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i am just beyond words

12 Posts
11 Users
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Posts: 295
Lady
Topic starter
(@bobbie1951)
Reputable Member     Homosassa, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

my wife and i were talking today about some of her friends at church because one of them had asked her out to lunch.   It turns out she learned this was from the Relief Society (the ladies organization of the church) because of our marital issues and to see how she was holding up.  That is one of the purposes or the RS to support church members in need.  Now our marriage has been rocky for a while, long before she knew of my crossdressing.  Additionally, i have stopped going to church because i am not comfortable with the church’’s position on gender.  But she tells me “I was showing your pictures to Gen (a mutual female friend who is very open minded)”. I asked “What pictures?”  She had taken pictures of my lingerie drawer!!!  She showed these pictures to at least one friend (one who would be accepting because she is into BDSM) but why did she even take them to begin with?  These are my things.  i feel violated.  i no longer feel i can trust her at all.  She said well i talked to my therapist, she needed someone to talk to.  i truly understand that but i see an immense difference between talking even saying “Bob crossdresses”  and showing photographs of my lingerie.

Now i just want to move out to get some sense of privacy but due to some poor financial decisions we both have poor credit ratings and too much debt.  It will take several months of careful finances for me to be able to leave, but then i am gone!  😞😡😞

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11 Replies
Posts: 53
Lady
(@lizzy66)
Trusted Member     Cheboygan, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I am sorry that to hear that Bobbie. But I think if my s.o did that I'd probably do the same. Stay strong.

Hugs Lizzy

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Posts: 2144
(@cyberian2)
Noble Member     Elliot Lake, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Hi Bobbie ! I am very sorry happening. People can be cruel. I happy for you and support you 100 per cent in your quest. We many strive their goals......besticrs for needs. Be true to your self.

Dame Veronica

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Posts: 1524
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Bobbie she did a horrible thing.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I think that fits into some of  the worst fears many of us here have.

((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Autumn

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Bobbie , breaking your privacy was a rude & distasteful course of action 😯 Tiff

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Posts: 288
Managing Ambassador
(@cksasj)
Reputable Member     United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Bobbie

Thank you for sharing. I would be very upset if my husband to be took pics of lingerie and showed others. Have you tried to talk to her about how this made you feel?

Hugs

Kayla

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Posts: 12
Significant Other
(@kellylove)
Active Member     Loris, South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi. I am sorry this happened to you. As a wife of a CD, I feel this was not a good idea for her to do that. I would not want to do anything that would further damage the relationship between my husband and myself. Sometimes I do get very frustrated with the way things transpire in our relationship, but I try to think before I react. There has been times that I did not do that and it only drives us further apart. There has been may things he has done to betray me, but I feel that two wrongs do not make a right! I don’t think there should be secrets within the marriage, but those secrets should stay within the marriage. Sometimes I too need someone outside to talk to, but certain things are not shared with others. Our family and friends know that we have some issues in our marriage, but they do not know what they stem from. Even the issues that that have nothing to do with the CDing.

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Posts: 934
Lady
(@ashleigh)
Noble Member     Ocala, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

So sorry this happened to you. I would be angry as well. Hopefully it settles out a bit.

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Posts: 299
Duchess
(@mollyg)
Reputable Member     Alberta, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

Bobbi;

Here's the thing, I think your wife has crossed a line here that shouldn't be crossed.    Many of the girls have already said this and I completely agree.

I do think that there's another thought that might be worth thinking about.    Girls talk, Girls talk about many things with other girls, that many guys would be completely shocked about.    If you've every heard them do it, then you know what I'm talking about.   Well, when they're stressed, trying to sort things out, this need seems to be everything.   Now there are better ways to communicate that she's trying to deal with the issues that come with a CD husband, but you have to admit that a picture of clothes that you wear puts an end to the "Are you sure?" questions pretty quickly.   So although this is misguided as far as I'm concerned, it could also be a way for her deal with her thoughts and feelings which is kind of important for you to still have a relationship.

I don't know your wife, or your relationship, but I can see my SO talking to a friend some day, and I've got to expect that she may say things that would make me uncomfortable.   If that means she sorts out what she needs to sort out, then I'm going to be uncomfortable, and hope it brings us closer.

People under stress make bad decisions all the time.  I guess what it all comes down to is how she's handling your feelings about the picture... If her reaction is "Stop being silly", then there's no coming back from the feeling of betrayal, but if it's "I'm sorry, I didn't realise this is such a big deal to you" then perhaps there's hope.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and hope that you can find a good outcome for both of you, and failing that, at least for you.

Hugs

-Molly

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Posts: 154
Lady
(@classycross)
Estimable Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Sorry to hear that. That’s definitely a line she should not have crossed. She should’ve asked first.

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Posts: 295
Lady
Topic starter
(@bobbie1951)
Reputable Member     Homosassa, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Thanks to all of you girls for your support.  Thank you Molly for giving me a little glimpse that may help me understand my wife.  I tried to explain it to her by comparing it to if i had photographed her temple garments ( we are LDS or she is and i am not sure what i am) and showed them to any friend to explain how difficult it was married to a Mormon.  Unfortunately she did not seem to understand because after all temple garments are ‘sacred’ and not supposed to be shown in public.  

Thanks to all of you I can at least keep ging and maybe things will work out

💋❤️🌹👌🏻

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Bobbie, sorry to hear about anyone having issues of that magnitude. I have to agree it was a violation of trust, and one which will be difficult to resolve. I hope you two can find a way to avoid further arguments about this for a time, and perhaps find a solution.
I will not presume to offer advice about your feelings vs your church on this matter. My denomination leans the same way on the subject, but (I think) judges less harshly. I can only wish you Good Luck with the issue.

Bettylou

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