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Hi girls. First of all before I type my post, I must say I am very tearful and weepy regarding Dame Veronica's early post. She is a very dear friend of mine, whom I shall miss greatly. It seems today has been a day of revelations.
Now onto the post.... I've mixed feelings over this, for once in my life, i'm stuck for words!
This is the scenario. I am dressed up femme in the bedroom, wig, skirt, tights, the works, my wife walks in and I jump on the bed out of the way of the door (you can see me sat at the computer from there). My wife says, why did you jump on the bed? of which I replied so the kids dont see me!
What I am going to tell you next is the gospel truth. My wife said 'oh! they know already'!, huh? I said, how? 'oh! when we had an argument, I told them' .
This has now taken me to another level as I still have not shown myself femme to the kids, but allegedly, they know? has my wife done the right thing, telling them in anger? where on earth do I stand in all this. Assuming they were told a while ago, the kids have not said anything to me? omg! this is so complicated! please will someone help me out here!
yours very confused, Fiona xxxx
Bit of a harsh thing for your wife to do off the back of an argument If you ask me, she has as much difficulty to face if it went public as you would in being outed. Having said that the kids have not approached you I assume.
i would ask your wife how receptive the kids were and what the response was. Then i would make a decision on whether i personally spoke to the kids. Remember there is a lot of peer pressure on kids these days from school so it would need to be done in as sensitive way.
either way you are one foot further out of the closet than you thought
Hope it goes well.
Lacey x
Fiona dear.... BREATHE! Now either she hasn’t really told them all, or they don’t care. For what its worth my wife during some loud disagreements has said things that I know our kids have heard and really leave no room for interpretation. As we are still together and my children (13 & 10) haven’t disowned me I can only assume they either don’t totally grasp (I doubt that, they’re smart little buggers) or don’t care. They know they are loved and mean the world to me as I am sure yours know. So... relax, don’t go charging out to talk with them just enjoy the holidays and be with your family. If they ask or want information they can bring it up. Heaven knows my daughter didn’t have issues asking about my shaved legs or nail polish.
Take care and hang in!
🍷C
Hi Lacey. Yes, it came as a complete shocker! totally unexpected. Half of me just wants to go downstairs dressed up but the other half is saying, wait! dont do it! by the way, I say kids, they are actually 21 and 25 yrs old! I think I might question my wife first, to get my facts straight, then maybe tackle the boys …..
Fiona xxx
You brought them up with respect ... right ?
slowly slowly and if they are aware i would still tread soft
Your kids knowing and seeing are two different things. Reaction could be totally different based on their age. No, your wife did not do the right thing telling them when angry. If she was going to tell them she should have done it when she was calm, not angry. the secret you two shared, on her side, was hers to do with as she wished, however. I do view it as a violation of trust, but when you share a secret you take a risk it won't remain a secret very long. I've been there and bought the camisole. don't show the kids. If they really want to see dad dressed they will make their wishes known somehow. Don't push it.
If it was me, I'd thank her sincerely fir saving me the job. You need to tread carefully and be completely genuine with this to avoid a storm, but few women dislike real praise in my limited experience.
My advice is don't parade in front of the kids whatever the age unless you know they totally accept and are comfortable with it or you risk alienation - but a little chat can't hurt now that they know. Be more interested in their feelings than expressing yours.
That's what I would do anyways.
Oh I hope it all pans out well for you, Fiona!
Love
Laura
I would say they would say dont worry we love you as dad or mom.
For her to tell them is one thing but through an argument between you too I feel that it shouldn't have happen. Unfortunately through the heat of passion certain things should not be said to one another or third parties. Big mistakes could be made and very hard to take back. But in this case it may be a curse or a gift. Depending on their ages does make a difference on how they will take the news, younger ones likely won't understanding and the older ones with surprise and possibly confused . Either way if it's happen I would let things take their course . If they have been told I'm sure they will talk to you when they feel comfortable so all I can say is be prepared because it's going to be an interesting talk. For me having kids well age and independent and if any approach and confronted me with this I would certainly try to be prepared because I would be the one very nervous on what to say. Be patient and be ready and the best to you as a new chapter in your life may be a pond.
Stephanie 🌹
So the "cat" is out of the bag!
Unfortunate in the way it happened, but at least it relieves the burden of you having to speak that to them.
It will work out for the better.
Love and hugs, Fiona!
R
Fiona Sweetie, I am sorry you are going thru this with your wife. I would have to question if she really told them and if she did, why out of anger. Does she dislike little Fiona so much she may try to turn the kids against you, and I say this because one of my ex's did the same thing to me to try and destroy my relationship with them. I would have to confront my wife and find out if she really did tell them and why did she do it. Would it serve a useful purpose for them to know and how well could they handle seeing you en femme? And I agree with Lacey, I would want to know how well they handled hearing this from your wife if it's true and I would sit down and talk with them, in man mode, and let them know that no matter what you wear, your still their father and that you love them. Honey, if you ever want to talk, send me a PM and I will send you my phone #. and e-mail. Hugs and much Love, Brenda....P.S. Brenda
Fiona
one more thought, if you do broach this with your kids then spare some of the detail about Fiona. Learning their Dad dresses may initially be enough, finding Fiona has a 16 yr old persona may be too much information.
i do wish you well and hope it’s all good. Have faith in the way you brought them up. I hope I never have to deal with a similar issue
Hey Fiona, just read this and also thought OMG! Not much to add that the other girls have already said below. I would probably trying to find out why your wife revealed such a secret in anger and try to do it calmly. Is she frustrated with the situation?
Try to enjoy Christmas but think you need to get to the root of this in a calm and open manner.
Thinking of you.
Mx
Thanks for posting, and getting this conversation going. I've been thinking about this same situation too, and how would I handle my kid knowing, discovering, or being told about this secret side of me.
It doesn't feel right that our secrets are shared by others without our permission. And then there's how do we handle it, especially with our kids. Honesty, carefully, spread out over time is what I would hope to do.
Fi, it is time for Family Therapy, and I mean ASAP. You all need some out side Help. Please look into it
Love Ya,
Vicki E.
