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I know many who use this site live all around the world. I happen to live in the southeast US near the city of Atlanta, Georgia so this topic may be a bit regionally specific.
This weekend I had the pleasure of going out en femme for the first time since the flurry of government statements were made that seem to be causing a lot of 'spirited conversation" in the US right now. While I don't consider myself to be transgender in the strict definition, I realize that I may be perceived as such when out in public. To be honest I was a little apprenhensive about what I might experience in the real world since recent online discourse that I'm seeing on traditional social media platforms has been trending negatively in my corner of the world. It was like I was reliving my first time out anxieties all over again.
On Friday evening (Valentine's Day) I went out to dinner with a group of 7 CD's including myself. My wife had to work the entire weekend so we celebrated earlier in the week. On Saturday our group grew to 12 and we went to lunch at a local tavern. The weather was cold and rainy so we stayed at the tavern for a good portion of the afternoon eating, socializing, watching TV, and playing pool. Later in the evening we went to another nicer restaurant and then topped off the the day going to live show at a nearby theater.
I'm happy to report than a good time was had by all and nothing bad happened along the way. I learned that I wasn't the only one of our group feeling a bit more anxious than normal about going out in light of recent events. One or two crossdressers may be able to blend into the public background but there's no way 12 of us aren't going to be noticed. But, if we were noticed, no one appeared to care. The staff at the tavern, restaurant, and theater were all completely professional in how they treated us. I made a point to personally thank the young lady that took great care of us at the tavern for her kind hospitality. The other patrons, who may have casually glanced as we passed by also didn't seem to care one way or the other.
I guess it's true the nasty posts and comments on social media platforms can have an impact on your state of mind if you let them get to you. After having such a wonderful weekend I now feel much more at ease and I am looking forward to my next trip out with only my "usual" worries of getting a stain on my dress, smearing my lipstick, or heaven forbid, getting a run in my pantyhose. Actually I did get a run on Saturday but luckily I came prepared with a backup pair.
How about your corner of the world? (US or not) If you've gone out recently en femme, have you noticed any changes in behavior of people in the real world? Have you felt any new anxiety stemming what you may be seeing on social media? Just curious!
@mkat3874 I've not been out en-femme in daylight since November. I will be goign out next in a couple of weeks or so.
@mkat3874 I live in small town Iowa. I am out as Cassie full time the area here is mostly conservative. I have had no problems of any kind. I think? I pass, at least from a short distance. I don't shove my pronouns or my person in anyone's face. I have not used a men's room while presenting as Cassie.
Now I am not into the bar scene or other night life.
Cassie
That is so wonderful that you can be out full time in small town Iowa. I should probably start another topic some time about passing but I've recently had some interesting conversations with my wife and two adult daughters about passing. They obviously know both sides of me and have been out with me dressed. They have also met other CD's from the group that I go out with. What I'm starting to believe is that their interpretation and/or understanding of passing is not the same as mine. In short, I and perhaps other CD's or transgender persons may overthink the concept of passing. I think maybe I will start a new topic in this subject.
@mkat3874 I have gone out to eat with family multiple times. I do avoid using the ladies room when out using the family restrooms if available otherwise using the ladies. I just go in taking care of business and wash my hands and get out. I have had at least twice where I met my 17 year old granddaughter as I was leaving the stall in the ladies room. I figure the ladies room is where I could be the biggest problem.
But still have never had a problem.
Cassie
@mkat3874 Hi Michelle, I am so glad you had a good, and "uneventful" time. While I don't go out anywhere like you do, I have not noticed any difference in anything.
Hi Christine, glad to hear you aren't noticing any differences. Hopefully all this online junk will stay online and not cross over into the real world.
It sounds like you had a fulfilling and positive experience going out en femme, despite some initial apprehensions! It's encouraging to hear that you and your group were treated with respect and professionalism, highlighting that often, the anxiety induced by negative social media discourse doesn't always translate to real-world interactions.
Your experience is a lovely reminder that while visibility might raise some eyebrows, it often doesn’t lead to negative reactions as one might fear from reading online comments. It’s great to hear that you were prepared for minor mishaps like a run in your pantyhose, showing that it’s often the small, personal challenges that remain once larger societal fears are navigated successfully.
As for other areas, experiences can vary widely. Some people report feeling more tension or scrutiny in public, especially in less inclusive areas, while others have found that their communities are surprisingly supportive or indifferent. The impact of social media can be significant, amplifying negative voices that might be less prominent in everyday interactions. It’s always a bit of a mixed bag, but personal stories like yours bring a hopeful perspective to the community.
I'm curious to hear more about your future outings and any other stories you might want to share! How do you generally find the support within your local community and among other crossdressers?
Hi Lena, I do plan to share more about future outings as I hope it gives others who might be interested in venturing out some encouragement to give it a try. I spent far to long on on the inside longing to go outside. When I finally did it was truly an amazing and unforgettable experience. I found online a crossdressing group that met near me in Atlanta. I connected with them and took my first steps outside with them. I realize not everyone has such opportunities within reasonable reach. That makes places like CDH even more important for finding a community and developing connections.
@mkat3874 I haven't experienced anything different where I am in the northeast US.
Good to hear! From the responses I'm seeing it seems like there are more negative messages showing up recently on social media platforms but that doesn't appear to be translating to real life. This may be because the "trolls" are now more emboldened given the political landscape or perhaps with the platforms themselves dropping their filtering of offensive/derogatory statements.
.ow about your corner of the world? (US or not) If you've gone out recently en femme, have you noticed any changes in behavior of people in the real world? Have you felt any new anxiety stemming what you may be seeing on social media? Just curious!
I don't live in the US, but I do pay close attention to things there. I am not aware of anything specific that is going on on social media beyond the "normal" crap.
As far as the reactions of others towards me, there has been nothing of note probably because I don't dress en femme, but that doesn't mean that nobody notices me, either. To most people, I hope to pass the smell test and just do enough to make some people curious. For me it is just the same old, same old.
Having said that, I spent a few hours in a large tourist attraction mall, recently, and plan a trip to IKEA and another trip across the border. So long as I don't get frisked on the way back, I should be OK. Is that contraband in there or are you happy to see me? 🥳
I haven't had any bad responses. I'm smack dab in the middle of Georgia! The internet for all its good has alot of bad in the form of trolls, pot stirring, fishers haters and other lower forms of one-sided one celled life! They take a side for likes and hope to fund their lazy way of life by being an 'influencer.' For me I steer clear of them like a 50 pound skunk in the road!
Fran 🥰
I'm glad to hear middle Georgia is treating you well! It seems like the social media skunks are getting fatter than ever. 😂
Here on the other side of the pond there was quite a few negative reports in the press about the Trans issue as a backlash to what was being demanded and actions of the so called Trans lobby. Life had been good before and I felt some angst as to how that would pan out in my community where I lived and work. That rather abated as their were other things leading the headlines and comments pages. Then of course a new president on the other side of the pond was elected and a lot was reported and read of his Decrees.
Nothing has changed for me at all.
My opinion is that people have more pressing things to worry about than us. It probably agitates those that do not appreciate us anyway and their opinion won't change but it's the majority of people who matter and as said they get on with life and let me get on with mine.
I'm happy to hear that it hasn't changed anything for you. At the moment this is all fresh in the news and I'm sure something will displace it soon enough. For me, I have a loving and accepting family, the CDH community, and my in-person CD group to discuss and relate with. I fear those who don't have such resources will take this much harder.
@mkat3874 I will never tire of saying: "Someone's reaction to you says everything about them and nothing about you."
If someone sees me and thinks, "Gay." or "Trans." or whatever, how is that about me? I'm neither. They may as well think, "Napoleon." None of their thoughts (or words, for that matter) could possibly project reality onto me. Their reaction is founded entirely upon their opinions and experiences and preferences. It is entirely self-contained.
I think it is massively important that if you are someone who is going out and about, being confident in doing so is critical. If you're out there looking nervous and anxious it implies guilt - that you're doing something wrong, when you categorically are not.
To answer your question: Where I live it's pretty accepting, though I spent the weekend in what I would deem a more conservative pocket. Yet 3 of us and our spouses went out to dinner at a hibachi restaurant and therefore sat at a table with a significant number of the general public. Were there looks? Probably, I assure you I didn't spend any time paying attention. I act exactly as I do in guy mode. If for no other reason than acting 'normal' just tends to put people more at ease.
I'm glad you had a good experience. Keep going out there and just being you. Peoples' reactions are theirs to have and since you can't control that, why expend any of your energy worrying about it?
Very interesting insight regarding the relationship between confidence and implied guilt. Not to get too personal here but my battle for nearly 40 years was guilt imposed by a super strict religious background. I've come so far in the past year since I've connected with others and started going out. My confidence has grown and continues to grow as I process and leave the guilt behind. It is interesting that much of the negativity is wrapped in a religious packaging.
@mkat3874 I totally understand. Things like that can take a while to unpack and really examine.
People have that mammalian sense of those around them. Someone acting nervous or apprehensive signals that there something bad/wrong happening and the innate reaction is to either get away from that person, or remove that person from the group so they can go back to being at ease.
I've found the simplest solution is just to go about my business and people seem to go about theirs.
Some advice I was given by a more experienced CD who goes out multiple times each week is to hold your head high, keep a pleasant demeanor, and walk like you know where you're going. I try to practice this when I'm out and about. So far it seems to be working.
@mkat3874 In response to your comment "It is interesting that much of the negativity is wrapped in a religious packaging."
To to remember that God new who you were, long before you did.
sending hugs.
Thank you Roberta. So true! Seems like a lot of folks think they need to be "helping out" the almighty now days. 😂
It is a sad fact of modern life that there are people out there who feel their sad little lives are enriched by being negative about people who are living life to the full.
I like to say that social media is wholly responsible for the denigration of minority groups, but I would be wrong and instead I'm going to paraphrase the words of the all-powerful NRA and say that 'It is not social media that persecutes people, it is people who persecute people'. The mouth-breathers who would previously have spouted their 'righteous' drivel in a low-life bar somewhere, can now sit at home and, without consequence, insult and belittle folk who are just being themselves and hurting no one.
So far, in most parts of the UK, it has not yet come to that and most of the cretins on social media are too busy experimenting on themselves with 'black-out challenges', sucking in canisters of nitrous oxide and generally proving Darwin right, to be bothered about the odd cross-dresser—and long may that situation last (although I'm not hopeful).
You can't change these people's minds, especially when their behaviour is endorsed at the highest level, you can only try to get on with your life as best you can, while you can.
Try to forget about it and try to enjoy your life; it doesn't last all that long.
Cheers
A slightly depressed Becca (but I'll quickly get over it).
xx
Words of wisdom indeed!
Now that I think about it maybe the reason for the notable uptick in negative commentary online is related to meta's rollback of its protection protocols that previously might have filtered out the garbage which has really been there all along.
@mkat3874 Yes, you'd think Mark Zuckerberg had enough money such that he didn't have to appease his gods. Apparently, the moderators were biased—now there's irony.
I've just re-read my post here and I should make it clear that the post regarding Facebook moderators should preferably have said 'HIS moderators were biased'. Sorry for any confusion.
Thanks Becca. No confusion on my part. I understood it that way from the start. 🙂
@mkat3874 I didn't want anyone to think I was having a go at the mods here on CDH and it kinda sounded like I might have been.
PEOPLE THAT WANT TO TALK TRASH USUALLY WON'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOUR FACE. THEY WILL JUST KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT. IF THEY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOU IT PROBABLY BE BEHIND A COMPUTER WHERE YOU CAN'T SEE WHO IT IS. NOBODY REALLY WANTS TO SAY ANYTHING TO YOUR FACE. HOW WOULD IT LOOK IF THEY GOT THEIR ASS KICKED BY A CD?
I'm fortunate in that I live in a pretty progressive part of the country. I haven't changed anything and I don't plan to.
Fantastic! When I read your reply, in my mind I immediately heard Sinatra singing, "Start spreading the news..."
Lovely story Michelle but you aren’t alone in how you feel. The climate is changing and people are feeling emboldened to express their dislike in our very existence. It’s a scary time for trans/cd folks right now but I do believe folks are generally kind and will accept us but I do feel I need to be more careful. Best of luck moving forward Michelle and take care.
Who knows where all this is heading? It's anyone's guess. One concrete thing we can do is be the best representatives of our communities to the world that we can. I'm encouraged by my children's generation in how open indeed and accepting they seem to be.
Nothing has really changed for me either. Other than telling my partner to get off social media 🙂 The "outrage" against people like us is a smokescreen for a lot of real problems in the world and I believe that while people do exist who hate us, it is such a small number as to be insignificant. I do realize that where I live plays a huge part so I am not suggesting that mentality is, or can be, universal.
In fact, as I have stated in a few places now, my plans to go out as Natalie have only increased from the end of the year. Not because I want to make a statement or anything. In fact, everything going on has nothing to do with it. I want to because I want to. That's it and I don't plan on fearing being myself in public. I will only continue to fear being my true self around people I know 
For me, making the move to get out of the house was the best decision I could have made and regardless of public sentiment I don't ever want to go back to staying inside. Also, opening up to my closest family members has only made our relationships stronger. All the best to you.
Michelle -
How wonderful that you were able to have your outings with friends. I hope you have many more in the future.
I would agree with you and others that for the most part people aren't paying attention. With everything going on there are way too many other things to worry about then how someone is dressed or presents. Those who comment online feel safe behind the protection of a computer screen. It speaks more to their insecurities than anything else. There will always be those that don't like what others do and feel the need to express their opinion. Unfortunately they are usually loud and obnoxious. If ignored they will go away as they aren't receiving the attention they crave.
XOXO
Suzanne
Thank you Suzanne. It reminds me of the school yard bully but in the online version. The worst thing we could now is to respond or retreat as it would give them what they want.
Interesting conversation, I just met with a small group of friends a few days ago, we sort of had a discussion about this topic for a couple of minutes, we all agree that we live in an area where people really don’t care about it too much and we wonder what may be like in places in the middle of the country. I am glad to hear you all had a great time.
In my opinion this homophobia or whatever other terms they want to use is limited to a small group politicians who are manipulating a small segment of the US population, who happen to be narrow minded and often uneducated.
I agree with your assessment. We can't let the loud voices of a few online trolls cause us to hide. I've only been going out for just over a year now and I have no plans of going back inside.
