It's Hammer time!

I find it hard to take a compliment also. I am trying to get better at it. I tell myself, just say 'thank you' and try to let the compliment sink in. We have carried some real negative beliefs about ourselves all our lives. It's time we (I am talking about myself too) work at letting them go! At 59 I am starting to let go of the "I'm not good enough" lie that I have believed all my life! We all need to give ourselves a big hug for who we are!!!

Kay

A hammer can also create glorious things. .  Many times I have delicately used a hammer to carefully place finishing nails and finish a thing of beauty.

I will admit I also felt a little uncomfortable the first times I was complimented on my looks.  I would think - Really?  Afterwards I thought to myself that I must be on the right path and took it as a vote of support.  A compliment is by its nature a good thing.

Sometimes the hardest part is not convincing others - though it is the thing we dread doing - but in accepting it ourselves.  The heart doesn't lie girl.

Hi Autumn. Her dysphoria may be a part of the problem but I can tell you from personal experience she's having serious self esteem problems.

For 35+ years I knew I was the lowest piece of human garbage that had ever existed or ever would. My family loved me of course but everybody else on the planet tolerated me at best, on a good day.

I'd love to talk with her if she's willing. I'd appreciate it if you would point her to this topic and encourage her to read my reply. There's absolutely no pressure here. If she doesn't want to talk, I completely understand.

Hi Autumn  I always hated being the hammer. Its not you dysphoria or your imagination it what others expect you to be and trained you to be the hammer. I dreaded those calls from my wife when she said its time for you to step in and take control of the situation and every one would say how mean i was. My wife would get to hug and console the children after i took control. I would get so upset and a little jealous that my wife could get to enjoy being the nurturer. Maybe that is why she can be so accepting of my fem expression. She knows I hated it and did it anyway. Receiving and giving compliments is one of the best qualities that woman were trained to do when they were young and do expect from other woman as they get older. We are very much woman of the heart and there is nothing wrong with expressing our feminine qualities. Luv Stephanie

I just reread your original post and she's not that bad. But it sounds like she may still be having some problems. But I'd still love to talk with her. Maybe I can give her some tips to help her get past the last of it. Plus just like everybody my self esteem sometimes takes a hit and it would actually help me too if we talked.

[postquote quote=355749]
Amber, we seem to have a disconnect somehow.

I'm very very grateful for your willingness to help but your replies don't make sense to me.

I'm trying to relate how my upbringing was so damaging to my self-esteem that I have trouble accepting a compliment when it's given to me. Combine that with my upbringing was more like a forced indoctrination to be manly and to reject anything "less" than manly. Hence I was a hammer but hammers aren't supposed to be beautiful. In other words, men can't be pretty by those standards so when I am told I am beautiful it stops me in my tracks. Suggesting I am a beautiful person is simultaneously an uber compliment and an uber contradiction to my upbringing. I go kind of numb. Words swirl in my head and become hard to put into a rational order because underlying emotions that have been repressed are fighting to come up but the manly training keeps them down.

Yup, sounds like my Prussian father all right.  Stubborn in his ways?  You bet.  ;).

Luckily I had a mom that compensated for that.  " it's okay to cry " ,  " it's okay to be sensitive " , and so on.

But that was my upbringing, a long time ago.  My father died a many years ago, I miss him dearly, but I accept how he was, and I  accept how I am.  Sure, it took time, but it's all done now.  Hell, I never could pull off the manly man thing anyway.

Thanks for explaining that. In my circles (I'm bipolar) when someone says they grew up being made to feel worthless and they still have some trouble accepting compliments, they mean it exactly the way I took it. You just happen to have used exactly the same words. I bet you couldn't do that again if you tried. lol

I'm glad to know that's not what you meant at all. 🙂

Hi Autumn,

As Stevie suggests a hammer is responsible for many wonderful things crafted by those with many talents.  Well, thanks to nails too.  Perhaps, a way to view this is as a stereotype.  In that age a father was stern, focused, and was taught to bring up a son as such.

You are a warm and compassionate person capable of nurturing with broad talents.  Your sisters here are supportive and caring.  Be proud of who you are and what you do for others.

Alice

Wow you girl lost me at hi .

Srephanie