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Being an older CD and now more Trans, it’s been an iteresting thing to experience a variety of compliments and interaction over the years. And how they gave changed.
Early on, I was not always passing, shocking I know, and the comments were often about complimenting bravery of presenting in public, often with a compliment about something I was wearing (earrings, jewelry, makeup). Have a lot female friends, I am familiar with women routinely exchanging compliments with each others attire, hair, jewelry, etc, but I had the notion that was reserved for Cisgender women only, and especially not for a crossdresser, might be perceives as threat to the feminine.
Fast forward 10+ years and my presentation is that of any other casually dressed 70s woman out for coffee or shopping with my spouse or other female friend. Greetings entering stores or restaurants, is usually “Ladies” or sometimes “Girls” or Guys, but in a generic way and no ill intent. Shopping in stores in, I feel I getting the same treatment afforded any other woman who might be shopping there. I know my voice can be a hint to the truth, but it doesn’t seem to matter.
One if the most validating compliments ever, was entering a restaurant alone, to meet a friend, and I was a bit more dressed up than usual, classy casual, full makeup and bright red lipstick. I definitely looked like the older woman, who had been doing her makeup the same way for all her life and. As I approached the door, a younger man 30s? and his wife were a bit behind. As I was about to reach for the door handle, I heard the young woman tell her husband to open and hold the door for that “Lady”. He did as told but apparently not to the satisfaction of his wife. Ironically they wear seated in a booth next to mine and unbeknownst to them, I could hear their conversation clearly. Nothing was said to hint that I was seen as anything other than an older woman, but the husband was getting a full lecture on respect and treatment of women, especially older women. My CD friend and I enjoyed great entertainment at his expense, and it was very uplifting and validating.
It has been especially interesting to experience how women work to uplift other women, regardless of their biological characteristics.
Carla
Hi Carla, I am almost always out with my wife. On the frequent occasions when we interact with other women it is always pretty obvious that I am male but that has never been an issue. But I have found that some of the women we converse with do treat me in ways they (I believe) would normally only do with other women - for example closer proximity and touching during chatting. I have also found there are fairly frequent times when we get greeted as 'ladies' when we go into shops where we are not generally known.
Rebecca xxx
Hi Carla. What you describe has been my experience too. Women in general seem to be more outwardly tolerant and some down right friendly to us. But I have noticed that while women are generally tolerant, there are exceptions to the rule if the one presenting male to female happens to be a spouse or SO. Then what I’ve noticed is a cycle where the spouse or SO is very tolerant for a period followed by a much less tolerant phase. Some couples never go through this, but many do. Some marriages break up over it, while others can compromise and set boundaries when they realize that it’s not going away ever. Sorry, I may have gotten off subject here too.
It is always nice to receive a compliment or action that confirms that you are seen as a woman. Having been full time for a good few years now there have been many and when with my cis girlfriends the compliments are sincere and uplifting as if something wasn't right they would say so. In general you are right that women do band together to uplift each other. On the other side mixing with women also allows you to understand the way they talk and jon in. Sometimes the conversation can be quite 'enlightening' and not for a mans ear!
Hi Carla I get out and about quite a bit and interact with genetic women frequently, mainly in social situations, and shopping. I now have made many female friends, which is especially nice when out of town and have free time by myself. There age runs from quite a bit younger to older than myself. It is not unusual for me to venture out alone to a bar or restaurant and be asked by other gg ladies if i am alone and to join them. There are always compliments on attire, style, and usually a nice hug.
In my experience, we have many allies in the genetic girl world.. so nice!
Emily
I have had many compliments from adies, usually just a brief, I love your hair, or dress or nails, sometimes like at a VS in Lottle Rock, AR, I get something to the effect of Hello gorgeous.
May take is it is mostly them validating my en femme presentation without having to come out and awknowledge I am crossdressed...and I am fine with that. I think I am passing at a glance or at a distance, but not up close. I was recently out hiking en femme, so causal in a skirt, forms, wig, lipstick, etc, but not fully glam, just what you would expect of a hiker. I got a lot of peasent hellos or how are yous, but no conversations. I then went to a local shopping center and was perusing the shops and pretty much got the same reactions. That was until a lady and I were approching the clear glass doors to ta store at the same time. I was a half step ahead, so I held the door for her as I would any lady, or others as well. I just like being polite to others. She said, "thank you sir", which caught me slightly aback. She had the slight hesitation in her voice as she said it. After all, I was dressed fully en femme, and even if I were an obviois CD, would have thought she would have used a feminine pronoun out of respect. In true, the like hiccup in her response was likely her trying to figure out the curteous response, but her brain just went with the obviois, a guy in skirt was holding open the door so she jist thanked me as such. I did not take it person, and did not consider it an insult, but more of an anti-compliament.
Jennifer,
I think your comment is right is necessary part of the conversation. I have one of them more fortunate to have been able to be open with both of my wives, even before marriage.
Tolerance then acceptance was the way it was in my first marriage, and until the acceptance phase, it was truly and on again/off again experience. During the acceptance phase, she fully embraced and supported my dressing, but we had differing passions about career goals and where we wanted to live, and our breakup was ammicable, and we are still friends.
When current wife and I met, I was involved in LGBTQ activism, and she had a chance to learn of my interests,moutside of a relationship. We were close acquaintances for over two years, before dating seriously, so there was little to hide. We had multiple common interests and complimentary needs so it was just a good fit. I was able to be open in ways that I had not fully experienced and naturally gravitated more and more to a feminine expression. What was really telling, was rather than laugh about my wardrobe and fashion choices, unlike my previous marriage where my wife didn’t care, my wife would offer gentle suggestions about why I should choose a particular top to go with a skirt or slacks. I had always loved shopping for bargain fashions and had an extensive wardrobe of Ill-fitting and outdated item. She taught me to shop for timeless fashions so that I could always be a well put together girl. As I have aged out of the workforce and into retirement, no longer have to worry about job-loss, I am more in the Trans spectrum, without having any type of confirmation surgeries. Needless to say, my wife has been the most complimentary experience in my life
My many interactions with GG women have shown most to be tolerant and/or accepting of my trans persona. These interactions have been one of the most pleasant things I've experienced living as a trans woman.
I've had a few such interactions as I've gone about shopping, mainly. I've even started one or two of them. I've yet to meet any GG strangers and become friends with them, but it's very early days yet. The whole social aspect of women is something I'm very much looking forward to experiencing 🙂
