Mental Block

Hi Katey!  First of all, you aren't 'bothering' ANY of us by asking questions. That's why we're all here, so we can ask questions and feel the love and support that we need.  So, there's your first hurdle. Be yourself here. Be open. Be honest. There is no judgement here!

I think what helped me when I started shopping was that, even though I was dressed as a man, I was ALL girl. I was doing everything en femme (walking, gestures, etc). So, that helped me and I didn't have anything in my cart that WASN'T girlie. But, I just walked around with my head up and confident because I WAS a girl. Now, I also tried to stay in aisles that were mostly empty and I don't sidle up to anyone and start having a conversation. I just was there for my business and others were there for theirs.

I did notice maybe a sideways glance or two, but by and large, no one cared. I think that is the part we ALL need to realize is that, for the most part, other people are in their own little worlds and don't care what someone else is looking at or buying. Maybe start off at a Walmart, so that you can buy your 'intimates' at the self checkout lane and work your way up to checkers.

Funny story, my second time at Walmart, I found a PERFECT bra and when I got to the self checkout, it didn't have a tag. So the helper lady came buy and I had to ask her about it and I had already scanned a bunch of stuff. She was SUPER nice about it and said she'd hold the self checkout register for me while I went to get another one with a tag. I said, no I can't hold up the register (cuz I didn't want my panties and stuff just sitting there and they were busy), so she canceled the order for me while I went back to get a new bra. She knew all that stuff was for me and didn't for a second treat me like anything but a GG.

Out of all the stuff I've bought (bras, panties, dresses, shoes), and it was all in person, I just walked up confidently and bought them. The person at the register either was just business and pleasant or they actually engaged me and said how pretty or cute whatever I was buying was and I just responded as if it was natural for me to be buying whatever I was buying. (When that happens, it feels awesome!)

Good luck with your next shopping experience!!

*kisses* tara 🙂

I've struggled with this myself. I posted recently about the lengths I felt the need to go to to 'mask' my shopping habits.

But I had a lightbulb moment in a little boutique buying some leather leggings when I realised, the sales agents really don't care who's buying what and for who. For them it's a slae, cash in the draw, commission in their pocket (or however they're incentivised), and to that end my money's as good as anyone else's. I'm just a unmemorable face in a crowd of 000's they'll see that day.

From that point on, shopping's been great. A lot of the people I encounter are kind and helpful and, you know what, if they want to have a little titter after I've left, what do I care, they don't pay my bills.

Didi💋

Hi, Katie! I do all my shopping in person. Usually I 'll take a second to become Tabitha in my mind, sometimes my fallback "my wife would love this" comes up in my thoughts, just in case, but no one has ever questioned me. Ever. Once in a while I get a look from another shopper, but I always just give them a smile, and off I go. Good luck, dear. Never worry too much about what others think.

Hi Tabitha, thank you for your suggestion and replying. I get so nervous that I rush. I know I need to keep going and hopefully at some point it will become natural. Just getting to that point is tough. Hugs -Katey

Hi Didi, thank you for replying. Your right my masked face is 1 in 100 they see in a day. It’s just frustrating for me. Hugs Katey

Hi Lisa, that’s a huge step. It’s like ripping the bandaid off it may sting for a second but it will be fine. Thank you Lisa, Hugs Katey

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It gets easier, honey. It helps to think about how you'll feel wearing the item you're looking at.

Hi Tara, I would have freaked out. I had nail polish the last time and it would not ring up after numerous attempts I left it on the counter. I know this is just a mental block but I’m just having such a tough time. I’m my own worst enemy at times. Thank you sooooo much for reaching out. Hugs Katey

Hi Inga, I wish I could be like all of you. Everyone here is so brave. I can do so many things in life but I struggle with this. Maybe if I have a distraction such listen to music while I shop could help. Hmmm things to ponder. Thank you Inga, I love this place, Hugs Katey

You'll get there. Try the self checkout. Because all of this was new to me starting in December, I've had to experiment with sizes and I've had to take stuff back too! Really, I think the people at the registers are trained to just do their job and not react. Nothing I've bought or returned has been an issue.

*kisses* tara 🙂

It sure will. Everyone has been supportive here. Thank you so very much. Hugs Katey

Relax and enjoy.

Hi Katey

I totally get your mental block, I had it too, but smashed it.

Whats the worst that could happen.

Can only tell you my personal experiences and chatting to shop assistants. They honestly don’t care or think it’s weird in any way for a man to be there. They are there first and foremost to sell. And they know that the best way to do that is to make you feel comfortable and offer to help. If you don’t want help, a simple ‘I’m just browsing, thank you’ is all you need to say. But engaging with the sales assistants really does make things so much more fun. Pretend you’re buying for a girlfriend if you don’t want to blow your ‘cover’. But I’m way past that now🤣 The assistants are usually thrilled if you say it’s for you, and will treat you just like they would a woman, chatting about what you are looking for, style, colour, size, length,  what’s on trend etc. Some may even think you are joking in which case it’s a good ice breaker. But in my experience just chillin, owning it, and engaging with the staff just makes the experience so much more enjoyable for you and the S.A. If you skulk about hiding, scurrying away etc you may only draw suspicion.

Maybe a bit like a skydive, terrifying, nervous, anxious before you do it, but once you take that leap, the thrill is exhilarating.

Go on try it💕

❤️Bianca

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I have just acted confident in my shopping and purchasing in store and I have not had negative experiences in quite some time