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My wife and kids went to visit the grandparents this week. It gave me an opportunity, for the first time, to dress as I want in the evenings. It also gave me the opportunity to evaluate who I am as a crossdresser and what I like.
Firstly, I am a man who likes to dress in femme clothes. I am not transitioning as much as evolving.
The first night I wore my wig for the first time. It looks good and it looks good on me. I will wear it again when the occasion calls for it but I like short hair. When the covid restrictions are lifted and I can get my hair cut, I think I will get a pixie cut. That allows me to still easily wear my wig but also will look good without.
I also put lipstick on for the first time since my teens. It looked terrible until YouTube gave me some pointers. It looked a lot better the second time. I do like lipstick but again when the occasion calls for it.
In the past, I have been drawn to clothes that are not plain. Satin was (is) my favorite material. If I am going to be able to dress en femme when the family comes back, that won't work. Before the family left, I received a shipment from Shein. Mostly clothes for sleeping (satin) but a nice pair of shorts, a few skorts which both fit well and two tops which unfortunately fit small. Tonight on the way home, I picked up some more tops that might be acceptable to wear around the house. I need to get one or two breastforms that properly fill the bras I already have. I rarely go buy men's clothing unless I absolutely need to.
Yesterday I wore some leggings, a bra and one of my new tops to walk the dog and get the mail. I was not entirely brave as I also wore a coat. I was concerned that the neighbours might see me but nobody is out and nobody looks out their windows. Why am I so concerned about neighbours I don't even know? I don't know if I will do it again but who knows.
I know from other posts that crossdressing means different things to different people. Both my kids said they are just clothes. They are right. They are just clothes I like to wear. I does not change who I am.
My wardrobe has probably doubled in the past few months. I have not changed as a person. I just wear different clothes. Clothes that make me feel good. Knowing that I am underdressing at work brings me moments of happiness.
I am happy that I have made new friends and aquaintences on crossdresser heaven. Many with the same or similar stories as mine. It makes me not feel like I am alone in my lifestyle choice. I feel support for myself and others daily.
I am feeling more confident in my choices everyday. I don't have to be like other people. I can be me. The man who likes femme clothing.
I have two more days of freedom. Before I meet up with the family for a weekend of camping. Maybe more freedom once we all get back home.
It sounds like an excellent use of a week’ I’m glad you got the opportunity.
Congratulations on a fun week discovering Tina. Nice to have that time to yourself.
You are not alone Tina. I am very much the same way and have had two weeks of learning a lot about myself also. As the days and weeks progress I realize more and more that my desire and enjoyment of crossdressing is simply having the ability to express ones-self in a way that we may have always wanted, but were for some reasons or another, just not able to. Perhaps age, freedom, secure finances (spending cash) trigger the change.
The biggest draw for me is the unique and different sensations I feel when dressed. I have very short hair and have been hairy all my adult life. When I shaved it all, bought a long hair wig, and forms, the simplest things brought new sensations, feelings, awareness. Take Stockings/Pantyhose as an example...I have worn them before (my wife's) and only for a very short time in the bedroom during self-gratification. NOW having shaved legs, my own pairs that fit me correctly, color and style I like, worn with a skirt or dress...the flow of air around my legs is different, the fabric brushing together, the tingles, tickles all the different sensations. It's like... seeing and feeling the world in a completely different way.
The first time I was able to wear my forms for a full day, I became amazed how after a few hours they no longer felt "fake" or silicon sitting in a pouch. I felt like I did have breasts. The weight, bounce, shifting etc...
The funniest thing happened when I wore my short A line skirt outside for the first time....I suddenly really really cared about wind LOL. After fighting it down half a dozen times I exclaimed "The struggle is real!!" and don't get me started on driving 70 with the windows down and long hair wig! UP IN A PONY TAIL IT GOES!
It's these new experiences and sensations that I love
Unfortunately tonight is the last day of my staycation. I want to have the conversation with my wife about being able to dress en femme evenings and weekends in the house.
During the week I learned a lot about myself. I also had a lot of fun.
I did some in person shopping. I also walked to the mailbox dressed en femme but very safe. I have shopped over the years but have come to a new understanding.
1. While shopping, the salespeople are very friendly and helpful.
2. I do buy used clothing and most of the people I buy it from don't care who buys it. For the most part, they are also friendly and helpful. (occasionally you get the 'your not female look')
3. While shopping, I have never run into anyone I know.
4. People I see in the store or parked outside waiting for their wife may have a problem with me shopping in that store but I don't know them and probably will never run into them again. Even if I did, I won't remember them.
5. On the street I live on, I know two people's names. We went to the same church years ago and they probably would not approve of crossdressing. We mostly do the wave as we pass each other in our vehicles. I do talk to my neighbour on the west side fairly often. The neighbours on the east side I rarely talk to. The person across the street is a cop. It is nice having a cop living on our street. The others on the street are a head nod at best.
6. I want to dress en femme during the evenings and weekends. My wife likes the curtains open.
7. I went back to my former hair cutter. I got my pixie cut. I told her I crossdress and showed her a picture of what I wanted. I guess I got the Jamie Lee Curtis pixie cut. She said she cut the hair of many people transitioning. She also said the person she used to work for has kicked crossdressers out of his shop.
Why does the opinion of people I don't know matter to me. Why does the opinion of people in which their opinion does not matter to me prevent me from shopping and dressing where, when and how I want. They can give me any look they want or say whatever they want.
The opinion of friends and family matters to me. Even though our parent company supports LGBTQ, the people I work with are not supportive. Work is difficult enough without adding this to the mix.
I am much more confident now than I was at the beginning of the week.
