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Hi ladies and girls. I have been a crossdresser since I was in my early teens (so 35 years + now!) and for a long time I was deeply ashamed of my secret. Around 10 years ago I was able to share it with my wife which was a total game changer and she has been very accepting and supporting. Since then, I have built up a lovely collection of clothes, shoes and make up which i openly store in my wardrobe nd have spent many an evening with her en-femme and have even been to a makeover and photoshoot which was a wonderful thrill and helped me feel incredibly feminine. Here's the problem though, my desire to be Polly has just fallen away to nothing of late and whereas 20 years ago I would have been overjoyed to have been rid of what I thought of as a curse, now I am really missing my feminine side. Now I look at my girly clothes and shoes and they just seem to be anachronous to my life. I know crossdressing urges come and go, but this is very different from a feeling of wanting to purge my stuff out of shame. I miss Polly terribly as i came to accept that she was a very real part of me.. but I can't force the desire to dress, its just not there anymore. Has anyone else ever experienced this and did the feelings ever return? I wonder if I will ever feel the swish of a dress hem on nylon again or the fabulous feeling of swaying my booty in heels 🙁
Based on your description it would seem we are similar in age. In my teens and early 20's I dressed in private from time as I had the opportunity. In my late 20's I married and my very supportive and accepting wife allowed me to dress at home even helping me from time to time. I was deeply conflicted due to a strict religious upbringing that made me feel terrible each time I dressed. I would go sometimes many months without dressing and would purge vowing to stop but the baseline desire remained. Life was really busy with young children and a growing career so my degree of desire would drop to almost invisible for times but then reappear suddenly. This pattern continued for over 20 years. After my children grew up, married, and moved out the desire came back and I began dressing almost daily. I work from home so I have the opportunity whenever I like and the desire remains pretty consistent. In the past year I started going out into the real world dressed with my wife and it has become more normalized to me. Knowing that I can dress pretty much when I want to and will get the chance to go out a regular schedule does take some of the excitement and building anticipation out of it but the background desire remains. I can't say that I ever remember a time where I had absolutely zero desire to dress. If it is something you do miss, have you tried dressing even without the desire just to see if that would Kickstart your desire?
I find that just getting fully enfem to go somewhere or do something 🤔 thats over in a matter of minutes. Puts a damper on dressing. When I can get my girl on for hours I'm more excited to let Fran have fun!
I hope that this is a passing feeling and that the Pink Fog of being Polly will resume once again!
Fran 🥰
@gafran I feel you. However I've fallen in a cravats of whatever funk. Or why bother quicksand.
@pollyanna273 Hiya Polly: nice to hear from another Midland girl (yes, you're on the wrong side of the Midlands, but seeing as my Grandmother was from Leamington I can't complain really...) It seems that you have exactly the same problem as I did a little while back; the urge to dress just seems to disappear and there is no reason you can see why that should be so. In my case, I had just about given up, till one morning I went to buy my newspaper and there - coming out of the newsagents - was this girl... Now, I love girls - they really are my deepest and most intense interest - but I couldn't claim she was anything particularly exceptional (though she was still very beautiful in my eyes.) What caught my eyes, however, were her shoes... 4" heels, slim, elegant, perfectly complementing her tights and her legs... It took roughly 0.17 seconds to totally rekindle my interest in pulling on some tights and a mini-skirt. You may think that the urge has gone; I just think that it may merely be dormant and one day, and for no particular reason, you'll suddenly find that you just can't wait for the next time you get to be Polly... Don't give up - and we'll always be here for you. Love: Alice.
@pollyanna273 Polly, your desire to feel the swish of your dress on nylons seems like the desire to dress. 😊
I seem to have lost much if not all of desire to get my girl on. Advancing age and old injuries make dressing no longer the fun it used to be. I still think feminine but have no desire to present that way. That said, I think I am in the minority of girls like us. We are all individuals and each of us will be different, one from the other.
I'm trans so take this with a big dose of salt.
I wear what I want every day, and most days, I dress casually. Clothes don't define who I am or how I feel about myself. That's inside me. Whether I'm wearing a killer outfit or sweat pants, I'm still a happy trans girl.
I can't say I've lost interest in wearing nice clothes and looking good. I just don't do it as often. I get dressed up less often now than when my opportunities were much more limited. Don't get me wrong. I DO like to look good on occasion. It's a treat.
I've learned that being authentic has little to do with the clothes I wear. How I see myself and conduct myself says more than any outfit.
Maybe Polly has become more integrated into who you are. Maybe she's telling you she doesn't always need to wear nice clothes to be real. Try wearing a pair of women's jeans and a casual top and see how you feel. You might be surprised.
Hope you got something from that.
Liz xx
I usually do just that. Sometimes with hip and ass padding. Usually do my hair and ear rings. Not easy when u work at a farm store, but for the most part haven't had any problems with that. Until recently I had been transitioning, but my meds went from 30 to 111 so yaaaa none of that.
@pollyanna273 Cycles like this have been a part of my experience as long as I can remember. Every time it happened though, the feelings came back and were always stronger than ever for me. I purged out of shame as you mention a number of times and always regretted it. I wish I still had a number of things I lost in purges over the years!
In your case, I would suggest giving yourself time. I would strongly suggest just boxing your things up and putting them aside. Purges can be a real waste. Be sure not to try to force things as this could only make your feelings worse. Good luck and which ever way things turn out, I wish you nothing but happiness!
Hi Polly,
Sory to hear that you are going through a blue period. Sometimes it's as simple as that, you're a bit down, and and then suddenly you're back up again.
I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to go with if I do, so I'm not often one for glam and dressing up in front of a mirror, but obviously each to their own.
I find I don't need to do a lot to feel 'right' on any given day, but I do need something. I know this has been touched on by other threads where posters have commented on dressing being an 'all or nothing' event for them, and at the other end others - myself included - just add in bits and pieces to the mix on an everyday basis.
And like some here. I'm lucky to have my long hair, my pierced ears typically sporting small drop earrings in them and quite often my neutral clothes are from the women's rack anyway. And lucky again, I'm retired, living alone, so I don't have to conform to family expectations or work dress standards (lol, not that I ever did).
So I'd agree with other's suggestions that you could maybe just try to add something to your everyday mix and see how it goes?
Emma x
It will be interesting to see how common this is for us crossdressers. For me, I don't get a lot of opportunities to dress so I crave it and the desire keeps getting stronger.
@michellemybell my desires have got stronger as I've got older and even more so since I've been on this site . I think my "persuasion" is a huge contributing factor in that respect .
I suspect now that the secret is out and nothing requires concealing that that has removed part of the thrill that you once had and makes the activity less interesting for you.
I bet if you planned a day for yourself that you might regain some of the joy.
A few members here have described changes that you are feeling.
For some, there seems to be a relationship with the style of crossdressing and how much time and effort that it takes to get ready. That isn't the only reason, of course, but I have heard it mentioned more than once.
If you feel the effort is too daunting at times, how about dressing more casually for a while?
A few more girls will have better feedback for you.
I am older and dressed on and off through the years, nothing regular. Fast forward to now, I don't dress often but my hair is long, ears are pierced and body hair epilated. I don't wear women's clothing and makeup very often, but deep inside of me I feel very feminine. My long hair and earrings help that feeling. I feel like I grieve my past of burying these feelings. It was the feeling that something was wrong with me that made me deny who I was. I now realize that there was nothing wrong with me. Everyone's journey is different.
My long hair and earrings help that feeling. I feel like I grieve my past of burying these feelings. It was the feeling that something was wrong with me that made me deny who I was. I now realize that there was nothing wrong with me.
Snap, Dee!
I'm not "out" but for the last few years I have lived on my own so can dress whenever I like and I suppose like all pleasures, we can get tired of it. Since it is no longer a treat to dress feminine I have adopted an attitude that they are just clothes and I need to wear clothes so why not wear them. I tend to plan an outfit in the evening for the next day, If I don't plan I just end up in the same old things (typically leggings and a top for me). I don't bother with the glam, no wig, may be a touch of mascara or lippy but basically just wearing the clothes.
This may not feel like being Polly to you but it may help to keep you in touch with a little part of that side of you.
There are some great responses here. Thanks everyone for taking the time to leave some advice. I will be patient and hope the girl in me starts to make herself known again!
Hi from another Polly! I know what you mean - but remember, no-one forces you to have cross-dressing as an interest. Like many activities such as art, writing or various hobbies, the degree of activity may come and go. The fact you are still empathetic to cross-dressing and interested in it makes you no less an ally. To me, having a 'femme' name is partly just a way to refer to the CD activity overall, whatever level it's at, though for social reasons we need a femme or at least neutral name to go out and about. A film critic, for example, can admire films without ever making one or even wanting to. It doesn't make their knowledge and interest less sincere.
Polly, I'm feeling more in a rut, myself. It's a combination of things for me. One aspect was that I had gone to a crossdressing prom in my area (Mass.) in January. Since then, I've done some underdressing (which I've been doing for quite some time), but not much else.
I would like be very presentable, but multiple factors are in my way, including my motivation to do so. Another aspect is the intimidation of makeup. I would agree with one of the responses here and to NOT purge, but put them aside until you feel more inclined to dress.
I don't have many opportunities as I don't live alone, but that's not the driving reason lately, so I feel similarly to you. For myself, I'm trying to simply bide my time, and try little things once in a while in the hopes that the spark will light up at some point.
