Old Friends

Hey Bree

I think that this is a really tricky one, but it's a really good point to raise.

I totally understand the desire to 'prune' your friends list periodically if you see that there are people on it that have had no activity for a year. I know a few girls on here that have told me that they do this.

Everyone is different, and I can only speak from a personal perspective.

For whatever reason, I regularly get friend requests. Often, this happens immediately after I've welcomed someone to the site. I remember how nervous and unsure I was when I first joined up. As long as someone has a reasonably full profile, their introductory post didn't set off any alarm bells and they seem genuine, I usually accept. It helps if they send me a message first to ask if it's okay to send me a friend request; that presses all of my buttons. I'm English. I get off on politeness 🙂

I'm not too worried about whether or not they've included a photo.

There are all sorts of reasons why someone might not want to do that, and even some long-term members on here use avatars. That's not a problem for me.

I get it.

So ... after just under five months on here I have just under 100 'Friends'. Around ten of those are girls I talk to very regularly. We have long conversations in which we've got to know each other pretty well. I really hope that I continue to talk to these people for ... well ... forever.

I think of them as my inner circle. They'll be very aware who they are.

Another ten or so contact me more intermittently. Some of those touch base maybe once a month; others talked to me in concentrated bursts for a week or so and then went quiet.

About four-fifths of my 'friends' have never sent me a message at all after I accepted their request.

Does that mean I'm going to unfriend them?

No 🙂

All of these people wanted me to be their friend for a reason. Maybe they just needed to know that there might be someone there for support if they needed it. Maybe they were having an emotional blip that they then resolved ... so I wasn't needed. The point is, I DON'T KNOW.

And if they suddenly go inactive for a period, even an extended period, I don't know the reason for that either. People get scared after signing up, and run for the hills. Peoples' circumstances change.

Again, the point is ... I DON'T KNOW why 'friends' go inactive. Because of who we are, our lives are going to be like that.

But ... I sure as hell want to make sure that I'm here for them if they go active again.

Ellie x

I often get friend requests, but rarely accept them. And even more rarely actually chat to anyone outside of the forums. (Which I make known to those I accept.) 

Hi Bree,

I think there could be several reasons for what you have observed. I think some may join, request friendships and then realize maybe this is too much for them. Either it’s residual shame of CD-ing, and having family members who would not accept or tolerate. Some may feel this site isn’t for them. I’m partially guilty of vanishing for a while. My reason was COVID. I was laid off from my job and paying for Dutchess level was something else I had to cut. I wasn’t dressing so it was a break I took in this area of my life. Once things got better, got a new gig and life went back to normal the pink fog came back and I re-joined for the interaction and the discussion which I missed. Not everyone is the same on many levels with our “blessing” of CD-ing. I usually don’t send out friend requests unless I chat or connect on a subject with someone here. I do my best to maintain the connection after that. Anyway, that’s my 2 cents. 
XOXO

Karensa

Like Emily, I don't unfriend anyone unless I have a good reason to. I also don't accept all requests I get. I do a scan of someone's bio to see if there is enough information there so I at least get a sense of what the person is like.

I have friends on here that I may reach out to directly only occasionally but that is mitigated somewhat by all the interaction we have with each other in the forums and photo sections. I get to exchange thoughts or comments with a few of them just about every day. I also have friends here that I know personally and all our chatting is done face to face.

CDH is indeed a very friendly place!

Although I have received FRs, I have never made use of them. On various platforms, I rarely have need to contact anyone privately. If I have something to say, I learned a long time ago to try to keep things public.

I see little reason to worry about deleting a member who has been active for a while from your list.

Meant...word completion could have helped me out there