Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
There was a topic recently, "Support from one’s Significant Other – it is wonderful if you can get it"
I had posted that sometimes we were our own worst enemies. Well, I have since had to rethink that. I had started wearing panties, occasionally, under drab. I tried not to wear panties on the days I knew I would be out of the house. At night in bed, I would put light shorts on. I would put them in the laundry (I had talked to her about that or at least I though I had). There never seemed to be any drama. When the dried clothes were folded up, they would always be there. I have always maintained that "I have nothing to prove." I wasn't going to "come out", I really don't have a desire to transition. I'm content having one foot in both worlds I guess.
Last Thursday, I was working late and I got a text from my wife (who was upstairs in bed). I was asked to not "flaunt my underwear fetish or whatever it is" "It upsets me." and then "maybe it makes you feel good but it doesn't make me feel good"
Now, if she had asked me to stop wearing them or stop putting them in the laundry I would have been more than happy to oblige. Again - I'm not trying to force anything on anybody. But flaunt and fetish? I heard other f words: failure, freak, faggot. Even though they weren't said I heard and felt them. My panties are cotton bikini (hip huggers?) or full briefs by the way. No, thongs or G-strings or anything remotely like that. This is just me but I feel like they should be sort of age appropriate... but I digress.
I had a discussion a couple of weeks before (via text - hey, I'm an introvert OK?). I told her I was tired of sneaking around. I thought that maybe that had an impression on her. I guess not. So I'm back to DADT - don't ask, don't tell and sure as hell don't show anything either.
I'm better. Had a good talk with the therapist. That helped a lot.
I wanted to post it here - not for sympathy, I'm sure there are plenty that have tales far worse than mine. But to help others navigate this - whatever it is.
I mean normally for me this would be a purge time. But I'm not doing that again. I'll just sneak and hide some more.
Your wife prefers not to see your panties, and that is her choice. Your prefer to wear panties, and thet is your choice. The two are not mutually exclusive. No doubt there are things she likes to do that you do not, that is oart of marriage. It is a bit of give and take. The problem that I see is your poor communication skills as a couple. Your wife's text was ineligant at best, but the fact that you two are texting in the same house about something so fraught with emotion is the bigger problem. Personally, I would have gone uostaits and talked to her about it. In her opinion it is a fetish, and it maybe, or it maybe you like the look, feel and comfort of panties, but she will not know thay unless you discuss it, IMHO in person. I would hope your therapist is encouraging proper communication skills.
"Had a good talk with the therapist." Dani
Good communication is key here.
What are the chances of getting your wife to go with you to your therapist or to find her a good one?
Slim and none.
That complicates the situation, but, if you support her and keep the lines of communication open, maybe things can improve.
Good luck!
This has been a component of my therapy. My introversion. My therapy has many components. At 65 I'm still dealing with complex PTSD from childhood abuse. I learned, as a child, that people pleasing and not expressing one's emotions or feelings was a way of survival. If I tried to explain to my mother how my feelings were not being met it would not have gone well. A portion of that mindset has transferred over into many of my "relationships" - including my marriage. I try to work constantly on communicating. Hell, texting is one way of me communicating (finally). Before I would just swallow it. Sometimes you don't understand what you don't know. It's easy to judge.
If I were to communicate face to face, I know I could not keep my emotions in check. And that could go (badly) in a few different ways. I don't want to have to deal with any of those consequences.
As I said I posted this here not for sympathy but understanding. And I know I'm not alone or completely unusual in how I feel.
I'll just leave it at that.
(Yes, the article speaks to communication - and I am working on that but I am a work in progress)
