Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Would love to hear other girls thoughts on this. If you could make “her” go away would you? If you could take a pill and then never have the urge to crossdress again would you?
I would not. She and I are so intertwined at my stage of life that I would no want her to go. I enjoy it when she comes over me and makes me dress. Even with all the problems being a CD causes I would miss her terribly. The feeling that comes over me when I dress is one of my favorite things in life. She and I are one forever.
Hi Caroline
I'm transfeminine.
'Ellie' isn't a pseudonym that I employ on the site to ensure anonymity.
Ellie is who I am, who I've always been and who I always will be.
If 'she' went away, that would erase every part of me.
I'm aware that my life would have progressed very differently if I'd actually been born a girl, but then I wouldn't be the person that I am now.
And you know what? I love me, and I'm very happy to be like this.
My message to anyone reading this reply, whether you're an occasional crossdresser, trans, bi- cis- or any of the infinity of shades in between, is as follows:
Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. You're beautiful. If people can't see that, then it's their problem, not yours.
Ellie x
I'm trans. I should've been born a girl.
Instead, I denied who I was for years. And I was miserable much of that time.
Now I've finally learned to love myself. I've never been happier. I wouldn't change a thing.
That pill would erase my identity. Elizabeth would cease to exist. No way I'd take it.
#transisbeautiful #girlslikeus
/LK
@carolinej I can't make her go away. She is who I am. I want all traces of him to go away.
@carolinej I tried to make her go away once, but she just waited me out. Mia can be very persistent!
So glad she waited for me to come around. I love how she makes me feel.
@carolinej . You asked, Would I take a pill to make 'her' go away? Well, I suppose if all my memories of being transgendered, all my tg writings, and my online tg memberships and history, all my private items of clothing, and all my shared info with several others irl would also go away magically without me even knowing it, etc., I'd have to...think about it.
But since not one iota of any of the above is even remotely possible, then...no. My only possible regret would be not having the courage, (nor the knowledge, nor the support of others) of making the decision to follow through on GRS way back before I accepted that I was committing to a life in my current male body while harboring these innate desires. Such is life. woulda coulda shoulda. Or as Popeye would say, 'I y'am what I y'am'...and that's no small potatoes.
ChloeC
I was asked this question in an interview for NPR'S Story Corp circa 2001, a year or so after I discovered Rhonda. My answer was that I would take the pill only if necessary because it would be required of me by my wife. Subsequently my wife appeared accepting of Rhonda as long as she never had to see me from neck up or go out in public with me. But ultimately she made an about face and walked out on me and the marriage. She returned a year later after accepting the fact I could accede to her rules but could never change my desires. While accepting this for a time, she again walked out and we divorced. I'd answer the same way now as I did then. If I could have saved the marriage I would have done so. But we live in a real world, not a hypothetical one. In the real world no pill of which I am aware could change who I am. Maybe I could be sedated or tranquilized so as to be unaware of who I am, but that wouldn't have saved the marriage. I accept who I am. Unfortunately some I love do not.
As to the question about taking a pill to be a woman... yes in a heartbeat, but only if I had the ability to return at some point to reclaim my male identity as I accept that part of me also. I was made as a package with male and female components. I accept all of it and can't give up one part for the other. I LOVE expressing and exploring my female side and might choose that side of I had to be entirely one or the other. I'd perhaps consider doing that now if it were possible just by taking a pill. But there are ...or at least were...other higher priorities.
@carolinej Good question I have asked myself this many times. but always the next day after a night of debauchery lol. but last night I really needed to get out of my skin and let River out . as my stress level was thru the roof. and by midnight I was clear headed and today I was so much better. Which reminds me that I need this . I feel fortunate River is part of me If i had a wish in this area it would be that CD/TG was just accepted as norm everywhere in the world that no one would ever have to feel like its something they want gone. 
Cheers RC
I definately wouldn't want Lizzie to 'go away' as like yourself when I dress it has become one of my favourite things in life. Did go through a phase where I was unsure of my feminine side so to speak but now I am gradually growing to accept that it is a part of who I am and I like it.
No way would I want my alter-ego to leave me, I've spent far too much money and re-arranged my wardrobes too much to change things back now. At some point, I might (or might not) put Becca in a cupboard—like I have with my saxophone, my electric guitars and my very expensive camera equipment—but like all those other things, once here, she stays here, and for now, she is my Number 1 Hobby.
Becca
YES
No. I spent nearly 25 years hiding Anna from male me and I felt bad about doing so. I just couldn't put her away again.
if 'she' went away she'd come back, no pill would be strong enough. I was and always will be the feminine person. Had I been born a girl I would never have known how lucky and privileged I am.
I vowed in 2005 that I would never dress again after 30 odd years of wanting to wear women’s underwear and clothes again after a very bitter and nasty breakdown of my marriage.
I fought this urge and desire for nearly 8 years before one day I found myself in a stores lingerie department buying some underwear, that was it I couldn’t go back and I took a big gamble on telling my new wife, after a long talk she accepted that this part of me was a part of my life. After that, when I was dressed I was known as Samantha and she has grown over the years. I think wanting to dress is nothing that you can turn off and even if there was a pill there would be no way that I would ever consider taking it even after the heartbreak that I have experienced.
Though for a very larger part of my life I was somewhat ashamed of my feminine persona I never really wanted it go away forever.
Now Amy is much part of my life even though I'm not full time as my wife in particular would never accept me full time though she's otherwise very accepting. I would lose so much of myself if "She" was to disappear forever! I think about dressing, look at ads for women's clothes of all kinds a great deal.
I also think about what "regular guys" are missing and bet more would take this plunge is there wasn't still the stigma associated with males dressing as females.
Fortunately here in Canada there is quite a high acceptance in most areas for people with an alternate lifestyle.
A good friend of mine is nearly 90 and though she is having some mobility issues in recent years, she gets her girl on and attends events here.
Bottom line, Amy is here to stay!
Definitely would never hang the dress or heels up I wish they had a pill that turned you into a women for a day that be even more fun indeed lol
@erinb What if there was a pill that would turn you female and if you did not take the antipill within 24 hours that you would stay female and be a heterosexual female for the rest of your life?
@carolinej guess after a day living as a female I would have to make that decision if I wanted to transfer back I enjoy both life’s as I live today
@carolinej Give me two extremely large bottles of both of these pills to go back and forth!
I consider being a trans woman to be a gift, one that has allowed the real me to emerge and blossom. She is never going away nor do I want her to. I am Fiona, she is me.
Hi Caroline,
Definitely not Roz is part of me and i always feel calmer when she shows up, I'm always buying her clothes, maybe one day she might go out and buy her own, here's hoping it might be nice to go shopping Enn Femme, I've just seen a pair of boots in a thrift shop i might go and buy them tomorrow, you can never have enough boots and shoes.
Hugs Roz X 
I bought the boots, they are tan leather ones which should match the tan leather skirt I've got, I just need to lose a couple of inches off my waist and it should fit X
Hugs Roz
Yes, I'd take the pil, but only if my mental health was strong, and I could be the person I used to be back in my 20s. Back then I was confident, strong, and could take on the world. Now, I'm a shadow of the person that I used to be. Cerys brings that person out somewhat. So, if I could return to being how I was, I'd be rid of Cerys in an instant. Cerys has caused no end of problems over the years, serious problems. Things are great now, but even now, my crossdressing still occasionally causes issues. I love Cerys as she gives me confidence. She lifts me. If I didn't need the boost that Cerys gives me, I wouldn't need Cerys.
Cerys
I have to agree with Fiona @d44. Likewise, I am Fiona, she is me. Now transitioned to live en femme, I've been happier than I've ever known before, and it's all felt completely right at every stage. The strange thing is, I had no idea she was the real me. But no way would I ever go back now. Gel nails and ear studs aside, I've got to spend the first day in drab in over a month next weekend, and this time I'm really not looking forward to the prospect.
Catherine Louise Ryan has been a vital part of my life for over 40 years and she's staying that way til the day I fall off this mortal coil.
Like most of us I've had "ups and downs" in my life, when I hit the "downs" Caty is there to assist and comfort me.
In the words of one of my therapists, Caty takes you to another place". And what lovely place that can be.
Caty
I would take that pill without reservation, coming out to my wife 13 years ago(after then 27 years of marriage) was the biggest mistake i have ever made in my life.
@gisellereeves I am so sorry for you. It is not always the greatest thing. Are you doing ok?
@gisellereeves This makes me sad to read Giselle. Do you feel comfortable enough to share with us in more detail? We may be able to give you some insights. There is some great wisdom on this website.
