Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
introvert is someone who is more comfortable focusing on their own thoughts and ideas than on external stimuli. Yet as a crossdresser we/I use external stimuli clothes and mirrors/pictures, to judge myself.
I have made a observation about myself, and I wonder is this the same for others.
I have let old friendship slip away as I age,(52) years old, and life runs on. I also don't make a effort to make new friendship. I have become a introvert! Is it because my crossdressing?
Today was my day off, I was happy to dress as Jenny and go out and see a movie (ALONE) shop for clothes (ALONE) go home and watch TV (ALONE)!
I would like more friends but I think Jenny stops me, I think I feel I can't have both! Or maybe I really just have become a Introvert!
Anyone else feel this way? Have you noticed the more you dress less time you have or even want to spend time with others?
I feel lonely a lot but I can't give up Dressing. Is this comon among our kind?
Hi Jenny, welcome to the club!
You're asking a lot of the questions I've been asking myself. I'm 52 as well and have let so much of my life pass me by and I know it didn't have to be that way. I too let go of friendships and struggled to make new ones. Even when I knew it someone who perhaps would be sympathetic, I still just couldn't chance it.
I don't know about you, but for me, it was merely self preservation. Say the wrong thing to the wrong person and that's that! So I used to being stealthy.
It began with always leaving gatherings early so I can get home and dressed up and eventually got to where I just never did go out so I can spend every minute I could as Amanda. Nobody I ever knew would have understood or accepted this anyway, so I never really saw them as any great loss.
Anyway for a time, I thought I this was mostly over. But, not so fast. I'm older, not dead! I'm not the most femme looking nor a beauty, but I do think I could make it though a crowd without being made.
I realized, it wasn't dressing making me want to spend less time with others. It was just making me want to spend less time around those I knew would never get it. What I really needed was to get myself around people that do. That's exactly what I'm intending to do too!
Amanda, you’re correct. I recently realized that the people who will understand crossdressing the best are the people who are involved with it. I like to think of it as a hobby. No different than fantasy football for me.
We end up alone alot because we might be rejected because we dress. Mostly alone because I don't know many girls like us locally. Many are closeted and never venture out.
Also it's alot of work to dress and makeup. This adds to the frustration and self doubt. The feeling of not fitting in dressed or drab.
Maybe that's why we are on here.
@jennyw I think most people tend to have a smaller social circle as we get older, it's just a natural progression. It's easy to make friends when we are younger, there are always more people available to match with but as time goes on we all have life to deal with & relationships get pushed to the back of the queue. It's possible to reverse the situation but it will take some effort to get out there & do it. Look out for a LGBTQ club in your area maybe? or join a club for something you have an interest in & go as Jenny. The fact that you are there as Jenny could be a good ice breaker & you never know where it will take you.
I’m with @rebeccabaxter on this one.
Male me is quite an introvert, and finds it hard to participate in things, whereas since Lucy came along, things have definitely changed.
Although I’ve had few opportunities to interact with people as Lucy, I really like to when I get the chance.
Anything to do with my male social media is very quiet, whereas here I just love chatting.
Lucy’s definitely brought me out of my shell, and I love it !
@jennyw I think membership in a socially friendly group -stratight, TG, CD, -any group - means acceptance based on shared common values. Here at CDH, we are all friends (online at least) because we share a significant common value / characteristic. Our challenge is, we don't have a sister next door, or a sister we could meet for coffee on Tuesday mornings, or visit with to share fashion & makeup activities. -- Somebody you could depend on. A clique, essentially, in a good way. Where there is shared affection or respect or regard in the clique.
So, you come over maybe unannounced even, no problem, come in, take off your coat and relax in my living room fully dressed as a woman. And with me - a sister - it's no issue at all. We're friends. And I'm dressed too!
With gay friends I've known, they seem to have developed their networks very well, and their acceptance in society is virtually complete. I've had neighbors and co-workers who were openly gay. No issues at all from society that I ever saw.
I wish I could solve my problem with lack of nearby girlfriends, but in today's world, finding available or affordable housing in CD/TG friendly communities is very difficult.
@jennyw I am definitely introverted, and I have been that way all my life. I let people into my life but as the relationship grew and we got closer, I have generally always pulled away. Looking back, I'm virtually certain that it is a result of the confliction with my gender that I have always experienced. As I get older however, I have changed somewhat which I attribute to the fact that I have accepted who I really am. I guess it's a case of me adopting a take it or leave it attitude toward how people relate to me. My near term goal is to make some friends like myself, but the opportunities haven't presented themselves yet.
@jennyw Hi Jenny I fully understand how feel as I certainly an introvert. My late wife, who accepted my dressing within limits, passed away during COVID at a time when the UK was imposing strict isolation and being alone has to some extent become a habit. I have one brother who lives overseas so I visit him twice a year in male mode and some close friends in the UK I see when I can. They all lead busy lives but I enjoy my time with them. I am also retired.
To be fair I compartmentalise my life as I have no wish to disrupt relationships with family and friends, many of whom were very good to both my late wife and me, and wonderful after she passed away. Many of them in general conversation have indicated a distaste for anything trans and I therefore manage things as best I can. I have made no new friends in male mode since my wife passed away although I as Janet I have both dated and made friends
I am largely closeted although I have just discovered a venue I can transform at and I do invite a very few friends who know me as Janet to my place.
You do however raise a serious issue for largely closeted crossdresser who prefer to be female and indeed for trans people in general who not outgoing and I think you for that.
Janet
@jennyw A lesbian friend of mine who transitioned in some way has posted on her Facebook page that, "Just because I am alone doesn't mean that I am lonely." We bring this upon ourselves, in our own way. For example, I am alone most of my day because I retired when I turned 40. I am now almost 70, so my circle of friends is pretty small, for various reasons.
However, you control how alone your are, not others so much. You are about 1 hour away from Boston. Surely there is some sort of CD community there. Maybe there is a monthly group meeting that you could attend regularly. You could make an adventure out of it and go out dressed, stay overnight, where nobody knows you.
Alone, not lonely.
Hi Jenny,
I hope you've found value in the many responses you've had. At this stage I just want to throw something into the mix.
It's generally accepted that 'introverts' become less so as they age. It's possible this is done with subconscious acceptance of coping mechanisms that have proved fruitful in their lives.
Introversion or extroversion are not binary personality traits - it's a spectrum, where the extremes are just that. These 'either / or' online quizzes are not always helpful. Statistically, most people are 'ambiverts' - yes the term exists - they display aspects of both, and so, for instance there are posters on this thread who acknowledge that they are introverted as male and yet are more extroverted as female.
And loneliness / unhappiness is not a necessary bedfellow of introversion. Even shyness is not exclusive to introversion. So consider whether you are bundling everything into introversion, when it may be you're going through a down period. And if you are, and don't seem to be making headway, maybe chat with your doctor as well as on here for ways forward.
I hope this helps
Emma x
@emmat thank you to all of you ladies! This site really helps people!
Maybe I am just in a rut. Maybe time will tell. 
@jennyw. Well from the survey we did at work I was an extrovert as I’m considered a people person . As I age I like my alone time a lot more but yes I’m guessing this is because I’d rather be home dressed femme. I don’t hate my male side but I do enjoy my feminine side a lot and love dressing in some way shape or form at all times.
@jennyw Jenny, your post makes me think you are a mind reader. You lay out the exact quandary I find myself in.
Thanks for sharing
C💋
@jennyw I was always more comfortable by myself than with other people due to a lack of self-confidence. When in conversation with others I would think about what I wanted to say before I would speak, and the conversation would proceed without me, so I always felt awkward. As I have aged, I still think about my responses, but I will say "I have to think about it." This has worked well for me.
Crossdressing has not made me more introverted, just more cautious around strangers. I love the community here and want to meet more people with similar interests, is true for anything I have an interest in.
Tia
@jennyw Yes, I recognise this in myself too. I can find plenty to do round the house and having ad to spend most of the week at home due to having covid, the positive trade off has been I've spent most of the week in a dress.
Anna x
Jenny -
I've been that way my whole life. I've always tended toward being a loner. I've gone to parties and been the wall flower not talking to others or staying home and not venturing out. I think for the most part it is because I spent that time in denial about my sexuality and dressing. Every so often I would dress but extremely infrequently. It wasn't until a few years ago that I started to embrace who I am. Since that time I openly dress at home, for the most part. I am very thankful for this site and the girls here as I always felt alone with fear, guilt and shame. Thanks to everyone here I am able to feel comfortable in my own skin. I hope that at some point I am able to venture further outside the closet.
XOXO
Suzanne
Male me is an introvert, most definitely, I have all the traits. I discovered one of the defining pointers to introversion in an on line quiz. Basically it said that at the end of a party, an extrovert looks to go on to a nightclub or something similar, but an introvert is exhausted and just wants to go home; this is male me.
Becca, has no such hangups, she likes going out, talking to people, asking about their loves and lives (male me is not interested), shopping for trinkets.
Far from causing my introversion, cross-dressing has brought me out of my shell.
Becca
I am anything but an introvert. However, as Jackie, I especially enjoy being alone. As much as I appreciate my wife accompanying me when out, there is still an element of behavior restriction that I adhere to. This can be the length of my skirts, the height of my heels, my choice of outfit, where I go and even my social interactions. When I have my occasional alone time adventures, it is Jackie's selfish time.
I am not looking for approval, support or any kind of validation when I am en femme. I am simply being myself, and dressing for myself. I am totally content to just be out walking in the 'real world'. Of course, due to my style of dress, I am very selective as to where I go. You won't see Jackie at the grocery store, but I have ventured into high fashion malls. My preference is gay friendly establishments.
In the early days, I went to meet-ups with other girls, but I quickly realized, I am not in need of support, and more of a loner. I am probably much more confident than I should be when I am out, but it is what it is. There is something selfishly relaxing about being yourself without having to worry or consider what others might want, think or say.
@missjackie Just looked at your pictures. If I had legs like that, I'd be out flaunting them too. Unfortunately, at my age, my legs are things that hold me up and allow me to move around; they have the aesthetic value of a pair of gnarly sticks. Calf-length skirts is about the best I can do, often with a pair of suede boots.
@rebeccabaxter LOL Thanks but I looked at your photos, and you might be underestimating yourself just a bit!
Hi Jenny,
I'm an introvert too and I've been one all my life, I've kept my crossdressing life so secret that the only ones who know are the girls on here, being a crossdresser can be very lonely life for some people, I sometimes wish i had the courage to come out to everyone in my life, but I'm not sure if they would understand, I'm not sure how they would react to the fact that their husband, father, brother, uncle likes to wear a dress,
Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗
I TO HAVE THOSE FEELING, YOU LIKE WE A NOT ALONE
Is it Jenny that is stopping you or is it circumstances and/or consequences, perhaps both?
Jenny seems to be here to stay and you look great and are able to go out. Perhaps you want to do more and extend the social circle but what would your wife think, colleagues, neighbours it all plays a part of considerations when we want to move forward.
You let your friends go which happens over time but is it because of your secret.
Sasha made some good comments to increase the social circle. i would agree with looking at what's available in your area that has groups with interests you may like. Just the interaction as jenny could be a fillip needed and who knows where that would lead. Just engaging in a shop for a brief moment will build confidence.
It was simple interactions that gave me confidence to progress while I was working but when I retired it was a new beginning to have colleagues and friends who only know me as I am now. I was about your age when I was isolated as but biding my time and working to a goal paid off, yes it took another decade but was worthwhile.
As many girls has said you have friends here.
I am now way more outgoing as a female than I ever was as a male. I went from being somewhat introverted to somewhat extroverted very soon after I started living as a woman. I find the change delightful.
And @sashabennett is spot on when she says that our social circles shrink as we get older (I'm retired). You have to sometimes put a lot of effort into meeting new people. Firstly because of your age and secondly because you are also a crossdresser or a trans woman. I'm lucky because in joining CDH and also being a member of other trans groups, I have gotten to know a large number of ladies, many who have become friends. I'm doubly lucky because I'm also out to a big majority of people I know, so I'm not isolated to hanging out just with other trans people. But I have found that actually I do prefer to spend most of my time with my trans sisters, whether online or in person. It is indeed a special pleasure to be surrounded by people who accept you as just another one of the ladies.
From a personal standpoint I find I am of the same philosophy as Fiona - much more outgoing as my female self than as my male persona. I have found that taking on my Kris alter ego allows me to leave my personal baggage and inhibitions behind,more able to enjoy being in the moment.
Jenny, I think it's all about striking a balance that works for us. I mean for those of us who are closetted, me included, obviously dressing has to be done in private (but I find something slightly naughty and thrilling in that). But I don't feel this secret part of us should impact our social life. I'm pretty introverted but I get out and about, particularly in the local music scene.
I feel your pain Jenny and think that if you could get to the point of accepting your girly side more completely you'd maybe find it easier to socialise a bit more. Certainly sharing here on CDH will help. Maybe try some gender therapy? I do so hope that you can find your way to a happy place honey.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
that’s one of the worst parts of being a closet crossdresser is the loneliness. If you aren’t ready to show your feminine side to the world then dressing up becomes a solitary activity. This being alone combined with the already confusing feelings can lead to negative thoughts and emotions. in my own life I try to find the balance between my feminine and masculine sides. I really cannot crossdress too much as it will cause me to stay inside the house all day because I don’t want to take off my clothes lol. I take breaks from dressing and do so in moderation. So far this works for me much better than in the past where I would grow obsessed with dressing, spend lots of money and then feel guilty and purge it all. The guilt was not just from dressing itself but from avoiding social situations to stay home and dress and also the money spent. This website definitely helps as an outlet to express myself before I’m ready to come out of the closet in my personal life (I don’t know if that will ever happen)
- Nat
Hi Jenny,
My guy persona is very introverted, as I just like to stay out of the spotlight. Always on the fringe but not a big factor in my professional and private life.
Brandi's personality is also inverted as I would love to be a throwback 1950's housewife and be an stay home wive and attend all the house hold duties.
Hugs,
Brandi
