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So i have been pondering on what has triggered my overwhelming desire to dress over the years. but lately its been regularly stronger. To make long story short although my wife dresses nice on special Occasions generally she dresses like a tom boy. if she regularly wore sexy outfits for me with heels makeup stockings and the like. I honestly feel the desire for me would be much less. Or maybe more as I might want to join her 😉 .Im not blaming her at all, just that maybe I feel I need that more often than the average guy. as we are in our 50s. its naturally less and less but Im always feeling like I need more.. does anyone here have an SO that regularly wears the sexy attire that many of us are obsessed with? and do you still feel you need to dress as often?
If so im jealous . Cheers RC
I think I understand what you are trying to say. Honestly, I doubt it has anything to do with your wife or SO. With or without a partner, your desire would still be there. Unless you are be forced or coerced, the desire is yours. You are what you are. Enjoy it. Be you.
If you ask 10 CD's this question you'll likely get 10 different answers. It reminds me of another question that comes up often enough - is it just the clothes or is there more to it than that?
I had a GF many years ago that always dressed in sexy outfits. She sometimes encouraged me to wear her clothes around the house....not that I needed any. The urge to dress was constant and I grew to envy her. She could wear sexy outfits whenever and wherever she wanted. I so wanted to be her. Behind closed doors my imagination could run free. And that's when I imagined I was her. A pretty good sign it was more than the clothes.
Years later I was living part-time. Being myself became more important than the clothes I wore. Jeans and a t-shirt felt as affirming as a bodycon dress. For that matter, wearing nothing at all was just as affirming. A pretty good sign I was trans.
Don't get me wrong. I love wearing sexy clothes. I just don't do it often. They're not practical for my everyday life. Treating myself on special occasions takes on new meaning. Instead of an affirmation, it's a proclamation of who I am.
/EA
I think I might understand where you are coming from.
The first decade of our marriage my wife practically lived in mini-skirts, heels, & pantyhose, as well as loads of makeup. At the same time, I had a steady urge to crossdress.
As the years rolled on, she became more conservative, as far as dressing goes. Whereas, I remained fairly steady in my need to crossdress.
These days my wife dresses up in heels, pantyhose, and makeup only on Sundays and when we go out with friends. Sometimes we go out together, and I may be the girl that is more effeminately dressed. The point is that my urge to dress is very independent from when and how she dresses.
I am trying to recall, but somebody here on CDH once wrote about how we cannot live our CD life through our wife or GF. We have to live it through ourselves.
I have the same doubt, my wife is not very flirtatious. And I would love to dress sexy, put on makeup, paint my nails, put on decorations. But I've never done it, it's exciting in my thinking. Maybe if one day I have the opportunity, the effort won't be worth it. I would also like her to be like that, but with my life as a man I am very rough. Only by doing so will we discover how strong the desire is. Kisses Carla
River -
Interesting question.
After reading the replies I would have to say that for me it is within me to express my femininity. I want to look and feel feminine when I dress, so wearing dresses, skirt/blouse combinations are what I enjoy. I do on occasion wear leggings, jeans or dress slacks but other than the leggings I can wear those in male mode. When I am unable to dress I like having my toes painted in color, fingers done in clear, having my ears pierced and wearing earrings all the time. Like you my wife is more of a jeans and T-shirt type of gal. She does dress up for special occasions. I've always admired, and been jealous, of the way women can dress. It makes me feel good when I am able to dress in a sexy way and feel pretty.
XOXO
Suzanne
River,
First of all, like your picture. You look very attractive. LIke your fem name too. The singing river. As for your subject, my wife wears drab and boring clothes - rarely dresses up - does not wear heels and does not wear makeup. I have all kinds of fem outfits - elegant, sexy and even have bought a few every day dresses. I have mastered walking in heels with practice and got complimented by my wife. Do need to get better at putting on makeup. Have not done much. I wish my wife would would be more ladylike - but at age 68 that is not going to happen. As Belichick used to say, it is what it is
.
Alice Black
A man will look a nicely dressed woman with the urges a man has, unfortunately we have the hormones that drive that instinct. However take that instinct away and look at her from your perspective as a crossdresser then you are in the realms of envy as that is how you want to look and want to wear emulating her, in effect you want to be her but in reality be yourself, two separate things. Your wife is living the life you would want but not actually trade places. She is the reason your crossdressing desires are fermented and perhaps any other woman that has your style but don't do that in front of a unknowing wife or that could end up with a slap to the face.....
I definitely do not. My wife will regularly comment that I am more of a girly girl when it comes to wearing dresses or skirts. And she will be the first to admit that I have more dresses and skirts that she does, several times over. I do not believe, however, that my wife's lack of a preference for dresses and skirts has any bearing on my preference to wearing feminine attire, or the growing feelings to do so. I will say that my wife's love and support in exploring and embracing these feelings is an important component.
MacKenzie Alexandra
I do not like sexy outerwear but do love sexy or pretty lingerie. I started by buying all my various GF nice lingerie. The female body is so beautiful, and the right lingerie just accents those lovely features.
While my wife has a ton of nice lingerie and does wear it at times, mostly she just wears boring, functional stuff. I do think my desire to wear lingerie started from her wearing the boring stuff and me wishing to see the nice things. If she wasn't going to wear it, I will. The more I wore it, the more I liked it and that slowly, but eventually led me to dress fully en femme.
As an SO of a CD, I am finding since becoming open with the CD, I am dressing more sexy and fancy...lol
I am not good with the girl things of makeup, but we are learning together.
Haven't responded until now because I'm hesitant to share too many details about my spouse out of respect for her privacy, but she'll understand. My wife is comfortable with her own style of sexy. She always dresses with intention and she definitely has a curated look, but it's not the stereotypical feminine presentation. I suspect some of that is a product of being raised by lesbian social workers who eschewed traditional mores of feminine beauty. She likes my classic, overtly feminine style and while our styles are very different, it's still something we can share. When we go out, she's always saying "I need to up my game if Nikki's coming" but I think it's mostly in fun.
After a long journey through shame and denial to finally acceptance and joy, I know that it's never been about the clothes, love them though I do. I don't need to dress to feel authentic, and indeed my wife can see Nikki regardless of what I'm wearing. The clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. are just a vehicle to explore the extents of my femininity in a fun and joyful way, but they aren't what defines me. I'm me whether I'm wearing any clothes or not!
My wife is 8yrs older than me and while we were raising 2 teenage boys I had no desire to dress, but now that they have moved 7hrs away from us I find my desire to dress getting stronger and stronger, to the point that I do it almost everyday now. My wife on the other hand has gotten more concerned about what other people think, so I have to be more discreet and secretive than I would like to be. When she was younger she was more adventurous than I was and would dress very sexy for me without my prompting and encouraged me to explore myself more than I was comfortable with. I have truly been blessed with her loving me for being me, no matter what I'm wearing.
Lacy
Your beautiful River. I'm happy for you. Sometimes during our life we go through a transformation. You make a beautiful woman so keep dressing up girlfriend.
Wow, how similar some of our journeys are! I am so very thankful that my wife is supportive of me. It makes life so much easier. She however, as gorgeous as she is, is not a “sexy” dresser at all. This girl doesn’t own one pair of high heels and never will. I have purchased her some before and she ends up throwing them in the donation bin. I hint to her how fun it would be to have a “glam night” once in a while. She’s just not into it. I tell her I will pay for mani/pedis for her…not into it. I have often wondered the same thing, “does my desire for these girly things increase because I don’t experience them from my wife?”
Certainly, as others have said, not blaming or shaming her in any way. She is a beauty that is so far out of my league and she loves and accepts me. I am so jealous of how she COULD dress if she wanted to. I often tell her that I would love to look like her…oh the things I could do!
When my wife catches me looking at another woman, she knows that I am admiring her dress, heels, makeup and manicure…not lusting over her.
The joy and happiness dressing brings me is something special. It’s a great escape from who I am 99% of the time. I can become somebody else. Maybe it’s not that way for my wife. It could certainly be a good time!