Not upto it !!

Hi Sonia,

We all have times of feeling down. So much can affect our moods like the news, weather, society / family accepting us. There are times when I need to have a good cry by myself.

Hugs,

Eva

Sonia,

First and foremost, you are not alone.  I spent a LONG time being the only one that knew my Kate side existed, and yeah, there came points where I'd say, why am I still doing this?  it's the proverbial tree falling in the woods with no one there to hear it.  just know that whether you dress or don't, you are you.  And that Sonia is there whether you are mowing the lawn or putting on eye shadow. The guilt is crushing sometimes.  Because secrets do that to you.  Just try to remember to love all of what makes you who you are and hopefully the rest will follow.

Xoxo, Kate

I wonder sometimes if some of us deep down somewhere we can't touch want to get caught. I don't want to ever be caught but I take so many  chances with my dressing where I could be exposed. Seems like I always push the limit. Can't stop myself.

Completely understand Michelle.  there are things I've done that, looking back, the only explanation I can come up with for doing is, I really must have wanted to be found out lol.

Hi Sonia We all have days like that. Wishing, hoping, praying that those feelings will go away does not work. Why our brain works the way it does is still very much a mystery. Some days i wish i could take a pill and all these feminine feelings would just go away. I was under the care of  a psychiatrist for years she recommended a medicine that I did take . It did help with my dysphoria but the drug was very addictive and the effects of the drugs were only temporary meaning when the drug wore off anxiety and depression kicked back in. I just did not want to be tied to a drug. I went to see another psychiatrist, she recommended therapy to help me with acceptance. I learned that some of us can satisfy our hidden desire to express our feminine side in private and alone. Then there are others that said the hell with it I want to be me full time all the time. That part is up to you. I found that CDH allows you to connect with others that have the same feelings but the real work still has to be done by you. There are so many of us that will to assist when you are having days like this. Sonia you are not alone, these feelings will not go away, you can deny them for many years has many have done here but they always come back.  This is just apart of you not the whole of you. You have to accept this part of you so that you can allow yourself to be whole. Finish getting dressed when you have the opportunity. She will surprise you. It will make you feel better as a person.

Luv Stephanie

Totally get it. I had a moment recently where I actually poked my head out and breached the subject with my wife (who doesn't know I dress). I won't go into the whole story, because this is your thread, but the subject came up and I said, 'What if I like to wear women's clothes?'  She looked at me, smiled because she thought I was joking, and then as she was turning away, she said, 'Yuk'.

Since then, I've had no desire to dress and have had the 'what the hell am I doing' thoughts. I don't like keeping this secret and I've only been keeping it since December, but I don't see her accepting this side of me. My backordered breast plate is supposed to be here early next week though, so I'm sure that the Pink Fog will roll in heavy at that time and I'll be happy again.  At least for a while.

But, yeah.  You are not alone, Girlfriend!  We are all here for you too!

*kisses* tara 🙂

Sonia, that is such a heartbreaking story. I have hope that you will find the balance and perspective you need. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know when I say this, but it’s not always going to feel this bad. And for heaven’s sake, don’t worry about being a “ proper man”. There is not one thing improper about you. You still have to mow the lawn though 🙂

Best to you,
Clara

I hear you and understand how you feel.  After reading one of the threads about how someone started dressing, it really gave me some thought provoking questions.  Are be born this way and have a deep down desire to dress up? , is it in part caused by our surroundings or upbringing?  or is it something else?

There are times in which I wish I could flip a switch and no longer have desires to dress up and be a "typical " guy. Yet I love shopping for lingerie and clothes, love the primping, the look and feel of lingerie.  The biggest down sides, is the hiding it and fear of getting caught. It also makes me wonder at what point will I be satisfied with my dressing or will it still evolve more?

Makes one wonder....

Thank you for your replys, it means a lot to know others go through the same feelings it can be such a lonely past time when your not out, we all go through so much every day.Maybe one day il be free to dress how I feel . Thank you all so much xxx

Hi Sonia. We have all had similar feelings at one time or another. I know last week I made an appt. with my therapist, I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about but when I got there I forgot the big things I wanted to say so we talked about a few smaller issues surrounding my CD. The following day at home in the evening suddenly I started crying, I am still not sure why, just in part I was depressed about my CD and not being able to share this part of me with any one face to face. So like I said we have all been there and are all here to listen to your ups and downs. I hope you start finding a lot more ups!!
. Sandy

Oh Michelle, I’ve been caught, it’s not fun.
But I know what you mean. Lately I’ve been dressing more often and staying dressed longer, really pushing the limits.

Jillian

Oh honey, you're so not alone! Even those of us who have support feel some days "why bother, I mean who cares?" But the answer of course is that you care, and because you need to do it. Why do you need to? Who the heck knows? We're all here for you though!

Bridgette

Hi Sonia nice to meet you and girl sorry for your feelings as we all get them and they pass as the pink fog slips in and leaves again i know its not 100% but go mow the yard underdressed  these feelings will never go away you were born with them inbeded into your heart just take a deep breath and know Sonia is here and you have many friends here to give you support and love girlfriend ..

Stephanie Bass

HI Sonia I feel that way a lot when you get the opportunity  you either dont have the energy or the guilt gets you .

and those opportunities dont come that often.

I totally understand

Patty