I'm just transgender

I don't think I understand exactly what you mean, and I know I haven't any clue what you've gone through. I don't know what the difference, if any, is between trans and CD with regard to any sort of more than our less than. I do cross dress, or at least that's what people would say. I am transgender, non binary, gender fluid. I wear girls clothes much of the time, too one degree or another. Thus far, nobody seems to mind, though some have noticed. I feel sad that you've suffered because of who you are. So very many have and will.

I believe that all the folk here are here to be supportive of each other, and I hope to be supportive of you if I can. Please let us know how we can help.

Bridgette

Hi Rach, I have sooo much admiration for transgender people who have risked and sacrificed everything, in many cases, to enable them to become who they are meant to be! One thing closeted CDs do have is an immense capacity to swallow all the guilt of keeping secrets, hide purchases and correspondence, juggle the finances - in short being a sneak! I can say this because I was one until a few months ago.

Had I been open and honest with my parents and siblings growing up, I might be a well-adjusted, happy, transgender woman today. But I was a coward, and hid my true feelings from everyone. I wished God would just end it so I wouldn't have to keep living a lie, I kept my mask on so tight I forgot to give enough of the rest of me to others, and spent most of my life in a prison of my own making!

Had I been open and honest with my wife, she would not be scared out of her mind now wondering if she'll have a husband or a decent standard of living as we both enter our senior years. Our daughter will face new stresses in trying to look after us both separately, if our marriage doesn't survive. I'll also have to find a more-affirming church if I come fully out.

In some ways, I'm happier and liberated since Brielle can be more visible, but all the other parts of my life feel totally f---ed up right now. So, if I could wave a magic wand and fix it all, I'd be just a transgender woman in a heartbeat! I wish I had had the same bravery you did, GF!

Hugs!

Brielle

Honey, you do you, and you are most welcome here!

I know what it is like to struggle with my feelings, and to find the courage to accept them. I only recently found the courage to do so, and I too regret so much not doing so sooner. I am transgender, and a cross dresser. Neither is less than the other, and there are different levels of expressing those feelings, too.

Those who say "only a CD" and such, aren't using it negatively, they are saying that is the only thing they do, or feel, at least at that time. No one here intends to negate the feelings and experiences of others. The trouble is, English is a rather imprecise language! It's part of why I sometimes end up writing rather long posts, as it can be difficult to truly express certain things without a paragraph, as just a sentence won't get the job done!

Cross dressing, gender, orientation, all of that is really on a scale, and everyone is on a different part of those scales. And this is a safe place for everyone on any of those scales to express themselves, and find encouragement if needed. I certainly have never felt negated here, for that matter, I feel so supported and encouraged by all the sisters here that I was finally able to fully accept myself publicly for the first time!

I replied to your previous post. There have been some very thoughtful and interesting answers .

Your current question poses a conundrum.

Just Transgender? Jealous of C.D.'s running around getting the best of both worlds and being cool. Being Transgendered affords all of that with the ultimate goal of transition to being the physical being, doesn't it?. How do you see being C.D's as more or less than? Some C.D's would really love to have surgery and live as the woman they want to be. Some have lost a lot by coming out as C.D., suffered pain and even mental health issues. This is shared by Trans girls as well, and, sadly yourself. With that the answer to the question, if I got it right, was what if you were just a C.D. would it have been better for you. No one can answer that as,experiences written here are quite varied, so how can it be answered. 

Not one of the girls on this site is any more or less than any other. It was clear to me that this is a haven for all and acceptance is all encompassing. You are among friends.

Your questions a very thought provoking and elicit some interesting replies. Keep those thoughts coming and hopefully the answer will come to you.

Rach at this point in time really don't consider myself a CD more trans woman. And like said in other post once get the bottom surgery done. Be fully in my mind a transwoman but then will match my inner feelings with my outer presentation.  Give all my supports to all the ladies here no matter if they just love to CD or if any others wanting to go forward more.  To me all the ladies here are equals no more no less.

Hugs
Donna

I think it's a question of ID-ing our spot in the progression of the Trans spectrum:
Start at CD, then socially Trans, then HRT, and finally the whole works. For me, it took some time to acknowledge myself as a CD. Later, I realized it went deeper than being "just" a CD, and now, I'm a socially Trans girl, looking into HRT.

I don't believe the "Just" label is intended to be a put-down on anybody.

Bettylou

Thank you, Bettylou!

These things are HARD, aren't they?  All these concepts whirling around, I'd surely struggle without the guidance Ive been blessed to find.  Thank you, hon, for helping me understand.

Just a CD?  Still not sure what that means exactly, and I'm still inclined to suspect it's some sort of put down to the rest of us, but clearly I don't understand, haha.  CD-ing seems among the least destructive ways one can express a gender thing like ours, and everyone Ive met that was like me thought the more destructive stuff was, the more it sucked, the more it messed us up.

I hope nobody says "just a CD" to me.  From my point of view, being "just a CD" seems pretty cool...and if they don't mean it that way, then that means that they must have even less respect for me or Who I Am, since I feel I'm short of being strong enough to CD and jealous of those who can find peace that way.

If they're "just a CD", how big of a turd must I then be?

Guidance from people like you is what I'm looking for here, hon.  Thank you for giving me things to think about.

Hugs