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when i get into one of these phases in which i'm almost fully certain i am a trans woman i think of how my coming out to my wife as a cd went. we all hope for full acceptance and encouragement but almost never get it, but what does that say about our partners and relationships? it's hard to say and can drive you crazy. my wife was pretty harsh and knowing her it's because even in less weighty topics she gets very anxious about the worst possible outcome. i couldn't be any further dishonest with her so even with her most extreme questions i would have to say "i don't know" - an answer which bothers her immensely to ANY question.
however, as i recall those awful days, and wonder if a person who couldn't accept me as a man who could *possibly* want to become a woman really loves me i remember the confirmation that came with it. it wasn't fun to hear and it may have made me push myself further into the closet than ever, but she was panicking about the short life expectancy of trans women. for every heartbreaking expression of her inability to even cope with the image of me en femme, in the end it was the fear of losing me to an early death that bothered her the most.
dark as that is, knowing love that real gives me all the hope i could need (at least at this moment) that i will one day settle find my truth and still keep everything else that i have made and need.
I think we all wish that our spouse/So woudl be fully accepting supportive, encourage us, participate and get turned on by our dressing. But the reality is that rarely happens fully. We might get some of those tings...but rarely all of them.
It does make me wonder what goes through their ladies head as to why they cannot wrap their head around our dressing. we are still the same person, just we enjoy dressing up.
One of the things my wife said to me was that her biggest fear in all of this was losing me. She still has a hard time with this, but accepts it out of love. Neither of us are in our first marriage, and we both know that it takes work, that both of us have to want it to work. Happily we do both want it, and make the necessary compromises. She's not going to lose me to transition or anything I can foresee related to this lifestyle. I don't want to lose her either.
Bridgette
I know that someday my wife is going to lose me, I am 75 and have been diagnosed with prostate cancer, so I am most likely going to go before her. We just celebrated our silver anniversary last week so we are in this for the long haul. And we still have a good physical relation for our age.
On the other part of this thread my wife is over all very supportive of my dressing and likes most of the things that I have gotten. She bought my purse, wallet and a wedding set for Leslie as my Christmas presents. And she just complimented my ear rings. The only issue she/we have had is about my coming out to her family. They are kind of old style conventional RC folks who aren’t understanding of anything out of the “normal”social/sexual norms. I guess you can’t have everything in this life.
i know one day i will get there. we're still planning on more kids and are looking forward to a life in which we can get more direct time together and i don't want to spoil that either, but i know she will see how happy it makes me one day. every birthday a part of me is hoping for makeover or a dress or something else girly, just to show me exactly where she stands. she says she just wants to know how i feel but i know her reaction will be worse than her actual thoughts on it. does that make sense? she is open and accepting, but her head just goes beyond that and turns to a panicked "why me??"
