Is there a choice?

Hi Jennifer, I would say yes too, in the sense all of us have a choice, simple yes or no. People choose to become transgender, like people choose to crossdress. Thats the simple part out of the way, now the harder part. People have different feelings and levels of suppression, just think how many people out there have femme feelings but never do anything about it, live a life in drab? conversely many people act on their feelings from a very young age, really without fully understanding whats going on properly. There are so many emotions and feelings going on with us that it is hard to supress and the matter of choice becomes necessity, so for some there is a choice but for others like myself, we have to relent and admit to ourselves that we are femme inside and we have to express it. For me, its like a safety valve! if I didnt dress femme occasionally, I would go out of my mind!

Fiona xxxx

Fiona;

Your expression of this is eloquent, as usual, and hits my feelings about it perfectly.

Hugs, Molly

for some there is a choice but for others like myself, we have to relent and admit to ourselves that we are femme inside and we have to express it. For me, its like a safety valve! if I didnt dress femme occasionally, I would go out of my mind!

Fiona xxxx

Fiona

safety valve, sanity switch mean the same thing but spot on. Urge grows in me to “normalise” once in a while, I can put up with my male side then for another period of time. Always sleep in nightwear just to top off the day

I didn't choose cross dressing, it chose me. I don't think I could stop. It's a very difficult type of behavior to stop and I have reinforced the behavior with some rewards that would make it almost impossible to quit forever, sure perhaps I could quit for a time but I think there would always be a return to it. I'm only 2 years into cross dressing no childhood history and it has a hold on me.

Lisa

I do believe cross dressing is hard wired. Some may outgrow it but most do not. So I do agree with you that it is not necessarily always a choice. However, this in no way means crossdressers are also trans.

Per my psychologist, there is a clean cut difference between the two. Crossdressers have no driving NEED to transition to the gender they identify with. For many crossdressers, occasionally expressing your other side is enough to satisfy your needs. As a trans woman, I do have a need to fully transition. Occasionally dressing en femme is not enough for me. Many doctors agree that to be transgender you need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria. It is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have it. It is much more than wanting to express a feminine or masculine side. It is more of a physical disdain for your natural body image. This has led me to the point of extreme depression and suicidal thoughts on multiple occasions.  I have been struggling with this my whole life. I’ve seen multiple therapists, been on anti depressants, and nothing has been able to shake this depression cycle.  It isn’t that I just feel more confident or happy as a woman. I am a woman.

This is in no way a stab at those who strictly cross dress. I have a lot of respect for those who can turn their feminine alter ego on and off. I wish I could sometimes lol.

For some I believe crossdressing as crucial to life as eating and drinking, so I guess technically it is a choice.

But using that logic asking someone why they dress would be like asking someome why they eat food. So it's a choice for me, inside something powerful tells me to eat, drink and crossdress and I choose to listen.

Maria x

For some I believe crossdressing as crucial to life as eating and drinking, so I guess technically it is a choice.

But using that logic asking someone why they dress would be like asking someome why they eat food. So it’s a choice for me, inside something powerful tells me to eat, drink and crossdress and I choose to listen.

Maria x

Eloquently put

Lacey x

Hi Girls, matter of choice? I thought about this again and thought in very simple terms, choice means yes or no. But in reality there are different levels of choices like 'can I be bothered to go to the pub tonight' or 'should I go to the gym'. easy yes or no answers, next level, do I eat or drink, believe it or not, we still have a choice! yes or no but if we choose the latter, we would inadvertely die, so its not much of a choice, but it is possible. Last but not least 'do I have a choice to be born' , now arguably, technically the answer would be yes, safe sex etc, but you, do you have a choice? no you dont, when you are conceived, its in the lap of the gods whether you make it to the end!

Back to cross dressing, somewhere along the line, before you put your first pair of knickers on you had to make the human decision, 'do I want to do this'? you can either put them on or not put them on, the fact you have feelings is irrelevant, I would like to put laxative in my bosses tea sometimes, but I never would! what makes it different for us is the fact its a strong mental impulsion, desire coupled with very strong feminine feelings. whether its biological, hereditary or the way you were brought up, I really dont know, but one thing is for sure, I do have a choice, but my choice is to go with my body and mind, I see no point in trying to resist, it would only cause me more anxiety, frustration and hoplessness. See! I told you I was outspoken but please do not take any offence!

Fiona xxx

LOL. Anyway! its jennifers fault for bringing this topic up in the first place! Only kidding! Love you all! 🙂

Fiona(probably going to be in trouble! 🙁  ) xxxxx

for me it is a compulsion and the only release that keeps me sane

I was born in the wrong body probably 4o-45 yrs too early

I guess that when it comes to CD/TG issues, I'm sort of a libertarian. I firmly believe in the freedom of the individual to decide how to behave and how to handle their emotions. I do not believe in a "pink gene" to explain crossdressing/transgenderism (Maybe to explain the level of drive to explain transexualism, but that is a different story).

You have cases of identical twins both being transgendered. But you also have cases of identical twins where one of them is transgendered and the other one isn't. At the end, does it really matter what was the original cause of emotion which made you try out "dressing up as the opposite gender" for the first time? For me, I don't think it does. I don't need an explanation for myself or to give it to anybody else.

I don't need to wear a dress to survive (different than needing water or food). So for me, it is a choice since I don't need to crossdress, but I like doing so. It is not about arousal, or well being.

If you were to wake up in the middle of the night and it is pitch dark and you were not able to move... Would you still be able to tell if you are wearing a dress or a man's night-shirt?  I wouldn't.

So, for me there is a choice every time that I can decide if I will dress up or not. It may never be a choice nor I will be able to forget or ignore the fact that I like to be able to do it. Big difference.

As for the original question, are crossdressers transgendered? Some are. Some are not. Being TG doesn't give you an special discount anywhere, same as not being TG doesn't make you inferior to anybody who is.

(Disclaimer, my point of view is only mine, and I will gladly agree to disagree with anybody having a different view).

Gaby ♥

Over the last few decades I've seen that the various terms used to describe trans people and activities are in constant flux.  As such we can all end up with slightly different interpretations about what each term means.  You may think of yourself as transgendered, but to someone else you may not be.   Sexual fetish or gender identity issue or floating around the huge space inbetween: we are all human which means we are individual, complicated, constantly changing, wonderous beings.  The one thing that we don't need is pigeonholing and label wars.

As for is this a choice? Again I believe it is down to the individual.  I could stop crossdressing tomorrow but it wouldn't last and how depressed would I end up?   I've had depression before, and don't want to go back there ever again.

Hi Jennifer,

Great question and one to ponder on.  I planned my initial response to be yes, yes there is a choice because there is always a choice.  But after a better part of 30+ years of repressing Michelle and not allowing myself to even consider dressing, I do not feel that there is a choice any more. I was miserable and never truly comfortable with who I was so I cannot and will not ever do that to myself again. I like who I am evolving into.  I am happier than I have ever been.  I still do not know where it will all lead but I know it will be better than where I was.

Hugs,

Michelle

You know I love you Fiona.  It is just what it is.  Just a question.

I do love you.

Jennifer