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I've been absent from the site for a while due to my Wife having a fall & shattering her elbow. Was not even a bad fall but she will need surgery to fix the joint.
She is 16 years my senior & the natural physical/mental slowdown (as well as brittle bones) that can come with aging are starting to encroach. Being on the pan end of the spectrum it has never bothered me having an older partner. I love her to bits & I will always be there for her whatever the future brings.
That said, being a natural worrier i'm terrified of the possibility of losing her one day, whilst also being pragmatic enough to understand loss is a part of life & a lot of us are going to lose our soulmate at some point (if we haven't already).
I'd never change the beautiful woman was extremely lucky to fall in love with, but would happily sacrifice years of my life if I could give them to her.
I guess i'm just feeling a lot more aware of how fleeting our time here is at the moment & curious as to how other cope with it?
@leauk My wife and I are a similar age (I'm 2 years older than her). 9 years ago, I had a pretty serious shoulder injury which took a fairly big bit of surgery and a year of rehab from it.
During the first few weeks, my wife had to do everything. The conclusion we drew from it was to make the most of each other and to make sure we enjoy life.
We're aware of getting older and make sure we get plenty of "us" time.
@leauk My wife is 8yrs older and has dementia so I too am scared of losing her both physically as well as mentally. I would gladly give her my 8yrs if I could, so we could be together for a longer period of time than we've had so far. If I had known going in that this would happen, I still would not have changed a thing. I love her and will still love her even when she no longer knows who I am. I hope you have many more years together and they are as loving and fulfilling in the future as they have been in the past.
Lacy
@leauk If I knew going in that she would get this disease I wouldn't change a thing. We raised her two grandsons from the ages of 11 and 14 until they went off to college, they are both doing very well in life and have children of their own now. I love her and will until the day I die. She's a wonderful and loving woman and I'm so lucky to have found her.
Lacy
@leauk Lea,one day at a time.Treasure your time with her,love her and have a great life.
@leauk Since tomorrow is promised to nobody my wife and I treasure all the moments that our day brings. If we don’t see enough moments scheduled on that day’s calendar then we make our own. My wife loves to check her calendar on her phone and say: “Good, no dots on my calendar today.”
And some moments are built in to each day. The morning coffee. Perusing current events at CDH. Doing Wordle. Scanning emails and only reading the good ones. Exercise. Figuring out breakfast and as soon as it’s over - then planning what’s for dinner. Tea every afternoon like the Brits do🥰.
In between the scheduled moments - we have the moments of opportunity. Someone’s going to the thrift store, wanna go? A group is gathering for lunch, wanna go? My loved one is going to run errands with her girlfriends, is Aunt Grace going to be visiting? Does she need help with her photos when I get back home?
I was really concerned 4 years ago as I contemplated retirement thinking: “How do I fill up all that time?” 4 years later I see that the days fill themselves. And I’m going to run out of them at some point with more moments to come that never will.
When I first met her, my future wife told me: “You’re gonna be my retirement guy!” I’m truly grateful and thankful for every day of the journey with my “retirement girl.”🥰
GP
Lea, my wife fell and broke her pelvis last winter and suddenly found out all the things that are in the way of a walker in the house. Then in July she had a seizure and is now on meds to control them, although there has not been any more the thought is always there. Three days later we were rear ended while waiting at a stop light, our car was totaled but not much happened to us. Like you I signed up for the full ride and will do what ever is needed of me, but it did bring to the forefront just how precious our time is. It can all be gone in a matter of moments. I leave each day with a kiss and come home with a kiss no matter what!
@blondsherri Thank you Sherri! A lovely sentiment. I always insist on a kiss when we part.
I am thirteen years older than my wife and we are aware, if things go according to average lifespans, that at some point she is going to be on her own; although hopefully, not too soon. To that end, we have joint wills, we have talked organ donation and funeral arrangements. On a regular basis, I update a list of 'things' she'll need to know if I'm not here anymore. In the list, there are things like bank accounts, subscriptions, insurances, vehicle details, when bills are paid and how, passwords, email addresses, and so on. Such a lot of stuff. I have no doubt I have forgotten to include more than is in there, but it's a start.
I have no qualms about talking about my own death and how, in the fullness of time, my atoms will return to the stars (I'm a confirmed atheist and deal only with scientific certainties). Nobody really wants to die but at the same time, no one gets out of this life alive. For this reason, if for no other, I cross-dress, I ride motorbikes and I spend my money (can't take it with you). I try to enjoy what time I have left, as we all should.
I have an alert mind, I'm interested in many things—indeed, I am at present wading my way through a copy of Gray's Anatomy for Students, some 1200 pages of body stuff. Losing my marbles is probably my greatest fear and yet, ironically, the thing that will in the end, bother me the least since I won't even know it.
Do what you want, when you want (legally and morally please), you have only one life, live it.
On a regular basis, I update a list of 'things' she'll need to know if I'm not here anymore. In the list, there are things like bank accounts, subscriptions, insurances, vehicle details, when bills are paid and how, passwords, email addresses, and so on. Such a lot of stuff. I have no doubt I have forgotten to include more than is in there, but it's a start.
Thanks for this reminder, Becca. Lately, I haven't kept up with these things and need to update our personal information.
For about twenty years, I have learned about how on-line relationships can suddenly go quite because of something unexpected happening. I haven't added any crossdressing information about me yet, for example.
This is something that my daughter will probably have to face, at some point, because I doubt that my wife will put a lot of effort into dealing with things like this.
@rebeccabaxter thank you for reminding me of the need to put together that information. I've been neglecting doing that and need to.
XOXO
Suzanne
@rebeccabaxter Becca, you have a way of wrapping up a topic and putting a bow on it that I admire. As I read your reply and got to the part where probably your biggest fear is “losing your marbles” another irony struck me: Many people, if they find out someone is a crossdresser, would think that - “that person has lost their marbles!” Some of my friends would for sure.
Thanks for the perspective lady.😊
Lea -
So sorry to hear about your situation. I know how difficult it can be.
I'm a couple years older than my wife so I can't understand what you are going thru with an older wife, I do however understand about dealing with illness and death. About 20 years ago my wife a the time suffered from a long illness to which she succumbed. They were difficult times but with the support and love of family I survived.
My current wife had a hip replacement last year and due to an incident this year had to have a knee replacement and just last week a rotator cuff repair. I've taken over the household duties during her recovery periods which isn't that big a deal as we usually share the responsibilities anyway.
It's funny how things work out though. As a result she has come to accept Suzanne more and opened the door for her more than it was. She understands that my dressing helps me deal with stress. While it hasn't been easy her acceptance balances it out.
I wish a speedy recovery for your wife.
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue Thank you Suzanne. Yes, dressing is helping with my stress levels too.
