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Featured Meeting other cross-dressers

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Posts: 1277
Topic starter
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Now here's a question. In meeting with a group of other cross-dressers I'm sure I would have no idea how to act. At the initial meeting, do we shake hands, kiss once or twice on the cheek or just say 'sup' with a nod of the head?

What do we talk about? Just cross-dressing, outfits, makeup, underwear, significant others? Or do we talk about fixing cars, women, science, sport? Perhaps medical conditions we've had ( Extreme Shock ) , jobs we've done, academic achievements, how much money we all earn, how big our houses are.

I'm sure the people who have been to Keystone, and other events, would know about these things. How did it go for you? What DID you talk about? Was it uncomfortable at first, what made it get easier—alcohol and/or camaraderie?

As cross-dressers at a meet-up, are we not only trying to look like women, but also trying to behave and act with feminine mannerisms, or are we just talking men-things while wearing dresses?

I've never met another cross-dresser to speak to, so it's all a bit of a mystery as to what happens.

I'd probably have problems anyway because I don't talk even to non-cross-dresser groups of people all that well as I am an introvert, but I'm curious as to how it's done with CDers.

Becca

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86 Replies
38 Replies
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1709

@rebeccabaxter Becca, what an absolutely enthralling topic. This question has engaged me on a regular basis. Just about everything you say resonates. I'm quite excited to hear what the girls have to say. Fairly recently I turned down the opportunity to meet with a number of girls from this site. It would have been the trip of a lifetime, particularly for someone who has never been out en femme, and has left me with any number of regrets which I am still struggling to deal with. 

Whilst my primary reason was simply that it wasn't at all practical, it is also true that I just didn't have the confidence. And like you I also had the sense that I just wouldn't know how to behave. I've posted before that I suspect I'd just thrust out a good old British stiff upper lip hand to shake. As regards the conversation, well I know next to nothing about the dark arts of fashion and makeup. I would probably quiz my fellow ladies endlessly on their approach to what we do.

I'm with you Becca, I'm a bit of an introvert, and a bit grumpy. I mean it wasn't always that way. I used to be the life and soul of the party when I was younger, but that landed me in quite a few scrapes and I think my brain has over-adjusted as a safety mechanism. As regards the conversation, well I'm good with sport and medical conditions 😂. My overriding worry, given my inexperience of all things girly, is that my female presentation would not be on a par with my fellow dressers. Like you I've never met (or even seen, to my knowledge) another crossdresser. Although, come to mention it, there's a bloke down my regular pub who goes half way, which just seems wrong to me. 

So come on girls, spill the beans. How should it be? I've got a lot to learn.

Hugs, Chrissie xx. 

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3838

@chrisfp99 

Chrissie you are beautiful inside and out.  When the time comes to meet your girlfriends IRL, you are going to be welcomed with open arms.  All you have to do is get out there and be yourself.  It's really that simple. 

You are going to have a grand time.  Next year.

Hugs, Liz xx

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Baroness
(@jennifercd)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Riverside, California, United States of America
Posts: 327

@lizk

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1444

@chrisfp99 Chrissie, you really don't have to worry, hon.  How well you're doing it just isn't an issue.  Gatherings of CD's, existing friends or no, are a celebration of doing it, full stop.  And you'd definitely get a hug from me, were you en femme or otherwise 🙂

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1709

@finallyfiona Thank you Fluff. Hopefully I can look forward to the hug at some stage xx.

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3838

@rebeccabaxter 

Don't overthink this Becca.

Guys shake hands.  Girls hug.  Be yourself. Smile!

You're among friends.  Your sisters.  We remember what it was like our first time.  We'll be delighted that you are there.  We're going to do everything we can to make you comfortable.  It'll get easier as the minutes slip by.

I've been doing this a long time.  I've yet to meet someone that didn't loosen up within a few minutes.  Trust me.  You are going to be okay.  We're going to make sure of it.

I'm keeping this simple because it really is.  Get out there.  Be yourself.  Live in the moment.  Have fun!

Big Hug, Liz

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

@rebeccabaxter , it sounds as if you are over-thinking this.

According to your profile, you dress en femme and go abroad way more than I ever have. Just treat other CDs the way you would treat any other new friends and, if you want practice, see if there is a local CD group that you could meet up with each month.

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Lady
(@sunnyday)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Oxford, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 135

@rebeccabaxter - I normally start by complimenting what the other is wearing or some aspect of their make-up. It goes from there. Always enjoy talking about clothes and make-up. Everyday stuff follows; job, the world at large etc. Nothing wrong with finding out you support the same football team.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3996

Posted by: @rebeccabaxter

Now here's a question. ...

What do we talk about? 

This question brought back a memory from the late '70s in a book about how to meet girls or something like that.

At a supermarket, nonchalantly ask an attractive women where the frozen raccoons are kept. That is likely to start some sort of conversation going. 🤪

 

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2157

@rebeccabaxter 

Becca, I can only say what I did and felt when I met Ellie, Liz and Fluff. I hugged each of them in turn.

It just felt like the most natural thing in the world, these were three friends with whom I had spoken here and virtually, via Google meet. I'll be honest, though, and admit that your question also occurred to me beforehand but I knew that there would be big hugs from Fluff as we have struck up a valued friendship here. 

I did meet other crossdressers when we were out for a few mineral waters but the noise and busy-ness of the bars meant that leaning in and shouting in each other's ears was all that was possible.

A couple of things I want to add.

It seems to me that your question references "other crossdressers" as people not already known to you, whereas meeting people from CDH are known. I know that this is an online community and there's an argument that we don't really know each other but that's certainly not my experience. I have shared stuff with friends here, and on the public forums, that I've never shared with anyone before and I believe that has been reciprocated.

As to what we spoke about when we met, anything and everything that I would with anyone else I feel comfortable with. And, like you, I've never been comfortable in crowds or among people I don't know very well. I've been one of those people of which has often been said, "but he's fine once you get to know him". More accurately, once get to know them. Allie is different. Like many others here, my female side is more outgoing and open to new friendships than male me ever was and, as I've said before, this is affecting all of me as the two personas blend.

I think your question also hints at how much societal judgement can linger even in more enlightened minds. I know I crossdress and I'm ok. My friends here crossdress and they're ok but what about other crossdressers? I mean, they crossdress!

Forgive me if I assume too much or attribute a viewpoint that's incorrect, I'm just throwing possibilities out there and hope some of them land well.

Ultimately though, there's only one way to find out how you'll react.

Thanks for this one, Becca, I'm sure it'll resonate with lots of us.

Allie x

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Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 1502

@alexina Allie this is a great description of me as well. Thank you for phrasing it this way.

" I've been one of those people of which has often been said, "but he's fine once you get to know him". More accurately, once get to know them"

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2157

@augustvaliant 

Well, I have to say, Autumn, birthday cards with ever-increasing numbers on them, plus Allie taking her rightful place in my psyche, has mellowed that particular aspect of my social ineptitude. Thankfully!

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@rebeccabaxter This is a question I’ve had as well and PM’d it to a couple girls on here to see what they did. What I gleaned from their answers was pretty much a combination of most of the replies here.

No wonder I relate to Chrissie and Becca so much as the 3 of us seem to be introverted grouchy curmudgeons.🥰 In the spirit of the holiday season a friend once compared my heart to the Grinches…he told me - “Not only is your heart 3 sizes too small, it’s encased in a block of ice!” At the time it was kinda true. (Good thing we’re married, right ladies…after all, who could love us???LOL!)

Back to the topic at hand -if there was one good thing that came out of Covid in my view, it was the elimination of the “greeting hugs” for everyone you ever meet whether you know them or not.  I’m not a hugger to begin with so the trend of everyone hugging “hello” and then hugging “goodbye”, sometimes 3 minutes after I hugged them “hello” was craziness. In my world, sometimes it’s a hug and a kiss, too,(for women), again, crazy as I don’t know these people! So naturally one starts wondering how crossdressers do their meet and greets for the first time. We want to be good girls and follow the protocol and not make a scene. Because currently, most of my greetings start with a fist bump, coming from “bro culture” as I do.😎

That said, as Allie wrote, we kinda DO know each other from here on CDH. Unless someone’s been painstakingly constructing a false identity for their imaginary spy mission of infiltrating crossdressers organizations, we have a pretty good idea of the personality or demeanor to expect from them upon the first meetup.

Example: I met my wife on Match and we went back and forth for 3 days before we ever met in person. Then we did, and talked at a coffee shop for 3 hours and hugged when we parted. I felt like I’d known her a long time and she was just the cutest thing too. Hugging was quite the appropriate thing to do.

Going back to Allies excellent post, when she met the girls in the UK for the first time, she already knew them to a point. They had history to start with. So an initial hug would seem to me completely natural…(not to mention, how do you NOT hug someone called “Fluff”?)🥰

I’m thinking I’m going to Keystone. I’m not going to overthink the meet and greet part of it. It’s one of those deals where you figure it out when it happens. As for convo, we’ll talk about whatever we want to, common interests I would guess. You can only get so much mileage out of fashion and makeup before I start looking at my watch. I have thought about my “feminine mannerisms” and I don’t have any. And if I try and fake it I’ll start laughing hysterically at myself. For most of us, it’s a major effort just to squeeze into the girly gear and try to look presentable in the first place. A lot of the “advanced training” like voices and body modifications, well, that’s for some of the other girls here on CDH. Definitely not me.

I suppose it just comes down to being yourself, same as any other social situation you face. People will gravitate towards those they find commonality with. If we’re both wearing dresses and you fist bump me Becca, I’m not going to take it personally girl! I might even think you’re cool!🤣

GP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

s

 

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1277

@gracepal Grace, your posts make me laugh, they really do.

Hugs (oops) Becca

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1444

@gracepal

Posted by: @gracepal

How do you NOT hug someone called “Fluff”? 🥰

I'm definitely looking forward to meeting you one future Keystone 🙂  And anyone else of a like mind!  I know I'm a bit of an introvert, but nothing would make me feel welcome and included like a good hug from a sister, even if I didn't already know her.

Fluff xxx

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@finallyfiona Well that’s certainly fun to imagine! I would definitely violate my “no hugging strangers” policy just for you Fluff🥰

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1277

@gracepal As male me, I too have a no hugging anyone policy, but my (Becca's) mannerisms are different, I wonder if I, as Becca, would be more amenable to hugs? Interesting. Hmm, perhaps I should practice by hugging myself and see which part of me objects.

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Lady
(@cherylt)
Joined: 6 months ago

Prominent Member     Honesdale, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 468

@rebeccabaxter When I first joined my support group I had those same questions. 

On first meeting everyone just said hello and gave a friendly wave, partially because there were about 20 people and also because women don't usually shake hands with other women upon meeting the first time. It's generally a smile and nod of acknowledgement. After a while there were a few ladies I became close to and when we'd see each other we'd hug and kiss on the cheek. It was a bit uncomfortable for my wife but then she thought about it and agreed it's what women who are close friends sometimes do.

What do we talk about? Everything! We'd discuss the current new, politics (lightly), family, clothes, our homes. Everything anyone talks about when in a group setting. Just because we're all women doesn't change the fact that there are lots of things to talk about.  

I've never been to Keystone or other similar events. I'm sure it's awkward for all on first meeting. We tend to play our cards close to the vest initially. Like any other activity, when you first become part of it you know no one. There are those that are friends from past events, there are those that are organizers who just seem to be completely at home and there are those that are timid wall flowers finding their way. Whether it's a CD event, a car club, a hunting club, the senior center, your kids first baseball season it's all the same. You're new and need to make friends. Jump in, everyone was new once.

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1444

@rebeccabaxter Excellent question!  Let me start by declaring myself as another introvert, which I think actually persists to an extent with Fiona as well.  

Before @lizk Liz's stay in the UK with Ellie @ellyd22 this Autumn, we'd all been on a couple of video calls together, and there had been PM's etc. as well as the daily interaction through the forums.  So we knew each other as friends already, and the girly hugs when we finally all got together in person had some real meaning behind them.  It was exactly the same when we all met Allie @alexina in Leeds, and Rebecca @fembecky in Oxford. 

I've met a couple of other girls from here after PMs and/or emails back and forth and it wasn't at all stilted either.  Conversation flowed on both occasions - kind of continuing on from where our online comms had got to.

I've also met other girls as strangers, at Leeds First Friday when I went on my own in August.  It was quite easy to talk to the two girls who were getting made up before and after me.  If nothing else, we had a common 'in', with all having come to the same lady (the one and only Tracey Galligan) for our makeup.  It was practically a party, and very enjoyable in its own right.  Conversation of course included what we did in our normal lives and how expressing our femininity fitted in around everything else.  I hung out a lot of the evening with one of them, including eating out together, and it never seemed to be difficult to find something to talk about.  I don't remember exactly what topics we covered, but I'm quite sure that there wasn't any of it that was purely bloke-stuff.  We might not have had our female mannerisms down perfect (far from it!), but we were certainly having fun 'being girls', rather than just chatting as blokes in our party dresses and killer heels.

Meeting other girls actually in the clubs and venues of LFF is another matter though.  As Allie says, conversation is rather difficult if you've got to bawl in each others' ears.  And my introverted nature rather came back to haunt me.  So once on my own, I didn't really talk to anyone else. 

I'm sure it would be different at something like Keystone, there would at least be that initial time when there were a lot of people all completely new to each other, and conversation would be easy to start.  I'd love to go to Keystone one day, and to 'fly pretty' there and back.

Hugs,
Fiona xxx

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Duchess
(@jennconn)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 746

@rebeccabaxter the answer to your question is that you can just let loose on whatever subject you want to talk about.  I agree though that girls do hug, and it seems so lady like to do so.  If you get the chance to meet up with other girls, I highly recommend it, it’s the most fun I have ever had while crossdressing.

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Lady
(@joanarbour)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     Missoula, Montana, United States of America
Posts: 169

@rebeccabaxter when I went to my first CD girls meeting I was greeted by one of the girls with a big hug. She was a few inches taller than me and was wearing a lovely cream suit and I left a lipstick mark on one of her lapels!

it was a lovely hug though. 

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Duchess
(@elguapo)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     The Villages, Florida, United States of America
Posts: 314

@rebeccabaxter Like many other first time experiences the first few moments are awkward, then business as usual. I usual hug hello's and goodbye's when en femme, it just seems more lady like. Conversations just flow. Maybe because we are able to talk more openly and honestly with other CD's. Perhaps because we understand what each other is going thru.

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Duchess Annual
(@janetw)
Joined: 4 years ago

Reputable Member     Caterham, Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 297

@rebeccabaxter Hi Becca, Thank you for starting this topic. I too am an introvert although I have met other CDs and found plenty to talk about. Choosing dresses is of course an obvious one together with what fits and works in clothing and makeup is a great icebreaker.

My advice in unoriginal and probably not easy to follow, I certainly don't always myself but it is relax and be yourself.

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 Dani
Lady
(@danirost)
Joined: 3 years ago

Estimable Member     Central, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 177

@rebeccabaxter Thank you for this post. I too have wondered what it would be like. I want to go to a gathering at some point but it would be hard to explain to my SO and family where I'm going... One lives in hope though.

Heart

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1709

@danirost Dani, I had to turn down the most wonderful invitation to meet some of the girls here for that very reason. I continue to be heartbroken xx.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1277

@chrisfp99 Are you not making it to LFF next August?

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1709

@rebeccabaxter Becca, I would so love to go. But on top of the problem that I have nothing convincing that I could tell my wife, there's a big local charity music festival on that weekend and my band have headlined 6 of the last 7 years. It's the biggest gig we do and for the sake of my fellow band mates I wouldn't be prepared to turn that down. Again, heartbreaking xx.

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 Dani
Lady
(@danirost)
Joined: 3 years ago

Estimable Member     Central, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 177

@chrisfp99 Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you couldn't go. I haven't yet gotten to the point of turning down a meeting. But I'm sure the stars would have to align for it to happen.

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1709

@danirost Thank you Dani love xx.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@rebeccabaxter Thank You for this topic.  This is my next logical step but scared to death of it.   As  child my mom took me to la cage a few times and I was always standoffish of the performers.  Also im very afraid of what people think. even as a guy in a new group of people I generally hang alone until I get to know people and then even when I know people well I really stink at small talk.  So nice weather were having ??    Also after all the time it takes to put on Makeup please dont kiss me on the cheek Unimpressed thats all I would need is some bright red lips in my blush , im paranoid enough.  I would be one of those girls that needs to go to the powder room alot..   

As for conversation I guess i dont really think I wanna talk about girly things I dunno maybe I need to..  Though I cant picture a bunch of CDrs sitting in a bar talking about the last engine they rebuilt either. 

Maybe we need an  official CD greeting secret handshake or something.  

I think I would prefer meeting someone in Drab first maybe for a beer or whatever your poison.  or go to keystone in Drab until I feel stupid to be not dressed up !! . Maybe someday when the reasons to meet others overpower my doubts like it took before I told my wife then ill get there.  but honestly all the comments here on this topic help alot.  Have a great day RC

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1741

@river If you go to Keystone, tell them you want a big sister, or reach out to one of us here. With over 700 people there, you'll quickly "feel stupid to be not dressed up." I wouldn't use those words, you'll just be another CDer in the crowd.

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@alison-anderson Over 700 OMG  Do many go with their SOs ? Ive never met any CD in person I need to break that egg . Thank You !!  having a big sister would definitely help.  just dont tell my sibling big sis lol.   

Ill remember this If Im ready next time Keystone happens.

Thank you . RC

 

 

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1741

@river River, many don't go with their SO's. But enough do that they actually have a number of sessions that are for SO's only.

The last 2 years I had gone, there was a meetup of about 50 CDH folk as well, so you may have a chance to put a face to a name. These are the only "sisters" I will tell. 😉 

Registration opens up every year on Jan 15 in the morning, and the hotel gets booked quickly. There is another hotel 2 blocks away that is also used, and last year there was a 3rd hotel, but was further away. The programs run from Thursday through Saturday, although there are some activities showing up on Wednesday as well.

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@river Geez RC, another post I could’ve written myself. Unlike you however, I CAN picture myself in a bar talking with a bunch of CD’ers about engines, cars, women, sports and everything else men talk about. I can only devote so much time to “girly subjects” before they get tiresome.

Agree that the next step is meeting other CD’s in person. As great as CDH is, there’s no substitute for real experiences with real  people in person. Since retirement I’ve joined a few different clubs for like-minded enthusiasts. Although we members have the mutual enjoyment of the topic of the club itself in common, there may not be much else there after you get to know them. It’s similar to having “work friends”. People you have to put up with in the workplace, but after hours you want nothing to do with them. And smaller groups definitely work better for this girl.

Meeting in drab is probably the better way to go for some of us. I’ll go to Keystone in drab. And not feel stupid whatsoever. I imagine I’ll see so many girls when I check in that I’ll be stoked to go put on my own frillies and join them.

To conclude, I also agree with you that  the comments related to this topic do help indeed. I enjoy reading as many views as possible on topics to help me make up my own mind.

GP

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Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827
  1. @gracepal I cant picture it but I should have followed up with I would like to see it. 😉 .  I cant see talking about makeup and clothes long  but the girly stories could be very entertaining.  especially after a few cocktails . Bored but that can happen in drab as well.  Oh maybe shooting some pool or going bowling might be a good CD event.  just have to be careful with the short skirts and Nails would be a problem. . and boobs get in the way shooting pool. maybe a poker night lol. Cheers RC
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Duchess
(@mkat3874)
Joined: 4 months ago

Reputable Member     Northeast GA , Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 185

@rebeccabaxter 

In January of this year I attended a small meeting of crossdressers.  It was my first time ever leaving my home alone fully dressed.  I had already spoken with the meeting host by phone a couple of times. Needless to say I was extremely anxious. When I arrived I was introduced to the others. I was the only newbie. Some did shake my hand, others hugged, and a couple simply greeted me with a smile and small talk. I was quickly put at ease as we talked and I got to know one another. We went to lunch at a nearby restaurant and I was again anxious but I just followed their lead and had a lovely time. No mobs or pitchforks and the waiter even addressed us as ladies. With every trip out since it has become easier.  I have become very close friends with many in the group and my wife accompanies me on many of my trips.  I would recommend this experience to anyone wanting to venture out into the world as their fem self. 

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@mkat3874 Sounds like an ideal situation to me Michelle, thx for sharing.

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Lady
(@gardie62)
Joined: 3 months ago

Trusted Member     Chestertown, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 55

@rebeccabaxter Awesome topic

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Posts: 1502
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Becca!

I haven't met any crossdress off site yet either. I am not worried though. I have 2 never fail topics that always inspire lively conversations.

First I jump in and talk about my favorite political candidate and list all the reasons why those voting for other candidates are complete idiots.

If that topic winds down I go for my second topic which is of course my religion. I tell them boldly why it is the only sensible religion to belong to and that if they don't comply and convert, they are going to blazes. 

Hope this helps.

Hugs,

Autumn

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4 Replies
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@augustvaliant Well played girl❤️

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Lady
(@sf)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     SoCal, California, United States of America
Posts: 364

@augustvaliant Autum, Now that was funny !!!   Love your "advice."  Staci...

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Duchess Annual
(@rayna)
Joined: 4 months ago

Estimable Member     Leominster, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 67

@augustvaliant  You're a very naughty girl and you're headed straight for H E double hockey sticks.

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Lady
(@gardie62)
Joined: 3 months ago

Trusted Member     Chestertown, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 55
Posts: 1502
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Seriously though.... I would also appreciate some constructive direction in this area 😉

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Posts: 1741
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

If I am meeting people I don't know, I'd probably stick with a handshake unless they moved in for a hug. But if I'm meeting with someone I know (perhaps only virtually from this site), a hug is probably OK. But if your uncomfortable hugging and want to do a handshake, that's fine too.

As to what to talk about, it's not that different from a cocktail party. We don't often talk about "girly" topics, such as fashion, makeup, jewelry, shopping, etc. It's not off the table, a nice compliment can get the conversation going there. But you can talk about anything you like. You can talk about your journeys, about yourselves or others, sports, news, anything you like. A brief intro can be made if you like, or just listen in to a conversation and add something when appropriate. You probably don't want to get into heated debates about politics. But you can talk about pretty much anything. Just because you're wearing a dress doesn't mean you have to restrict your conversation to crossdressing.

My point is to not overthink it. You're meeting people, just have a conversation with them. If you happen to go into crossdressing topics, that's fine, but that shouldn't be exclusive. Find out about each other and find a common interest to talk about.

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Posts: 1101
Lady
(@margprodue)
Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Ha Ha Autumn,  Nice reply.  So OK, I've finished my work and it's an hour before midnight and in honesty I'll tell all of you (Becca, Chrissie and Autumn) what would be a typical first meet for me.  I'm out and open and do meet lots of folks in the LGBTIQ+ community regularly (and not just crossdressers but really most first meets are all about the same for me).  It's really much like meeting any group of folks for the first time.  Try to be alert, fun, interested and kind.  You can shake hands or hug if it seems appropriate. If you're a newbie everyone will know so just relax and learn what you can. Most people will be kind and remember when they were newbies too and cut you some slack. Don't get drunk and drool or swear but laugh and apologize when you misspeak or make a mistake.   Dial it back when you start.  Here's a typical meet for me in stream of consciousness writing.....me saying "Oh Hi!  It's so nice to see you. I really enjoy/like your posts, your shoes, your dress, your, jewelry, your make up, etc"....(choose one and then let them talk).  Then next...I'm Marg Produe and I'm an intersex person from Wisconsin.....then be quiet again and let them talk....they may ask you about yourself...where did you get that dress, I really love it...(I made it, I'm a costumer)..what's an intersex person?...What's a costumer do...is that like cosplay..(sort of,  think like making Dancing with the Stars costumes)...oh, I sew too and have a sewing machine..my grandma taught me....  And so the evening goes on and we talk about sore feet and muscle cars and life in the military and ex wives and current wives and children and holidays and we really are not much different than meeting another family at your kids school event.  If things seem to cool down then just excuse yourself and say that you need to touch base with someone else or they are playing your song and you need to dance your feet off etc.  Say that it was nice to meet them and perhaps we will get a chance to meet later and talk some more.  Easy peasy.  And if you meet someone and they don't at all seem interested in talking to you then perhaps you just need to give them their space and don't take it personally.  Then do find someone else to talk to or just have a quiet time at the bar and check your phone.  Just smile and be approachable but don't be pushy.  Most people are at events to meet and learn and have fun.  Just do the same and don't be worried.  Party on,  Marg

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3 Replies
Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1105

@margprodue 

 Marg, 

 You are one of the easiest people I've met. Being new and in awe at seeing and being among girls like me was certainly like being the new kid in a new school. 

 Meeting people isn't hard. Hi where are you from? Have you been here before? Anybody sitting here?

 Next thing you know you've made a new friend. It gets easier the more you do it. 

 Fran 🥰 

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Lady
(@margprodue)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1101

@gafran   Ahhhhh Fran, It sounds so nice when you call me easy....LOL  But really, it was so nice meeting you at the Atlanta Metro terminal and talking while we tried to get to our hotel.  Great props to you for finally getting us onto a bus otherwise I'd probably still be sitting on that bench. I'm booked to speak again there so maybe I'll see you.  Hugs,  Marg

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Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1105

@margprodue 

It's a date girlfriend! We must keep each other from missing the bus! Lol  

XX Fran 🥰 

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Posts: 1788
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 11 months ago

The last two CDs I met and the conversations I had were as follows:

Most recent - about larger size heels and where to find them

The previous was discussing the merits of gravy on chips and if you put gravy on, do you do it before or after vinegar.

Both times I was in drab and introduced myself, they were en-femme.

 

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9 Replies
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2157

@annaredhead 

Gravy and vinegar 😱.

 

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1788

@alexina That's probably a big clue that I didn't grow up in Cornwall.

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2157

@annaredhead 

I've found that growing up is overrated 😊.

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Lady
(@margprodue)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1101

@alexina   Me too Allie, I've resisted for years.  My family still calls me "The Child"  and I'm the older brother.  Eat dessert first...Marg

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@margprodue I can’t get past the gravy and vinegar on chips - since I know chips are the UK version of fries.

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1788

@gracepal Chips are much more thickly cut than fries

 

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@annaredhead I’m still gonna put mustard on them Anna😊

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Lady
(@margprodue)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1101

@gracepal  And I can't get past my relatives salting a watermelon????   Makes me want to just hide all the salt shakers during the summer.  LOL

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@margprodue I never have understood salt on a watermelon. Those are probably some of the same people who salt their bacon.🤣

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Posts: 38
Lady
(@emily2626)
Trusted Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 3 months ago

This post may not go over well with most of you, but I'll say it anyway. Ive been to diva Las Vegas and wild side a few times. While it was nice to be out dressed as Emily, Something inside of me just felt like I was just another guy dressed as a girl with a bunch of others doing the same.  Everyone was so friendly and welcoming and the conversations were great, but somehow I just felt weird and out of sync with my Emily side.  I am most comfortable when dressed just with my wife or other girls bc I tend to feel and act more like them.    I guess I just don't want to feel like a guy in a dress, but more like the true woman inside of me

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6 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1277

@emily2626 You make a valid point. I don't think many of us know how we are going to feel when/if we meet another CDer. There are times when I feel less feminine and more like a bloke in women's clothes and this makes me feel awkward and internally embarrassed. Today, for example, I planned to go out shopping en femme, but at the last minute I dressed male and when I got out into the Christmas shopping crowds, I was glad I did; sometimes Becca just isn't fully there.

I feel I could be ok with other cross-dressers so long as I didn't dwell on the fact that I too was a cross-dresser. I mean, if I was in drab and ended up talking with a CDer, I wouldn't be bothered at all, I can only hope that if I did it while dressed, I would feel the same.

In the past, I would always get round any confidence issues using alcohol but that's not an option for me anymore and I have to push things through as a sober Becca. That also means that if anything embarrassing happens, I'll still have to remember it the following day. Rose Smile  

Becca

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Lady
(@margprodue)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1101

@emily2626 I understand this Emily,  We are at our most comfortable selves when we are with our best friends.  Marg

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Lady
(@butteryeffect)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Preston, Lancashire, United Kingdom
Posts: 155

@emily2626 Thank you. I've never met anyone while dressed and although from time to time I think about going to a get-together,  you spell out exactly what puts me off. I much prefer the company of women and I am no good in groups, in fact 95% of the time I much prefer my own company. So as you say, however nice people are and however much others are enjoying it, I feel I still wouldn't fit in

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@emily2626 Emily I’m flashing back to the me of long ago when I went out dressed. I think it’s fairly easy to get the clothes on most of the time. It’s the headspace that’s gotta be in sync with the application and it’s not always easy.

I’d sit by myself and inevitably someone..(men) - would order a drink and have it sent to my table. I wanted to yell out “Dude, I’m not a real girl!” I never did though, I would just politely nod and acknowledge them. It was as if I wanted to project manliness while dressed as a woman. Which made no sense then and I still don’t get today. Defense mechanism probably.

 

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Lady
(@emily2626)
Joined: 3 months ago

Trusted Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 38

@gracepal It really is such a mystery.  I don’t want to feel like a guy dressed as a woman.  I am a true guy’s guy 99% of the time, and I’m good and comfortable with that.  But when I get Emily time I really want to feel like her.  I don’t want to feel like a cross dresser,  but like one of the real girls.  I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but it’s just me!

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@emily2626 I don’t see how that would offend anybody. Ones devotion to any hobby is to please ourselves first and foremost. There are certainly an infinite variety of ways to enjoy cross-dressing.🥰

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Posts: 364
Lady
(@sf)
Prominent Member     SoCal, California, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Becca,  Hi.  The ONE time I met another crossdresser, it was like meeting any other person for the first time, except we were both wearing women's clothes.

I don't remember hugging (I'm not a big hugger), or shaking hands, but we did look at each other, smile and offer friendly greetings, just like meeting any other person.  

Then we made awkward small talk, found some common interests - crossdressing was one, duh - and both enjoyed the get together.   The conversation topics were varied, gal stuff guy stuff, you name it.  

One thing, I really enjoyed meeting another person who had the same interest in crossdressing that I have.  Was a very enjoyable experience.  If you get a chance, I highly recommend it!!  Have fun, Staci...

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2 Replies
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1012

@sf Staci, what happened with the friend? Did you keep in touch, still know her today? I’m wondering the rest of the story. And your story reminds me of a story.

Now this was mid to late 90’s. I don’t know how I first met this person, but I corresponded with another CD by snail mail. I in California, her in Texas. I had a PO Box in a town that I visited once a week. Very clandestine🤣! 

We went back and forth writing to each other and exchanging some Polaroids through the mail. No doubt we had the hots for each other. In our minds at least. I think it was around Christmas, she sent me some earrings for a present. So I sent her a SF Giants sweatshirt. We both agreed to send pics of us with our presents. Well, you can probably figure this one out: The next pic I got from her she had on the sweatshirt. And nothing else. (I had sent a dressed pic of me wearing the earrings.)

Call me immature -but she wasn’t as good looking as I had fantasized about when she had all her clothes on. The “relationship” stopped right there. And think about it, I was married, what was I gonna do, divorce my wife, move to Texas and be with this dipstick? I’m laughing even now thinking about how ridiculous it all was.

The old tired cliche usually holds true: Men are idiots.🤣

 

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Lady
(@sf)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     SoCal, California, United States of America
Posts: 364

@gracepal Grace...  Hmmmm, well as a hetero crossdresser I would not have liked that either.  Not to hijack this thread, I am not looking for a relationship (already have one with wifey), I just enjoy wearing ladies clothes, and occasionally meeting with other like minded crossdressers.  

As far as the meeting with the CD friend I referred to, we have not met since, we both want to but life gets in the way.  Hopefully again someday.  We occasionally message via CDH or email.  Wifey knows about the meetings, no secret there.  

Another point, when we met, after some getting to know each others story, we both made it clear that we were NOT looking for anything "weird" (you know what I mean), just time spent as crossdressers out enjoying some time together.  

I don't want any surprises either...  Thanks for the reply, have fun....  Staci... 

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Posts: 1043
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@rebeccabaxter I'm not really one for standard conventions, I can only tell you that I play it by ear.

On my first actual greeting with someone, if I've never had any interaction with them, then it's a smile and a handshake. If they're a CDHer or someone I've chatted with online then it will likely be a hug.

If I've met them in person before, then it's a hug from me for sure. If we're good friends, a light peck on the check (respect the makeup) or air-kiss is often the case.

But then, sometimes that's all irrelevant because the other person moves in for a hug, or kisses me on the cheek, or just offers their hand.

So it's case-by-case, really. You do you and sod the 'rules'. 😉

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Posts: 67
Duchess Annual
(@rayna)
Estimable Member     Leominster, Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 4 months ago

What a fun topic! Now I get to tell how I managed the first time I met up with other crossdressers 

Not badly at all as it turned out. I was a little nervous about not sounding or moving or acting like a woman, but the others present were mostly talking in their normal male voices so shortly I gave up trying to sound like a woman. That took a lot of the pressure off. 

 We chatted about the major topic at hand of course, and many many others. I got to tell some of my story over the course of the afternoon. A lot of us were involved in quite masculine lines of work, several of us had families, and a couple had understanding wives. 

The venue was a private home and was hosted by a woman who does makeovers for crossdressers. I didn't opt for a makeover myself, thinking I might pick up a few tips, but that didn't happen because I spent most of the time just chatting. 

I echo the sentiments of those who would prefer to be crossdressed among genuine women. It's like having permission to play in their sandbox.But no such women are available to me at the moment. So I decided to take the opportunity to attend the event. 

I understand it might feel a bit weird at first to those who haven't met with other sisters yet and I"d be lying if I said it didn't put me a bit out of my comfort zone. But really, the only difficult step is the first one. I came out of my experience with both my skin and my psyche intact, and if you do your homework and exercise a little common sense, then chances are quite high you will too.

Going out and dressing up is definitely more fun that staying home alone. 

Rayna

 

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Posts: 1778
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

When meeting people for the first time, GG women often don't go for a handshake but just say hello. For many cd's it's the same, for some it's not. Just go with the flow and see how it goes. What you'll find is that you will soon have many new friends or acquaintances because the sense of sisterhood among us girls is very strong. GG women hug others a lot so CD/trans girls take their cue from that and often do likewise. It's a very comforting gesture to give and receive a hug. Feels good!

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Posts: 319
Guest
(@Anonymous 97944)
Reputable Member
Joined: 6 months ago

I realize just this minute I am going to be a good girl and do the hug and the kissy cheek thing at meetups.  At a recent meetup the hostess did not pause one bit, but immediately did the hug.  And now I am remembering as I said hello to girls, a couple of them taken aback at my outstretched hand....  Oh.  So THAT'S why they reacted that way...

And another thing!!  Wow! From my teaching days kids would come at me to hug and I would snap myself sideways so it could not be a front-to-front hug.  At reunions or church the occasional hug - I would lean way in so our chests nor any part of the front would touch.  Maybe it's me.  But the teaching job, I'm not gonna set myself up and there's an administrator or somebody got the cellphone recording the whole thing.  It is a habitual, self-preservation reaction.  Ironically, a couple of the impressively busty teachers would have their 3rd grade boys run up for a hug and nuzzle their faces right in there omg it looked like foreplay.

But getting back to the greeting style in our community, from my observations of GG's, I think it is a very good idea that it is a front-to-front hug and our chests meet.  The pressing together of breasts as part of the greeting, maybe it is a reaffirmation of womanhood.  then add in the woman's style cheek-to-cheek faux kiss.

I'm committing myself right now to making it part of who I am.

hugs.  and kisses.

Dani

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Posts: 1012
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

Leave it to humans to take a simple thing like hugs and make it WAY over complicated!

Call me immature Dani - but going “front-to-front” and pressing breasts together with an attractive CD upon initial meetings could be dangerous for a primitive juvenile such as myself.

And I’m certain that  “chest bumps” are probably completely inappropriate in those situations as well.

Laugh Cry  

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Posts: 2041
Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Becca as I'm a introvert too i wouldn't know how to act too, I'm sure the other girls will soon put your mind at ease and help you to come out of your shell, I've not met any other crossdresser's either, i think you should just go with the flow and see where you end up, I would love to attend a venue like keystone or Leeds first Friday, 

Hugs Roz X 

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Posts: 85
Lady
(@caligirl)
Estimable Member     Grand Junction, Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Hello Ladies, Thank you Becca for the topic as this does resonate with most of us ladies. Personally as Kathi, I would love to meet other ladies, I just feel I can't compete with most of you beautiful ladies, looks, comfort, confidence..... I will say, as a retired executive meeting many professionals from many countries, when meeting a new acquaintance, I always give a slight "Bow" with a smile and look into their eyes. Acknowledgement is meet, Politeness is meet, and they have the next move, hand shake, hug ( European) or a slight bow as well. For me, there is comfort for all that invites conversation. Expect this courtesy when you meet Kathi. Loves 🙂

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3 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1277

@caligirl When I meet anyone for the first time and they give me their name, I always repeat the name back to them as I will always forget otherwise. This doesn't always work though but if I forget again, I always say so, as there is nothing worse than seeing people for months afterwards and avoiding admitting you don't know what they are called 😊.

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Duchess
(@joannat)
Joined: 4 months ago

Reputable Member     Gwynedd, United Kingdom
Posts: 174

@rebeccabaxter Ah, the sheer horror of the ‘who the **** was that?’ moment, after you’ve talked for ages!

I know it well…

Fortunately, I spent much of my professional life on the railway, where almost all colleagues are addressed as ‘mate’! 😂

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1277

@joannat It doesn't help that I also have prosopagnosia in a small way. Until I've seen someone a couple of times, I tend to forget what they look like, which can be very embarrassing; I have stories but they're too long for here and not relevant to the thread.

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