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Joan Jett

14 Posts
13 Users
37 Reactions
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Posts: 68
Baroness
Topic starter
(@robinette)
Trusted Member     Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi girls, For the closeted ones out there I was wondering how many feel like this at times. When finished with your limited time dressing and stashing things away (sometimes in a hurry) do you feel upset with yourself? I get to the point at times that I'm singing "I hate myself for loving you" ("you" being your femme self). 

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13 Replies
8 Replies
Duchess
(@rebeccaoh)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Oxford, Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 77

@robinette it used to be bad for sure. I feel like it got better eventually once I did therapy and knew this was forever. I had the feeling that this is wrong and that I want to wear this but hate myself for wanting it. Now, I just get a tiny amount of sadness just because of all the work I put into looking cute. It’s tough, sorry you’re feeling it.

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Duchess
(@mkat3874)
Joined: 4 months ago

Reputable Member     Northeast GA , Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 231

@robinette 

There was a time when I was deeply conflicted about my crossdressing and I did have a lot of self loathing that led to depression and purging.  Thankfully that's all behind me. Accepting myself fully has been so freeing!

Now when I come back home from spending a whole day out as Michelle its often nearly midnight.  My wife usually accompanies my and when she walks in the door she heads straight to the bedroom to change into her favorite lounge wear but I like stay fully dressed as long as I can just to keep the "high" from the day. I always feel a little sad when it's time to take it all off but I can't wait till the next time. 

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Hostess
(@misssamantha)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Bromley, London, United Kingdom
Posts: 202

@robinette Hi Robinette

Hope this reply finds you well.

This is a great question. For me personally, I experience the feeling of being sad when I have to put Samantha away. Having to take all the clothes off, hang them up, lock the wardrobe put everything is a double pain. The worse part for me is being in the bathroom and looking at the reflection of a fully madeup face knowing that it all has to come off, most of the time too quickly.

For balance, I feel pleased that I have had the opportunity to dress, have that Samantha time and take what feels like a thousand photos.

Hugs,

Samantha x x 

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Baroness
(@robinette)
Joined: 6 years ago

Trusted Member     Michigan, United States of America
Posts: 68

@misssamantha I feel like that most of the time afterwards, like I needed that and it’s a good thing for me. But every now and then it’s that crappy feeling that rears its ugly head. Thx.

 

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1839

@robinette I can dress openly at home - my wife knows all about Anna.

I do, sometimes, feel a little sad at the end of an Anna day when I take off the lovely outfit and wipe off my makeup.

Hugs,

Anna xx

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

@robinette I don't get upset with myself or anybody else, about almost anything (bad ethics, and somebody not keeping their word, excepted).

Because of the way that I dress and by communicating clearly with my wife up front, my life is still low-stress.

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Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 363

@robinette This made me feel so sad for you and for others and for my husband too who like many of you was closeted for at least 30 years and felt shame and guilt and embarrassment and all he wanted was for that side to go away.  This took him down many dark paths that nearly ruined him.

since I met him I always saw a level of sadness around him and no matter how much I loved him it was always lingering ...😩

I am so thankful for that day three months ago that I discovered his 'secret' he never in a million years thought I'd accept this , he said he deffo thought we would be over , but was surprised by my reactions . 

Although of course he is still dealing with the aftermath of the guilt shame etc now and is getting support with that , that cloud of sadness has gone , it's like magic and now there's this alive look about him which shines even brighter when he is Victoria 🌈 in turn , that has helped me because I no longer have to question if I'm not good enough or if I'm not making him happy . 

I wish for you and everyone here to get this and hate to think of your sadness when putting away a side of you that is simply just who you are 😍🙏💕🥰❤️

thank you for sharing xx

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1209

@robinette I'm not so much closeted anymore but I absolutely used to experience these feelings, yet it never stopped me from doing it again.   Now, as I have accepted who I am more and more, the feelings have subsided significantly.   I do still have those feelings once in a great while, but it is more related to the difficulties that we experience moving through life.  

I prefer the times when I feel like a badass for being my authentic self and I want to sing Bad Reputation!  On a complete tangent, I always loved Joan Jett's rock chick look!  

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Posts: 319
Guest
(@Anonymous 97944)
Reputable Member
Joined: 6 months ago

I'm with you, hon.  It is very difficult, every time.  Can hardly bear to take off my pantyhose especially.  For you, now that I've seen your pics, oh my goodness, such a beautiful body and you know how to wear clothes too!  I can understand how hard it must be for someone who's got what you got, not to have it adorned as prettily as possible every moment of the day.

Dani

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Posts: 1079
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@robinette It seems completely natural.

  1. You're not ready for it to end, and it's normal to feel that to be a frustration;
  2. The dichotomy of your life would be very apparent in those times and feeling that tug in two directions would seem to only stack on top.

Plan for that feeling and acknowledge that it's coming, and give yourself a little slack afterwards.

[hug] Mel

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Posts: 35
Lady
(@melania)
Trusted Member     San Jose, California, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

That's always tough. The roller-coaster high of dressing to the bummer of putting stuff away. One other bummer trigger, the smell of nail polish remover. I'm  just happy that I got some time for a little self expression.  And look forward to doing it again. 

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Posts: 3446
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

I used to feel that way too Robinette but take a positive in that it will come out again and you'll feel the wonderful. It is something to look forward to.

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Posts: 162
Duchess
(@lizzy89)
Reputable Member     GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 months ago

I definately feel like that especially as my living situation means that I never know when I will get to dress again. I do try and focus on other things to act as a distraction (other hobbies, work etc...) but doesn't always work.

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