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I Have All This to Wear and Noplace To Wear It

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Posts: 355
Duchess
Topic starter
(@btwimrobin)
Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Ladies,

I just had another wonderful shopping experience at Torrid.  They were having a 40% off sale and who doesn’t like a good sale.  I bought a new pair of boot cut jeans and a black and white plaid blouse. But that’s not what this thread is really about.  What this thread is really about is that feeling of frustration I get every time I’m in a store and find an outfit I like.  I have a little angle on one shoulder and a little devil on the other, both whispering in my ear.  

The angel is the practical one who tries to talk me out of making my purchase.  She says things like ...why are you even wasting your time and money on this stuff.  You are never going to wear it.  Let's face it … you can’t really wear it around the house because your wife is around.  She barely tolerates this side of you.  You can’t wear it around town because you live in a small town, and you don’t want to be the subject of everyone’s dinner conversation.  You can’t wear it for a night out because you don’t go out.  You might be able to wear it at home for a few minutes when wifey runs to the store, but that’s really about it.

The devil, on the other hand, is quite the opposite.  She’ll say things like OMG! You look so good.  You can certainly wear this around the house or maybe when you go out with some of your CD friends (I’ve met a few sisters, but we’ve never had a GNO).  You know you really want it and it does look good on you. A girl can never have too many clothes.  And it's on sale.

Anyway, you get the idea.  Most of the time, the angel wins.  Frankly, I have a dresser and closet full of clothes, a drawer full of nail polish, and a box overflowing with makeup which I will never wear anywhere.  I get so darn depressed because I know the angle is right.

Occasionally, like yesterday, the devil wins and I buy the outfit.  I was in need of some retail therapy and I get such a euphoric feeling walking out of the store with my new found treasures.  On the way home I get to thinking (always a bad thing) … here’s another outfit which will stay stashed in my drawers never to be worn.  Then I get all depressed.

How many of you ladies out there know what I’m talking about?

-Robin

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38 Replies
16 Replies
Guest
(@Anonymous)
Joined: 1 second ago

New Member
Posts: 0

@btwimrobin I know exactly how you feel and emphasize 100%.  It is sad that many of us have to hide who we really are, but that is the way it is.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1739

@btwimrobin "What this thread is really about is that feeling of frustration I get every time I’m in a store and find an outfit I like."

I do know what you mean. That is why, at this early stage of CDing that I seem to have settled on buying more androgynous women's clothes. Clothes that don't necessarily draw more attention in public (a Big Bird bright yellow midi-dress with short sleeves) but, maybe, make people see what they want to see (a checked fall shirt but in slightly feminine colours).

At 6'2" and sporting a moustache, what would most people's brains make them think that they are seeing? So, let them see that. An illusion. That way I get to dress in public without the circus, but maybe with some added feminine body shaping and Mary Jane shoes that don't draw much attention to my feet, if I wear black stockings.

At home, I have slowly introduced new things, too. Creeping growth vs sudden change. That hasn't stopped all of the derision, snickering, and poking fun, but it has given me the chance to experiment in private and in a truce, too.

Have I tamed the devil on my shoulder? He's on a short leash.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1739

I put this to another test, today and tomorrow. I had to meet an acquaintance a few hundred miles away and a winter storm blew through, so I brought my wife and we took a train trip.

I was dressed in nice Calvin Klein dark indigo jeans, low heeled shoes, and a snug wool T-shirt. I also wore my new 400g forms, so I wasn't hiding anything when I took off my winter coat.

Wandering around the hotel, almost nobody notices me. The rest of tomorrow and the train ride home will likely be just as uneventful. Experimenting and learning the results was worth it.

The nicest part is getting no negative reactions from my wife (don't worry, she laughs at me and shakes her head). At least she is wearing a nice dress in public. The only problem that I came across is finding one stocking that won't stay up anymore. Bummer. They are expensive and I'm not sure how to rejuvenate the gum. Alcohol, maybe?

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1383

@harriette i don't know how to rejuvenate the gum, but I do have a solution. I've been wearing stay up compression stockings, and they don't always stay all the way up. I ended up buying a garter belt with snap clips (sometimes called industrial strength). These have clips like a man's suspender which snap open and can grab a thick top and then snap shut.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1739

@alison-anderson OooO! Interesting. I didn't know that they existed. I like thinking out of the box. Do they show at all?

I am looking for info about how to rejuvenate the silicone, but, so far, I don't have the right solution. It has to stay clean of skin oils and particles, so I am going to work on that, too.

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1383

@harriette I wear them under my women's skinny jeans in guy mode, and no, they don't show. When I'm wearing exercise shorts, sometimes they show simply because the shorts rode up over the clips (like doing exercises on my back with the legs up in the air), but this is because of length.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1739

@alison-anderson I did a search for alligator type garter belt clips and found a few belts mainly on Etsy, so far. They look as if they would shorten the life of the stockings fairly quickly.

Have you also used them with ordinary stockings?

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1383

@harriette I only got these to use with the thicker rubber/silicon top compression stockings. This was similar to what you asked regarding helping stockings that won't stay up any more. I'm usually wearing pantyhose otherwise.

I used the term snap clips or metal clips instead of aligator clips. What I have has a plastic grip with plastic teeth rather than metal (although the snaps are metal), which should be easier on elastic based stockings. See for example Gargala on Amazon.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 10 months ago

Noble Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1739

@alison-anderson Gargala has an interesting plastic clamp, to grab normal, non-gummed stocking tops. I will have to give them a try.

Thanks for the tip!

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 7 months ago

Prominent Member     Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 579

@btwimrobin I definitely feel you!   I have dresses that I love and would be thrilled to have a place to wear them.   Now in my desire to dress to blend more, I'm in leggings and jeans most of the time.  Next year when it gets warm, I'm going to get some sundresses!

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1767

@btwimrobin Robin, I feel your pain. Where you are at now is where I was 4 years ago. Having a nice selection of clothes and nowhere to go. It was after reading all the wonderful stories here at CDH the desire to go out in the world as a woman was overwhelming.   I finally did it and have been going down the CD path Soooo fast.  I would encourage all of you to take just a small step.

 

           All the best to all of you.

                  Cassie 

 

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Lady
(@cece)
Joined: 4 years ago

Reputable Member     New York City, New York, United States of America
Posts: 310

@btwimrobin Sometimes I look at my femme dresser and ask myself why do I accumulate so much stuff. I only dress when I will be home alone for the day. My girlfriend tolerates only underdressing, and only sporadically. Most of my femmewear is rarely worn, except once in a while, and only for a few hours. Nevertheless, once I began to identify as a crossdresser, I promised myself to never again repress myself and purge my wardrobe. What a dilemma!

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Lady
(@jameie)
Joined: 4 months ago

Eminent Member     Terre Haute, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 21

@btwimrobin I think the devil on my shoulder is winning hands down

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1383

Robin, I have been able to ignore the devil lately. I have more than I can dress for right now, even if I do get out. I used to go to parties. At first it was monthly events, then it got less and less frequently. The woman who threw the parties (she ran a transformation business) moved away. I have a support group I go to, but it seems silly to dress up too much for what is usually a more casual get-together. I also wear a skirt and top to take walks around my neighborhood, and often dress at home (although usually without forms, wig or makeup), and these also tend to be more casual affairs.

Even when I see something online on clearance, I stop to think about if I'm really going to wear it or not. I usually end up saying no if I don't think I have an occasion to wear it. I often toss catalogs in recycling without even looking at them.

I am getting the itch again, mainly because I am undergrowing (aka shrinking out of) some of my clothes (I have lost significant weight this year because of health issues). I am waiting for my weight to stabilize before deciding what I want to replace, what I want to adjust (take in the waist or add belt loops) and what I will just donate.

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Duchess Annual
(@hueych53ch46)
Joined: 1 year ago

Eminent Member     Beach park, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 16

@btwimrobin 

Im in the same postion 

Thanks for sharing 

Im glad im not alone on this 

All dressed up.and no where to go 

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Lady
(@stephaniewyo)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     Wyoming, United States of America
Posts: 416

Robin the devil must of been in charge today.  My wife and I went to the next town over to see a movie and she said lets go do some shopping.  A surprise, as she is not much of a shopper.  She picked out a colorful floral blouse, turquoise leggings (to match a short satin robe), a new sun dress(my first real full dress), a new nightgown, and a matching one for her,and some girly pajama bottoms.  All for stephanie.  Wow was I surprised  The thing is I have nowhere to go.  I dress daily at home and dress alot when we travel so I hope we hit the road soon.  I t was so great to have her help and enthusiastic support.

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Posts: 600
Duchess
(@missylinda)
Prominent Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

I have a 200 lb angel on my shoulder known as SO.  Her biggest criticism of Lorraine is “ you have way too many clothes, and you spend too much money”.  And  “ you dress in strange outfits”.    Not fair!  It’s my money too. 

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@trish1980)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 703

Hi Lorraine, 

    I just had to say that the outfits I saw in Vegas looked amazing on you. You know it, I 

know it and that's all that matters girl. Luv ya 💖💋🥰

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Posts: 355
Duchess
Topic starter
(@btwimrobin)
Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Lorraine, 

My wife is barely tolerant of my dressing so I'm careful what I wear when she is around.  She only sees the tip of the iceberg.  

Thanks,

-Robin

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1 Reply
Duchess Annual
(@hueych53ch46)
Joined: 1 year ago

Eminent Member     Beach park, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 16

@btwimrobin robin 

Im in the same boat 

My doesnt like it that i crossdress 

A gorlfriend from high school is my biggest fan 

 

 

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Posts: 341
Duchess
(@carolcorbett)
Reputable Member     WNY, New York, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

I know exactly what you are talking about and lived that way for decades and accumulated so many outfits and clothes that I never wore.    You said it well as it was just the feeling of being able to purchase the clothes in that experience it gave you just made you feel good.  But I ended up with a huge mishmash of different clothes and a lot that really didn’t make sense for me on the way I went to work.

 

so when I came out to my life I wanted to get much better cut my outfits with definitely some fun outfits but a lot that what a normal woman would wear both casual and dressy. So that caused me to purge a lot of my clothing and shoes and start to learn more about what looks good on me. I hired a fashion stylist which sounds fancy and it’s clearly not an expensive but when you factor in learning about what works best for you And actually makes you look better you end up buying less clothes but the right ones. It’s made a huge difference and giving me so much confidence and getting out when you look and feel good. I honestly think I have a decent wardrobe for what a woman would have and I’m building on it.

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Duchess
(@btwimrobin)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 355

@carolcorbett my closet is a hogpoge of assorted clothes which don't form complete outfits.  A fashion consultant is a great idea.

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Duchess
(@carolcorbett)
Joined: 7 years ago

Reputable Member     WNY, New York, United States of America
Posts: 341

@btwimrobin The fashion consultant changed my life. First she was able to educate me on style and clothes where a normal woman would get as she grows up or would get from other girlfriends. There are so many choices with women’s clothes and it’s somewhat complex versus male clothes.   Just navigating the different sizes can be a lot of work LOL.  The other part was me understanding what colors and looks  are best on me. I didn’t think that would make a big difference but it’s unbelievable how much it does. I’m not small  So things that make me look more trim really makes a big difference in my confidence and feel and passing. She actually gave me a small little notebook that has the colors and styles that work for me that I use when I shop.

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Posts: 1503
Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Robbin,

 I listen to that devil way too often! Since I am not really “out” to my SO it’s all hidden yet. She does know about some leggings, and nail polish, but not the rest of the collection. You are so right about wearing each of these things for such a short time before putting it away long term. We know we shouldn’t make the purchase, but that devil is a sweet talking cutie, and always convinces us to make it! She talked me into a pair of hot pink leggings yesterday, and a matching cardigan today. Of course when we do get a chance to wear these beautiful things, we always feel like getting more!

Yes, I know exactly what you are saying!

  Heart  Lara Shopping  

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2 Replies
Duchess
(@btwimrobin)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 355

@secretpassions I bought a really nice cardigan last year because I'm always freezing in my house.  I didn't wear it for the longest time because I didn't want my wifen to see it and left it in a drawer.  One day, I said screw it and put it on.  My wife did a double‐take when she saw me in it and never said a word.  Now I wear it all the time.

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Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1503

@btwimrobin I ordered a cardigan to wear around the house with my leggings. I’m hoping it goes as well for me when I put it on for those chilly evenings!

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Posts: 548
Lady
(@dazzler)
Prominent Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

I'm lucky that I can dress whenever I like.  I'm also allowed (and encouraged) to buy clothes of all varieties..... I own a number of sparkly dresses, cocktail dresses, and some "posh" frocks.... I rarely get the chance to wear any of them, and they are not the sort of dresses that you would wear as part of a normal day... On the plus side, my wife goes to a lot of posh events... She will often borrow my dresses, so they do not go to waste 🙂

 

Cerys

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Duchess
(@btwimrobin)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 355

@dazzler you're very fortunate to have a supportive who encourages you to explore your feminine side.   Mine says she supportive but she talks from both sides of her mouth.

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Lady
(@dazzler)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Posts: 548

@btwimrobin My wife wasn't always supportive. At first, when we were young, she was really into it and it played a major part in our "special times". Then all of sudden, and I really do mean in an instant, she went dead against it. For many years, my crossdressing was forbidden.... Things started moving slowly, and now I can dress as I like when I like. There are a few limitations, but gennerally I'm free do do as I please.

 

Cerys

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Duchess
(@btwimrobin)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 355

@dazzler I totally understand.   I thought I had female side well under controll.  Then one day, 20 years into our marriage, the girl in me wanted out.  I immediately told my wife wnd of course i sais all the wrong things..  She tried to be supportive but occasionally would lash out and send me running with my tail between my legs.  Over the years, she has gotten more tolerant and can wear a few casual things.  I tread very lightly, hoping not to step on a mine.

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Posts: 777
Lady
(@mary)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 3 years ago

Living on a large acreage means one is not confined so much to going out enfemme. (Our farm is bigger than most suburbs.) 

I love skinny jeans. And jeggings. High cut / high waisted suit me well and I'll wear them into town. (I find the small pockets and lack of pockets in the jeggings frustrating at times.) I have a few unisex tops which are suitable for going into town. Last winter I picked up 2 shirts from the mens section of St Vinnies. A heavy tee shirt and the other a flanny shirt. Both were womens. 

I have perfected a no makeup, makeup style for going into town. Discipline of having a light hand is always a tension. But I have no interest venturing into town fully enfemme. 

It was cold yesterday and I wore a bra under a flanny shirt into town. Bloody straps kept sliding down my arms. Time to retire it. With frustration I took it off. 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Replies
Duchess
(@btwimrobin)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 355

@mary I have a little more freedom to venture around my property during the summer months when the trees are leafed out.  During the winter months, when the leaves are down, it's a little more difficult.  Most of the time, I'm in leggings around the house and I don't think twice about being seen in them.

Care to share your no makeup, makeup style.  I recently found a video on YouTube doing a no makeup look with BB cream, taupe eyeshadow, nude lip gloss and clear mascara.  I tried it on my hairdresser and she said she couldn't tell I was wearing any makeup.  So I ventured out in the real world and no on said anything.  I still had it on when I got home and my wife didn't comment.  I don't think she noticed. 

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Lady
(@mary)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 777

@btwimrobin I use a mix of Lanolin cream, olive oil, and glycerin (mix it in my hand) to moisturize. 

I use a very light hand with concealer (it's an Aldi lacure brand of foundation with a flip up lid with concealer) where needed. And have an Australias white concealer that I use under the bags of my eyes and blend down, in the form of an upside down triangle. 

I sometimes contour my nose with a light bronzer. Sometimes not. I have 3 pressed powders to choose from. Australias. BYS. And Revlon Photo Shoot. Those 3 powders suit my skin tone perfectly.

The trick is to use the minimal amount as possible. And I bronze with Chocolate Brown Australias bronzer. (Its non glittery. And only a couple of shades darker then my skin tone. 

I use a brown eyeliner pencil to do my eyes. Sometimes I use a grey eyeliner for the bottom lid. Brown mascara suits me better than black. And I like Max Factor brown mascara for my lashes..I very light application, which is then brushed through with an eyelash brush..

My wife showed me this trick. I have a Aldi Lacura Brow makeup kit, and bought my wife one. I found her using it so eyeshadow. And it really suited her. And I started doing the same. A light dusting of the lightest brown. And the crease lightly done with the next shade up. 

I found a cheap shop selling the final run of Austalias makeup. Included was a mattifying lipstick. You apply it to your lips and it matifies any lipstick you use. My current shade is Loreal Paris 173. When used with the mattifying cream, its shade is a perfect nude. 

I finish with a light dusting of finishing powder. And spray some setting spray. And good to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posts: 2306
Hostess
(@ab123)
Famed Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

I do understand having had to hide everything away in my dark ages. The behavioral truth is that this devil and angel scenario is perfectly normal for women, the same as 'cake or no cake'. Even now I cannot pass by something that immediately calls me over, was it the devil on my shoulder? The angel seems somewhat muted as another purchase is made as she has all but given up. The basic frustration you have is shared is too many clothes and not enough opportunities to wear them but at least you have them and perhaps the opportunity may arise in the future as it used to be like that for me in the past.

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Posts: 88
Duchess
(@midwesterngirl)
Estimable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I feel your torment girlfriend.  I did have the talk with my eife 2 years ago but Bree definitely doesn't get enough sunshine. Try and speak up for Robin. I wish I could impress upon my wife my desires but I don't speak up for Bree. 

 

Good Luck on your journey.

Hugs

Bree

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@btwimrobin)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 355

@midwesterngirl I do try to speak up for Robin but those conversations never go quite the way I hope they would (I'm referring to my thread entitled "I Should Have Known Better").  My wife seems to be waiting for the next shoe to drop as I explore my feminine side.

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Posts: 432
Duchess Annual
(@blondsherri)
Honorable Member     Missoula, Montana, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Odd that I saw this today because I was deciding what to wear when we go to friends for thanksgiving. I choose a shirt that needed to be washed but when looking for the pants, they had fallen behind the lower closet bar. Reaching for them I found a blouse, cardigan, and 2 pair of pants, all of which I still haven't worn yet but loved buying them at the time. The devil made me do it!

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Posts: 817
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Prominent Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I have a DADT relationship here at home. I really only get to dress when I can get away on my own. During those periods that I couldn't dress. I discovered that shopping helped ease my disappointment over not dressing. I mostly had to shop online but when I'm away and dressed shopping in person is such a wonderful experience. Emotionally it's just so rewarding to me. 

Fortunately/ Unfortunately, that girl inside me has a hard time saying no.    

Smile

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