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It's time to stop trying to explain why we dress

48 Posts
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Posts: 30
Lady
Topic starter
(@roseapple)
Eminent Member     buffalo, New York, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

I'm sure like most of you, it started at a very young age with some article of your mom or sister's clothing. From that point on, the need to dress comes and goes, but regardless of how long you go without it, it always comes back. It wasn't until somewhat recently that I accepted that it is just a part of who I am, and now I love dressing more than ever.

But why do we do it? I have spent hours reading why other crossdressers say they dress, and even psychological studies. At the end of the day, there are a million things you can say is the reason you dress.

After looking in circles for answers, I finally understood why. It simply is part of who we are. It's in our dna. It's not some mental defect, it's just what we are. I love this part of me and embrace it more than ever.

If we stop trying to explain it, we can start focusing on why we love it.

Let me know what you think.

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47 Replies
Posts: 443
Duchess
(@jennconn)
Honorable Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Thanks for your post Chloe. I know we all have our own specific reasons why we dress, but you are so right in your thoughts that it’s time to just embrace it and just love what we do. I really enjoy the feeling of just being someone else who is so completely different than I am in my male persona.

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Posts: 649
(@christineth)
Noble Member     Brussels, Brabant, Belgium
Joined: 2 years ago

This is one of the most positive (and probably healthiest) things I’ve heard or read about our life preferences. Well done Chloe. Big hugs
Christine💋

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Posts: 2949
Hostess
(@ab123)
Famed Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

That is why the only thing I say to those who I have come out to is 'This is the way I like to be' They can draw their own conclusions, it is as simple as that.

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Posts: 208
Lady
(@target)
Estimable Member     MPLS, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Chloe, I also have spend many hours reading in search of the reason why I enjoy wearing women’s clothing Im tired of looking and have embraced my Jill side. Great post!

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Posts: 91
(@katied)
Trusted Member     London, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

Chloe,

A great post, and one I think we all identify with. It doesn't matter what we think, how and why - whether it's inherent in us or not - just be yourself and enjoy the moment now and going forward.

Interesting though, when I first read the title of your post, I thought you meant is it time to stop trying to explain why we dress to "others" rather than to ourselves. Whilst I am now comfortable with what I am, the issue is that other people most certainly are not.

Part of the problem about trying to understand ourselves is that we often feel we have to justify to others why we do what we do. If only I could stop doing that as well.

Katie

 

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Posts: 30
Lady
Topic starter
(@roseapple)
Eminent Member     buffalo, New York, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Katie you are spot on. The biggest reason most of us are still in the closet is because we know people fear what they don’t understand. I can’t even imagine explaining to most of my friends and family about crossdressing. The first step is accepting yourself and everything else comes after.

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Posts: 529
Guest
(@Anonymous 53427)
Honorable Member
Joined: 5 years ago

You’re right. In the absence of any definitive scientific explanation, all we are left with is conjecture. We can engage in such speculation all we want end end up little wiser that we began. Even if concrete answers existed, how would these change our lives. We would still be left with dealing with the desire to dress, whether we choose to repress it, struggle with self acceptance or embrace ourselves fully.

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Posts: 216
Lady
(@juliemshaw)
Reputable Member     Spokane, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Well said, Sweetie.  I know that is the case for me, and I am sure it is true for MANY of our sisters.

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Posts: 1917
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

...and yet you explain why you dress. That is you, and congratulations of figuring out why, but that does not necessarily apply to others, and others will still need to explain, or at least wonder, why they dress. I doubt it is literally in our DNA, but figuratively, yes many just need to dress so it is a deep part of us.

Once we explain to ourselves why we do it it is much easier to accept that we are who we are, so we do need to explain why we dress, and it is different in major and minor ways from everybody else. I still don't know why I like to dress, but I do. It brings me pleasure. Why it brings me pleasure; I can't explain, but it does and so that is enough explanation for me, but maybe not others.

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Posts: 1100
Managing Ambassador
(@theunrealangelawagner)
Famed Member     San Bernardino, California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

There are two questions that can be asked here, one that has no answer, and one that does. “Why does someone crossdress?” I have been searching for an answer to that question forever, and I have never found a satisfactory explanation. So I no longer try to answer that question. I just accept my desire to crossdress. It is part of who I am.

The second, and related question, is “What do you get out of crossdressing?” In other words, why do you enjoy it? That question has an answer, and it is a different answer for each individual. Some find it relaxing, stress-reducing. Others simply like the feel and look of women’s clothing. For some, it helps them express an inner femininity that has been hidden too long. And for still others, like me, it’s just loads of fun!

So yes, we should stop worrying about why we have the desire to crossdress, stop feeling shame or guilt for it, and just accept it as part of ourselves.

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Posts: 1435
Lady
(@rbekka)
Noble Member     SF Bay Area, California, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

I didn't even read the post. The title was enough!!! Absolutely agree! Just do it!!!

That's what I'm doing. Admittedly, I'm not in "full dress" meaning, I don't wear make up or wigs, would love to, but I "cut my losses" and wear femme pants/capris, shoes, panties and camisoles everyday. No body hair.

It's who I am. Hell, there were/are people who don't like me even in DRAB, so what the @%@$%?

Enjoy life, Ladies!
Love and hugs,
Becka!

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Posts: 1716
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Chloe -

Thank you for your post.  What you had to say makes a lot of sense.

There are things I like about dressing but they are not necessarily why I dress.  Like others I have had periods when I dressed in some way, long periods of time when I didn't and times when I thought of dressing but didn't a t on those thoughts.  I get enjoyment out of dressing and it helps me to relax, those are not the reason I dress but are the end result of my dressing.  There are many other things about dressing I enjoy, far too many to try to share here.

I read an interesting article today where gay person talked about "coming out".  They said why is it necessary to do so, straight people don't come out saying they're straight.  I found it interesting as what I feel the person was saying is it isn't anyone's business what you do so long as it isn't illegal or hurting someone.

Live your life to the fullest as the person that makes you happy.  It has taken me a long time to realize this and I'm still a work in progress.  If more people did that and worried less about what other's do the world would be a better place.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 3433
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

"After looking in circles for answers, I finally understood why. It simply is part of who we are. It’s in our dna. It’s not some mental defect, it’s just what we are. I love this part of me and embrace it more than ever."

Exactly!

/EA

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Posts: 356
Duchess Annual
(@shadowqueen)
Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I know why I dress, it feels great. It felt great the first time I did it 50 some years ago and it’s felt good every time since. I’m not sure why I dressed the first time. But no amount of shaming or dissuading has stopped me thus far and I suspect nothing will stop me in the future. So as others have said, it is what it is. That’s the best I can come up with.

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