I have arrived where I never thought I would be...

I posted this is the wrong place on here recently... oopsie... so I am correcting that... with some edits and additions as recent events sink in more... 

Backstory... About 3 years ago, as my third marriage was ending in divorce and days after my soon to be ex moved out completely, I satisfied a long held curiosity and bought and tried on a pair of heels. I am 6'4" and wear men's 14 shoes (16 women's) so there had never been a woman in my life who’s shoes i could try on and that size also wasn't to be found on the rack at any local shoe store. I had wondered off and on what it felt like to wear heels. It wasn't a burning question demanding immediate answer but i just wondered why some gals loved them so much. I had always been fascinated by heels, stockings, women's clothing since about age 10 when i saw Sophia Loren in a movie where she played a prostitute and there was a scene where she was wearing heels, hose, a merry widow is girdle and lingerie. What a powerful image of femininity that woman is.  As I went through girlfriends and wives, I was always buying them heels and hose and etc, etc, which they would wear once or twice but it held no appeal for them and the fashion of the time was panty hose or no hose at all so they tended to think that stuff was silly and a bother. But I never in all those years foresaw that one day i would want to wear any of any of those things myself... at least not consciously...

So after i was sure the door had hit my wife in the ass the very last time, I scratched an itch and bought a pair of size 16W black patent ankle strap 3" heel pumps, intending to satisfy my curiosity and then send them right back. We know better don't we girls lol. I put them on and found I felt special and sexy in a way I had never felt before. It wasn't 5 minutes until I was digging in the drawer of high end hose, panties, bustier’s, gowns and general sexy things my ex had never worn or worn once and she left behind (as a f_ you gesture I am sure). She was a big beastie girl and it all fit me! OMG... the fire was lit... I found Crossdresser Heaven and discovered i am not alone...  

As time passed I started living in it more and more... ~3 years of progressively going deeper into and so, so loving the experience of crossdressing and frankly opening my mind to seeing the world through more feminine eyes, no longer restricted to only seeing ‘man’ things and thinking ‘man’ thoughts and with that freedom,  making my world more and more femme bit by bit (changing my home decor, changing to feminine personal care products, changing linens to pink shades, learning about aromatic oils and diffusers so my home always smelled nice, painting my nails and going out in public that way, wearing ‘women’s’ colognes everywhere,  to making more and more of my visible wardrobe female, I found women (GGs) that like people like ‘us’ and they helped me feel more comfortable and at home in  the new, growing persona that was taking over, taught me makeup, I learned how to put outfits together, more shoes... more outfits... falling in deeper in love with being femme... finding other ‘girls’ like me in my area to meet and be ‘me’ with... and yes... sexually my life has changed too... lets say i have come to enjoy my intimate relationships in a very female mode and leave it at that...  I am soooo over the whole be a man thing.... I have found myself in a place I would never have imagined I would be only a few short years ago... so I find myself at 70 now and it feels like my world has gone through huge change and the change has taken on a life of its own... I see  ladies on here who have been living their whole lives with this 'idea' (I lack a better term) and here I find myself after 66 years of not even having the possibility of crossdressing occur to me to finding that here in the last few weeks I have found a growing desire to really live, at least the parts of my life that have the flexibility, as female as i can. At 70 with a body the size of John Wayne (and in the shape he was in ‘The Shootist’ as well, I am not going to try to ‘pass’ or scare little children by dressing fully and trying to be Mrs Doubtfire, but I can go there subtly, and live it fully at home... I feel in some ways like the past few years I have been on a toboggan run with no brakes and the hill keeps getting steeper and I keep going faster through a pink cloud and as I go I get pinker and pinker as well... and so last week at my usual appointment with my therapist who is also a AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and she was saying that what I have been through the last few years is not something I can just ‘undo’ even if I wanted to, which I certainly don’t... and nervously I brought up HRT and she said I certainly qualify if I wanted to really start working in that direction... so Wow... what a rollercoaster life is and thankfully CDH has been here for me!.... And now... big decisions to make!