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So, Sunday I posted on are you gay. SO, and I had a day out and dressing and having the talk again, but the next day the talk ended there.
How do I bring up the day when, wine not involved. Wine seems to open up my wife, since she internalizes everything. We had an open discussion, if you read the post, but I think there is something more going on in her mind.
Asking all Dressers and SO on, how to start the discussion again, because I would like to talk more about the discussion of the day.
All thoughts excepted.
Right now, it feels like no one knows the next step.
Hugs
Lynne
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It would seem she is internalising again. It was a big deal to dress with her blessing but it is not uncommon too see this reaction. I wouldn't advocate wine but a sober wife and the key is to give her time and space. Perhaps telling her it is causing you some angst and ask her you wish to talk more but only when she feels ready.
Dear Lynne,
I have observed, time is the crucial element in the big reveal. Mainly "how long you have been crossdressing" (duration in lifetime) and the time "after the big reveal" (duration after coming out).
The person we reveal to is observing (in great anxiety) if anything has changed during these duration and how it affects our relationship with them.
Have our personalities changed after we started dressing? Do we have more friends? etc.
The amount of change in our relationship with them during these duration's are trajectory of changes in the future. Is crossdressing a new phase of our lives? or is it something we have always done and part of our current life and the big reveal leads to little change.
Processing is necessary and cannot be rushed or sped up. Change is scary because of the unknown. Similar to sitting in a dark room: we fear what is in the darkness not the darkness itself. With time and understanding we become less afraid as realize what is in the darkness is (hopefully) harmless and maybe actually quite fun 😉
With all my support and encouragement,
The Bluest Belladonna
I know it is harder then it sounds, but why not just ask her what she thinks of it. The best way to start a conversation is simply to start it. My wife and I have our best disccusions over dinner and a nice bottle of wine. She is indifferent to my dressing, meaning she is fine if I do, buy would be just as fine if I didn't. Her attitude is they are just clothes. She has never questioned my sexuality since I really haven't changed in out 40 years of marriage. Sometimes.oir discissions are onesided since I sometimes just need to say things to make myself more.comfortable. Once over dinner I just said how much I like to.dress and that it makes me feel good and that if she ever has an issue with it to just let me know. She lets me get away with a lot, but if something is too obviois she tells.me and I adjust without any further discussion. Just recently I was wearing a bikini and forms in our hotel room, and she qas fine with it, buy when we went out for dinner she said.my boobs were too prominant, so I just took.them out and went to.dinner underdressed and she was fine. When we got back to.our room my forms went back in and we had a fun evening.
So, the bottomline is just do it. Talk to jer ask her questions and reply honestly to her questions or comments.
Good to hear, I hope it was a productive conversation. Some people, like my wife just don't seem to have a need to talk about it. As I have said, she just acxepts it within pretty broad limits so there is no real need to discuss it.
I should add, so.etimes we feel the need to discuss it even thoigh our spouse does not. I have had some good conversation with my cousin , so that helps with my desire to dicuss my dressing, and of course it is always good to open up here as well.
It is good you two are talking about, so just take your time.