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I think I'm getting good at this

27 Posts
18 Users
67 Reactions
155 Views
Posts: 1284
Topic starter
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Went out en femme today. I went to a garden centre, where I bought some seeds and pair of new boots, then to a supermarket to buy groceries various, then to Matalan, a clothing shop, before returning home and getting petrol on the way.

Unless there were some looks after I'd passed by, I was unaware of anyone taking any undue interest in me. I didn't see anyone directly and didn't see any strange looks when I checked in a few of the many mirrors in the clothes shop (by doing that, you can tell easily if you are being observed).

I was in full Becca mode: boots, skirt, top, makeup, wig, glasses and my fur-trimmed coat. TBH, I felt like a real girl-about-town.

It was my second trip out this week and I didn't notice any undue attention the first time either, except from a young girl who said she liked my scarf.

My voice is now slightly raised in pitch and softer so I think my vocal Achilles Heel is having less of a detrimental effect.

Hugs

Becca

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26 Replies
6 Replies
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1788

@rebeccabaxter This is great, well done.

Hugs,

Anna xx

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Duchess
(@jennconn)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 748

@rebeccabaxter congratulations Becca, you’ve made it in the crossdressing world.  I’m so happy for you.

its funny though, if we do it poorly, we get noticed and if we do it too we’ll, we get noticed.  I’m glad you found the balance to look like a natural GG.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 596

@rebeccabaxter 

Good for you Becca. I think you have nailed it when you talk about the confidence/passing upward cycle 👍 . It then all becomes just natural doesn't it, and from here on you will be able to just go out and really enjoy yourself!

Have fun 😍 .

Hugs, Rebecca x

 

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1447

@rebeccabaxter I'm not surprised you're passing un-noticed Becca (with emphasis on 'passing', in those two words).  Your photos and especially your profile picture shows your well-coordinated style that still blends in nicely, and you're obviously completely comfortable in it.  Without vocal engagement, anyone looking on is surely going to see a woman.  And by the time you get to speaking, that impression will already have gelled.  Chapeau!  

Hugs,
Fluff xxx

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2147

@rebeccabaxter so happy for you  Becca. You were out dressed how you felt inside, and those who saw were OK with you in the world with them. 

Cassie 

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Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1109

@rebeccabaxter 

 You're stepping in the right feminine direction, Becca! 

 Bravo to you girl. I wish you many, many more out and abouts! 

 Fran 🥰 

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Posts: 3404
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

You are obviously getting good at it as you go about your business without any stares or reaction. I suspect you will soon stop looking around for any reaction as it becomes quite natural for you. It's a great feeling to be just another lady out and about. 

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2 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1284

@ab123 I no longer go actively looking for reactions anymore, as that way leads to making one appear strange and suspicious. It's just that sometimes I notice that I'm NOT being noticed and it gives me a little thrill that, for the most part, I'm getting away with it. As many have said before, showing confidence is the secret to [just about] passing and the less you are observed, the more confidence you have and so the more confident you become—and it's all upwards from there.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3998

@rebeccabaxter This!

To me, going unnoticed is one goal that many of us strive to accomplish. 

However, being completely invisible is disheartening, too. Some sort of attention grabbing is healthy for our egos. 😘

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Posts: 1104
Lady
(@margprodue)
Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Good for you Becca and welcome to the world.  Hugs,  Marg

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Posts: 286
Lady
(@prettytoes)
Honorable Member     alfred, Maine, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

as i always say. people are to busy and really not paying attention to what's going on around them. keep a positive attitude and don't worry about everyone else. if they see what your doing and are fine with it they will accept you too. even if your not totally passable. if someone walks up to you they will probably tell you how good you look or just thank you for being yourself. it will get easier every time you leave the house dressed. just remember if you don't want anyone to know that you dress the best thing is not to be seen in your car. it's got a license plate and if anyone wanted to know who you are they could get it looked up. but that's probably slim and none. so don't let that stop you from being the woman you want to be.

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2 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1284

@prettytoes Oh, that ship has sailed, my license [UK number] plate finishes with the letters CDR!

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Lady
(@prettytoes)
Joined: 2 months ago

Honorable Member     alfred, Maine, United States of America
Posts: 286

@rebeccabaxter that's cool. 🙂 

 
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Posts: 174
Duchess
(@joannat)
Reputable Member     Gwynedd, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 months ago

That’s great Becca! Voice is my greatest Achilles heel; I’d be interested to hear how you learned to modify yours. 

Joanna 💕

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4 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1284

@joannat I follow advice I received here in CDH. Using the 'do re mi fa so la ti do' scale, you start by saying the word 'do' in your normal voice, and then raise the pitch through the notes until you say the word 'so' and use that note as the base for your speech. At the same time, speak more softly, and 'breathy' (let some of the air out through your nose); this will take the male edge out of your voice and make it a little more feminine. It's not a substitute for proper voice training, but that might take years and this works pretty much instantly. As you get used to it, you can raise it a couple more half tones. It's a much better alternative to falsetto, which sounds ridiculous and more like something out of a television comedy sketch: "Oh, I'm a laydee" from the UK's Little Britain program.

It's not perfect by any means, but for short interactions with, say, shop assistants, it does the job of tending to cover up yet another male trait—you know, on top of the 'no hips', 'no breasts', 'too tall', 'big feet' problems, we all have.

Try it, it works for me, YMMV.

Becca

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1741

@rebeccabaxter As the one who taught you my technique, I'm glad that is now working for you. I remember you telling me your voice sounded strange. But I told you to persist, and you now not only embrace the method, but you're teaching others. ❤️ 

I'm happy that you are now able to blend in when going out.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1284

@alison-anderson Sorry, I was remiss as I remembered the advice but forgot who gave it to me. I shall credit you in future x

Becca

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1741

@rebeccabaxter No worries. Just glad it was useful.

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Posts: 68
Duchess
(@jjennalove2000)
Estimable Member     St Louis area, Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

That is wonderful Becca. I admire how brave you are to explore your femininity. To interact with others as a woman is the ideal life many of us strive to achieve. While I have only minimally explored this aspect, examples like yours push me forward. Thank you 

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Posts: 1780
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

That cycle of confidence & reinforcement is very powerful once it takes hold of you. Pretty soon it will be second nature for you to be out en femme with the world seeing you as just another lady. It's a great sensation.

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Posts: 2099
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Becca -

What a lovely day out for you, glad you had that experience. I hope you have many more similar to that.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 1013
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

Reading this topic and all the replies - it strikes me that I sincerely believe that most people are accepting of us if you try to do it right. Meaning, give it your best effort. I know if I encountered Becca or any number of you who blend in nicely, I would definitely treat you like the ladies you’re trying to be. And I believe that is true of most people in the human race.

Long long ago in the ‘80’s I went for lunch at a small, always crowded lunch counter. I knew there was no way I’d get a seat as the place is always packed with a waiting line. Yet that day I spied two empty stools at the counter, one on each side of a diner who was eating his lunch. As I walked in to go past him to get in line, I sensed something amiss. The guy in front of me says - “Did you get a load of the psycho wearing the dress?” As I focused in on him I could see the issue immediately. A long-haired, bearded, hairy legged guy wearing makeup, a dress, heels, nylons over unshaved hairy legs was sitting at the counter eating his lunch. People walked in, saw him and gave him a wide berth. Nobody confronted him, as he was looking around as he ate with a “You got a problem with me?” look on his face. He was ready for a confrontation if anyone had said anything. Which nobody did because, as I suspect, they didn’t want to trigger him. Ok dude, I thought, mission accomplished. You went out in public and had lunch and you don’t give a damn. Nobody cares.

What I’m trying to say by sharing this - is that this is what leads to my belief that most people will accept us out in public. It’s just a heckuva lot more enjoyable if you’re going to make a good attempt to blend in with society. If you look like you’re trying to make a statement or have some kind of agenda then people will do their best to avoid you as most people just don’t want any more conflict in their lives.

GP

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3 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1284

@gracepal This is true for more than cross-dressing. If you ever go to France, do not walk into a shop and ask "Do you speak English?" as even if they are fluent, they will say "Non, Monsieur", then ignore you. If you go into that same shop and in halting, school-boy French and try to ask for what you want, they wil have a good laugh at your pathetic efforts and use the English they claimed not to have known. One has to try, people respect you a lot more, even if you fail. 

It's different in The Netherlands, the minute you walk into a shop, they wil spot you straight away and use almost perfect English (with a Dutch accent) to talk to you--probably better English than a lot of English people I know.

German shopkeepers just look at you as if you are going to steal something (although I have only two shop visits there on which to base this premise).

Becca

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Lady
(@nataliecd)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Minnesota, United States of America
Posts: 73

@gracepal That is an interesting take and one I agree with. Most people are just fine with letting others do their thing as long as that thing is, more or less, within some social norm or at least that they person is making an attempt at adhering to a social norm. 

I will say though, about the person you mentioned: I am not sure that should necessarily be frowned upon either. At least not in terms of the appearance/attempt. I agree that people will be more tolerable if the person tried to look feminine but perhaps it won't always be that way. And I don't think it should always be that way.

To the person at hand though: for me, the attitude is probably my biggest takeaway. That is, if that person wanted to go out like that, own it. But from your story, it sounds like they were trying to take a stand and almost dared anyone to confront them. Which I think is a poor way to go about things. Things become normalized because people act "normal" while doing them. Dressing up and then potentially forcing confrontation is a poor way to go about it, no matter how they looked. Which, if I am reading it right, it sort of what you are saying as well.

Granted, they may have been self-conscious which leads to a bit of defensiveness. But I am pretty confident in that going about and not looking "normal" is often less of an issue than not acting "normal" ("normal" of course always being subjective but hopefully I am making my point well enough).

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1013

@nataliecd Exactly Natalie. Crazies come in all shapes, sizes and styles. This was a Crazy in a dress.

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Posts: 1013
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

Becca - I learned about French attitudes when I visited Saint Martin. Half of the island French, the other half Dutch. French shopkeepers: Rude, ignore you completely, especially Americans. You wondered why they were in business since it seemed they wanted none.

Dutch shopkeepers: Friendly, helpful, hustling to make a sale.

I remember when we left the island I told her we never need to come back to the French side. She agreed. That’s why you visit places, to meet different people.

The Netherlands obviously wants to make money. As did I when I ran a beauty salon. I had a sign on my front desk out of view of the customers: “Smile and say hello before the customer beats you to it.” I’ve never understood the “rude and indifferent” approach myself.

As for the Germans, they’d be right at home in California -because the customers there are mostly coming in to steal something🤣

GP

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