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I am sure I am not alone in struggling with how to look at women. I hope that with the added perspective people like us have their is an awareness of the discomfort that can come from being looked at a little too long/closely. My wife's presence and opinions have also made me a lot more conscious of this and I only get less and less patient with (mostly older) men who feel they have the right to oogle and comment, even just amongst themselves. However, with the double admiration many of us feel this is so difficult! I try to keep in mind their discomfort and cultural conditioning to feel like I have the right to linger, but with so much beauty around how could I deprive myself of the (ideally polite) pleasure?
How do you cope with this? I have managed to think about the sexual aspect a lot less and feel like this can come off. Maybe I've got my eyes on her, but she can tell I'm not thinking about "the plow," I hope. At the same time, how does "thinking about how good it must feel in that outfit" look on a face like mine?
Great topic for conversation. I can’t say I have not done my fair share of ogling, but after having a daughter and now a granddaughter , I have tried to be sensitive how they would feel and not do that again. However, I must admit as a CD, I do look, but now I look for different reasons. I am trying to see what she is wearing, shoes, purse, makeup, etc. I am trying to observe so I can present a better Michelle.
I'm not sure its an actual look thats given, but I think and am told its true by some (sure hope so) that most women have the intuition to tell the difference between a preditor and an admirer. I do look often but its more now of the latter and less of the former. I'd like to say the politically incorrect #me too term 'doable' is certainly far less prevalant in my mind than it used to be, but there are still some WOW people (all genders) out there to be noticed and beheld. Many do it, us included, for that reason.
This is something I've been working through lately as well. Especially with autumn weather coming, I've been trying to watch how girls around my age and size act and dress, but recently, I've been examining their makeup. If not the face, then I'm hoping they have on interesting shoes. Make up is new to me, as is how much and how often I'm allowing Tiffany to come out. So trying to examine, compare, think about, learn about, makeup keeps my eyes on the face and (ideally) away from anywhere else too long, so that hopefully they don't get the wrong impression! Then I can glance down every so often, if and when appropriate, to better look at her.
i am very decidely in the camp of those who look to pick up shoe, makeup, clothing tips.
relatedly, women stare and oogle and comment (about men) every bit as much as men get accused of doing to women.
i actually find that when talking amongst their friends, women come clean. they are actually far more into oogling men (and far less virtous/threatened/insulted/etc) then they want their husbands to believe. Normally. Whatever "normally" may mean here.
When I'm looking it's definitely to analyse & appreciate , I get envious & definitely curious about outfits , styles woman can wear. I'm thinking, I want to be her not have sex with her . I see styles & take that idea to my next professional dressing day , I notice changes in make-up , nails, styles in aomen I regularly see through work , I'll complement them & they like that I've noticed .
It makes me feel female , as men aren't usually noticing subtle changes xx Tiff
Hey Jenny , I totally relate to this , my mindset is I want to be her xxTiff
When I first began dressing fully fem, guys wanted to get to know me and do things for me. And all they wanted in return was to place their hand on my thigh and slip it under my dress.
I've been catcalled, had professions of love, been told how they would do things I would love between my legs. I've been pursued on foot and followed in the car. Want to know why many girl's dress down? This happens to them all the time.
I've discovered my wife is far more judgemental than I am, when it comes to the fashion choices of total strangers, which is curious because I'd describe her as the least "fashion minded" lady I know. I often notice the shoes first, but when we're together, we might point out a certain lady's outfit or shoes to each other. Such a conversation led to me purchasing some very cute mary jane pumps. A simple fillup at the gas station, where my wife noticed a young ladies absolutely adorable flats, led to me politely commenting to this total stranger about how cute her shoes were and asking were she bought them. I got a friendly smile and a simple answer, and we parted ways.
I suppose I never put much thought into how I might look at/admire a total stranger. In my experience, using what used to be common polite niceties, most people react warmly to a simple compliment from a total stranger. Maybe I've just mastered the art of not coming off as a "creeper"? lol
I've found that when I've gone out fully femme, women love it when I admire their clothes, shoes, make-up completely point blank and openly.
They, likewise, are quick to exchange compliments, and from talking to many women, you can build up a picture of what they don't mention as something to work on.
It was a revelation to me the first time I went clubbing en femme, and I get a total high from not only looking and admiring as much as I like, but basking in the returns!
In male mode, I am very careful not to let my gaze linger too long on an outfit - but once or twice I've caught my chin practically hitting the ground as I've thought "I must track down a dress like that - look how it hangs, look at the colour, look at those shoes!!!!".
Both times I met the wearers eyes inadvertently, and smiled in a slightly caught way - but the wearers both surprised me with something that looked like thanks in their smile.
Both times were at work, and I do dress sharp as befits my role...
I wonder what their reaction would be if they knew why I was looking!
Love Laura
I definitely have looked at women in the past and ogled how they looked. But after having my daughter that thinking changed especially during her teenage years. Now after talking to her and the constant unwanted attention she gets from guys I try to be very cognizant of how I look at a lady. When a woman catches my eye now it's because of what she is wearing. Especially if she is my size and shape. But I'm still hyper aware not to stare and make them feel uncomfortable.
As time goes on and confidence grows
Done up to the nines and striking a pose
The lady looks good as far as it goes
She'd look so much better if wearing my clothes
Only kidding....Sally.
Recently I was in a store. I noticed 3 fairly young and attractive girls. One of them was wearing a short dress. I looked of course. I also noticed other glances towards her. One guy was with a kid. He stopped looking at he kid and glanced at her.
I guess it's kind of natural. If I go out as Patty in a short dress, shiny pantyhose and heels I get lots of glances. Probably even more than she did. I'm much taller, my legs are shiny in my pantyhose and I'm usually wearing 4 in pumps or platform wedges. It's impossible not to notice that.
I am exactly the same!