.
Do you.
Stop dressing as the excitement of being caught has gone.
Dress occasionally like you possibly have always done.
Or
Dress all the time, except for work, and become what you always wanted.
Love to hear your opinions.
The question is hypothetical and not meant to upset anybody as many of us have wonderful relationships.
Interesting scenario, Melanie!
I think I'd most likely go with the last option, to dress all the time except for work. Perhaps even including for work...
@jacquelinelarkspur wow the full trip. I was with you till that last bit as it wouldn't go with the hob nailed boots...but then again.
You need high heel hobnail boots. Ideally with diamante decoration.
@jacquelinelarkspur
Speaking of owls... what's this 'Superb Owl' everyone's been talking about?
It sounds as though it's really popular in the US.
@jacquelinelarkspur Sorry, I got lured in because I thought you'd mentioned hobnobs. My mistake.
Anyway, diamante-covered ones would be HORRIBLE.
[Jacqueline narrows her eyes at Ellie, then runs to the CDH biscuit cupboard to check that this eeek's delivery of Hobnobs is still there]
*Edit: Ellie wonders if 'eeek' is a typo, or a transcription of the noise Jacqueline made as she ran to the cupboard*
@jacquelinelarkspur Mine would be closest to this too, including work. I have my own place and WFH, I just commute from my other half's place to do it. Take out the commute and I'd probably go full time, at least to start with.
@melaniejames I certainly get a lot of opportunity, but I'm pretty damn sure my OH would not be at all supportive if I was out to her. We will probably find out about that later this year. I'd rather have her support and more limited opportunity to be honest.
@jacquelinelarkspur I too would dress more if wife was not around. Not work. Need to be srious for that.
Alice
I AM solo (but in a cottage, so I hope I'm still eligible).
And I'm ALREADY on this option: 'Dress all the time, except for work, and become what you always wanted'.
Ellie x
@melaniejames Great question - especially as I'd never considered this... When my wife has been oiut, I can't say that I don't want to present properly... nor do I dress all the while - just a matter of practicality. Mind, it's not "occasionally" - Holly certainly comes more to the fore, but I can always gurantee that I've got a decent amount of washing to be done (when I hang it out, how are neighbours going to know it's mine and not hers?) and as I really don't dare to be seen hanign it out in my usual miniskirt, it's only going to be "a decent bit more often than usual"... Love you: Holly XXX
@melaniejames Maybe you could even help me hanging the washing out...... Holly XXX
@melaniejames Hey Melanie, I’m very much in the camp: Dress all the time, except for work, and become what you always wanted. But in fact I am almost there anyway - I’m always dressed at home (really helps having a supportive wife) and underdressed when I go out including to work. It feels weird to me to be dressed in drab.
Easy answer for me. Business casual at work, running clothes to run, workout clothes to workout. At home behind the closed door, I'm a woman 100% of the time.
Since my marriage is in rough shape and separation has been a very strong possibility, it has actually been something I have thought about a great deal. So much that it has started to influence my decision process.
If I did leave her, I believe I would almost immediately start Tiffany's new wardrobe and take advantage of being able to dress as much as possible while home. I would wear bras and panties most of the time, if not always. I would wear a variety of nighties and pajamas every night. Dresses w/ nylons, skirts and blouses, oh my I am getting swept up in the Pink Fog again. Not that I mind. Anyways, you get the point.
So to answer your question @melaniejames ... I would dress as much as I could.
Tiffany
Well ... when my long-term relationship (of 15 years) fell apart 16 years ago that's EXACTLY the path I took.
To be clear ... at the time the very LAST thing that I wanted was for my my relationship to break down.
However, in retrospect, and after an extended period of heartbreak and turmoil, I'm eternally grateful that it did.
My circumstances won't apply to everybody, but I'm happier now than I've ever been.
Hugs
Ellie x
Sounds all too familiar.
I still love her but there are just too many differences between us.
💜
Mine were a very particular set of circumstances.
Nothing to do with dressing; everything, in the end, to do with my ex having a string of affairs which only emerged after our separation.
I've been very open on the Forums about it being a very toxic and controlling relationship on her part. At the time I really couldn't see it ... even though, looking back, it now seems so obvious. It certainly was to everyone else.
Long story short.
At the time I DID love her, and I couldn't imagine life without her.
Then the blinkers were forcibly removed and I found out what she'd been like all along.
I put my true self on hold for her for 15 years, and now I'm making up for lost time.
In the end, it worked out well for me; regular CDH girls will know that I'm very happy now 🙂
I was fortunate, though you would have been very hard pushed to convince my 2008 self of that.
I think there are two take aways:
1).There's the usual inspirational poster guff like 'Sometimes it seems like just before daybreak is the darkest hour'.
B******s to that. IT is NOT universally applicable, and sometimes it just isn't true at all.
2). Everyone's situation is different, and you need to make a considered judgment based on your OWN circumstances, not on someone else's (and least of all mine!)
Hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 another cliche and to quote David Essex, remember him.
'Every clouds gotta silver lining'.
X.
My oldest sister had her bedroom walls plastered with pictures of David Essex and David Cassidy.
With my middle sister it was horses.
My own bedroom wall was covered with sketches of birds and animals 🙂
@ellyd22 I didn't mins Essex, Cassidy less so as I'm a little to young as he was really early 70s.
Paul Nicholas was a poor man's Essex.
I was more punk then rock, think it was the long hair thing looking back. Only thing on my wall was woodchip but that stuff is timeless.
X.
Yes. That dates me.
The house I lived in in the early seventies had woodchip on the walls as well. That stuff would withstand a nuclear blast. It being the seventies, the walls were painted in crazily bright colours. I remember that we had a dayglo-orange hallway, and the living room had two bright yellow walls and two bright purple ones.
Ceilings were artexed ... unless you were in one of the rooms with polystyrene tiles 🙁
@ellyd22 seemed to remember many, including pubs had a strange white colour, nicotine I believe on the Dulux colour chart. Anaglypta if you were posh!
I'm surprised polystyrene ceiling tiles were ever a thing. Ever tried lighting one?
A lot of communal spaces had that strange nicotine colour, probably from all the nicotine.
I've just tried to match it on a Farrow & Ball colour chart. I think it's either 'Unappreciated Cartography' or 'Nostalgia for Wheat'.
@ellyd22 probably be better matching it to the Benson and Hedges or the Lambert and Butler colour chart.
[Jacqueline cringes at the word "woodchip". Memories of scraping it off her walls and being knee-deep in splinters flash through her mind, prompting a silent scream that Edvard Munch would be proud of]
@jacquelinelarkspur I think 'Woodchip flashback' is a recognised medical condition.
This thread is branching out dangerously. We'd best stop now before someone calls the copse.
@jacquelinelarkspur
You might be right. I wouldn't want to lumber you with too many replies.
@melaniejames If we carry on for too long, people will start logging off this post.
@ellyd22 branch out, plant themselves and take root somewhere else. Have any of these been used? Can't remember.
@melaniejames I wouldn't have been upset if you hadn't. Anyway, my bark is worse than my bite.
Ellie my friend, do you never worry that people might be getting a bit sequoia jokes?
Amidst all of that, 'call the copse' was my favourite.
Gold star and 'Pun of the Thread Award' to @jacquelinelarkspur
It gives me great pleasure to accept this award. I'd like to thank all those who made it possible, and an extra special thank you to everyone who could cedar potential in me.
@jacquelinelarkspur @melaniejames @ellyd22
So I go away for the weekend and miss an entertaining thread like this. There seems to be a theme involved, but I can’t see the wood for the trees
@melaniejames lucky for me my wife accepts me as Lisa 24/7, except yard work…
But if she didn’t and decided to leave I would still dress 24/7 as I do feel much better about myself when I am Lisa and not the male guy that occupies the outer shell of this body. I would need to restart my life, bit only as I want it to be from the beginning, not hiding anything.
@melaniejames My (now) ex was having trouble finding work and started going out of town to work. I certainly used the opportunity to dress more. I think my kids were away at college and so I had opportunity.
Later my ex moved away on a permanant basis, and I was dressing at home a lot. I still lived with 2 of my 3 adult children, but they didn't care how I dressed.
When the lock down of the pandemic hit, I was dressing almost full time. Occasionally I had to go out appearing as a male, but for months I spent a lot of time en femme. It was a test to prove to myself that I wouldn't get tired of dressing, and that I have no plans to transition. I even started taking walks through my neighborhood, and met a woman who was also a walker, and we'd stop and chat for a few minutes when we passed each other.
I now continue to dress at home. Sometimes I'm just in a skirt, other times I'm fully en femme.
As for going to work, you might say I'm dressed for work as well. I wear panties, women's socks, women's jeans, a woman's tee shirt, and women's shoes. They all look pretty androgynous. If you looked closely you might recognize them as women's clothes, but no one has really said anything.
About 15 months ago I even got my ears pierced. I wore the starter earrings for most of the first 12 months. For a good amount of time it was hard to see because my hair was quite long. I lost a fair chunk of it undergoing chemotherapy, even though it is still on the long side.
The other day I had to get a CT scan done. I knew from past experience that if I were wearing anything metal, I would have to change into a gown before the scan. So I went to work in women's leggings and a top that could have been a women's top. My ex had one almost exactly like it, and it took me years to figure out the difference was that at the bottom of the V neck, a different end of the bias tape was on top for the two versions. Absolutely no one would have seen that. Because I had no pockets, I put a credit card, a debit card, my driver's licence, and my insurance card, along with some cash, my keys and phones (work + personel) into a fanny pack and wore it under the shirt which I didn't tuck in. This way I didn't have any metal zipper on me, and it was easy to take off the fanny pack with all my stuff for the CT scan.
I can't say I dress all the time, although most of the time I am wearing something that is from the women's section.
@melaniejames Melanie, when I have the place to myself for a few days, I get dressed and have Sophie time every evening once I get home. I suspect I would be dressing most evenings if my living situation changed.
@melaniejames Well my wife is on board so I do dress as much as possible when kids are out. I underdress daily even while at work. But if I was to become single or live alone it would most definitely be all the time. It just feels more natural to be dressed as a woman and keeps me much happier.
@melaniejames In my case if my wife were to be gone for a week, I'd choose Dress all the time, except for work, and become what you always wanted.
I'm trans and living FT, so this doesn't apply. But pre-HRT there were a few times when I lived solo. I was dressed most of the time outside of work.
/EA
@melaniejames I wear romantic lingerie to bed almost every night, yes a part of that is wanting to look good for my boyfriend but even when I was single and if I became single again I'd continue wearing romantic lingerie to bed.
I am currently living apart from my wife. I dress daily in something feminine.
Typically, a pair of shorts, a T-shirt or cami and panties. My favorite is cooking and wearing my apron.
She's coming for a visit this weekend, everything will need to be put away.
@melaniejames My So Knows and is supportive but I dont do it around her so every few weeks I get a few days alone when she goes to her moms. Its ebb and flow though. I work from home.and If i dont have any meetings where I need to show my face. I start early and gradually add to it all day. its a slow transformation but fulfilling when all done around 5pm and I turn off my computer then Im completely free. Then sometimes Im less motivated and just do the simple stuff. I do enjoy working as River though except its difficult typing with nails. 😉 Cheers RC
@river sounds like you have a good situation.
A nice way to work and as long as those nails look fabulous alls good.
Hey River, I've only worn false nails once, at a MTF makeover, and I was rendered completely useless for anything. The MUA had to literally dress me 😂. I can't imagine how anyone, GG or CD, can function at all.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 Agreed and definitely dont pick your nose.. lol takes alot of practice to just type on your phone. I trim them down alot for work. Its certainly a challenge. Cheers RC
@melaniejames I experienced this very situation. I went through a divorce several years ago. I began dressing almost all of the time, but still had to hide it around my kids.
Eventually I moved out of state, which meant even more freedom. So I dress whenever I want, as much as I want. And I love every second. I’m still not full-time. But I certainly don’t have to hide much anymore at all.
@melaniejames Dress all the time, except for work, and become what you always wanted.
If I were no longer with my wonderful wife, I'd seriously consider starting HRT and going full-time, including work.
Given the choice, I'd want to remain with her, though. I love her dearly.
Hypothetically - as I don't want anything to change.
I would go with option B: ❤️
Dress all the time, except for work, and become what you always wanted.
I can't imagine getting tired of it or not wanting to dress. In the meantime it is a fun little daydream. Thanks for bringing it up Melanie 😊
Denise
Hi Melanie,
For me this has been real as I lost my wife to cancer three years ago. She did allow limited dressing and I was grateful for that.
The loss is immense and always will be. I now spend most of my time as Janet as I am retired and live alone. I do not go out and although I have made friends as Janet I see most friends and family in male mode. I certainly prefer the female role but I do not want to lose family and friends as this would be a case of the treatment being worse than the cure.
In simple terms I am close to being full time as a woman as practical. After all life is not ideal but we can strive towards the best possible situation.
Janet
@janetw so sorry for your loss and expressing your situation… I can commiserate with you “being full time as a woman as much as practical” , however, not wanting to lose family and friends, albeit to them, my male alter ego… thank you for sharing your thoughts Janet.
Leonara
@janetw My reply to this thread would be identical to yours in that my dressing really took off after my wife succumbed to cancer. I have, however, made my "going out" closet into a fairly androgynous thing so I still look right to society. My sympathy for your loss too, mine has been going on 8 years now and I found the 7th anniversary particularly difficult.
@michaela2001 "...the 7th anniversary particularly difficult." They're all difficult; the 7th was especially so for you. I wonder what it is about the 7th year for more than a few events? The 7th year itch in marriages. The 7th year anniversary of a loved ones death. I hope for you strength and support for each day in the 8th year.
I've been by myself for a while now, and I dress when ever I don't have to work have been even buying clothes that would be passable to wear out. I have been in the closet for so long if I told family or friends I'm afraid I would lose them all. Those of you that have spouses, family and friends that accept you for who you are, your so lucky.
I would continue to dress occasionally, as I always have. I truly enjoy my time dressed, but don’t want it all the time.
I most likely would continue doing what I do and dress when the mood strikes. Sometimes that is often and other times just occasionally. I have no fear of getting caught since my wife in fully aware I dress and has seen me fully or partially en femme many times.
what an interesting question… although my wife knows about my CD, she prefers I not dress when she is home which gives me a chance to answer c) “Dress all the time, and become what you always wanted” For a limited time when Kathy visited her friend in Florida for a few days.
Leonara would shower and primped to be her female identity all day… for a few days …after a makeover and a purchase of a wig (profile photo) continued the day of shopping and a manicure. I guess you might say I was a princess/cinderella for a few days but reality set in as Becky so succinctly put it “if I told family or friends I'm afraid I would lose them all”. For a short time, Leonara had a brief, but illuminating experience to be her feminine alter ego. Looking forward to the next experience albeit not too deep in the closet. Thank you for listening…..
Warmest regards, Leonara 🌹
I would jump all over the opportunity to dress if I ever find myself alone. I was alone in a 1-bedroom apartment for about 4 years and while I dressed, I feel like I blew the opportunity. With the confidence I have now I'd spend a lot more time as Missy.
@amysmissy I lived alone myself decades ago and now regret what chance I had.
I got my own place and dressed when I could and increased my wardrobe. A few years on, a few problematic relationships so I made a decision to remain single and went all in.
It would definitely be dress pretty much all of the time.
I currently dress when working from home, and underdress when in the office, but I don’t get to dress very much in non-work time, so that would change to full time.
I don't think I would change my habits. I have been like that for some periods of my life. Not now. In recent months I dress en femme more frequently; although in a simple way. Without much sophistication. I might end up dressing up all the time if I lived alone.
Gisela
I had to think seriously about how I would answer. It's an intriguing question.
Why don't I just go out dressed, what stops me.
1. My SO. I care what she thinks, I care about our relationship. If I was alone, I don't think I would seek another relationship. I would want to be me, and takes up all the room in the metaphorical closet.
2/ My fear of people taunting my kid. A few more years and my kid will be quite mature and independent to not care about others opinions.
3. After that, I could care less about the world. I would dress everyday, sometimes been lending in my gut wardrobe.
This is a great question that I think about a lot. I do not want to come out to family and friends since I don't want my children and grandchildren to have to deal with this issue. So, that limits the possibilities for me somewhat since I live in a condo. Given that constraint, I think I would be dressed most of the time when at home, probably not wig and makeup though since I'm really lazy. I would definitely have some Michelle vacations and nights out with other girls and want to attend some conferences. I fantasize about going on golf and ski vacations en femme. Just the thought of shopping for all those great outfits makes me giddy.
I also think my male drab self would get a bit less drab. I would be buying woman's jeans, carrying a purse, wearing woman's shoes that look unisex, etc. I would not have any need or desire for male underwear and would keep myself properly shaved, and plucked and moisturized. Toes would be polished, with clear polish on finger nails and maybe some clear mascara and a bit of subtle lippy. I would start buying jewelry that a man could get away with and my place would be decorated as fem and beautiful as possible without being too obvious.
@michellemybell I feel very much the same regarding your second paragraph
XOXO
Suzanne
What a wonderful topic, thank you for posting.
I've had periods in my life when I lived alone and could have very easily dressed al.l the time, however, at that time I didn't realize, or if I did acknowledge, my dressing. That is a whole other story I won't go into here though.
If I were to find my self alone now, however, I would dress all the time at home and probably venture out. I would definitely wear clothes that were androgynous to go out, as well as carrying some type of handbag, more feminine jewelry and shoes. Mani-pedi's would be a common occurrence with color on the toes and clear on the fingers (maybe a neutral flesh or beige tone). Without a doubt all my male underwear would be gone with panties, bras and camisoles being worn. I could go on about what I would do or wear but I think you get the idea. It would be a very freeing experience.
XOXO
Suzanne
