I ask again is today the day?

@ginger1968

I was in a similar dilemma to you Ginger, having been with my partner for 21 years when I finally plucked up the nerve to tell her about my 'awful secret'. It was really starting to have an effect on my well-being, keeping this part of me secret. So I bit the bullet, fearing the worst, but hoping for some degree of acceptance and understanding.

You will never know what will happen till you do it. I would never have imagined that morning, trying to summon up the courage, that today I would be part of a relationship made so much stronger by my confession, and able to dress as and when I wish, with the full support of this most wonderful woman.

I know not everyone can be so fortunate, but sometimes you just have to get these things out in the open.

@ginger1968 

Hi Ginger,

This all sounds identical to how I have felt in recent years. So many times, The opportunity was there and I bottled it. Then, two months ago she came across an item of clothing that I’d accidentally left out. Instead of thinking of an excuse, like suggesting it belonged to one of our two grown up daughters, I decided to come clean. 
She was a bit shocked at first, as she’d never suspected a thing in 33 years of marriage. After many frank conversations, two weeks later, she was going out for a full day, leaving me home alone. I reminded her that this was a situation that I would find hard to resist. It was music to my ears when she said ‘Do what you have to do.’

I had the most enjoyable day, just trying on so many different outfits, knowing that I wouldn’t have to lie when she returned home.

So far, she hasn’t seen me dressed, and she doesn’t want to, but she has accepted that from time to time, it’s something that I will need to do. Strangely enough, since that lovely day early in November, I’ve felt less frustration and less desire to dress.

I think it’s because I used to get so few opportunities and time was often short. I couldn’t always relax and enjoy it as I was too busy watching the clock and panicking about putting everything away again before her return.

Now I know that when the need arises, I will be given the opportunity for a full day, where I can get it out of my system, instead of worrying about when the next chance will come around. 

It has certainly been a weight off my shoulders as I’m not keeping a big secret any more and I can dress when I like, although I won’t be doing it too often. I don’t want to push my luck!

I was worried in the first couple of weeks that our relationship may suffer due to the dishonesty thing, but over Christmas, things just seem back to normal, if not even better. 

Katie x

Katie

@ginger1968 when I told my wife (January 1st, 2024) I thought about what I wanted to say. I started out by saying I like to wear women’s satin underwear and I am crossdressing. Now I told her 20 years ago and it did not go well. This time I told her it was part of me and then stopped to listen. She had questions and I answered them all truthfully. She asked when this started and I told her when I was a young boy and my desires have been growing over the past 5 years. I also told her I have been reading a lot and use this website for discussions on crossdressing. I also told her how many there are out there (470 in Michigan). The big part is start off, give her some information and let her start talking. She might get mad or surprise you, like my wife did. Also understand that you will be shifting the anxiety and stress to her, one you tell her. I waited until we were both in the same room, no distractions (tv was on and muted) and then said “can I talk to you about something”. She gave me her attention and we had a great discussion. We continue to have some short discussions and she has set some boundaries (I can’t come to bed  as a girl in a nightgown or bra). She does not want to see me dressed up (yet) and I am letting her bring it up for discussion. I don’t want to appear pushy. Pick a date and place and then just do it. Either way you will get the stress off you. Good luck. We are here for you too. - Traci

@ginger1968 You have gotten a lot of wonderful here.  Just remember that everyone here is pulling for you.  The knowledge of finally finding out how she will feel about you as Ginger should ease your mind.

  Cassie

@ginger1968 I have fortunately been friends with my wife for over 45 years and started the conversation there as we are  best friends. but I also said many of the things we enjoy together like Broadway and some reality shows that most wifes have to endure alone I generally enjoy. as well as my compassion and understanding of her and others.  these and more are alot of the things she loves about me. Over the years many of her friends have said to her how lucky she was to have a guy like me. I used all that in the conversation and said that much of that is because I have a feminine side that I still dont completely understand myself. I also said sexually there are things I need that she was not doing like the high heels and makeup and stockings etc.. Im still very sexual and she is not anymore.  I was not blaming her for it but helping her to understand my frustration.  and As many manly men would just go out and cheat Im able to compensate After all this I explained what I was doing.  I was forced to tell her as I had an accident with breast forms and chemical burns I just couldn't hide Im very glad this happened as I may have never got up the courage.  but after reading alot of documentation and alot of thought into exactly what I was going to say it all went pretty well. Im sure she also felt very sorry for me as I had a pile of bandages on both my breasts . I cant say it was perfect she did not just say OMG That is wonderful lets play together.  but baby steps and maybe someday we can. she did however support me and help me hide my scars for the year it took to recover so I cant ask for more than that. best of luck to you I hope this is helpful.  RC

@ginger1968 I wish I had planned it all out, how, when, and what I wanted to say. But instead, I just blurted it out like a shotgun blast one night while we were talking about our sex life. I wasn’t dressing at all behind her back, but like all of us when I don’t dress (and I hadn’t in years at that point) I feel stressed and anxious to an overwhelming degree. I guess that’s why I handled it so poorly.

My wife was caught completely off guard. How could her masculine husband want to wear panties?!? She had plenty of questions and I answered them honestly. I believe it was a bit uncomfortable for both of us but in the end it was off my shoulders and my conscience. And to my wife’s credit, she calmly accepted this side of me and to prove it, she walked over to her dresser and pulled out one of her nighties and had me put it on! I had never worn one before so it was amazing and very feminine feeling. And she continues to show me that it’s not a big deal to her. She has on several occasions came home from the store with clothes for me.

Now I can’t say how your wife will react, but I hope it’s as good as you want. But keeping it bottled up inside of you isn’t good for your health. I sincerely wish you both the best of luck.

Hugs, Jill

@melodeescarlet thank so ,unchanged Melodie’s for taking the time to respond it is very much appreciated

@jdays Ginger, I knew going in that selling my CD lifestyle to my wife of 30 years would be no easy sell. It's been a year since the divorce. For me it was a risk worth taking...... but that might not be the case for you. Don't forget there are different ways this can go. Not all good.....LuvNHugs TERI

@jdays I’m so sorry you did not have a good experience. Like you I love my wife very very much, but over 50 years now Ginger is a big part of my life and as I get older I need to be Ginger more!

@robyn1408 thanks so much for sharing Robyn I appreciated it !

@ab123 thanks so much Angela