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Is a question I ask myself these days. Years ago, when this all started, dressing up was infrequent & just a bit of fun. As time has gone on it has now become the norm & I spend pretty much all day every day as Sasha & even when I'm not I am always fully under dressed, padded bra & tucked, in other words, as close to female as my anatomy allows.
I honestly would never have imagined that this would happen. From just a few days a year to every day, with a few trips out now, mostly nothing special, just out shopping but there is a gig coming up soon which will be attended as Sasha. It seems that every time I think that I have probably taken things as far as they will reasonably go there is always just that one more step. So I wonder just how far things can go & where it ends?. I would love to grow my own hair out but with a big bald patch that won't be possible so I will just have to stick with wigs sadly. Still, it does give me endless style & colour choices.
I have never been a fan of makeup but perhaps that may change. A professional makeover would be a good starting point, but once that becomes the norm where do you go from there? Living full time seems to be the obvious answer. I would absolutely love to but this feels like it would be the biggest hurdle to be overcome and I still feel like I'm not ready for everything that goes with it. I can hear the answers that I will get about this already, just go for it, if people have a problem with it then that's their problem & so on. I see the logic in this & I agree but I'm still not there yet.
If I could manage that leap of faith then I could see it getting easier from there on. The next logical step for me would be medical intervention & real breasts (lovely). OK, HRT then, once that is the daily regimen then something else needs to be added. SRS? FFS? the list goes on & on & if by some amazing set of circumstances that all happened I still think the question would be
OK.....Now what?
X
Sasha
@sashabennett What a lovely and well written article. Sasha, in the 1950's there was a group called "The Crests". One of their hits was a song named "Step By Step."
Sasha, one of the words that all of us see is "journey". A bit overused? Perhaps, but that is what each one of us is doing.
It seems to me your having fun finding your sexuality. Don't be so anxious, Sasha. Enjoy it all! Discover the woman you were meant to be.
Step by step.
With affection,
Christine
@dovemtn2016 Thank you. It is certainly a journey & I am enjoying every bit of it. Anxious? not so much apart from the outside world but then, that is the big one isn't it. I can think of another song, "One Step Beyond" by Madness, an appropriate band name & title methinks (sometimes). 🤣
@sashabennett Sasha:
Sweetie, the answer to your question seems quite self evident to me. I say that because in reading what you have shared it seems to me that deep down you already know the answer. In reading what you have shared it comes across that you have been following the subtle promps of your feminine heart. Just continue doing that and enjoying and celebrating every little step forward.
I know the questions that you are asking yourself, full well. I know the swings of feelings that come with the journey of transitioning. You are transitioning in your own way at your own pace. That is incredible.
I think that at the end of the day all that you can do is just take a moment to sit back and just savor the little moments as the come, listen to the prompt of your feminine heart and take the next step forward. Enjoy the process of your own uniquely wonderful transition. I think that if you do you will realize that it's like taking a moment to savor the scent of a beautiful rose on a summer day.
Hope that helps.
@jaflowers Deep down I have probably always known the answer. It's just how it comes about that I find fascinating. I do have a habit of charging into things with gusto though & I don't intend to follow that trend in this case. It's too important that I don't rush into anything without thinking it through properly for once. For now I look forward to what the future brings with baited breath.
@sashabennett The answer to your question is so complicated, Sasha. It depends so much on what your goals are, and it sounds like they are changing with every step you make.
When I checked your profile I saw you are married, so what does your wife think. If you are going all the way, HRT and all the surgeries how will that effect your relationship. Some of this could be classified as selfish, but it may be what you NEED to be fully you.
Also each of these things come with risks. HRT can be a Hazzard for some people and each surgery comes with it's own risks.
For me, I am soon retiring and then might consider HRT and top surgery. BUT FOR ME I don't want to do any of those if it will shorten my life or make my remaining days miserable.
Cassie
@loneleycd Well, surely no one would do anything if it were to make them miserable, It seems for many that HRT etc is taken to do precisely the opposite. What makes you think that might be the case? As for Mrs B, I haven;t seriously talked any of this through up to this point. The topic has come up in general conversation which gives me pointers but at this time it hasn't been discussed as a serious option. I am of the opinion that it wouldn't be a deal breaker but if I decide to go down that road then obviously more talk will be required. I know what you mean about selfish decisions & if she said no then that would be it, however she has no problems as things stand & I don't foresee that attitude changing. As far as I am concerned, what Mrs B wants, Mrs B gets though.
@sashabennett Miserable could be in a couple different areas. If you were to loose some family and friends or from what I hear if you don't agree with everyone 💯 % of some in the Trans community you could be ostracized. Maybe that is overblown from what I hear on some social media platforms.
Second is HRT which if it not natural to your body is a drug that might have negative side effects. Then there is surgery. I myself would LOVE to have natural looking D cup breasts. But I think back to my knee replacement surgery a few years ago and I still don't have full feeling in that knee.
Lastly there is the bottom surgery, I hear of many complications, infections and out and out botched surgeries. I am sure there are many great surgeons out there.
For me I have no dysphoria down there, except that I wish I could present a flat front when wearing something tight.
Cassie
@loneleycd You are right, family & friends could be an issue in a couple of cases. It's a decision that needs to be carefully weighed but at the end of the day it comes down to what is more important. Only you can answer that one. As for the community, it is so varied these days that you can never please everyone & some of the more "evangelical" elements will never be happy with anything that, as you say, doesn't agree 100% with their views (I must say, I do not in many cases) but then, I'm not in the business of pleasing all of the people all of the time. It's my journey & they have no more say in it than anyone else. HRT & surgeries are a risk to be sure but again it's down to what's more important at the end of the day. Having said that, it's not really an option right now & the reasoning behind the post was to gather opinions on how far we are able (or wish) to go with this. In reality I probably don't need to take it any further as I can make a pretty good job of things as it is (flat front, no problem, just tuck) but I would REALLY like to.
X
Sasha
I would say, do things when you are ready, when you are comfortable and on your own terms. At my rate, taking my own advice, I will never transition. I have worn makeup, but right now, I cannot wear it to work or a family event. I grew my air out and pierced my ears. I sometimes wear women's jeans out and about. I feel transgender, I dream about living as a woman, I do not know where this is going for me.
@karynrivers Hi Karyn, exactly the response I was looking for. "I don't know where this is going for me" I wanted to post this topic as much to get others to ask the same question as for myself. Sometimes it just needs a nudge to make things clear to ourselves & if nothing else it makes you assess your situation for better or worse (& I do hope it's better) & hopefully find some answers.
Sasha
@sashabennett Because you are asking a question, you are dealing with communication. You got some good, useful feedback here, but there is more. Isn't that part of the problem?
You have to be honest with yourself in knowing why you are crossdressing, what kind of deep down needs or desires it fulfills. You also need to be honest, forthright with the people around you who should be involved - family, doctors, maybe friends or co-workers.
But there are mechanical issues, too. Some are hard to reverse. To use a car analogy, putting wider wheels on (implants) is one thing. Putting premium gas or engine treatment (HRT) in your tank is another. Changing an ICE car into an electric one (surgery) is a whole other thing. I hope the analogy fits here.
If there are psychological issues, then there are professionals who can help you. Depending on the laws of your country, certain transitioning steps may require dealing with them. You can do this on your own anyway.
All aspects of this involves good communication.
@harriette Goodness, that's a deep response. Firstly I should say that I am in no way struggling with anything here, quite the opposite, I'm loving every minute of it. I know exactly why I'm doing this, it's because I really feel that this is who I am & but for a quirk of genetics it's who I should have been. I'm not angry about it, them's the breaks & you just need to deal with it as best as you can. I get the analogies & it is a concern. I would be willing to chance that without hesitation (not without research though & trust me, I have done a LOT of that) but then it's not just me in this relationship & others opinions need to be respected as well. For now, that is an issue that doesn't need addressing but the future is as yet unknown. Hence the "now what"?
@sashabennett Is it ever enough? its the same as a drug do a little get happy do more get happier then your addicted. and alwawys trying to recreate some of the initial feelings of complete and utter bliss. Hey there are worse addictions. but probably just as expensive 🙂 Have a great day. RC
@river Never thought of it like that but you are not far from the truth there 😆
Sasha. Dreams are always important as are goals. Finding the happy medium is important on your journey. Remember this is Sasha’s journey so you do what you need for yourself. In other words you go girl!
@staciebobacie It is! I'm just along for the ride, & enjoying every minute of it.
I'm just trying to take things day by day. There are some big milestones but each will be considered individually based on the circumstances of my life at the time. I'm in the middle of a huge one right now which is self-acceptance. I have accepted my femininity but this entails a lot of details which I am working out. One big one which is am slowly but surely crossing is my desire for the world to see me as exclusively feminine. I am Lauren!! Now that I have crossed this threshold, the other milestones (HRT, FFS, SRS, etc) will come at when the time is right and in a logical sequence. In the meantime, I'm letting Lauren loose in the world as I see fit.
@lauren114 Good luck, self acceptance is a wonderful thing & I hope it gets better from here on.
There's nothing that says because you have taken steps A, B, and C, that you have to continue. You tend to reach a point where you say I'm comfortable wherre I am. Or other things can come up (perhaps medical) that prevent you from taking another step in your plan, and you have to change your plan.
I understand where you're coming from, as I too have been dressing much more frequently. And as I approach retirement in the next few months, I wonder what my next steps will be. I know I won't go as far as any permanent changes (there are still people and places that I don't want to appear en femme), but how much more time I'll spend is unknown.
@alison-anderson Indeed, there is absolutely no "road map" to this however there does seem to be an upward trend going on. I'm kind of excited to see where it ends is all.
The answer is that it is entirely up to you, how you feel and what direction you want to go in.
A makeover is a good way of seeing what can be done, how to apply makeup, gives you ideas for how you want to present and is also great fun. It doesn't have to go beyond a one-off experience if you feel you want to try it.
I fully dress once or twice a week, underdress much of the time and that suits me,
Hugs,
Anna x
@annaredhead You are totally correct with that, It is kind of a rhetorical question. I thought I would throw it out there just to see what the general opinion was on the topic. Do we find a level & stick with it or do we keep pushing the envelope? I just love discussing things like this.
@sashabennett It is also a lot of fun exploring one's femme side and finding what works best for each of us.
I'll certainly think of Anna as a work in progress
Anna x
I never underdress, apart from my knickers (panties) as all my male underpants have gone in the bin, because I don't get much out of it. I always wear a skirt in the evenings as it is convenient and comfortable and, like Anna, I dress fully a couple of times a week--and of course when I'm going out.
I don't see me going any further (although never say never) and I have no aspirations for full womanhood. or indeed, full-time femininity.
For now, and the foreseeable future, this is all there is. 'What next' can be boiled down to 'what shall I wear next' as it is mostly the expansion of my shoe and clothes wardrobe and the exponential increase in quantities of makeup.
Becca
from what you have written you appear to know the answer but do you? You are riding on a high as things just lead one into the other and it is that journey you do not know where it will end. When you started you didn't know but had aspirations and as each step is taken you love it , so enjoy every moment as it may have to stop at some point who knows.
From my own experience it started with a dream and evolved at a pace that was very slow but suddenly accelerated and cannot believe where it has ended. At every stage I was elated it had got that far and did not set the next level to avoid disappointment , but the next came and so it moved on.
As it has been said, enjoy every moment.
@ab123 You are right, it may have to stop at some point, That would be a sad day if it comes. I had never considered that things would go as far as they have so who can say with certainty when, or if, that point will come. I would be happy if that day never came & for now things are going, if not to plan, as there never was a plan, in a pleasing direction.
The trend is your friend Sasha! Enjoy the ride.
Sasha, wherever it's going, have a safe journey, and enjoy the ride! You'll know when you've reached your stop. Hugs, Fiona xxx
In my case I have spent probably seven out of nine months going at a 100mph trying to catch up on what I believed I had been missing out on for the last 50+ years building my wardrobe and everything
It's been a wonderful feeling to be able to fully dress practicly every day and also dicovering I can go out in public and not be abused or even noticed which to me is the best thing,
But what I trying to say is don't stress about or even think "What's Next" your heart and mind will let you know what and when it's the perfect time
There's an oldish saying What will be will be and it's perfectly true, well for me it is
Enjoy life as it is, and what happens will be your "What's Next"
This is my go to question too. I still like mixing clothes based on my own taste not on gender. I am a man who prefer to wear panties, leggings, female shorts, etc. I have no desire to look like a genetic woman, no desire for any makeup, breast forms, etc. I admire all of you who want to look like and pass as a woman yet it is not my path. Should I leave these 2 websites ? I being thinking a lot lately about it. I love my feminine side yet also love my own nontoxic and gentler version of masculinity. I wish all of you the best on your path.
Hey, memy, don't go leaving just because you're not sure whether or quite where you fit alongside others here. This community is open to all sorts of flavours and it's a good place to share thoughts and develop a better understanding of where you're at , or where you're heading. I suspect scratching one's chin in puzzlement is more common here than you think.
Emma x
@memyself Like myself, only you can, or indeed should, decide where you take things from here. I would politely suggest that you keep your options open though. Leaving the website just takes away a useful source of information & support which you may have need of at some point in the future. Apart from that, it doesn't cost anything to just check in from time to time so why not? you never know what the future might bring, which is, actually the whole point of the post to begin with. Whatever you decide I wish you good luck.
Sasha
@memyself There is no need to leave. As a community, we all express our feminine side in a different way and a way that sits comfortably with us as individuals. It's a good and safe place to express your thoughts.
Hi Sasha, I am sure if you look back you will realise you have come a very long way already, I would love to go full time, but that's just not possible at the present time. It's easy to say 'Just go for it' but that is not really the best advice, for what it's worth I always say, never do something you are not completely happy with, yes it's good to go outside your comfort zone now and again, but you need to be comfortable, going full time is a bid decision.... The thing is, you will instinctively know when the time is right for you... After that who knows, you may want to go further you may not, everyone is different so do what you are happy with. The important thing is to be happy, enjoy your life what ever form that may take....
@andreauk Like yourself full time isn't an option right now, although I'm at about 70% it's that last 30 that is the grey area. I have most definitely come a long way from even 12 months ago & it's been fun all the way. I guess things have reached a plateau for now at least but I'm peering over the edge of that plateau & admiring the view.
Sasha -
I understand what you are saying as I have those same thoughts at times.
When I first came out to my wife a few years ago it was initially lingerie that I wore. Over time it extended to dresses and continued until today when it can be dresses, skirt/top combos, leggings with top, slacks or jeans and top, as well as heels, strappy sandals, thigh high boots, make up, wigs, etc.. Over that same time my wife has come to accept and support Suzanne by helping shop, helping with make up, letting Suzanne visit for he day and such. Suzanne still isn't allowed out of the house but does hope to do so someday (she does occasionally go out in female shorts (given to her by my wife) or a pair of ankle boots that my wife helped her buy). I got my ears pierced for my birthday last year and wear earrings 24/7. When we are shopping in the women's section either I will show her something I like or she will show me something and ask if Suzanne would like it. It is fun doing that as no one knows I am Suzanne. Over the last year I have been having some thoughts about breast implants and an orchiectomy. I have A/B cup moobs (I was measured at Torrid and they say I'm a 44B) so implants aren't as necessary as I think. As to the orchiectomy, I have ED and nothing is working there so they are just in the way. If I were to get that done (which I'm not) I would only have the fruit removed from the vine. It is never going to happen as my wife would never approve. Heck she won't let me shave my goatee off as I think she is afraid that that will only make me want to go further witih my dressing (i.e.; going out dressed) and she is right.
A tough decision, just enjoy your joureny youwill wind up where you are supposed to eventually.
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue That sounds like a familiar story, I can relate to a lot of this. I'm jealous on the shoe front though. I just can't find any shoes that fit me that don't look like what I'd call "stripper shoes". I had my eye on a lovely pair of ankle boots but they were 3 sizes too small (sad face). I would draw the line at implants as they do have a shelf life & having to get them changed out every 10 yrs would be an expensive chore. Also they never look real no matter how skilled the "installer" is. Like you I am already at a A/B cup & they seem to be getting bigger as time goes on, which is nice. I guess the healthcare system in the states is very different from the UK if you could even consider an orchi to be an option. Without a significant medical requirement there is no way anyone here would even entertain such a request without a gender dysphoria diagnosis. I have considered going down that route but the timescales are prohibitive to say the least. Oh well, I'll just have to make the best of things as they are.
@sashabennett understand - those are pipe dreams and will never happen - I'm quite happy with my A/B cups -
XOXO
Suzanne
Hi Sasha,
All we can do is live our lives day by day, I got to let Roz out of the closet for the bank holiday weekend i was away down in Kent all by myself and i was able to dress from Thursday night till Monday night, every night in my hotel room and i even went out for a walk around where i was staying, I'm not sure when I'll get the chance to repeat it it might be another year before i get to open the closet door,
Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗
@rozalyne I can't imagine having to wait a whole year to let myself out again. That must be terribly frustrating for you. I hope your Kent trip was enough to keep you happy for now at least & I hope you manage to get another one in sooner rather than later.
Sasha
Hi Sasha, yes it was great being able to get dressed every night and not have to worry if someone was going to walk in on me was a feeling i want to happen again soon, I was able to buy myself a new party dress too if you look at my photos I've uploaded a photo of it,
What i need to do is see if i can meet up with some of the girls and have a girly night out, that would be an achievement, and i would love to have a professional makeover and photo shoot too,
Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗
@rozalyne There have been a few mentions of Leeds First Friday in the last couple of months, perhaps that would fit your requirements? It's a bit too much of a jaunt for me but if you can find a reason to go it might work from your location. Lovely dress by the way, worthy of an outing 😘
I've often thought about attending Leeds first Friday myself,
I'll have to leave it for now I'm having a lot of work done to our house over the next two months so I'll not be able to get away, I'm hoping i can interest my wife to have a holiday sometime soon, I'm not to far from Leicester and there is a salon there that does makeover's for CDer's , I'm thinking of booking a makeover session soon,
Hugs X 🤗
@rozalyne Sounds like Tracy's getting plenty of business from CDH. I hope you enjoy it.
I'm sure i will, I just hope she doesn't make me look like a clown, lol X
@rozalyne I seriously doubt that, you don't get that many recommendations if you don't know what you are doing. (unless you intend to rock the cocoa vibe LOL)
I doubt it too Sasha, I've seen her work from all the other girls, if i manage to get to have my makeover I'll upload some pictures of the results for the girls to see, one of my favourite fantasies is to have a makeover and have my photo taken wearing a white wedding dress,
Hugs X 🤗
Wow ! I am so thankful for all supportive responses to my post ! Humbled, and speechless in a good way ! 
