Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
One of my secret joys is to traditionally keep my toenails painted. It's a way to stay somewhat connected to my feminine side. Sometimes it's in a "manly" dark color (black, blue, grey etc) and sometimes I sport a bright pink or red. I have been out in public with them painted. Sometimes I am fine with it and other times it brings me great anxiety. Today we are attending a picnic at a friend's house and there is a pool. Great opportunity to step outside my comfort zone and sport toes that are currently an acceptable "manly" blue...NOPE! I have the nail polish remover sitting next to me and I am about to wipe away that little bit of my personality that still brings me shame and embarrassment. I'm 51 years old and still concerned about what others think about me. I just wonder how long it will take until I know longer give a damn. I'm getting a little better with strangers. There is no reason to care about what they think. Friends and family? That's a big step. How can something so simple bring so much joy and inner peace 90% of the time and such anxiety and same the other 10%? I'm happy being a man, so I certainly can live without the polish on my toes. It just takes away a small source of "special" joy from me. I'm sure that either tonight or tomorrow morning I will be pulling out the polish to repaint my toes. That's ok, it was time for a new color anyway!
Hi, Danny.
I have my toenails painted all the time now, my goto's are shiny gold and a part glossy teal. I did this about 30 years ago and have just started again in the past 4 months.
Like you, I have been out wearing sandals and my nails on display but I also chicken out sometimes, depends how I feel at the time.
I also occasionally paint my fingernails with clear varnish, although I'm thinking a matte white or similar would look good, I'll need to have a look in the cosmetics departments again 😊. Currently, they've got three coats of the clear top coat varnish so they're very glossy. I was in the local shop earlier and I thought the assistant might comment, my wife and I have known the woman for years so we do have a bit of banter occasionally.
Anyhoo, I thought, I'll just say, "Cos I like it" and maybe add, "and I'm not supposed to do it".
Unlike you, I was always ok with friends and family, they are used to me. It was people I didn't know that concerned me, particularly groups of heavily armed young ne'er-do-wells 😂😂
Push the barriers.
Allie x
My 3 yo granddaughter was getting her toenails painted by mum, so it was quite easy to turn the conversation around to what colour mine should be. She chose glittery gold for me, I did the little ones, she did my big toes. Great bit of bonding.
I wear flip flops / sandals in the summer ( summer? this year?) And if people ask (which they haven't) well, I'm wearing polish for my granddaughter. And it won't come off until the next visit 😉
@dannydior301 I feel for you, I have the same dilemma. It's summer where I live and we like to go to a neighborhood pool where we run into people we know. My toes are bare, sadly, until swimming pool season ends, then my fun will continue with pretty toe nails.
I have the same fears as you and the same thoughts. Do people who hide other types of secrets (different than crossdressing gender, sexuality) feel this dilemma.
I wonder to myself.... "When will I stop caring what others think about me being me". This oppression we feel eats at us. If only we could be our real selves and go out and use that same hidden energy to do other wonderful things.
I went shopping earlier this week, wearing cute ballet flats with guy clothes for a bit of an androgynous look. I was standing in line for a cashier. I started to feel the usual discomfort, fears. This time, I said to myself, " I don't care, this is me." Just then, a calm started to come over me. I acted confidently. I belonged in that line, in that store, looking the way I looked.
An elderly man in line, bored, looked at me, smiled, though he looked at my eyes, not my outfit...he didn't notice it, he noticed me. I smiled back. I belonged.
A woman looked at me, glanced at my shoes, looked back at me a bit grumpily, implied that I didn't belong. I returned the grumpy look, glanced at her disheveled outfit, and gave her the look that maybe she didn't belong. Sure, I was being childish for a moment.
I know with strangers it's easier to have bad or good reactions, then move on. With family and friends, we fear losing them, being alone, or ostracizing our spouse and kids from their family and friends. All because we as men like women's things, or we as men don't quite feel like we're men.
I have noticed from many stories on here that there comes an age in life when one simply doesn't care and does what they want. The pattern seems to be sometime in our 60s or 70s, when our kids are all grown up, when our spouse no longer cares or is no longer there (passed away, divorced, left,etc.). Then a freedom arrives.
@dannydior301 I feel for you, Danny.
While we all should be able to express ourselves the way that we would like, many of us have constraints, whether self-imposed or not.
One of the few times that I ever wore a bright red polish in public was at a big, national car show. Easy to hide in the crowd, not likely to be spotted by anyone that I knew, only got one probably sarcastic comment.
On our subway, there was a small crowd of young people. One male had a dark teal and a dark blue distributed over his fingernails.
Whatever you are used to, I guess. If we do it more often, maybe it will be accepted more quickly. At least that is my hope.
@dannydior301 Hi Danny, four years ago my wife took me to a spa for our anniversary. We got his n hers pedicures and i got my toes painted fluorescent orange. For the rest of the summer i had orange toe nails. Every year since Ive gotten the same treatment. If anyone says anything I say…. my wife took me for a his n hers….
No hassles from anyone including our children.
Caroline💋
@carolinecd306 I usually say the same thing. I talk up how great a pedicure feels and then say “ it costs the same with or without polish, so hit me with some polish, I’m getting my money’s worth”
I love having painted toe nails and my wife tolerates it as long as it's private. We spend summers with the grandkids so bare toes until fall. I also would be fine showing pretty nails to strangers but I would be to embarrassed to expose that side of me to friends and family.
@michellemybell It's interesting that we would feel.embarrassed showing painted nails to family and friends. Yet, its okay for many guys to walk around with hideous nails seen by friends and family...why is that lack of grooming even accepted.
I wish I started painting my nails when I was a teen. Just like wearing gel in my hair, or shaving my face, it would've been normal for me by now.
@lea-jhene Agreed! Unkempt nasty men toes are way worse than polished and clean men toes. That standard seems illogically reversed.
Coming out to family and friends is always a VERY big step in a trans lady's life. It can be a very difficult decision for some to make and some never do for one reason or another. There will come a time when you are 100% sure whether you will or will not come out to them and then you will proceed accordingly.
I am the same...I have no issues or worries about polish if I am out amoung strangers, but not family and friends. My wife is not top keen on it in public either, so I don' t wear polish around her.
I have had many positive comments when I do wear polish in public, and never a negative one. I do wear clear polish most of the time and fee notice, and I have often worn a very subtle pink that is very stealth except in bright sunshine.
