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Hi Girls,
I had a makeup lesson today and my instructor asked me if ever thought that I did not like being male. I told her no - in fact I love my male life, but I do have deep drive to present as feminine. I really enjoy the "male" things in my life like being a father, a husband, playing sports and hanging out with other men discussing hockey or football or politics over beer. So she asked me how I reconcile the desire to look feminine when I can also be a "guy's guy".
Like most of you I assume - I have had this desire to present feminine since I was very young. I dressed feminine and went to gay bars in my 20's a few times. But then got married and ignored the desire for a while when we had kids - but of course it came storming back. There is an emotional need that goes unmet if I don't dress. My heart was pounding today as the makeup lesson came to a close today and I got dressed and took some photos, a couple of which I uploaded to this site. I just love putting makeup on - and the since I put lipstick on last - that is the moment that pushes me into bliss. The smell, feel and taste of lipstick - it is just fabulous. So I cant dismiss this strong desire to and deep emotional need to appear feminine as a fad or fetish - and I left unable to explain how I can be two people.
So she said "maybe you are not meant to understand" - so don't try. She said maybe I am a little gender fluid - happy being a man most of the time but with a strong need to be feminine other times.
I don't know where I am on any scale or which box I fit into - so I am going to try to take her advice and forget about trying to understand why. Maybe I am not meant to know why. I mean really - today I have been walking on clouds and filled with happiness hours - just because I took a makeup lesson, got dressed and posted a couple of pics. If it is that easy to be happy - why not just go with and stop worrying.
So here we go - I don't know why I am a crossdresser, but I am really pleased that I am because dressing gives so much happiness that otherwise would not have
P.S. - I have already booked another lesson
Thanks for sharing Kendra. I am much like you in how I feel about the two parts of Gina. Also like you, I don't overthink it. I live both personas to their fullest
Wow Kendra, I feel exactly the way you do but I could never put it in words as beautifully as you just did. Well, I'm going to take your friends advice also. Thank you so much for sharing this.
xoxo
Jessica
Kendra love your story I too enjoy my time being a man, love my family and be there father and most of all husband. My feelings are some what confusing and then thoughts gender fluid and yes that in a way makes things more clearly. I too don't know why I feel this way but when dressed I do fine such a relaxing glow and at peace. I enjoy my manhood but bringing out Stephenie I feel brings the best in me in so many ways . My wife loves her new husband but she still cautious on how this is going to go. Makeup the last Frontier then the complete me, can't wait. Again enjoyed your reading and best wishes ahead . 🌹
I'm pretty much the same way too. I like being a man and doing so called manly things but love becoming Patty. I've been dressing to some degree since I was 4. I partially dressed fem out in public at 17 and went fully fem at 18.
I dressed all the time through college and often several years after college. Then kids and life came along and Patty went away for a long time. Kids grew up and went off on their own and Patty came back.
I dress everyday at home and love it. I go out as often as I can. Always in pantyhose of course, and often too short dress and too high heels. It's not really a great blend in look but I love it and it's a thrill and rush I just can't get from anything else. I love being a crossdresser.
oh Kendra, i am so glad you shared this -
I love to read other girls posts here because it helps me better understand how complex these feelings are that we are exploring - and not trying to 'understand them' works well for me.
i am not crazy about being a man, though i don't want to be Julie full-time. i know that the more i embrace the feminine, the better (more compassionate & patient) father and husband i become.
and Julie loves the New York Rangers just as much as my male self does...
As I like the Sharks
I am very much the same. I love the guy side of my life, and the flirting (I'm currently single), I have a great job, and a really good life right now.
But, when I come home after a long day at work, sometimes I just take off what I am wearing and slip into something comfortable. Sometimes that is just shorts and a t-shirt, sometimes it's leggings and a cute top, sometimes that's a summer dress, stiletto sandals, lipstick, earrings, etc.
I really do dress in whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it,...
Although sometimes I find myself standing in front of the closet looking at all those cute dresses, heels, stockings, tights, bras and panties, thinking "What do I want to wear..." for Far Too Long.
this post really got to me. sorry that probably isn't the best way to put it since it sounds negative when I mean the complete reverse. when I have talked to people about my cross dressing they have almost all followed up the conversation with so you are trans to which I say no. say this because to me at least trans would be someone who feels they are in the wrong body compared to their mind. I don't not have I ever felt this way. I like be male i feel I am in the right body and mind although I also have this need when I cross dress to pass as female. to me it is about if I'm going to do it i should go all the way not because I feel I need to. for me it is enjoyable so reading this makes me feel better as I am not the only one who feels this way.
thanks Rachel for the response from your heart. If I was in Glasgow with you I would buy a pint of McEwans
<span style="color: #777777; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 14px;">thanks Rachel for the response from your heart. If I was in Glasgow with you I would buy a pint of McEwans</span>
I honestly cannot wait for the day for when I can be walking on clouds and full of happiness because of a makeup session. I know that I am definitely gender-fluid because like Rachel said if I want to dress up I want to go all the way. Sometimes I would even get a little dysphoric when I would wear my lingerie or clothes and see that I do not have feminine features. This being said it's not an all the time thing and it only happens when I want to be feminine. I honestly enjoy being a guy and doing "guy" things. I definitely don't understand why I have the strong desire to be feminine sometimes but I'll take your post to heart and try not to understand it. Thank you very much for this wonderful post!
Like Terra i have no idea how or why i am a crossdresser. All i know, as Bronwyn, its peace of mind.
A wonderful desciption!! Over the last few years I have been questioning my feelings as I dress. I am coming to the conclusion that I am at least gender fluid, and that my female side may be stronger than I thought. I do enjoy being male, but there is just something more about feeling female that has become more and more natural. I am on a journey and am fortunate that I have a couple of female friends who will be there with me.
It is my belief that, after decades of explorations into different outlets for crossdressing, that we tend to spend too much of our time trying to figure out what label fits us. Why do we need a label?
All of us here have one thing in common, and that is on one level or another we have become open to exploring our feminine side, whether that is adding one element of what may be considered feminine to our appearance (I once encountered a member who loved to wear women's pierced earrings and didn't have any desire to dress beyond that - I assured her she was "one of us"), or it is a decision that we wish to fully transition into what we've come to realize is our truer female self.
No matter what direction your journey takes you in, at the center of it is you being who you are, and not seeking to fit in with some label. There are those out there who will tell you that you "need to do this" or you "aren't committed" when you tell them you aren't interested in transitioning or that you don't desire to present as female all the time. There is enough hatred in the world without us attacking and belittling each other or feeling that we have to meet someone else's standard.
Be "thrilled to be a crossdresser." Love and accept yourself and embrace the journey you are on. It is never over, it is always ongoing, and as has often been said, "It is the journey and not the destination" that matters.
