How to deal with not being able to dress

33 is young. Many girls start older. I did.

- Robyn

"Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift - that's why it's called the 'present.'" You know how good it feels to dress; hold onto that. Take it one day at a time, but nudge yourself a little each day. I hope that makes sense, and I hope it helps. We're all behind you here. Take care. Big hug and kiss!

Fredrika xox

I think a lot of these "issues" also stem from having to deal with depression as well. And when I dress... is like the best anti- depressant in the world... I always feel like I'm in the clouds with my body image,  self-esteem and all.. like I CAN do anything. And with the age I think it's more I wish I would have started sooner so I could have enjoyed and even been more settled into just being me instead of this mask that is Tony.... I hate wearing it.  I mean I love being masculine as my "working" side but to relax Tonya does it better.

A lot of it is really just getting the time,  while my girlfriend is supportive she's not 100% comfortable with it. So I dint want to force her into a situation that mashes her just say" nope,  can't do it anymore" and leave with my kids. And I work a lot...

Sometimes this is all we can do in all situations of life 🙂 and it absolutely helps. I need to be more active on here again because all the ladies on here always help brighten the darker days

I'm basing my response on what I went thru; I went thru (long) periods without dressing, and yeah, it does get to you and you wind up thinking about it alot.

When I first met my then g/f (now wife), I didn't tell her about Wendy.  So I still got to dress, but it was when we were not together (we lived with our parents back then so when I dropped her off at her house I then could dress at my own home).

But when we decided to buy a house together and move in, it was tough.  I won't lie, I was literally breaking out in hives not being able to dress when I want.  Even when I had nuggets of time to myself, it wasn't a fulfilling dressing experience as I was paranoid my wife would come home at any time.

There was a period of time (years) when I did not dress nor had time to even think about dressing.  I had to deal with severe medical issues, and I had hospital/medical appointments out the ying yang.  Plus I was still working FT, so I never even had a chance to think about dressing period.

Now that my medical treatment is sticking, and I came out to my wife, I think about dressing all the time.  When I can't transform fully, I make it a point to wear something feminie like panties or women's swimsuits.

Don't give up, find nuggets of time you can enjoy your feminine side.  I did try to suppress Wendy but that failed as she came back with a vengeance.  If all else fails, try to underdress at least that way you still have a connection to your fem side.

I wear panties full time (can't stand the feel of men's underwear,  boxers, briefs, etc. Just are super uncomfortable to me,  plus I love the different styles and they are almost always super cute lol) but with that I do get worried someone will notice at times.  More and more on that I dint really care if they are looking that hard at my butt they deserve a cute suppose 😉

Thank you ladies. I'm already feeling a little better about my situation. You're all so amazing and it's nice to have a safe place to come when feeling down

At 33 you have a young family, a career and other responsibilities. Ask any 33 year old if they have had to curtail things they like due to responsibilities. Many have to work it into the routine when they can, and if they can.

It is a case of prioritising and reality. It would appear you have this need to be Tonya to chill out and relax, recharge yourself. If this is important to you then you could discuss with your partner to see if there can be some Tonya time. If she understands your depression and that this makes you feel better then she may get onside. Set realistic goals. 

Is it too late at 33? Look at the girls here who suppressed the other side until they were much older. They have more time to pursue the wish to dress and. in a lot of cases. the partners are more likely to be with them. 

The need to dress may never go away and if you address it now you could make things easier for yourself. Don't rush it an set un realistic goals. Work with your partner.

Thank you for this.  I do talk with my partner about it occasionally. While she's supportive she's still not fully comfortable with it.  But it's OK normally with my wearing of leggings and some other Female clothing. I can dress when I go to a friend's house that knows of this side and everyone there is super supportive but even then if I haven't had time to get a good shave... due to work or stress or other busy stuff... even having the clothing doesn't help. Having a beard kinda kills the image lol.

Oh your 100% correct love, there's so many things going on in addition to the dressing. This is just my 1 escape and I would say overrunning is an understatement.  Part of my issue here is I want to be more open and out about it because it actually makes me feel wonderful when I can be me.  And it's been a few months at least since I could just wear even a cute outfit. I wear outside of work mainly women's jeans and always wear panties, can't wear men's unseat anymore just uncomfortable... but when I have to force myself to get a good shave and can only basically ru. Out the door to escape for a bit.. I lose that sense of Tonya who is my relaxing and comfortable side...

I just feel 100% different when I feel I'm not forcing it Dien because I just can't escape the "duties" of the male side

Hi Tonya!

Yeah, dressing up is such a happy-place!

I agree with others. At 33 yoa with responsibilities I'd be cautious with my crossdressing. For me, it always came back to my two young children. Perhaps undergarments like panties, bras and pantyhose can do the trick for now?

Since retiring, I now have space and time to get dressed and stay that way for hours. I can be 1950s housewife Barb who cleans house in sensible heels, nylons and dress, but I can also unleash slutty bee-eye-tee-sea-aych  Barb too. I'm an old gal now with time on her hands.

In my earlier days, I was too busy to think much about my crossdressing. There was a time in my 30s, 40s and early 50s when I went all alpha male and played ice hockey in a men's league. It got pretty rough at times and it felt good! Even got a powerful motorcycle and I still ride fast, but not as often. I don't play hockey anymore. It takes too long to heal after a few bangs, but I do miss it. Since then, I've upped my crossdressing and I feel amazing!

So, I say if you love your young, male-self, then let it out!

Good luck!

🏒 Barb

& just Why would you keep your beard?? Also-as a Male you don't have to dress AS masculine--

Once I get into my own place again getting a good self- care routine is Def going to be something I work on.  I know I will feel more Tonya'ish when I can properly groom myself... currently I live with my SO's parents and our 3 kids so 7 people with 1 bathroom... almost impossible to get good grooming time.. but we will be moving in a few weeks so that should help a lot