Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Hi Katey.
First, you are NOT being a bother. This is something we all face at the beginning. It WILL pass with experience and gets easier every time you go.
First, find a Torrid or Maurice branch near you and go in drab. Look at everything and ask questions. The SA's of both know that CD's just like you want to, and often need, a safe place to go to find what you need and want. Lane Bryant is another safe place, if your nearest one is staying open. Gradually start wearing wearing femme items on your trips, loafers and maybe a femme ring or two (WalMart sells the bigger sizes too).
Each trip out, wear just one more femme item, the SA's will notice and you will see a big change in how they work with you. Maybe a women's button down blouse that looks vaguely like a mans shirt but buttons on the other side. As you gain confidence it will become much easier for you, and you will find most SA's will work with you.
As far as other people staring or giving you odd looks, that is their problem, not yours. I know that I get some of those when out shopping, but I have learned to just ignore them. Most are too busy with their own life to really care, even inside one of the majors, like Macy's or Kohl's. Don't give them a reason to stare, like mismatched colors or textures, and they usually won't. I sometimes tell myself when I catch someone staring that they are just envious and can't help it.
Have fun, go where ever you want. If you aren't sure about a store accepting you dressed, just call ahead and ask, put them on the spot. Walk with confidence, back straight, head up, don't slouch. Talk softly but don't whisper. One thing you will notice in most adult women's stores, is that it is quiet, almost enough to hear the AC blowing the air.
One thing about chains like Torrid and Maurice's is that they are usually inside of a mall, and NEVER near an entrance. So you will have to walk the concourse to find them. Go on a Monday or Tuesday morning if you can, that is the slowest sales period of the week usually.
Hope this helps, but have fun and don't be scared.
PaulaF
Tara, your comments reminded me that one thing that never bothered me, even though it’s a chore, is returning something that doesn’t fit. One; it necessitates that you need to have a real life, face-to-face interaction with a real person. Two; they’ll ask if there was a problem with the garment. It’s weird but I usually get a little rush saying, “no, just the wrong size” and assuming the clerk knows it didn’t fit ME.
Easily amused,
Clara
Two more thoughts from Clara.
The more you shop, the easier it is to navigate the store. Knowing your way around a familiar layout is comforting. So go as often as you can.
I love the stores with aisles and aisles of close out items, i.e. Kohl’s, Penney’s, Macy’s. When you get lost in those racks you don’t care who’s around. It becomes a mission!
Bargain Basement Clara
(that’s BBC for our lovely UK sisters ; )
That is a really great suggestion, I never thought of listening to tunes while I shop. Although, I'd probably cause more of a scene dancing round my bag in the middle of the store. Have you ever been to a silent disco 😂😂
Didi💋
Hi honey, I remember my first shopping trip. I wore androgynous heeled boots, womens jeans, a yoga top and a drab coat over it. No one noticed, I even practiced my walk on the way.
My first trip out fully fem was at a quiet time. So maybe you could try early morning late night, like others have suggested. I found I'm when I'm fully dressed I'm so much more comfortable looking at feminine things. As far as anyone knows I'm just another woman.
Love Trisha
Hi Katey,
IMO, it's and egg/chicken situation. Once you have discovered that nobody really cares how you are dressed, the worry will vanish. You just have to get past the threshold. My first public outing was immediately after my first makeover, which gave me the extra confidence I needed. If you have a CD or GG friend to go with you, that would work, also.
"Plan B" would be a trip directly to a known CD-friendly place, such as Torrid, where you could even interact as Katey. Familiarty builds confidence. Good luck.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Katey,
Bettylou is correct. It is a matter of time and confidence. In this area, we are our own worse enemy. And it will not come all at once. It has been several years since that I embraced many feelings and just over 2 years since I openly dress as I wish publicly. I can go's shopping without a nerve for most clothing, whether masculine or feminine. However, I still struggle having a genuine conversation with a sales associate about bras. But I won't stop trying because I know these feelings will subside with time.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Hi Katey,
I remember being really frightened on my first shopping trip out. It wasn't to a clothes store but a supermarket quite early in the morning around 07.00 as I remember. I did some food shopping and used a trolley for the goods I chose and when I went to the check out the lady on the checkout just did what check out assistants do, asked me if a needed a bag, I said No thank you, she ran my goods past the scanner and I placed each one in the bag I had, then she told me the price and I said I can tap that, it was under £30.00, which I did; then she gave me the receipt and said Have a good day and I said You too and walked off pushing my trolly with the bag of good in it. If she clocked me as a cross dresser she didn't show it. I've been back there on lots of occasions doing food shopping and had no difficulties. This first step made it much easier to go to Marks and Spencers en femme and buy clothes and shoes!
Love and hugs
HildaRuth💋💋
Hi Katey. I have worked in different retail environments off and on for many years. I can say that stores of all shapes and sizes just want the sales. From a store owner point of view, they don’t care who is buying what, they’re just happy for the sale. From a store employee point of view, my experience has been they don’t care to the point of judging you. I’ve even had some sales associates compliment me on my various selections. I do shop for Patti in drab and I’ve even asked people for assistance. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy. Just my two bits.
Patti 🥰
Katey,
I have a suggestion. (I have done this before to great success). Go out of town to a place where the likelihood of running in to someone is very low. Wait until about 45 minutes to closing at a women's clothing store. Walk in and tell them you're a crossdresser but you really need some help. Then watch them fall all over themselves to wait on you and help you find the perfect outfits and accessories. They love it, it makes their day interesting, and you'll feel like a queen!
My 2 cents!
God bless,
Steph
Hi Trisha, thank you for your suggestion. I look at the stores web site to see the busy hours and maybe I can avoid my nervous actions and take my time. Thank you again Hugs -Katey
Do you mean like the BBC TV station. I don't know any other BBC, honest 😸😸.
Dear Katey... the only one who really cares... is you! Honest truth, just do it... like the old Nike motto says. Take your time, nobody’s watching (unless you’re stealing the Cadogan’s Guide to Bali) you. More over, no one is interested in you unless you ask for help or better still, buy something.
As has been said... confidence is a huge factor! It breeds itself 100 fold!
The only one in the store angsting about this is you... save your energy for something else. Just shop until you drop!
Hugs Polly
Hi Clara, you are so helpful. Wonderful suggestions, I must admit that I do my "scouting" of stores. I walk around the ladies department getting a better idea on how its laid out. Thank you so much Clara, Hugs - Katey
Hi Polly, I love you, You are straight forward with everything and you are spot on. I know I'm my own worst enemy and I know I will get by this, I won't let this block stop me from treating Katey to nice lady things. Thank you Polly. Hugs Katey