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If My Wife.... For the married girls

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Posts: 827
Baroness
Topic starter
(@river)
Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

So i have been pondering on what has triggered my overwhelming desire to dress over the years. but lately its been regularly stronger. To make  long story short although my wife dresses nice on special Occasions generally she dresses like a tom boy. if she regularly wore sexy outfits for me with heels makeup stockings and the like. I honestly feel the desire for me would be much less. Or maybe more as I might want to join her 😉 .Im not blaming her at all,  just that maybe  I feel I need that more often than the average guy. as we are in our 50s.  its naturally less and less but Im always feeling like I need more.. does anyone here have an SO that regularly wears the sexy attire that many of us are obsessed with? and do you still feel you need to dress as often? 

 If so im jealous Wink . Cheers RC 

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30 Replies
Lady
(@lisa55)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Gloucester, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 555

@river River, I’m reading your post after my wife and had a discussion on what we are going to wear tomorrow night for our girl night in. I’m dressing in my LBD (little black dress) with an open white blouse and patterned tights and shiny black flats. Of course black bra and most likely a cami and panties. She is thinking of something sexy and inviting but doesn’t want to tell me. We will do our make up and hair then get dressed, many times we do dress together so she is use to seeing me now inserting my forms and such. We will chill a bottle of wine and have a little meal of sorts or a cracker & cheese tray. We try to do this often, not like every 6 months, but depending on our plans it has been  weekly or even a few weeks apart. We both enjoy it and look forward to it. Make it an experience she will want again and again. Remember, she's the one you need to make happy. 

My wife has fully accepted me as I wish to be and helps me along the way. We are both in our 60’s and are having more fun than ever. The idea of this ever happening, well I never thought possible. But since coming out to her I am now much happier, not depressed, she sees I’m happy and is not worried about my well being any longer. We have learned that ‘me’ keeping Lisa buried deep inside me for years was placing a strain on us unknowingly. She loves the idea now of having a husband, a best friend and a girl friend all in one. The lesson I learned was I needed to be open and honest with my wife, she needed to know the truth and deserved it. Yes, I was worried it would go the other way, more so then what really happened. I know I didn’t say it above, but around the house I am Lisa, the only time I’m the drab me is when we know someone is coming over or we are going out. Other than that it’s Lisa, full on! 

I love my wife and so happy she enjoys Lisa as much as I do 24/7. 

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@lisa55 You are so very lucky. my wife knows  she even gave me a facial the other day. I have tried to get her involved  although she is supportive she just doesn't seem interested. beautiful girl just does not understand sexy.  Im trying not to push and ease River in gently while respectful of her and her needs. she is everything to me. We have been friends for over 45 years married for 23 of that so we're all good. just don't currently share this. That's ok though Im ok. this post is more of a curiosity to help understand myself more as to what drives  River and who is the predominant person.  Is River so strong because ahe has been held back for so long or is she a result of a constant need that is never fulfilled or Was she always there ?  Probably the latter  🙂 thank you for your insight.  RC

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(@jewels1215)
Joined: 1 year ago

Active Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 4

@river I am a woman and SO of a MTF CD and I never really had anyone teach me to dress like a lady and I can honestly say that I was never really into it as much as I am now with Jess. She brings out a feminine side in me that I didn’t know that I had. She makes me feel like I’m beautiful and we are both learning to dress together.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@jewels1215 That is wonderful Jewels such a great relationship , you are both very lucky to have each other. I think my SO is a little shy when it comes to being a bit sexy and has trouble with it as well. I hope in the future we can play together and learn from each other as you have  . its just about having bit of fun after all. thank you!! so nice to hear from a women's perspective . so very kind of you to chime in. have a great day RC

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(@jewels1215)
Joined: 1 year ago

Active Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 4

@river don’t be afraid to pick her out a nice outfit that you would find attractive and sexy! I really love when that happens for me. Don’t forget the accessories

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@river Sounds so familiar, Who would have known that I try and dress up more often than my wife.  She is supportive of my dressing but with that said she doesnt understand why the sexy or nice clothes.  She would rather be in jeans and a t shirt. I am ok with that but it means dressing together is out.  I find it funny that I enjoy wearing and seeing some one in a dress much more than she ever

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

Posted by: @river

does anyone here have an SO that regularly wears the sexy attire that many of us are obsessed with?

do you still feel you need to dress as often?

To be honest, I don't know if my wife really knows how to dress sexily. She finds and wears nice clothes, but I wouldn't call them sexy. Nice casual? Probably. Sexy? No.

I don't understand your second question. I have only been able to dress occasionally, whether at home or outside. I always try to do my thing when I go out, so the rate has hasn't really changed. It has always depended on circumstances.

 

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@harriette Is the rate you have the opportunity to to dress enough for you?  Its definitely changed over the years for me I have been fine without dressing for years at a time but lately I think I need few days a week  to keep me at even keel. whats changed ?   If i could draw a graph over the years of when I had overwhelming desire to be River on the outside vs. when I have been content as just looking like a guy and crossed that with how much exposure to pretty and sexy things and the level of exposure.  I wonder if there would be a pattern.  unfortunately that data can not be collected but would be very interesting to me.   I may be going thru a transitional period right now I feel.like im on an emotional roller-coaster and trying to bring that closer to a peaceful drive in the country sort of speak.  Thank you for your insight and thoughts on this I greatly appreciate all the time the girls here take to support one another.  Have a great day RC.. 

 
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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

@river I will take whatever time that I can get, to dress. Right now I am out with my wife and she hasn't complained yet, so I will take that as a win.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@harriette That is wonderful have a great time.. RC

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@river For the 35 years I was married, my wife always needed help buying or selecting clothes.  I'm trying to remember if she ever bought anything that made her look attractive.  I can remember a few times when she went shopping on her own, and IMO she just didn't have an eye for wardrobe.  One time, she wanted bluejeans.  Came out of the changing room in a pair that was all baggy in the seat, and she couldn't understand why I suggested she keep looking.  

As for me, I always thought I could work successfully in a woman's department store.  So I usually bought her clothes and lingerie for her.  And she was happy with that, and she accepted that she indeed looked nice to everyone.

It is too bad women no longer wear stockings or even pantyhose.  You know, just because one is female, doesn't mean one's feet don't stick up the shoes.  As I work and lounge around the house this morning, it is easy for me to slip on an attractive bra and top, with a good pair of leggings and slippers.

In answer to your question, my passion to dress was much less when there was a woman around the house that looked sexy and alluring.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@gina2923 Thank you Gina you nailed it. Im trying to learn what I can do to ease the growing desire until I have River time by understanding the drive.  I told my wife when I dont get access to breasts for a while I feel like a perv as I cant keep my eyes off them but after I have my own for a few days well then Im good for a while.  Im sure there are many factors why we dress and im also sure many different reasons.  but just like anything else Is there a common denominator that we all love pretty and or sexy things and weather we do or don't have regular access to them does that directly correlate to our general daily happiness.  I know im happier during and after being river for a few days. and after 3 days in a row I can take it or leave it but then after a few days of no access to all those beautiful and sexy things It starts all over.  seems like a cycle  since I cant dress all the time Im trying to find reasonable ways to remain constant vs this up and down roller-coaster.  thanks again.  Cheers RC

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 600

@river Well, your wife might love to doll up daily but someone has to do the laundry, the cleaning, the dusting, the cooking, the dishes, dress the kids, get them ready for school, wait for the bus, pick up the kids, take them to sports events, music lessons, so. Regrettably, the energy at the end of the day is pretty much shot with nothing left for herself. Did I mention the the doctors appointments? I’m betting by the time she kisses the kids goodnight, she’s not exactly feeling super sexy for your pleasure.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@jillleanne My wife is retired.  we have only furry children I do the cooking and work all day. but she keeps up with the laundry Laugh Loud .  Cheers RC

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 600

@river good for you, lol

 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@river I have so many of the same feelings. How did this get so strong now that I’ve crossed 50? When I was young, I thought it might fade. Back then opportunities were limited, now they are plentiful as I work from home, and the urges are stronger.

My wife dresses professionally for work and casually at home. I can understand a little of their weariness with applying and removing makeup daily, doing hair, daily etc. I have found that after a few days in a row a little fatigue creeps in and I take a day or two off.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@chanel Thank you were on the same page. I beleive some here feel im reacting negatively towards my SO but that's not the case Im just trying to figure out exactly what you said. thanks again. RC

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@river I think your analysis is very interesting. I share so much of the same feelings. I guess I understand that for women, they grow tired of the things that we think are interesting and exciting. But I share your curiosity as to why we feel this way, what is driving it, and why it gets stronger sometimes…and why it fades a little sometimes.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@river Also, I noticed you Never react negatively! You are a positive force here in CDH!!

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@chanel Thank You. I Only hope to reciprocate all the support I have received from people like yourself. Heart  RC

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(@geniv_cd)
Joined: 8 years ago

Reputable Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Posts: 260

River, I am an older CD who had a wife that was very much a non-supporter of my desire to dress in a feminine manner. I have dressed when opportunity presented itself since age 8. I think it is true that being around well dressed women makes it a bit easier in one way, more difficult in another. I truly enjoyed seeing the ladies in feminine dress, it seemed to still my desires but only for a short time. Seeing the beautiful outfits, the jewelry and the cute shoes this became for me a shopping list of feminine items I wanted to buy. I was widowed by cancer, and shortly afterwards retired. Becoming single again allowed me to seek out all that I had been looking to buy for so long and Genivieve went on a huge shopping binge. Soon I had a nice wardrobe, shoes, bling, skin care, and makeup. All that a girl needs, I did realize how expensive being a girl is, but enjoyed each purchase and expenditure. I went out regularly, day and night in that period of time, not once did I have a negative experience when out presenting as a woman. I even dated a few times and loved the experience. So did seeing women dressed in a sexy and feminine manner increase my desire? I don’t know if I can answer that question. I will say that what I observed in those lovely ladies, helped me to become more of a convincing woman when I finally was able to be out an about presenting as one. These days I no longer dress feminine and my desire  to do so has diminished. The ravages of old injuries along with my advancing age have combined to make dressing for me no longer attractive. Nerve damage from a back injury has made it impossible for me to wear heels and my appearance when fully made up is no longer appealing to me. So for now and into what future I have left, I am an interested observer only no longer a participant. I do have memories, most of them quite pleasant and fulfilling. This reply became much longer than I intended but I hope it is of enough interest to be read. 
Genivieve 

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@geniv_cd Genevieve Thank you for your reply Im so very sorry for your loss Cancer is the worst . Its very appreciated to get advice  from someone that sounds like has been through it all and out the other side. I greatly appreciate you talking the time to respond though its a sadish story it sounds like also filled with good memories and that your still here sharing your stories is a testament for the good person you are.  I understand where you are coming from There will be a time when I hate what I see in the mirror and im afraid I will lose alot of the desire I sincerely hope not I know for many that not what its about.  but its important to me to look nice as well.  Please take care of yourself and thank you again for your comments have a great day RC

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Lady
(@gil)
Joined: 9 years ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 59

@river With a woman or without that desire does not change. Though now being with someone who is accepting does allow me much more freedom which is nice. She does prefer me to wear the dresses, heels, and hose. That works just fine for me. A woman who does not enjoy being in a dress shouldn't decide whether a male should enjoy the girly things in life.

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Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@river I thank you are exactly right.  My wife, until forced to buy a dress for a wedding, owns no dresses, skirts , heels, and bling.  .  When we were young, she dressed differently  and I had less desire to dress.  I may discuss this with my therapist now that you brought it up.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@missylinda Thank you for sharing.  Im glad this may have a positive outcome. as the intent. was  to spark thought in the never ending quest to understand ourselves , and analyzing trends is just another piece of data in that gigantic puzzle.  Its so amazing to have the ability to get so much valuable feedback. for a data cruncher like myself its incredible.  Have a Great Day. RC

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Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@river  I honestly wonder if she is hostile to any attempt by me to have her be more stylish because I’ve come out.  She is tolerant, but certainly not enthusiastic.  Perhaps it’s push back, I’m  really not sure.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@missylinda Maybe She is jealous.. 😉 RC

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Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@river I certainly hope she doesn’t feel that way.  As a rival, she wants her man around, Lorraine is tolerated part time.  She quietly thinks I’m funny looking , and weird to want to do what I do.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@missylinda Something very pertinent you said. she wants her man around!!  This is very key to my issues I feel that in myself very strongly. I have my river time but Around my wife I want to be her man. its so hard to navigate. Cheers RC

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(@christineth)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Posts: 747

@river River, I love it when my wife dresses up, it inspires me to dress up too.  I now dress at home all the time and I find that, like ‘real girls, often I dress very casually, jean skirt, loose top and flats or girly gym shoes.  Being casual, makes the glamming up times so much more exciting, especially when dressing with my wife. 

I don’t think you dress up to ‘compensate’ for your wife’s casual dressing, I think she is just being a normal lady with her style and you are being a normal lady with your style….and I think that is great.

Hugs

Christine

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Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I think I understand what you are trying to say. Honestly, I doubt it has anything to do with your wife or SO. With or without a partner, your desire would still be there. Unless you are be forced or coerced, the desire is yours. You are what you are. Enjoy it. Be you.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@2bmadeline Thank you . yes I agree the desire is always there but its definitely stronger at times than others and im always thinking about those sexy outfits.  i just wonder if whats always on my mind , was always front and center ,and on display.  would i always feel the same. maybe so!!.. its just not an experiment ive been able to conduct as it requires active participation from a potentially unwilling party lol..

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@2bmadeline I agree with you, Madeline. The desire is ours and while our partner dressed up could potentially decrease the impulse as @river ponders, it doesn’t make this side of us disappear. That is important to remember.

@river We may prefer our partner to dress a certain way or idealize certain attire and wonder if why we dress up is related, but I think it is important to consider that this side of us is real and wants out. This side of us does not exist because of a SO and instead likely predates them. For me, I first crossdressed before I was ever in a relationship.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@allyc I absolutely dressed before I was in a relationship.  but when I was in very sensual relationship I desired it less.  maybe just because I was preoccupied and young and horney i don't know.  Just more data points for me to consider. I Definitely would prefer my SO to be more sensual as she used to. And I would love to dress together and have fun with it. but she does  not have the same desire I have to be sensual. Isnt that odd though.   My wife does not often care to be sexy as much as she used to  but I personally want it more.  such an odd thing to say but thats our personal reality.  Its of no matter she is my world. But the only way I can be a better person for her is to understand myself.   I love rue pauls key phrase If you dont love yourself how the hell are you gonna love anyone else. so perfect.  Im still working on it but definitely making progress thanks to all your help. Cheers RC

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Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 450

@river Thanks for sharing, girl! It is all about figuring ourselves out and that is wonderful you want to better yourself for her. It is so enduring and reminds me to do the same!

I began to embrace my feminine side once I was in a serious relationship and certainly wondered if it was related to my partner. However, I decided awhile back it was likely just my own wants and desires. Skip forward to the present, where I began crossdressing again, and I am confident that it was/is because of my needs to express my inner female side.

Interestingly, I now find myself suggesting far less to my partner what I would like to see them wear.

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Posts: 3855
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

If you ask 10 CD's this question you'll likely get 10 different answers.  It reminds me of another question that comes up often enough - is it just the clothes or is there more to it than that?

I had a GF many years ago that always dressed in sexy outfits.  She sometimes encouraged me to wear her clothes around the house....not that I needed any.  The urge to dress was constant and I grew to envy her.  She could wear sexy outfits whenever and wherever she wanted.  I so wanted to be her.  Behind closed doors my imagination could run free.  And that's when I imagined I was her.  A pretty good sign it was more than the clothes.

Years later I was living part-time.  Being myself became more important than the clothes I wore.  Jeans and a t-shirt felt as affirming as a bodycon dress.  For that matter, wearing nothing at all was just as affirming.  A pretty good sign I was trans.

Don't get me wrong.  I love wearing sexy clothes.  I just don't do it often.  They're not practical for my everyday life.  Treating myself on special occasions takes on new meaning.  Instead of an affirmation, it's a proclamation of who I am.

/EA

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Posts: 450
Guest
(@Anonymous 76954)
Reputable Member
Joined: 3 years ago

I think I might understand where you are coming from. 

The first decade of our marriage my wife practically lived in mini-skirts, heels, & pantyhose, as well as loads of makeup.  At the same time, I had a steady urge to crossdress. 

As the years rolled on, she became more conservative, as far as dressing goes.  Whereas, I remained fairly steady in my need to crossdress. 

These days my wife dresses up in heels, pantyhose, and makeup only on Sundays and when we go out with friends.  Sometimes we go out together, and I may be the girl that is more effeminately dressed.  The point is that my urge to dress is very independent from when and how she dresses. 

I am trying to recall, but somebody here on CDH once wrote about how we cannot live our CD life through our wife or GF.  We have to live it through ourselves.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@catgurl Agreed I don't think it would make me any less of a CD i honestly love it  but for instance to take a step further If you were born a woman would you still have that intemse desire. as you said your wife only dresses on weekends.  mine rarely does and does not even own heels or ever use makeup . If i had more exposure . would that desire  be less intensive.  as I personally only get to dress occasionally I think about it all the time. except its not as strong after I have been River for a few days in a row Im good for a few days after until it starts to build again. those that live as a  woman are constantaly draining the lake sort to say. Im absolutely not putting this on my SO just wondering if I regularly had that exposure would the desire be reduced.  otherwise im just closing the flood gates until the lake overflows.  And its definitely a lake because its River fed lol.. some guys are addicted to porn some strip joints and many other additions related Im a Cross Dresser.  but I  wonder if they did not have access to any of that would the CDH have a much greater member list ? I accept River Im just trying to understand her occasional irrational behavior lol.

. with all of your wonderful help of course. Heart  RC

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Posts: 109
Lady
(@carla66)
Estimable Member     Barcelona , Barcelona, Spain
Joined: 1 year ago

I have the same doubt, my wife is not very flirtatious. And I would love to dress sexy, put on makeup, paint my nails, put on decorations. But I've never done it, it's exciting in my thinking. Maybe if one day I have the opportunity, the effort won't be worth it. I would also like her to be like that, but with my life as a man I am very rough. Only by doing so will we discover how strong the desire is. Kisses Carla

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@carla66 Thank you Carla.  yes for me once I started I wanted more and more . i got bored with just stuffing one of my wifes discarded bras..  As that made me feel so good I wanted more.  Now im at the point that there is nothing else I can add exept maybe perfume.   but my wife claims to have allergies to perfume.  weather that a real thing or not I dont want it lingering in the house so that will never happen.  but after a few days I honestly dont feel like taking the time to get all dolled up again sometimes force myself and always glad I did . I hope you get the opportunities to explore this all further in the perfect environment.  its definitely amazing but also scary sometimes.  Have a great day RC

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Posts: 2108
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

River -

Interesting question. 

After reading the replies I would have to say that for me it is within me to express my femininity. I want to look and feel feminine when I dress, so wearing dresses, skirt/blouse combinations are what I enjoy. I do on occasion wear leggings, jeans or dress slacks but other than the leggings I can wear those in male mode. When I am unable to dress I like having my toes painted in color, fingers done in clear, having my ears pierced and wearing earrings all the time. Like you my wife is more of a jeans and T-shirt type of gal. She does dress up for special occasions. I've always admired, and been jealous, of the way women can dress. It makes me feel good when I am able to dress in a sexy way and feel pretty. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@cdsue Thank you Suzanne I can definitely concur I am always jealous when I see a woman in pretty and sexy things.  which is part of the confusion. I feel like If I had my wifes beautiful body I would want to be pretty and sexy often.  rather then the sweatshirts and sweat pants all the time.  Cheers RC

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Posts: 431
Duchess
(@aliceblack)
Honorable Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

River,

First of all, like your picture. You look very attractive. LIke your fem name too. The singing river. As for your subject, my wife wears drab and boring clothes - rarely dresses up - does not wear heels and does not wear makeup. I have all kinds of fem outfits - elegant, sexy and even have bought a few every day dresses. I have mastered walking in heels with practice and got complimented by my wife. Do need to get better at putting on makeup. Have not done much.  I wish my wife would would be more ladylike - but at age 68 that is not going to happen. As Belichick used to say, it is what it is

.

Alice Black

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3 Replies
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@aliceblack  thats Belichicks way of saying without Brady there is nothing I can do..  lol    Thank you for the compliment it takes alot of time and just the perfect light and camera angle to get a picture Im happy with I take 100s and save very little. Which may be insightful on what my wife feels  as she gets older . when she sees pictures of herself like myself she is generally unhappy with them. and when she sees a woman with alot of makeup She generally comments poorly without realizing she is just trying to capture that beautiful feeling.  i think as its always a struggle for us to look pretty whereas for women its either easy or used to be at one time we are alot more tolerant of our look. just being able to dress sexy for us is amazing for them if they are not happy with what they see in the mirror then there is no reason to do it . I dont know just a ponder.  ones daily self image vs the image one wants to see maybe more depressing than anything else  again dont know just throwing thoughts out there.  Thanks again Cheers RC

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Duchess
(@aliceblack)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 431

@river Like your analysis. Think you may be on to something. Because women can not reach the beautiful look they had in past, they just give up and do not try anything to make themselves look nice.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@aliceblack Thank you . yes it seems as such and I just trying to correlate that to my increased drive. and what I have seen here reading thru so many others stories. I research for a living and I saw a pattern that I just needed more data on 😉 Thanks again Cheers RC

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Posts: 3436
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

A man will look a nicely dressed woman with the urges a man has, unfortunately we have the hormones that drive that instinct. However take that instinct away and look at her from your perspective as a crossdresser then you are in the realms of envy as that is how you want to look and want to wear emulating her, in effect you want to be her but in reality be yourself, two separate things. Your wife is living the life you would want but not actually trade places. She is the reason your crossdressing desires are fermented and perhaps any other woman that has your style but don't do that in front of a unknowing wife or that could end up with a slap to the face.....

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@ab123 Thank you this is very on point.  part of my personal obsession im sure is because I have/had those hormones .. even in my older years That has been driven into my personality even as My male hormone level is decreasing.  Its there permanently.   those movies where couples body swap and in a short time supposedly completely understand each other I don't think in reality its that cut and dry. but would still love the experience OMG..  one of my best friends is BI and lived with a Tgirl  and said to me many of the grils that were or have transitioned at an early age regretted it as alot of the thrill that drove them was not there anymore.  Im just sayin possibly here..  but possibly by removing those hormones early before its engraved in our self can have adverse consequences that may not have been expected.  Im am very sure this is not always the case. but some that transition later in life are completely at peace with oneself. Its that constant strive for inner peace that fuels my curiosity and I so appreciate all of your insights.  I honestly wish I joined the CDH a long time ago.  Thanks again Cheers RC

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Posts: 875
(@ladymakenzie)
Noble Member     Brighton, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I definitely do not.  My wife will regularly comment that I am more of a girly girl when it comes to wearing dresses or skirts.  And she will be the first to admit that I have more dresses and skirts that she does, several times over.  I do not believe, however, that my wife's lack of a preference for dresses and skirts has any bearing on my preference to wearing feminine attire, or the growing feelings to do so.  I will say that my wife's love and support in exploring and embracing these feelings is an important component.

MacKenzie Alexandra

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I do not like sexy outerwear but do love sexy or pretty lingerie. I started by buying all my various GF nice lingerie. The female body is so beautiful, and the right lingerie just accents those lovely features. 

While my wife has a ton of nice lingerie and does wear it at times, mostly she just wears boring, functional stuff. I do think my desire to wear lingerie started from her wearing the boring stuff and me wishing to see the nice things. If she wasn't going to wear it, I will. The more I wore it, the more I liked it and that slowly, but eventually led me to dress fully en femme.

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@jjandme Thank you JJ yes we have very similar experience.  I have bought her some very classy but sexy underwear and sleep wear not sacrificing comfort for fashion.  as i could have gone way further towards the other spectrum but she never wears them as she preferred the plain . That is Ok she is who she is and I love her for that. need to make this clear as I feel some think im complaining about her. but as I was looking at sexy things on Amazon I started to look at things more in my size and eventually pulled the trigger. I have to say it seems there is a pattern here though as no one has replied yet my wife drsses sexy all the time 🙂  Cheers RC

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Posts: 31
Significant Other
(@ambersqueen)
Trusted Member     Queensland, Australia
Joined: 11 months ago

As an SO of a CD, I am finding since becoming open with the CD, I am dressing more sexy and fancy...lol

I am not good with the girl things of makeup, but we are learning together. 

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Posts: 485
(@justnikki)
Prominent Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Haven't responded until now because I'm hesitant to share too many details about my spouse out of respect for her privacy, but she'll understand. My wife is comfortable with her own style of sexy. She always dresses with intention and she definitely has a curated look, but it's not the stereotypical feminine presentation. I suspect some of that is a product of being raised by lesbian social workers who eschewed traditional mores of feminine beauty. She likes my classic, overtly feminine style and while our styles are very different, it's still something we can share. When we go out, she's always saying "I need to up my game if Nikki's coming" but I think it's mostly in fun.

After a long journey through shame and denial to finally acceptance and joy, I know that it's never been about the clothes, love them though I do. I don't need to dress to feel authentic, and indeed my wife can see Nikki regardless of what I'm wearing. The clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. are just a vehicle to explore the extents of my femininity in a fun and joyful way, but they aren't what defines me. I'm me whether I'm wearing any clothes or not!

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@justnikki " I Need To up my game if Nikki is coming " love that !!  and must make you feel ausome to hear.  sounds like you have a wonderful relationship.  thanks for sharing and making me smile today. RC

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Posts: 198
 Lacy
Duchess
(@rholtman96)
Reputable Member     Lincoln city, Oregon, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

My wife is 8yrs older than me and while we were raising 2 teenage boys I had no desire to dress, but now that they have moved 7hrs away from us I find my desire to dress getting stronger and stronger, to the point that I do it almost everyday now. My wife on the other hand has gotten more concerned about what other people think, so I have to be more discreet and secretive than I would like to be. When she was younger she was more adventurous than I was and would dress very sexy for me without my prompting and encouraged me to explore myself more than I was comfortable with. I have truly been blessed with her loving me for being me, no matter what I'm wearing.

Lacy

 

 

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2 Replies
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@rholtman96 Lacy that's beautiful.Thank you for sharing.  Its so hard for me to understand the on and offs and the older I get the obvious changes in the needs and desires .  Im fortunate as you are to have a SO that is right by my side. I went through a spell the past few years of constant need to dress. lately its been kinda meh.. but there are definitely triggers. Have a wonderful Day. RC

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 Lacy
Duchess
(@rholtman96)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Lincoln city, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 198

@river I don't know why the desire disappeared for those years but they came back and I'm grateful because I love being Lacy for awhile almost everyday, right now I'm missing her while we have family visiting. I am truly blessed to have an SO who is by my side in this and every adventure that we go through. Have a great day.

Lacy

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Posts: 277
Lady
(@arrevolution)
Reputable Member     Bradenton, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Your beautiful River. I'm happy for you. Sometimes during our life we go through a transformation. You make a beautiful woman so keep dressing up girlfriend.

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@arrevolution Thank You so much. RC

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Posts: 60
Lady
(@dannydior301)
Estimable Member     Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 9 months ago

Wow, how similar some of our journeys are!  I am so very thankful that my wife is supportive of me. It makes life so much easier. She however, as gorgeous as she is, is not a “sexy” dresser at all.  This girl doesn’t own one pair of high heels and never will. I have purchased her some before and she ends up throwing them in the donation bin. I hint to her how fun it would be to have a “glam night” once in a while. She’s just not into it. I tell her I will pay for mani/pedis for her…not into it. I have often wondered the same thing, “does my desire for these girly things increase because I don’t experience them from my wife?”

Certainly, as others have said, not blaming or shaming her in any way. She is a beauty that is so far out of my league and she loves and accepts me. I am so jealous of how she COULD dress if she wanted to. I often tell her that I would love to look like her…oh the things I could do!

When my wife catches me looking at another woman, she knows that I am admiring her dress, heels, makeup and manicure…not lusting over her.  

The joy and happiness dressing brings me is something special. It’s a great escape from who I am 99% of the time. I can become somebody else. Maybe it’s not that way for my wife. It could certainly be a good time!

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1 Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@dannydior301 Spot on.. Girls when they were young loved to play dressup and pretend.  we all had great imagination. some girls pretended to be princesses or boys cowboys and Indians or a fireman or policewoman..  Its so hard to keep that childhood imagination over time. But due to my love of CD I still do. I want to pretend , play , dream , dress up and be someone else for a spell. Im always daydreaming of scenarios where I get to be a girl for a while.  If I did not have that then would I have any imagination left? i dunno. I wonder sometimes what my wife dreams or fantasizes about. maybe nothing.  I don't think she wants to be a princess anymore.  but im glad that I do Happy Woman Face Thank you for sharing. RC

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