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Clark Kent. A normal guy, but he has a secret. He takes off his glasses, goes into a telephone box and comes out as Superman. Clark Kent is a disguise for the Superhero. Clark is always Superman, he just pretends to be Clark.
For me, Cerys is the superhero, but she is the disguise. Unlike most superheroes, I don't take my disguise off to be the superhero, I put one on. I just wish that I could switch as quick as Superman does 🙂
Some will say that perhaps Cerys is the real me, and that male me is the disguise. I pondered this a while back when I was chatting with a friend over coffee. I was in Cerys mode, and was talking about "The other me".... He paused and asked "who is the REAL"you? No one had asked me this before. I always assumed that the male me was the real me, but this got me thinking. My answer at the time was that the male me was the real me, but I have stopped and thought about this.... A lot!
I'm practically living full time as Cerys. Over the past 5 weeks, only about 60 hours has been as the male me, and that includes time I'm sleeping. 2 days and a few hours over the past 5 weeks. Cerys has become the every day me, but not the real me. The male me is still the real me. Cerys is my disguise. She's my mask. She gets me through life. Unlike Clark Kent, Cerys is my alter ego, my inverted superhero!
Cerys
There are so many ways to be differently doing the same thing; we are all cross-dressers here but we all do it in our own ways.
Male me is the real me, Becca is just an alter-ego, someone who has a different outlook on life. She is someone who enjoys shopping, wearing pretty clothes. She likes ironing. She loves spending money on frivolous things. Becca is high maintenance but she is fun to be with, she is just fun to 'be' sometimes.
I see Anna as male me's naughty twin sister. She worries less about stuff and is very laid back about life, but has a very expensive shopping habit who cannot resist buying dresses, tights and makeup.
In drab, I hate being in font of a camera, Anna loves it. There are many things that I cannot do in Anna mode, but it's fun to just be her some days.
I've booked a day off work on Friday which "might" just involve a lot of makeup, a trip out in Anna mode and a few photos.
I work part time during winter, so I am able to spend one day a week in public as Joanna. She has a love of hosiery, and there’s a drawer full of tights of varying types! 🤣 Having been nervous at first, she’s starting to enjoy such attention and interactions as she gets. It feels great just not being the old me for a while: I’m not sure of the extent to which I am trans, but there’s a part of me that definitely feels she should be a woman.
I’m really looking forward to some girl time on Friday (going for a manicure).
Another interesting topic.
I've never really considered this but it has come up in therapy. There was a point where I questioned my dressing and my therapist asked if how I felt when I dressed. I told her I felt good and enjoyed it. We figured out that Suzanne is part of me and that I shouldn't deny myself. I only dress at home but the frequency has increased to where I dress in some way everyday even if only for a couple hours. It does help me to deal with stress and feel more relaxed. I would love to do more but abide by my wife's wishes to keep it in the house. Over the last few years she has become more accepting inviting Suzanne over for the day. On a recent trip she had me bring something for Suzanne to wear in our room. That was a first and was nice, hopefully something that will happen again.
Bottom line - Suzanne is part of me that the world doesn't need to know about. She is comforting and allows me to be myself.
XOXO
Suzanne
Remember Gattaca? It's a sci-fi movie about altering the genes of babies so they become perfect humans. One line from a doctor as he convinces a couple to give the technique a try goes something like "Don't worry... it's still you... it's just the best of you."
My point is that Orchard represents the best of me. My male self handles all the garbage while Orchard works the room. At least that's how it's supposed to work, but honestly I'm so comfortable when I'm all dressed up that I forget that I'm Orchard and so I don't feel the need to "put on airs", as it were. I'm trying to work on that, which is why I'm here, but it's so difficult sometimes and it makes me want to give up. Nothing good will come from me giving up, though, so I try to hang on.
I see Fiona as just as much the real me now that I'm living as a woman, as male-me was when I lived in drab. I'm still experiencing the world through my own senses, which are unchanged.
The difference comes through the people around me, who interact with the presentation that I show to the world. Their reactions to it in turn shape, to some extent, my feelings about my experiences. Because I feel really good about myself as Fiona - in a way that I simply never did as male me - I'm sure this also affects peoples' reactions to me in a positive way, which in turn makes me feel even better, in a loop of positive feedback. It should come as no surprise that I've chosen to live the rest of my life this way, and changed what needed changing to make that possible.
Neither Fiona nor male me is a disguise for the other. So Fiona can't be my superhero, inverted or otherwise. But what she is, is my superpower 🙂