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My Legacy

28 Posts
17 Users
98 Reactions
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Posts: 76
Princess Annual
Topic starter
(@carlablanchedubois)
Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I currently live by myself.  My next door neighbor and my immediate family knows that "Carlie" exists.  I am 68 and have a fear of what will happen if / and when I should pass.  They will come into my home & bedroom, to see all of "my stuff".  I don't know why I am worried so much about this.  I am past the point of purging...THAT is not an option for Carlie!

I've written a short letter that I leave on my nightstand.  It details my life as Carlie.  I also plan on talking to my family and neighbors about my clothing and lingerie that will be found if they have to go through my clothing.

Am I alone with these fears?   Have others dealt with this situation before?  Any thoughts?

Thank you!

  Smile Heart  

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27 Replies
5 Replies
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 10 months ago

Famed Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 1596

@carlablanchedubois 

I think the letter is a great idea, Carlie. In fact, I wouldn't bother talking to anyone about it, I'd just put it all in the letter. Currently, my wife would be left to do it but, if I outlast her, I'll do that very thing.

Thanks for raising this.

Allie x

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Duchess
(@gafran)
Joined: 6 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 498

@carlablanchedubois 

I've thought about it, but I'm to the point in life that I'm living my best life for me! 

 What others think is what other think! 

 I just hope my girly things go to a good home. Weather a cis girl or one like us!

"To my ownself be true " 

Fran 🥰 

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3462

@carlablanchedubois 

I'm trans and OUT!  Everyone knows.  My IDs say I'm a female named Elizabeth.  There's nothing to hide.  When I pass, my survivors will find my stuff.  They won't be surprised.  I hope they grab something fabulous to wear!

/LK

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3096

Posted by: @carlablanchedubois

Am I alone with these fears?   Have others dealt with this situation before?  Any thoughts?

You are thinking about things as they are now, but things could drastically change. For example, how many of us will have to downsize to, say, some sort of seniors residence or need care? We just don't know  yet.

This is why we need to plan these things out earlier while we currently have more control of things. Along will your will, you could include instructions about how your closet is to be distributed. You could have a letter which describes / explains your crossdressing to be read to chosen individuals. You have some sort of safe for these things, right?

On the other hand, you aren't around anymore to catch any fallout, so what really matters? You know your friends and family best.

 

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Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76

@harriette You are right.  I have all of these thoughts in mind.  Thanks you!

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Posts: 208
Lady
(@danikiss22)
Honorable Member     Appleton, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

I had written a long reply and then when I came to my conclusion, I had a thought.  What if the shoe was on the other foot?  How would I react if it was my 40- or 50-yr old child who passed away.  Or maybe a sibling.  So... would I be shattered if I discovered my late daughter was living a trans male life?  I don't know about that, people tend to remind themselves that so and so was a good person and let it go.  I think at times like that people can be pretty understanding.  For me, I have no contingency plans.  Might be my kids will say, "I always wondered"... and the other one says, "doesn't surprise me!"

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1 Reply
Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76
Posts: 98
Duchess
(@traci429)
Reputable Member     Brighton area, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 11 months ago

Carlie, you should definitely enjoy life. Looks like you are enjoying it. I told my wife and last time I was going to purge she suggested I pack up my stuff and put it somewhere. Glad I did that because, as we all know, the urge came back. Now I’m in a DADT now and she’s ok with that. Enjoy your time. Hugs, Traci

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Posts: 854
Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Noble Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

@carlablanchedubois My GF and daughter both know about Melodee and are in 100% support, so I don't have that same worry, but I completely understand.

If I'm lucky enough to have time before I pass, it is my full intention to make as many people aware as I can. My main reason for not telling them now is to avoid making them uncomfortable around me, but once I'm gone that won't matter, and they'll have had an opportunity to ask questions while I was still here.

 

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4 Replies
Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 854

Side note: For the record, this is the only type of passing I believe in.

Hmm...ok also as it pertains to football (both kinds), basketball, and school classes.

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Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 1353

@melodeescarlet so we don't have to worry about you making a pass at any of us? Wink Tongue Out

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Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 854

@augustvaliant That type may or may not be real....my experience says it isn't lol

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Posts: 1277
(@finallyfiona)
    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 11 months ago

I'm out as Fiona everywhere in my life.  When I pass, if someone I know has to sort through my stuff, it's not going to be any surprise to them.  If a stranger has to come into my house and see all my stuff, were I alive I'm sure I'd welcome them in and make no bones about any of it, so I'm not going to worry now about what they might think at that future time.  I'd certainly be beyond worries by then, anyway 🙂

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1 Reply
Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 854
Posts: 249
Lady
(@helenmariehayley)
Reputable Member     Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 6 years ago

Hello Carlie,       I think you have a very good idea about when you pass on. I basically have no family, but have a few friends, some now about Helenmarie while one of them does not. I have left a will, so my solicitor will deal with the house, so it is left to charities to clear the house & I am sure they will not care about what they find. But a letter to your family sounds a good idea, may think about it myself.    love  Helenmarie

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1 Reply
Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76
Posts: 860
Duchess
(@chloec)
Prominent Member     Lakeshore, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Carlie, while I have a family, most who do not know, I'm also thinking about my passing and should I purge, or just let it go. I could say, it doesn't matter, I'll be gone, nobody can cause me any hurt, and people are the way they are, I can't really change that. But here's a suggestion - volunteer to do something, help someone, plant a tree, a foodbank. We're all complicated people, I mean everyone. And not all know everything we've done or been, but there are lots of people who probably know a side of us that others don't. We can't all be paragons of virtue, but we can do little things that maybe help encourage others to go a step further on their own. And whether we know it before we go or not (probably never know), we possibly made a difference, no matter how slight, and maybe, just maybe, we've left something good behind.

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1 Reply
Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76

@chloec 😊 Thank you!

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Posts: 572
(@heels234)
Prominent Member     Mesa, Arizona, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I live by myself.My sister knows of Michelle,my brother does not.I have a living trust and will,so thats covered.Everything is to be split 50/50,Sister has a key to the house,brother will get his after Christmas.I dont plan on checking out for many years ,I wonder if brother could fit my dresses,sister is a size 6 or 8,I am a size 14.Pardon my ramblings ladies,it helps to talk  about this.Well,thats enough about this stuff,way too serious,theres sales to go to and boots to try on. Thanks  ladies for listening ,Michelle Brown.

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Posts: 454
Duchess
(@jennconn)
Prominent Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Carlie, I’m so glad you asked the question.  I’ve wondered this for some time now.  It seems the older we get the more it weighs on us.  My wife passed away before me, and my brother will be handling my estate.  But I’m not going to out myself now, since I don’t think it’s necessary.  I know that whoever gets tasked with clearing out clothes will wonder for a little while why I had all those women’s clothes in my closet.  But then when they discover the Breast Plate and forms, it will be rather obvious.  I just hope that they’ll keep the secret to themselves and move on, but, you know, if they don’t, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.  

So my thought is that I’ve got nothing that I can do to control things that I have no control over, and I’ll just pray that when my time comes that God will guide my heirs to do the right thing whatever that may be and not worry about what might be.

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1 Reply
Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76

@jennconn Thanks Jenn, that helps!

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Posts: 1230
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 8 months ago

I hadn't given this much thought, but perhaps it's something I should do. Apart from my wife, none of my family know about Anna and I don't really expect that to change.

Anna xx

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Posts: 2966
Hostess
(@ab123)
Famed Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Those that are close to you know which to me is all that matters. If it comes out after you pass then so be it. If they were friends then does it matter as should be the person not how they dress that matters.

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1 Reply
Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76

@ab123 Thank you Angela!

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Posts: 1917
Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

I have letters on this subject in various places, eg my lingerie draws. They instruct my family to donate my Caty gear to a womens homeless shelter. The forms and wigs can go to a CD shop in Melbourne that has some clients with not a lot of $$$

 

Caty.

 

 

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1 Reply
Princess Annual
(@carlablanchedubois)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Dundalk, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 76

@ryanpaul Great idea.....multiple letters

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