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Oh, what a big mouth you have, too!
My wife and I started our NYE trip by taking city transit. It's free NYE and safe, although it is trying to snow a bit.
On the bus was someone drinking from an open can. Naughty boy. He was on the bus long enough to get bored, so he started looking around. That's when he found me and noticed how I was dressed, but I could see him start to focus on my Mary Jane shoes. Not the most noticeable shoes, but here we go.
The bus started to empty, so that gave him an even better view of me. He started to mutter about me out loud, but not obnoxiously just yet. I tried my best to ignore him by not looking in his direction and by conversing with my wife, but he wouldn't stop and he didn't get off the bus. That's when he got a bit louder and he finally got up to get off, but he wasn't through just yet.
As he was preparing to get off of our bus, the drinker made a point of pointing out my shoes to a small group of young guys ahead of me and saying that they were women's shoes. Of course they turned around to look at me and my shoes. Good grief! The guy wouldn't let go of it. I was watchful, but otherwise ignored everyone. Then he disappeared into the night. The young guys didn't pay any more attention to me after this incident, but the damage was done.
On the next bus, a woman collapsed unconscious, onto the floor. The first time ever in my experience. There was a delay waiting for the paramedics to come and take care of her. We all had to wait out in the cold, though. Fortunately, it was dark outside hiding my feet enough, but when I got back on the bus I made sure that I sat where passengers couldn't see my shoes. Lesson learned.
It isn't midnight yet, so I don't know what else can go wrong in the few remaining minutes of 2023. 🤯
Happy New Year (I think).
@harriette I wish I had some Mary Janes. You should wear them proudly but discreetly in the big city.
@trudi Go for it, Trudi! If worn with black stockings, the block heels, straps and cut of the shoes don't draw a lot of attention, say, in the milieu at a mall or in the general hubbub of a day. They sort of look like the bottom of cowboy boots, if they stay mostly covered. I bought Clark's because their size 11 wide size shoes fit the length of my feet perfectly and they have more than one style. They just need help getting wider.
It's when people have the ability and time to study me that some see through any illusions or deceptions that I created. Grandmas sitting in malls are good at this. If at most someone asks themselves, "what did I just see?", then I view that as a success. Even though I tucked my feet under my seat, he still saw my shoes. My pantlegs were long, but, obviously, not long enough. It's a good thing that he didn't see through what else I was wearing. 🤪 Live and learn.
In this particular case, he had the time and ability to look around him. His drinking probably helped to lower any inhibitions that he may have had normally, so I chose just to outwardly ignore him and not escalate in a closed, quiet space.
@harriette Size 12 women’s is a squeeze for me and I imagine there are 13’s out there but I would hate to pay for good ones as inconsistently as I dress.
I’ll just be envious of you!
@harriette I’ve spent some time looking on line and girls with big feet must not be the target market for shoe marketers.
i actually just ordered a pair of white men’s tennis shoes that I would probably never choose to wear in my guy mode.
Thanks again for your article and your reply!
Trudi
@harriette Clark's are a reliable fit and also a decent width. Here in the UK, men's and women's shoe sizes are more or less the same, so I'm a size 9 in both. A couple of weeks ago I took a punt on some size 9 Clark's ankle boots on eBay (£4.99 plus postage!), and they are some of the most comfortable shoes (men's OR women's) that I've ever worn 🙂
I have some knee-high leather boots (also eBay) arriving next week ...
Ellie x
I have many words to describe that guy, and the majority of them would get me banned from the site. His behaviour in general, even setting aside the business with the shoes, tells you everything you need to know about him. The way that the other people on the bus reacted shows that they were of the same opinion.
I think you handled it really well.
Extra hugs
Ellie x
Now that NYE is over and we woke up, my wife asked about how I felt about being singled out by this guy. I tried to blow it off as no harm done.
My wife didn't agree. One of the things she has mentioned before was that she didn't want to be embarrassed by why I do. Apparently, this crossed a line and she asked me not to do it again.
@harriette That’s tough. You need to keep her happy.
When my kids wanted to have or do things I used to encourage them to offer to trade me something.
Maybe you can bargain for some ‘out’ time alone.
I know it REALLY doesn't help, and I DO understand where your wife is coming from, but honestly ... it's drunken beer guy who's the one at fault here, not you.
I'm sitting here in deepest, darkest Norfolk and thinking of you. Hopefully 2024 will hit a steep upward curve from now on.
Empathetic hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 I know that the chance of something similar happening again are next to zero (it was a bizarre event), I still have to be careful with her.
Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts, but I will keep on using the scientific method to learn from my experimentations.
Harriette, that must hurt, but I really do understand your wife. I am lucky to be in a relationship with someone who is very supportive, but her only concern is ‘the embarrassment’ of what the neighbours might say….since we ‘have to live with them!’
It must have been difficult for your wife to experience the torments of the drunk jerk, but neither you nor your wife are likely to see that person or the other travellers again, so with time, your wife may get over the immediate embarrassment and even (hopefully) get to laugh about it.
That your wife’s only ‘condition’ about dressing is that she does not want to be embarrassed is one that I find reasonable, as I am sure you do too. My advice therefore is to underdress in public without showing any external signs - it’s what I and many other girls do. How would your wife feel about that?
hope things are not too awkward at home.
Hugs
Christine
@christineth We'll see. At the moment, she doesn't like the idea of my wearing the Mary Jane shoes outside, even though they are fairly discrete. At least not around her. I don't know what else may bother her until some other line gets crossed.
Harriette, not a pleasant experience, but at least most people simply ignored your footwear, even when it was brought to their attention by that jerk (who was probably just jealous!). But anyway, you made it through the trip and came out a stronger woman…so well done to you!
Happy new year and to continued dressing en femme
Hugs
Christine
Harriette -
Sorry to hear of what you had to endure. It seems there will always be one person who has to be a jerk. I hope your New Year only gets better for you.
XOXO
Suzanne
There is always one, he was it, you fronted it out and no one else reacted in the negative. Don't let the odd idiot ruin things.
An uncomfortable encounter, Harriette, but you dealt with it admirably.
Thanks for your comments and sympathies, everyone. I wanted to describe what happened, so that others can learn from my experience. I didn't escalate the situation and, for the most part, any problems evaporated, eventually. No real harm done.
A new year just started. Let's see what other trouble I can create. 😁
@harriette Geeze I concur with many others on this guy's character. but maybe thats why he was alone. Im sorry this happened to you. Did you notice his shoes ? maybe he was just jealous 🙂 RC
@river Thanks, but apparently I should have been more attentive to my wife. She kept quiet through the whole ordeal, until the next day.
I don't recall his shoes. Nothing to stand out. What men's shoes do? 😁
Harriette, you should be able to wear anything you want. I often wear women's wear as a guy. I have not had any issues yet, but if I did I would ignore them. Be proud and be yourself.
@jdays In reality, I have to keep what little freedom I have to dress outside of my home. I presented me in a pencil skirt before having to change into my nicest slacks because I didn't pass the censor's test, my wife. 🤬
I am in the same situation you are in Harriette, does make this experience I love so much more difficult and challenging, but when I do I make the most of my time. 😌
Kudos to you for your forbearance. I would have just got in trouble had it been me. I’ve always got something smart ass to retort. Problem, although 6’3” 200 lbs, I’m old and slow.
Harriette, not since Samuel Colt made us all equal. But, unfortunately, New York does not honor my license to carry.
