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I have enjoyed the ability that crossdressing afforded me. I could unclothe and wipe the makeup away.
It was a way of letting live those “living in the body of a woman” fantasies I’ve had since childhood.
A few months ago, while working on designing my discography, I watched some sexy videos of real female singers. Would audiences catch on to me being a man? Going under cover had been part of the thrill.
This urge to be in a woman’s body became more intense. It took some time, but I set up counseling with a therapist. First post consultation appointment is tomorrow at five pm.
In this short interim, I’ve put an enormous amount of consideration into this. Researching everything about hormone therapy I could. I think I would live happily as a woman.
I’m not married. Never had the chance to lose my virginity because I have never been able to find someone Jewish nearby. I’m approaching age 49.
Some have experienced a switch in sexual orientation on estrogen. I don’t know if it would make any difference because I don’t foresee a girlfriend in my future. This living as a woman has been a fantasy of mine since childhood. As long as no Jewish woman would be living close enough to date me, I might as well live happily before I die.
Absolutely no plans to get bottom surgery because I need testosterone for a healthy body.
What funds are available in case hrt becomes expensive? Anyone have knowledge about the costs involved?
I would urge you to discuss this at length with your therapist before doing anything. Several sessions at least.
Going on HRT is not a trivial decision. It took me several years to decide it was right for me. You want to get this right. There IS a point of no return with HRT. Buyers remorse really sucks.
/LK
I would think long and hard about this before doing this. remember it’s okay to be you and present feminine without making permanent changes.
Thanks. I see two potential problems with this. One is that no one will want to be romantically involved with me. A second is that I would make some friends very uncomfortable. How do I resolve that? I really do want to live life as a woman.
Hi, Samantha.
It's obvious from what you say that you are unhappy and conflicted. You have taken a first step in seeking professional help from a therapist, that's a good and positive thing.
It also seems to me that a big part of your unhappiness comes from not having a life partner, you are certainly not alone in that.
You will see in these forums that there are some who have partners who love them for who they are, crossdressing or wishing to be female doesn't matter. You suggest this is not possible for you because there are no Jewish girls nearby. You don't say why being Jewish is important and I don't know enough about your faith (nor would I comment on it) to give advice.
You also say that by living as a woman, you would make some friends uncomfortable and ask how you can resolve this and the lack of romantic involvement.
Few, if any of us can give you definite answers to your questions, a good therapist will help you to find your own answers but, ultimately, the responsibility for how you choose to live lies with you.
Believe me, we all wish the best for you and we are here for you to share with as your take the next steps in your journey.
Allie
