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Now here's a question. In meeting with a group of other cross-dressers I'm sure I would have no idea how to act. At the initial meeting, do we shake hands, kiss once or twice on the cheek or just say 'sup' with a nod of the head?
What do we talk about? Just cross-dressing, outfits, makeup, underwear, significant others? Or do we talk about fixing cars, women, science, sport? Perhaps medical conditions we've had ( ) , jobs we've done, academic achievements, how much money we all earn, how big our houses are.
I'm sure the people who have been to Keystone, and other events, would know about these things. How did it go for you? What DID you talk about? Was it uncomfortable at first, what made it get easier—alcohol and/or camaraderie?
As cross-dressers at a meet-up, are we not only trying to look like women, but also trying to behave and act with feminine mannerisms, or are we just talking men-things while wearing dresses?
I've never met another cross-dresser to speak to, so it's all a bit of a mystery as to what happens.
I'd probably have problems anyway because I don't talk even to non-cross-dresser groups of people all that well as I am an introvert, but I'm curious as to how it's done with CDers.
Becca
Hi Becca!
I haven't met any crossdress off site yet either. I am not worried though. I have 2 never fail topics that always inspire lively conversations.
First I jump in and talk about my favorite political candidate and list all the reasons why those voting for other candidates are complete idiots.
If that topic winds down I go for my second topic which is of course my religion. I tell them boldly why it is the only sensible religion to belong to and that if they don't comply and convert, they are going to blazes.
Hope this helps.
Hugs,
Autumn
Seriously though.... I would also appreciate some constructive direction in this area 😉
If I am meeting people I don't know, I'd probably stick with a handshake unless they moved in for a hug. But if I'm meeting with someone I know (perhaps only virtually from this site), a hug is probably OK. But if your uncomfortable hugging and want to do a handshake, that's fine too.
As to what to talk about, it's not that different from a cocktail party. We don't often talk about "girly" topics, such as fashion, makeup, jewelry, shopping, etc. It's not off the table, a nice compliment can get the conversation going there. But you can talk about anything you like. You can talk about your journeys, about yourselves or others, sports, news, anything you like. A brief intro can be made if you like, or just listen in to a conversation and add something when appropriate. You probably don't want to get into heated debates about politics. But you can talk about pretty much anything. Just because you're wearing a dress doesn't mean you have to restrict your conversation to crossdressing.
My point is to not overthink it. You're meeting people, just have a conversation with them. If you happen to go into crossdressing topics, that's fine, but that shouldn't be exclusive. Find out about each other and find a common interest to talk about.
Ha Ha Autumn, Nice reply. So OK, I've finished my work and it's an hour before midnight and in honesty I'll tell all of you (Becca, Chrissie and Autumn) what would be a typical first meet for me. I'm out and open and do meet lots of folks in the LGBTIQ+ community regularly (and not just crossdressers but really most first meets are all about the same for me). It's really much like meeting any group of folks for the first time. Try to be alert, fun, interested and kind. You can shake hands or hug if it seems appropriate. If you're a newbie everyone will know so just relax and learn what you can. Most people will be kind and remember when they were newbies too and cut you some slack. Don't get drunk and drool or swear but laugh and apologize when you misspeak or make a mistake. Dial it back when you start. Here's a typical meet for me in stream of consciousness writing.....me saying "Oh Hi! It's so nice to see you. I really enjoy/like your posts, your shoes, your dress, your, jewelry, your make up, etc"....(choose one and then let them talk). Then next...I'm Marg Produe and I'm an intersex person from Wisconsin.....then be quiet again and let them talk....they may ask you about yourself...where did you get that dress, I really love it...(I made it, I'm a costumer)..what's an intersex person?...What's a costumer do...is that like cosplay..(sort of, think like making Dancing with the Stars costumes)...oh, I sew too and have a sewing machine..my grandma taught me.... And so the evening goes on and we talk about sore feet and muscle cars and life in the military and ex wives and current wives and children and holidays and we really are not much different than meeting another family at your kids school event. If things seem to cool down then just excuse yourself and say that you need to touch base with someone else or they are playing your song and you need to dance your feet off etc. Say that it was nice to meet them and perhaps we will get a chance to meet later and talk some more. Easy peasy. And if you meet someone and they don't at all seem interested in talking to you then perhaps you just need to give them their space and don't take it personally. Then do find someone else to talk to or just have a quiet time at the bar and check your phone. Just smile and be approachable but don't be pushy. Most people are at events to meet and learn and have fun. Just do the same and don't be worried. Party on, Marg
The last two CDs I met and the conversations I had were as follows:
Most recent - about larger size heels and where to find them
The previous was discussing the merits of gravy on chips and if you put gravy on, do you do it before or after vinegar.
Both times I was in drab and introduced myself, they were en-femme.
This post may not go over well with most of you, but I'll say it anyway. Ive been to diva Las Vegas and wild side a few times. While it was nice to be out dressed as Emily, Something inside of me just felt like I was just another guy dressed as a girl with a bunch of others doing the same. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming and the conversations were great, but somehow I just felt weird and out of sync with my Emily side. I am most comfortable when dressed just with my wife or other girls bc I tend to feel and act more like them. I guess I just don't want to feel like a guy in a dress, but more like the true woman inside of me
Becca, Hi. The ONE time I met another crossdresser, it was like meeting any other person for the first time, except we were both wearing women's clothes.
I don't remember hugging (I'm not a big hugger), or shaking hands, but we did look at each other, smile and offer friendly greetings, just like meeting any other person.
Then we made awkward small talk, found some common interests - crossdressing was one, duh - and both enjoyed the get together. The conversation topics were varied, gal stuff guy stuff, you name it.
One thing, I really enjoyed meeting another person who had the same interest in crossdressing that I have. Was a very enjoyable experience. If you get a chance, I highly recommend it!! Have fun, Staci...
@rebeccabaxter I'm not really one for standard conventions, I can only tell you that I play it by ear.
On my first actual greeting with someone, if I've never had any interaction with them, then it's a smile and a handshake. If they're a CDHer or someone I've chatted with online then it will likely be a hug.
If I've met them in person before, then it's a hug from me for sure. If we're good friends, a light peck on the check (respect the makeup) or air-kiss is often the case.
But then, sometimes that's all irrelevant because the other person moves in for a hug, or kisses me on the cheek, or just offers their hand.
So it's case-by-case, really. You do you and sod the 'rules'. 😉
What a fun topic! Now I get to tell how I managed the first time I met up with other crossdressers
Not badly at all as it turned out. I was a little nervous about not sounding or moving or acting like a woman, but the others present were mostly talking in their normal male voices so shortly I gave up trying to sound like a woman. That took a lot of the pressure off.
We chatted about the major topic at hand of course, and many many others. I got to tell some of my story over the course of the afternoon. A lot of us were involved in quite masculine lines of work, several of us had families, and a couple had understanding wives.
The venue was a private home and was hosted by a woman who does makeovers for crossdressers. I didn't opt for a makeover myself, thinking I might pick up a few tips, but that didn't happen because I spent most of the time just chatting.
I echo the sentiments of those who would prefer to be crossdressed among genuine women. It's like having permission to play in their sandbox.But no such women are available to me at the moment. So I decided to take the opportunity to attend the event.
I understand it might feel a bit weird at first to those who haven't met with other sisters yet and I"d be lying if I said it didn't put me a bit out of my comfort zone. But really, the only difficult step is the first one. I came out of my experience with both my skin and my psyche intact, and if you do your homework and exercise a little common sense, then chances are quite high you will too.
Going out and dressing up is definitely more fun that staying home alone.
Rayna
When meeting people for the first time, GG women often don't go for a handshake but just say hello. For many cd's it's the same, for some it's not. Just go with the flow and see how it goes. What you'll find is that you will soon have many new friends or acquaintances because the sense of sisterhood among us girls is very strong. GG women hug others a lot so CD/trans girls take their cue from that and often do likewise. It's a very comforting gesture to give and receive a hug. Feels good!
I realize just this minute I am going to be a good girl and do the hug and the kissy cheek thing at meetups. At a recent meetup the hostess did not pause one bit, but immediately did the hug. And now I am remembering as I said hello to girls, a couple of them taken aback at my outstretched hand.... Oh. So THAT'S why they reacted that way...
And another thing!! Wow! From my teaching days kids would come at me to hug and I would snap myself sideways so it could not be a front-to-front hug. At reunions or church the occasional hug - I would lean way in so our chests nor any part of the front would touch. Maybe it's me. But the teaching job, I'm not gonna set myself up and there's an administrator or somebody got the cellphone recording the whole thing. It is a habitual, self-preservation reaction. Ironically, a couple of the impressively busty teachers would have their 3rd grade boys run up for a hug and nuzzle their faces right in there omg it looked like foreplay.
But getting back to the greeting style in our community, from my observations of GG's, I think it is a very good idea that it is a front-to-front hug and our chests meet. The pressing together of breasts as part of the greeting, maybe it is a reaffirmation of womanhood. then add in the woman's style cheek-to-cheek faux kiss.
I'm committing myself right now to making it part of who I am.
hugs. and kisses.
Dani
Leave it to humans to take a simple thing like hugs and make it WAY over complicated!
Call me immature Dani - but going “front-to-front” and pressing breasts together with an attractive CD upon initial meetings could be dangerous for a primitive juvenile such as myself.
And I’m certain that “chest bumps” are probably completely inappropriate in those situations as well.
Hi Becca as I'm a introvert too i wouldn't know how to act too, I'm sure the other girls will soon put your mind at ease and help you to come out of your shell, I've not met any other crossdresser's either, i think you should just go with the flow and see where you end up, I would love to attend a venue like keystone or Leeds first Friday,
Hugs Roz X
Hello Ladies, Thank you Becca for the topic as this does resonate with most of us ladies. Personally as Kathi, I would love to meet other ladies, I just feel I can't compete with most of you beautiful ladies, looks, comfort, confidence..... I will say, as a retired executive meeting many professionals from many countries, when meeting a new acquaintance, I always give a slight "Bow" with a smile and look into their eyes. Acknowledgement is meet, Politeness is meet, and they have the next move, hand shake, hug ( European) or a slight bow as well. For me, there is comfort for all that invites conversation. Expect this courtesy when you meet Kathi. Loves 🙂