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So my mother has known about Carolyne for about 22 years and telling her didn’t go well. She left my house without really any further conversation after seeing a picture of me fully dressed. At the time I told her I knew I should have been a woman since my early youth and was happier when presenting that way. She subsequently went and got therapy and was told it wasn’t her “fault” and that I had a mental illness. Recently my (along with over 40 others) position was eliminated where I had worked for over 21 years. I have been applying and prepping for jobs and interviews at home and have spent much of that time en feme. She dropped by unannounced and left without a word after finding Carolyne and not her son. Today she stopped (I was in drab male mode) and told me I was ruining my life and questioned if I was even trying to locate another job (which I have several prospects in the mill) and that I had serious mental issues and should seek help. She said I should just give up thinking I was a woman and accept I am a man and not destroy my life and future. I suppose this is more of a rant than seeking any advice and I don’t expect a magic answer so feel free to ignore and move on, I just really needed to let it out somehow. I hope everyone else is doing better than me today and wish you all luck with your family and friends.
🍷C
Carolyne, I certainly don’t have any magic answers and am not sure there are any. Sometimes the people we love and love us the most, can also hurt us the most. I know your Mother loves you, but just does not understand and apparently right now does not want to understand. I do hope that she can come to terms with and understand your feminine side.
I also hope your job hunt works out well and you find something you love to do. Hugs and kisses, Michelle.
sorry to hear your mom wasted her time by going to some quack of a therapist. They should have their license revoked!! Too bad your mom cannot handle what makes you happy. Her loss good luck on fin=ding a job. I was glad you did not have to move back in with her for financial reasons!
Sounds like you don’t need her to me
I agree, tell mum its your life, and if she wants to understand you to seek a proper therapist, not an obvious idiot. Although, to be fair, many therapists 22 years ago were clueless.
Hey Carolyne Don't give up on your mom just yet , seems like things not going very well for you right now and when things turn around for you you're gonna appreciate the good times even more lets hope it's soon Rhonda xoxo
Hi Carolyne..........I feel for you and Mom! I assume that for Mom grew-up late 20's -30's. The "CD/Drag/gay crowd were really anti's .....Mom/Dad my parents........so like my folk kin you had the generation had their parents.....most even worst ones. We had some of us were more Liberal.....my kids more a lot more Liberal (too damned Liberal and my a grandmum.....(look to very very damn to Liberal). Generations......change. I know......to came try to explain your life-style and Mom is not going to change. I every time I am there........ya Mum but, changes are Mum ......ya but, Mum you a new century began ....yadda yadda yadda!!
Just wait for your kids.........look today.........Oy vey!! Relatives huh????
MY learned at to MY life.........the distances from you and them......the bigger the distance, you with all have kin folk, the better he relations...........you will see.
Have fun..............
Dame Veronica
Hi Carolyn,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. But hang in there you have the support of this whole community here to back you up. You have to do what makes you happy but I get it it's your mom and in some small way you want her support. Always remember she loves you even though she doesn't understand how hurtful her wordscare.
Hugs,
Angela
Hang in there, Carolyne, love ya sister. Family relations are so very difficult. My mother did not approve of the girl I wanted to marry. I was 29 years old at the time, so my mother's opinion did not count one iota. We have been married 44 years now, and my wife is fully supportive of my cross dressing. Oh, and my mother, she had no choice but to accept my wife or wallow in her own misery. She did finally accept my wife, even if reluctantly.
Therapists? There are countless numbers of them who are quacks. I live in Atlanta, Georgia. I think in our city that three out of every four so called "therapists," that advertise as such, actually got their PhD out of a cereal box. They toss around the term "gender dysphoria," like that is suppose to make them look smart, whereas it shows how clueless they are about gender issues.
That's unfortunate with your mom. I think she is overreacting. Still, you never know what might happen when you come out to a female partner, friend, co worker or even mom. You may have to just tell mom you were confused and under a lot of stress losing your job and got carried away trying to find an escape, comfort and peace. Now that you have sorted out a lot of things you realize you got carried away.
First of all, I admire your bravery in coming out to your mother. I'm not sure I could ever do that. It's hard to be honest with family. It's hard to deal with their emotional backlash and perceived need to "correct" your life decisions. Ask yourself: does Caroline make you happy? If that answer is yes, then good for you! Don't feel bad for being happy, there's no need to feel guilty that you're happy. Career stuff will sort itself out. The stuff with your mother, while painful, can be overcome with strength of character, something you seem to have, and support. Reach out to me if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, cause girl, I get mother issues...
Lots of love
Mikayla
I first of all can’t thank everyone enough for all the responses and support. I also felt a little update was worth the effort. Financially I am in a very solid position and own a 100 acre farm that when my mom retired built her own house on to be closer to her grandchildren. This has been a blessing but also puts us all very close together. My mom is now in her 80’s and she is looking at her life and evaluating her failures and is suffering some depression and blames herself for many issues from the past. I did come out to her 22 years ago hoping she would accept me as is but that was not to be. I have not brought it up since but she has “caught” me dressed up twice in the past year. I am very comfortable and happy being who I am and my wife knows and accepts at her own comfort level. I am sure my mom’s idea of counseling was not healthy from the beginning and was centered around her and her issues and not understanding me and mine as she can be pretty selfish and focused on her issues and thoughts. Now living on her own with way too much time she dwells on things that do no good. It is sad but as a friend warned me at that age they start reliving the past and look at things they wish they would have done different and make themselves and those around them miserable at times. My hope is to enjoy her remaining time with her and have the best relationship possible so I won’t have any regrets when I’m at that point in my life. She will never change and I accept that so now it’s just making the best of life for everyone involved.
Thank you all for your wonderful support and friendship.
🍷C