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Moment of joy

40 Posts
24 Users
123 Reactions
156 Views
Posts: 602
Baroness Annual
Topic starter
(@fembecky)
Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

This morning my wife and I were in the shopping mall when a gentleman walked past. A moment later we heard "Ladies!" so we turned around; he wanted to speak with us.

He asked "Did you make a donation to Royal British Legion outside the Waitrose store last November?". Well, I am pretty sure we did, so I confirmed it. He followed up with "I thought so. I remember the two very well dressed ladies who stopped by to chat and make a donation. Lovely to see you again, how are you doing?".

First, I was pleasantly surprised that I seem to have passed as a lady - a moment of joy to be savoured. Second, when things like this happen I still wonder whether people realise I am male but are graciously being polite (nothing wrong with that anyway ... I should really just soak it up and enjoy it!). Third, there is often discussion on CDH about dressing to blend in or stand out; I have concluded that the style of dress my wife has always had (and which seems to have rubbed off onto me a bit) causes us to stand out - people remember us 😊 .

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39 Replies
17 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5204

@fembecky 

I love stories like this ... they never fail to brighten my day )

Thanks for sharing!

Big hugs

Ellie x

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Lady
(@margprodue)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1113

@fembecky Enjoy every moment.  Hugs,  Marg

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2182

@fembecky 

Thanks for sharing your joy, Rebecca. In these "interesting times", stories like this are a welcome antidote to the doom and gloom mongers 👏.

Allie x

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@alexina 

Thanks Allie ... and the icing on the cake this afternoon was sitting having coffee when a passing lady said to me "Oh, I must say, I love your skirt" 😍 😍 😍 .

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4010

@fembecky Recognition feels good, doesn't it? 

Yesterday, I went into a local Wolfords trying to figure how to substitute their stockings line for what is now being discontinued (most Sheertex thigh-highs).

A clerk that was coming into work (coat, coffee in hand) surprised me by saying Hi and that she remembered me from around  Christmas time. The younger woman didn't  recognise me, though.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2152

@fembecky Such a great uplifting story, Becky. Going out dressing to blend in is difficult for many of us. We tend to picture our vision of femininity as wearing a dress, heals and some nice tasteful jewelry. That is why I like some of my window shopping on Sundays. I am fully out at my Church and usually dress as described above, so I often go to the mall that way, even sometimes going to a movie. 

Taking compliments when I am dressed is sometimes difficult. I have had someone tell me 'nice boots ' and elsewhere someone tell me 'nice hair '. But I have gotten better at taking and thanking for those compliments. 

Another thing I do is compliment women on their nice nails. Since I have had my nails done and love my long nails (currently they are blue) I have had some good conversations with a number of women. 

Cassie 

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@loneleycd 

I agree, Cassie. Over the last year I have often complimented ladies who have served us (in cafes, at tills etc) on their nails, especially if they have an interesting design. It can lead to some lovely conversations and helps to build relationships in those cafes we visit regularly.

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Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@fembecky know or not, the man merely showed his polite good manners.  There are people like that out there,  and meeting them i a delight.🥰🤗

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1813

@fembecky This is great!

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(@carolinecd306)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Fraser Valley, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 119

@fembecky Thanks for sharing such an inspiring story.

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 174

@fembecky I am sure you stand out in a good and memorable way.   It may be that in the course of a day, that fellow saw a lot of people (male and female) who were not so well dressed.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@kimdl94 

Kim, you could be right. At the risk of sounding a bit immodest I think my wife and I dress better than quite a few ladies.

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Lady
(@raven188)
Joined: 6 years ago

Prominent Member     Idaho, United States of America
Posts: 507

@fembecky Congrats!

I always assume people are just being nice, since I don't pass, but it's still kind of them.

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3850

@fembecky 

Love this story, Rebecca!  Anytime we get gendered correctly (female), it's a win.  

Confidence plays a big part in how others perceive you.  It's the equalizer that helps us pass regardless of how we are presenting.  There's a good chance that gent remembered you as much for the impression you made.

Hugs, Liz

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Lady
(@orcharddwee)
Joined: 4 months ago

Estimable Member     Staten Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 81

@fembecky Nothing warms my cold, black heart more than hearing stories of positive interactions with people. I'll never forget the sales girl I met at an Ulta who was only too happy to help me look for makeup. So much better than others who barely tolerate my presence, making me feel like I shouldn't be there. Another time I was at a park where local artists were selling their jewelry and one booth caught my eye so I bought some items and told the artist that I appreciated her work, and she told me that she appreciated me. It's interactions like that that give me hope for the future. Anyway, do soak up those experiences and enjoy them to the fullest.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@orcharddwee Those are lovely experiences for you. Such interactions really do warm the heart and stay in our memories. I hope you have many more 😍 .

Rebecca x

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Lady
(@gorgeousgwen)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Northamptonshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 56

@fembecky you both obviously made a great impression on this person.

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Posts: 1451
(@finallyfiona)
    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Rebecca, how wonderful 🙂  Both that you passed, being treated as the lady that you present  as, and that your style was appreciated.  Really, you were blending in with your lovely wife, but at the same time standing out together!  Here's wishing you more unexpected moments of joy 🙂

Hugs,
Fluff xxx

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2 Replies
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@finallyfiona 

Actually it was not the first time. A few weeks ago we were walking through the same shopping mall when a lady approached us and said "I have often seen you walking through here and I just wanted to say how good you both look". That really made me smile. I nearly posted that incident on CDH but got timed out that day and later forgot about it.

Another incident was recounted to us by the lady on the Sky TV Stand in the mall; we often stop and chat with her. Apparently she was asked by someone else whether my wife and I were the 2 ladies who worked in the local (very high class) jewellers shop. That incident really made me chuckle 🤗 .

Hugs, Rebecca x

 

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1451

@fembecky Wow, those are quite the accolades for your style Rebecca!  What nice things to happen - I bet you enjoyed both those shopping trips even more then usual 🙂

Hugs,
Fluff xxx

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Posts: 3425
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Blending in yet standing out how good does that get. I suspect the gentleman was of the old school that appreciates ladies that 'make an effort', as in the old days.

Soak up the compliments Rebecca as it shows you are outstanding.

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1 Reply
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@ab123 Thanks Angela. It still surprises me a bit though because I know I don't really have much time each morning to put in the effort to look really good. Nevertheless the compliments leave me smiling inside all day.

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Posts: 2101
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Rebecca -

How lovely to be remembered in a positive way and for you and your wife to be complimented. Hope you have more encounters like that.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 1060
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@fembecky 

A lovely experience!

Posted by: @fembecky

Second, when things like this happen I still wonder whether people realise I am male but are graciously being polite...

What do you feel the difference is between someone who thinks you're a cis female and someone who's respecting you for your appearance regardless? 

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5 Replies
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@melodeescarlet 

Hi Melodee, good question - which is what all politicians start with when they don't have a clue what to say 😀 . While I think about it, I'll distract you by saying that I love the dress and wig you are wearing in the profile picture.

But it's an interesting question and the answer probably hinges on my own concerns for the person. If someone thinks I am a CIS female that's OK. If someone initially thinks of me as female but then realises I am male, then I get concerned for them in case they find the situation uncomfortable. I know it has often been said that "that is their problem", but I don't want people to feel upset. I think that is behind why I am actually intrigued by what people might think of me. Did that make any sense?

And I do like your dress!

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Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1060

@fembecky Well thank you very much! 😊 You can see it in person on Feb 15 if you wanna venture across the pond for our Valentine's event - I'll even pickup the club cover charge for you! lol

I feel like there are 3 types of people in this scenario (the person you're referring to):

  1. Someone who takes you for a cis female. This person is simply reacting. They may be polite and considerate only because they're 'fooled' - we can't know;
  2. Someone who considers that you are male dressed female, but is being respectful of your presentation. This person is being polite and considerate, though we don't really know;
  3. Someone who doesn't bother with what you may or may not be underneath, but is simply acknowledging your presentation. This person is the very embodiment of courtesy...but, you see once again, we don't know.

So my point here is: no matter what this person's nature or intention is, we do not and cannot know. I totally agree that it is certainly quite nice to be treated in a manner reflecting your presentation, but whether you are or aren't, it is no reflection on you.

Posted by: @fembecky

I don't want people to feel upset

A very nice sentiment, but...what can you reasonably do about it? You could no more make them feel any one way than you could control time and tide (unless you do have this power, and then, girl, we should talk 😉 ). I understand the desire not to make people uncomfortable - one doesn't belch loudly in polite company, or such - but in this scenario you were simply walking and going about your own business, and in fact it was the other person who engaged.

(shrug) Someone's reaction to you says everything about them and nothing about you. If merely talking to you makes them uncomfortable, then that's about them. You just keep being the youest you you can. ❤️ 

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Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1060

@fembecky 

Posted by: @fembecky

I am actually intrigued by what people might think of me

Also, I would redirect that ↑

What do you think of you? I feel like once you have that question sorted, it makes the above question moot.

❤️

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@melodeescarlet 

Posted by: @melodeescarlet

What do you think of you?

Melodee, you have a knack of challenging my creeping intellectual lethargy ... and I love you for it. You make me think 🤔 .

Rebecca x

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@melodeescarlet 

Posted by: @fembecky

I don't want people to feel upset

Well, what can I say? You are absolutely right and I totally agree. Furthermore I admire your ruthless logic and the clarity of its exposition.

Grin

And although I cannot (yet) control time and tide (though just a thought - if I blow the moon out of its orbit I would certainly influence the tides, and I think it would also change Earth's rotational speed, therefore influencing time 🤔 ) I can actually do something about my feelings. So now is the time to stop being concerned about my impact on others and just keep being the meest me I can.

Thanks, Rebecca x

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Posts: 4010
Lady
(@harriette)
Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 2 years ago

What I find is that because I mostly dress androgynously not many compliments come my way. Nail polish has garnered a few, but yesterday I was called sir twice. It must be my moustache.  😇

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Posts: 95
(@judevderl)
Estimable Member     London, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 months ago

Hi Rebecca.

What a lovely experience for you! Definitely soak it up and enjoy it!

A great post to brighten up a grey day.

Judy. X.

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1 Reply
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@judevderl 

It certainly brightened my day - grey and misty as it is!

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Posts: 155
Duchess
(@lizzy89)
Reputable Member     GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 months ago

What an uplifting story must have been a great feeling. Hugs Lizzy

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Posts: 1793
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Great story Becky!

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Posts: 178
Duchess
(@joannat)
Reputable Member     Gwynedd, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 months ago

How lovely! I must say, I too was thrilled when out for lunch with my wife and the waitress not only addressed us as ‘Ladies’, but went on to say how much she liked my boots! 
Joanna 💕

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1 Reply
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@joannat 

It really is lovely when we get compliments like that! Long may they continue!

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Posts: 1164
 Erin
Princess
(@erinb)
Noble Member     Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

Lovely moment indeed so wonderful to hear 

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Many people are happy to address us as we present whether we pass or not. It is just politeness. Maybe the reason he remebered you two was not just that you two were dressed well, one would think that happens frequently, but that one of you was dressed en femme. That would certainly stand out in my memory. While I try to look passable, I know up close I don't to anybody paying moderate attention, but I really don't care. The reality is I am a man in a dress, and I figure most people can figure that out, which is why I really apprciate the little positive comments, and take them as an affermation that it is okay to dress. Most people really do not care what we wear as long as we are pleasent and polite people.

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1 Reply
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@jjandme 

I reckon that pretty well sums up my own expectations and outlook as well. It is just so nice to get the positive comments whether we are perceived as ladies or men en-femme.

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