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Not Bothering

19 Posts
19 Users
38 Reactions
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Posts: 808
Lady
Topic starter
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

My wife is in Sweden until Thursday. I dropped her off at the airport (Heathrow, 3 hours from home) on Sunday after noon. 

My wife is wonderful, and I have more or less a free rein to do as I please. One of the exceptions is nails. I'm not allowed painted or false nails. 

My wife is away for 4 days. I have two packets of pre-painted nails, both the same to allow for loss. It's always handy to have spares. I planned on wearing nails whilst I can.

Sunday evening As I'm getting ready for bed, I sit and file my nails in preparation for Monday morning. Various health issues mean my nails have ridges. I file the ridges down to allow decent adhesion of the nails.

Monday morning I wake. Before I shower and get ready, I put on  drab clothes and go down and feed our dog, I make a pot of tea, have a small breakfast. I then go and shower and shave.

Back into drab!

The urge/need/desire to dress left me. I spent the day in drab mode.

Tuesday.... Drab mode.

Wednesday (today). I repeat Monday. Feed the dog, tea, breakfast, shower and shave..... I had to force myself to get into Cerys mode. I literally had to talk myself into it. I did my hair (It's a new style, and I love it, it curls up at the bottom. It really does make me happy), but apart from lipstick, I didn't do my face. 

Needless to say no nails! I've had 3 days, no nails. Hardly any Cerys. Nails take me so long to put on, and even longer to take off that today, I didn't bother.

I'm wondering if its the going down to sort the dog out that has caused my apathy? Normally my wife does the dog and makes the tea whilst I'm creating Cerys.

Now I'm in Cerys mode, I'm happy that I made the half arsed effort, but I could so easily have just reverted to drab mode. 

Isn't it weird how sometimes the urge just goes away? I often go weeks or months as Cerys. When I have the chance to go that little bit further than normal, the urge leaves me!

It's times like this that drive home that whilst I live as Cerys for 80+% of my time, I am still a crossdresser, and not trans. I'm about to take the dog for his walk. It will be the first time I have been out of the house as Cerys since Saturday!

Cerys

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18 Replies
10 Replies
(@katiep)
Joined: 3 months ago

Reputable Member     Nottinghamshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 139

@dazzler With you on this one, spent all of Christmas Day dressed but haven't since then, almost a month. It is so weird the fog just lifts.

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 172

@dazzler I think its positive to reach the point where dressing is no longer an urge but a choice.   I am wary of engaging in behavior that is driven by compulsion, obsession and/or impulse.

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(@carolinecd306)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Fraser Valley, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 119

@dazzler

Cerys,

I’ve had a similar situation, I was on vacation and had a ton of ladies wear with me and plans to dress daily. Out of the 10 nights I dressed a couple of times. I simply did not have the gumption to get dolled up.

It happens to me regularly. 

 

C💋

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3964

Posted by: @dazzler

Isn't it weird how sometimes the urge just goes away? I often go weeks or months as Cerys. When I have the chance to go that little bit further than normal, the urge leaves me!

My CD journey has been fairly short. I had no real expectations or plan when I started, I just starting doing. Trial and error.

I soon settled down to dressing androgynously since it seemed to allow me a fair amount of freedom and in 3 minutes I  am ready to go.

After joining CDH, I was exposed to the issues that some CDs had with this way of life. One problem was unexpected - the loss of interest or desire to dress by some CDs. I have no idea what the percentage of CDs have this happen to them, but it seems to be small. Maybe I should have anticipated that this would possibly happen, but I had no reference point.

The amount of effort and time necessary to finish getting ready has to be a major factor, here, as to whether the person gets overwhelmed or not. For me it's almost always boom, boom and out the door.

Maybe on your rough days you can do less (be more casual?) to dress more.

 

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(@caroline2k)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 601

@dazzler I get where you are coming from Cerys.

Sometimes when I have to dress in drab, I find myself spending the next day or two in 'Dave Mode', thinking to myself "I should get dressed" but then not bothering. Maybe it's the novelty or the convenience of not shaving, or having to worry about whether I am co-ordinating and accessorising properly. It's incredible how little care and effort I put into my male appearance, considering how much time I lavish on being feminine.

However, I find that there is such a sense of exhilaration and relief when I do dress again, it is worth abstaining. I had to spend almost a month in drab over the Xmas period, what with family and friends visiting and staying over... imagine how it felt to finally dress again after that!

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Lady
(@mary)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 879

@dazzler yeup.sometimes i have to admit...I'm mustn't feeling it.

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Lady
(@orcharddwee)
Joined: 4 months ago

Estimable Member     Staten Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 81

@dazzler sometimes the urge goes away depending on what I'm doing, and usually it's because of some physical labor. So when I'm doing some kind of work on the house or if I'm doing volunteer work, Orchard takes a vacation while I'm in drab mode. I guess it's because I'm always looking for ways to be comfortable in any situation, and when I do physical labor I'm sweating and I smell like a man so being in drab is the most comfortable for me in those situations. Maybe I also feel that Orchard is above physical labor and I don't want to ruin her with icky work. All I know is, that after spending days in drab I feel the urge again to become Orchard and when I finally get to be her again it feels like coming home. I will always want to wear women's clothes and I will do so for the rest of my life and I'm not sorry about it.

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1188

@dazzler I definitely get this way sometimes.   I have mixed feelings about it but I don't try to force it.   I'm trying to evaluate my feelings about transition and I believe that forcing it could lead me in a direction which ultimately isn't right for me.

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Duchess
(@rebeccaoh)
Joined: 7 months ago

Estimable Member     Oxford, Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 64

@dazzler I have this all the time I swear it is frustrating. I’ll have a week where I am dying to dress and have to fit what I can into day to day life. Then for instance if it’s my wife’s monthly and work is busy for her, I have much more freedom to dress fully, but choose not to. I put a lot of it on laziness, but that’s not the right word. It feels like when I have the freedom and lack of urgency to dress, I just turn into a hermit haha. I think it’s similar to GGs when they just wear sweats and a t shirt or something. Our version of easy is just drab mode.

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1765

@dazzler I've only dressed once this year and that was dressed down. Since my knee injury I've not been able to put  pair of tights on and not been able to walk in feminine shoes or put a corset on due to bashed ribs. The ned is there, but difficult to get into full Anna mode.

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Posts: 2135
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Isn't it weird how sometimes the urge just goes away?

It is indeed, Cerys. I find it weird that, when I can't be bothered, I feel like I'm cheating myself out of enjoyment! Go figure 🙄.

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Posts: 846
Duchess
(@missylinda)
Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

As I age, the urge changes.  I spend less day time dressed, but went the urge comes, it is so much stronger than it used to be.  It  literally cannot be resisted. 🥰🤗

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Posts: 88
(@judevderl)
Estimable Member     London, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 months ago

Hi Cerys. It is strange!

Although my circumstances are a bit different to yours, sometimes I find that the more time I have to dress, the less the urge. Prior to Covid, I would often have 5 days a week where I could dress, but would only dress for maybe 2 or 3. The urge just wasn't there for the full 5 days.

These days, I typically get 1 or 2 days a week and use them to the full. 

Have had the odd occasion since Covid where I have had 3 or 4 days to myself but only dressed for maybe 2. 

Maybe less is more?

Judy. X.

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Posts: 2041
Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Cerys, 

I've not dressed since i had my makeover in December, it's not that I've not wanted to I've not actually had the chance to, if my wife went away for a few days then i would be dressed all the time she is away, 

Love Roz ❤️ 

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Posts: 146
Duchess
(@lizzy89)
Reputable Member     GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 months ago

I'm with you not dressed since November when my living situation meant that I could have a long weekend as Lizzy. But I do find my urge to dress waxes and wanes probably because I have other hobbies such as running which have proved to be a welcome distraction. 

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Posts: 1252
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I can dress as I please but haven't gone out as Becca since my operation at the end of December...until today, that is. I could have gone out before now but, like Cerys, sometimes it's just too much trouble. Today was different though, I had a reason to go into the city, wifey wasn't bothered about going, so I dressed, fully, and went out for the day, on my own; I had a very pleasant time. As I hadn't been out for a while, the initial nervousness was there, but once I'd set foot outside the door and got into my car, everything cleared up and I was happy to be Becca again. As usual, I didn't want to go back to drab until the very end of the day but, again like Cerys, the dog has to go out...and the dog always comes first in our family.

I don't feel any compulsion to dress, I don't get 'the urge', it's just something I like to do now and again, when I can be bothered. I think part-time dressing is the right way for me but for others, it can never be enough.

Becca

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Posts: 2080
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Cerys -

I don't find this unusual. I've had my wife invite Suzanne for a visit and decline her offer. I think it is the mood I'm in at the time that causes me to do that. Conversely I do spend my mornings dressed in some manner - it could be a nightie, dress or skirt/blouse combo. I'll wear lipstick, necklace, bracelet and earrings (which I wear 24/7 - when I dress in the morning I'll change to dangling ones I don't wear out of the house). I don't have sufficient time to put on full make up and a wig but enjoy the time I have. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 166
Duchess
(@joannat)
Reputable Member     Gwynedd, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 months ago

Hi Cerys

It looks like I will be having a three week break from Joanna-time, but that’s more down to circumstances and lack of time. I do still feel connected though, as I’m often in a skirt and tights at home, even if there isn’t the time to get fully en-femme.

Hope you get your mojo back! Joanna 💕

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