One step forward and two steps back

When first coming out, a tendency often is to let the pink fog consume you, and take advantage of not hiding. It can feel like too much too soon to our SO. They may feel like, okay, I understand you want this, but what about what i want? What about the kids? And these questions are valid, their feelings are as valid as ours. It took great courage to come out at all, not knowing what would come out of it, and I completely applaud that. But don't now rush things. Listen with your whole head and heart, and take her seriously. She listened, not you should too. I hope I don't sound like the voice from the pulpit. Didn't mean to. But God two way comms is key.

Bridgette

I'm going through a similar situation.  In my case my SO was super supportive when I came out to her last fall but recently has been less so.  She finally admitted that she thought this would be a fun thing for a while and then it would pass.  We discussed her new boundaries and shes still more supportive than a lot of SOs.  But even though she says I can dress and be Lola around the house when I do she seems distant.

I know this is a huge adjustment for her and she's seen me get more serious at a pretty quick pace so I think she's worried what our life will be like going forward.  So I'm going to give her some space.  Summers are busy for us anyway and I wasn't expecting to have much Lola time so what time I do get will only be in private.  I'll approach her again in the fall.  I can always underdress so that helps.  For whatever reason she actually still encourages that.  As far as hiding purchases, I never really stopped that.  She would be unhappy if she knew the full extent of what I've spent.

💖Lola

Hello Tina.

I agree with Bridgette.....

The fact that she is ok with you dressing is a great start, and should be appreciated for what it is. If you are happy to go " all the way" in private, and it keeps the peace at this moment in time.....why not??.....

see where it goes from there, she may gradually mellow, but at least in the meantime, it seems more like " give and take" for BOTH of you ...

more like one step forward, one step sideways....

Just my humble opinion.

Best wishes, grace xx

It does take great courage to come out, and great love from our SO's to accept us.
The only stipulation my wife has made, I put her to bed each night, as she cannot manage, and she has asked I dont wear my wig, when I tuck her in. Forms, bra and nighty are fine, but no wig, lol
Such a little thing, but so huge to her, it's an easy give for me, for all the leeway I have
Hugs, Regi👸💕

My girlfriend was perfectly fine with when I was a CD. Then I told her that I was transgender and things changed. We have some agreed limits on my dressing, but I feel as my life evolves and unfolds, I cannot stop my internal transition. I have always felt like a girl, it is a matter of uncovering and accepting myself. We communicate about it less often, thankfully no fights, but I am progressing slowly and patiently. I know that one day I will be out. Take your time Tina and hugs to you!

Eva

It seems Tina that are wives must be cut from the same cloth, the other day I received a new summer dress in the mail and I left the plastic bag out. When she got home and found it the conversation quickly went south. “What’s this” and when I was honest and told her she starts to freak. “You’re becoming ridiculous”  From there it eventually even came down to her questioning me about CDH and am I communicating with people and what do we talk about. I am being honest with her about everything as per her wishes and then it just makes things worse. She can’t accept that this is a part of me. She still thinks that it’s just by choice that I dress. I choose to indulge my feminine side because I feel that it’s closer to how I identify. And that’s the rub, She doesn’t want a woman. Really not sure where we’re going to end up. It’s sad really. 💕💋 Katie

She uses the word 'need' most of the time. For me, it is not a need to dress en femme but a 'want' to dress en femme.

It seems that she wants me to dress en femme drab if I do dress at all. She does dress very drab and I am okay with that. This week I sent her a link to men's cargo shorts because I know she like them. She bought 2 pair and they fit great. I went back and got a third pair for her. She always has dressed drab and I don't make a big deal about it.

I don't wear my en femme clothes out of the house except underdressing. I don't wear my big breastforms except the bedroom level of the house. I don't wear wigs, lipstick or shoes in the evenings or weekends. I try to make sure my bra and breastforms are not visible outside sleeves or necklines. I try to not bring attention to my clothes or talk about them.

I would say she has a very low tolerance for this. Accepting and encouraging are not words used to describe how she feels about this.

I understand that her feelings are important and if she ever gets to accepting, it will take time. In the meantime, her words can still hurt.

One step sideways might better describe it.

Hi Tina,

Many "accepting" wives seem to have that one item which is too much>
For mine, it used to be dresses (only dresses); for another girl I know, it was bras. For yours, it seems wigs are the item. It should pass, in time.

Hugs,
Bettylou

I too am having difficulty from an SO who was initially supportive and excited for my crossdressing. Acceptance is not a one-time and done forever thing. It's slow going. It's negotiating and listening to her needs and desires as well as mine. She still accepts my dressing femme, and even shows some excitement now and then. But there's more boundaries now. If I want her to understand my feelings, I have to understand hers as well.

Hugs, Dani

I find it is always difficult to judge. About 9 months ago, we had the conversation and my SO did not take it well. While she perceived herself as an open minded person, she had difficulty discussing my en femme interests while dressed. She accepts me wearing my en femme clothes, no wigs and seldom make-up. Lately she has hinted her interest by mentioning dropping food on my racks, when am not in femme dressed and other girl talks. It always catches me by surprise, I need to be ready to check continue the conversation but my mind goes back on how she was hurt the last time. I think the hints are there to use these opportunities for continued conversation.