Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Yesterday I read a newspaper article about a Spanish actress who, at the age of 47, transitioned to become a woman and subsequently won an acting award. What struck me was her observation about society's expectations being more demanding for women than for men. (Having been both, I think she is qualified to make that judgement).
As a young man I remember beginning to realise that just about every aspect of women's physical presentation required more effort than was the case for men. Obvious examples were applying make-up, maintaining hairstyles, achieving a good figure, etc. It also often involved acceptance of a degree of discomfort (high heels?) or movement limitation (tight skirts?) plus attention to deportment, mannerisms, modesty, etc.
As many contributions to these forums (including some of my own) have pointed out, in modern times such restrictions, limitations and effort have largely disappeared from normal, everyday life as women have adopted increasingly casual styles such as used to be the preserve of males. The more challenging (traditional?) expectations about women's appearance now appear mainly confined to "special occasions", dressing up for events, etc.
I will briefly quote from or paraphrase a little of the newspaper article which seems to me to sum up very well the differences I mention above. The actress (Karla Sofia Gascon) says: "I'm convinced that the masculine is freer physically and more confined mentally." Women, she says, are freer mentally but less so with your body. "As a woman, you need to have your hair great, your makeup great. When you're a man you just wake up and go to work." She describes women as having a "perfectiion mentality".
The writer of the article describes Gascon as "sitting bolt upright, clasping her torso". The actress explains that "Right now, I'm wearing a corset...and I can barely breathe". The writer notes that she has also kicked off her shiny black heels which are lying next to her stockinged feet. Gascon sums it up by saying that "society sees yoou as more beautiful like this." She adds that, for her recent female acting role, "I had to be more feminine than I usually am."
It would be interesting to know what others think. For myself, I wonder whether this trans woman's description of life as a woman reflects closely what so many crossdressers seek, namely a desire to know what it's like to experience femininity, with all its difficulties, limitations, etc, to a lesser or greater degree and enjoying the contrast with what is often described as the "drab" experience of the male.
Paula,
The female face alone helps GG's skip a lot of preparation, if all they want to is their eyebrows. A trans woman like me must "cover all the bases". Eyebrows, mascara, makeup, lipstick, jewelry, the clothes, the works.
I knew an older couple who, back in the 1960's took a road trip from Michigan to Arizona. Their old photo album included a pic of the desert. There the wife posed, in a skirt, blouse, kitten heels. On a road trip for Petes sake. She must have also been wearing a girdle and stockings. Yes society has changed a lot. (Maybe it's another reason men today are MGTOW. Who wants to travel with a sack of potatoes wearing pajamas and she's allocated all her time to staring at her FB phone app?)
On the other hand, perhaps it is easier for us trans women to appeal to the opposite sex, since we are the ones who've made the effort to gain their attention.
This thought is on my mind, since many of the posts throughout CDH are about 'passing'. I'm wondering if, in my preparations, that I keep thinking, "Dani, as you prepare yourself, do it well enough that a man will try to hit on you, even if he realizes you're trans.
Dani
@lionel I have to agree simply through my own limited experience. Even though I've dressed for many years, it wasn't until much later in the journey that I realized how much time and effort it takes prepare the complete picture. I now have a greater appreciation for what full time fems / women go through every day just to leave the house. Go them.
You're so right Riki,
I'll never complain about how long it takes for a cis girl to get ready. Like 5 more minutes, 30 minutes ago!
Going through the ritual of dressing and makeup myself. I totally understand where their coming from! 🥰
@lionel I think that the desire to be feminine and the drive behind it depends where on the transgender scale we are.
Some CDs felt the need to dress when they are children. Others, like me, come to dress after decades of dressing typically in drab. Lots of members here try really, really hard to be feminine, to be a woman. Others are here for the fashion, and everyone else is in-between.
@lionel Well “Life as a Woman” is certainly more than appearance. I think both sexes have their unique challenges. The “drab” experience to me is our choices of black, navy, grey or tan. Pretty much the big four as colors for men’s attire goes.
I'm trans. I've been living full-time over two years. Before that, I was living part-time for three years. In my experience, the difficulties of being a woman are what you make of them.
I choose to not concern myself with society's expectations. Fifty years of trying to meet those expectations as a guy got me a bad case of gender dysphoria and a breakdown.
I'm doing this for myself. Being feminine is a state of mind. What I'm wearing and how I look has little bearing on that. Confidence and a smile are my toolkit. Glam isn't a requirement. It's a fabulous treat. Regardless of my appearance, I routinely get gendered correctly and always get treated with respect.
That said, there are challenges EVERY woman faces. Multiple forms of discrimination and bias. Misogynistic attitudes....especially from men. Threats of violence. Double standards. Those things were part of the deal when I transitioned. And they DO concern me.
/LK
@lizk So perfectly said Liz.....difficulties of being a woman are what you make of them. Having looked at life from both sides now, I just see them as different and not really such obstacles. For me it is a choice made each day. Like PC vs Mac, each has it's own operating system and you learn how to make peace with each one or things don't work well. And yes, I also agree with the heightened level of problems as a woman and my spider sense is always working and quick to go to full battle or escape mode. Safe Journey to you and all the sisters, Marg
@lionel I completely understand everything she says. I'm the type who used to get up and out of the house in less than a half hour. Now, it takes me considerably longer to get ready but in truth, I enjoy it a lot more. Part of the whole experience of being a woman for me is taking the pains to look the way I want the world to see me. For me this is time very well spent. I also love teetering around on my high heels. Things like taking smaller steps and in general having feminine mannerisms is a wonderful feeling for me. I'm still learning how to be a woman, so I guess I feel the need to overcompensate to account for my shortcomings either real or imagined.
The more I explore the crossdressing world I am discovering the dressing and looking like a woman is very difficult. Especially when for most of my life I dressed drab. There is a lot to learn and do, especially if one wants to look and be very glamorous.
I have mentioned this to wifey several times and her response is, yes it is so much easier being a boy, and she does not understand way I want to dress as a gal. She may be correct.?
I do not want to be a woman, but I do enjoy dressing as one on occasion.
Have fun.... Staci...
Hello Paula,
I totally agree that society's expectations are more demanding for women than men and the fourth paragraph of your missive says it all. But your last sentence hit home, that when I contrast Jennifer to my life in male mode, Jennifer is far more exciting and appealing to me than the drab experience, even with all of the difficulties and limitations that she has had to face, and sometimes still does.
To be honest, at this point in my journey, I would love to be Jennifer ALL the time, as the older I have become, the more I desire to embrace her.
As you mentioned, even though women are dressing more casual and for better comfort nowadays than they ever did in the past, they are still wearing makeup, they are still having their hair done, and the casual clothes that many wear still define femininity.
I am convinced, that by living in this "duel" life if you will; living as a crossdresser, has made me a better person and has given me a positive, illuminating perspective about women and femininity that most men will never come to know.
The closer I get to Jennifer, the more complete I am. I can say it no other way.
Thank you Paula for this topic!
Hugs,
Jennifer
@jenngirl76 Good way of putting it Jennifer. I too feel that being a CD definitely changes ones personality for the better. A more “softer” way of looking at life maybe? Everything doesn’t have to be “life or death”, there’s a happy medium to be found in betw een the lines. More calmness for sure. Something to look forward to that’s not connected to the daily rat race. I think most people have the masculine and feminine within their persona’s. Astrology sure thinks so. It’s fun as you embrace crossdressing to discover all these wonders about yourself that you never knew before.
GP
@gracepal Thank you Grace, "softer" is indeed the way I look at life now, and that happy medium is a wondrous place to be in!!
Hugs,
Jennifer
The fact that women are freer mentally is due to all the additional things they have to deal with like, pregnancy, periods, menopause, being a mother ...etc. All that requires more mental dexterity. So does women's tendency to be more social than men, it makes them more mentally active. Women definitely have more demands placed on them than men do.
I find that living full time as a woman has changed my personality to a good degree. I enjoy living a feminine existence way more than I did my male existence and that has greatly affected my outlook on things. Much better this way.
@d44 "I find that living full time as a woman has changed my personality to a good degree. I enjoy living a feminine existence way more than I did my male existence and that has greatly affected my outlook on things. Much better this way."
Hi Fiona, I totally agree with you, and I can tell you with all certainty, that living as a woman is so much more rewarding! I'm entering my third year living as the woman I always knew I was, it is truly wonderful!
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
@d44 I can only hope to develop any mental dexterity now that I live as a woman! But I completely agree, it's so much more enjoyable isn't it 🙂
When I first started to really get into cross-dressing, I was totally struck at how many decisions I had to make in order to get dressed! As a man, my thought process was black jeans, concert shirt, boots, done. As a woman, I have to go through so many revisions of what my final look will be, so I've come to appreciate how stressful it can be getting dressed. It's the paradox of choice multiplied! That being said, I find cross-dressing to be more creative than dressing as a man. Drab indeed. That's why I'll take on whatever challenges I have to encounter to present myself femininely. It exercises my brain and it helps me look at things differently, and I'm thankful for that.
@orcharddwee Orchard, Roberta, Kendra, et. al. - y'all are so right, dressing en femme is a pita compared to daily drab going to work. So many choices, so much effort plus a change or two mid-process takes time but the end result is worth it all. I truly am in wonder of all the CIS women that make it look easy.
Its true, in male mode, I'm pretty much "Wash N Wear". Whatever the event is.
As a woman, its a process. A process that i love because each step takes me closer to the way i want to look. Some girls are born so pretty that they don't need to do much to look fabulous. The rest of us have to spend a little more effort.
I went to my morning exercise class (I'm usually the only guy in it) en femme for their Halloween celebration. Minds blown. 
But-afterwards, the class was adjourning to a nearby diner for brunch. I was the first to leave class to change...and the last to arrive for brunch When I finally sauntered in, jeans, heels, and all, I publicly vowed that I would NEVER complain about a woman being late for anything again!
I am a crossdresser and I love it.I have always known,when looking at a couple,when the woman looks good,the man with her looks good.So cut the lady some slack and give her a break.Its a lot of work for Michelle to look good ,but I would have it no other way.I appreciate what it takes for a GG to look good in todays world and I hope that with her as an example I can do my best to fit in as well as she does naturally. Sincerely Michelle Brown.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the trouble to respond to my original post. From my early teens (a long time ago) I realised how much more complicated female attire was than male clothing. All those decisions and the complexity of them! I'm sure things are easier these days because women have been able to step away from those societal expectations that were imposed on them in my youth.
Much as I enjoy sampling the complexity, I can understand very well why women have to some extent abandoned it. I don't think, as a man, I have ever changed even so much as a pair of socks because, for some reason, they didn't suit my overall outfit, but I can remember even from schooldays, being with a girl who disappeared to her room because she thoought her bra straps might be showing with the neckline of the blouse she was wearing. She was gone for several minutes because changing her bra no doubt involved taking off the blouse, probably releasing the straps of her slip and then selecting the replacement and getting dressed again - all for something I wouldn't even have noticed!
