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Not wanting to ruin "her" mood

7 Posts
6 Users
45 Reactions
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Posts: 1103
 Lea
Lady
Topic starter
(@lea-jhene)
Noble Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Many of us CDs have this conundrum of wanting to dress, yet trying to keep the peace with our SOs. Sometimes, we can do both in isolation. Sometimes, the urge to dress forces us to the brink of a conflict with our SO. Do you ever feel this way?

I'm lucky to find some girl time for myself most days, and even venture out in semi-girl-semi-guy mode, all without my SO involved. She is tolerant, but not supportive, and not sure you would say she is accepting of my CD side.

There are moments when I want to underdress, or subtly dress, but get worried about making her sad or angry on that particular moment. So I don't, and deep down, I might sulk for a few hours. An example is a recent party we were getting ready for, or a day she was in  a really happy mood, or birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, holiday, vacations, you get the idea.

While I have my need to dress, I remember that it's mine, and at those special times, her sense of happiness truly matters more in those moments. So I avoid my feelings for those short times. This must what they call doing something out of love!!

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6 Replies
2 Replies
Lady
(@josie21)
Joined: 3 years ago

Trusted Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 40

@lea-jhene The old sad story.

I have been married to the same women for 42 years. I hid my persona as Josie until about 3 years ago. I was not as active or committed to Josie for most of that time until she discovered Josie by coming home unexpectedly The "reveal" wasn't horrible but the aftermath hasn't been great. There is a lingering feeling of betrayal followed by a withdrawal of intimacy. I'm highly frustrated by it but I love my wife despite her complete rejection of Josie.

My advice is to openly explore your persona with your SO. If she is okay with it, good for you. If she isn't then you need to figure out a path forward because it won't get any better. You should expect a withdrawal of intimacy as your future path if she cannot accept you for who you are. I'm sorry to sound so cynical but life is what is is.

Good luck!

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@lea-jhene 

Just thinking both of you would benefit from therapy. Seems like you need to push your feminine side out there while she wants her man back. Therapy might help you both find a balance that would work for both of you. 

Cassie 

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Posts: 210
Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Estimable Member
Joined: 11 months ago

Oh My Gosh! Lea, I just spoke to that in Evie’s topic not 2 hours ago. I said:

I’m in the same place kind of. My SO doesn’t want to talk about it, but she does want to stay with me. so my price for keeping her in my life is that I have to do this without sharing with her. Thank goodness I can share everything with all of you!
She respects my needs and I respect hers but the two will never coincide it seems. 

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Posts: 210
Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Estimable Member
Joined: 11 months ago

Talk about being on the same wavelength!

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Posts: 370
Lady
(@sf)
Prominent Member     SoCal, California, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Lea,  Thanks for posting this.  

You, Josie and Sheryl and myself are in very similar situations when it comes to our spouses and crossdressing.  I have been married for 40+ years, began crossdressing about 6 years ago and wife not too happy about that.  She tries to understand, but it is difficult.  I understand where she is coming from.  But for me, I need to be happy too.  

As Lea said, it is a conundrum.  I do tell her everything, even if she does not want to hear it.  I feel she has to know as well, it is only fair.  

The saga continues, Staci...

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Posts: 102
Lady
(@cdgabrielle)
Estimable Member     Wesson, Mississippi, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I can relate to your situation. I've been married for 19 years. She has known since we were dating about my love of girl clothes. As time has past her participation in my dressing has gone from finding it fun to just allowing me to do it and being annoyed if I get stuck in the dressing mood. She still likes to shop together but sometimes when she finds I'm wearing panties under my drab clothes she goes a little cold. My advice is to talk and be honest. And I mean saying what you mean. Don't assume she understands your desire to dress. You got to explain in details. Apparently women need lots of details. 

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