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Who needs reality or even honesty, right?
I was torn between writing this as an honest question, or writing the most outlandish story I could think of to prove a point.
Just so you know, when I come on here and post stuff, I endeavor to be as honest as I can about my life experiences and my opinions as drawn therefrom. I won't tell you that I'm a gorgeous blonde bombshell, or write about stuff I don't have a clue on.
Unfortunately, I also tend to hold others to that same standard. Is that a problem? I want your opinions, gals.
I think we're all aware that some people online just make it up, their lives & experiences. There are people who embellish their stories, and people who make up totally fake stories or steal them from others, can you tell the difference? I see this as an ethical problem, and possibly a misinfo problem. Apparently not everyone does tho.
I'd like to know what you think. Is it ok to misrepresent yourself online? A little bit? A lot? Does it even matter?
Thanks!
There's a fine line between portraying oneself in the most positive terms and misrepresentation. Ask any ambitious job seeker or hiring authority. Is it wrong to "sell yourself" during the hiring process....or when you post something in an online forum? I don't think so. If the message is essentially true, I can overlook a little hyperbole.
However, fabricated stories and blatant lies are a different issue. Then the question becomes "who is this person harming" with their misrepresentation? Is this person merely a BS artist, or are they trying to influence others? We all know a few BS artists....and generally ignore them. It's the false prophets that are the real danger. Society is littered with them.
I don't have time to check the veracity of every story I hear. I'm choosing my battles wisely.
As always, if something posted on CDH concerns you, contact the Managing Ambassador or any staff member.
/EA
I have seen things written here that seem a fantasy but then some girls experiences do seem as such to others. You read into it how you will so long as it is not intended to harm or lead to something hurtful.
Hi Amelia
You’ve raised a really important question. You’ve phrased it eloquently, and I think you’re asking it in the right spirit.
So, how to answer?
I read what Emily wrote; I agree with her that it’s a natural human tendency to try and present yourself in the best possible light. That applies equally to whether you’re polishing your CV or you’re presenting yourself to an unknown audience online. After all, first impressions count.
Since you’re posting this as a question on CDH, I’ll direct my response to my experience here. I have to say that what I’ve overwhelmingly encountered on this site has been honesty and sincerity.
I’ll quote Emily here:
If the message is essentially true, I can overlook a little hyperbole.
Now let’s say (for the sake of argument) that someone recounts a story that sounds too good to be true, or to your ears sounds like an outright fantasy? It may very well not be true … but then again it might. The point is that you simply don’t know. Who are you ... who am I ... to judge?
If someone is embroidering the truth a little to make them feel better about themselves, I’m happy to let them get on with it. It doesn’t harm me. It doesn’t harm anyone else.
However, if at any point it starts to, and any falsehoods that they’re peddling look set to cause collateral damage to those around them … that’s when I’ll make a fuss!
Thanks again for such an interesting forum post.
Hugs
Ellie x
Hi Amelia,
I suppose most of us try to show ourselves in the best light. I like to be honest about who I am (well not really, AnnaBeth isn’t my real name) and what I’ve done, I really do go out in the back yard and on my deck ( I’ve got pictures to prove it) not much to embellish here lol. And when I dress the beautiful hair and the hips and the boobs, TBH they aren’t real.
I have been warned by friends to not compare myself with the other girls because some might not be completely honest about how they look or where they go. I think that could cause some girls some despair if they take it all too seriously. I guess just like all aspects of life some people are going to be more honest than others. Thanks for an interesting question.
AnnaBeth
Thank you Ellie, so kind of you to say.
Our very nature is living a lie, especially those of us that venture out into the world as female versions of ourselves, but that is why the lie should end.
The stories we tell of experiences should be as truthful and as accurate as they can be. I say this because it might inspire or help others having difficulties.
You can usually spot the fantasies, and I understand why people write them, but we need to be honest with ourselves and others.
Essentially, CDH is a help group. A group where we can share experiences, ask for ideas, ask for help, ask for opinions. It's also a place where we can seek encouragement (or not as the case may be).
We need to be open and honest. Maybe the group needs a "stories" section.
Cerys
To your point;
I’m a drop dead gorgeous 23 year old, 5’4” 100 lbs blonde former college cheer leader that was encouraged to dress in ladies uniforms because of my stature. I couldn’t compete for Mrs America because of my UNICEF Ambassador duties while serving in the peace corps on planet Xanadu. It’s a complicated mess there but I helped get it squared away by donating 8 inches of my hair for wigs for the tribal leaders’ wives.
In reality I’m a gal that will never pass who has a supporting wife and is lucky to have that.
Hi Amelia, well, every post I've made here is a close to the truth as I can remember it. Now, I am getting on, and yes, I do believe that at times our memories can get a little out of whack. I was just reminded of that the other day, as I have a very vivid memory of me and my spouse several years ago, on a car trip, with me as we're going through some x-way interchanges wanting her to make sure Maps is giving us the right exits. She denies that ever happened. So maybe it's me or her. idk. But over the years, I've actually written a lot of my cross-dressing experiences down, within not too long a time after they happened...and I have selfies, both still and movies, so I have some 'back-up' to give some validity. But I also write very speculative fiction (up on fictionmania) so that's where I let my imagination run...wild. And that outlet does help keep my posts here in check. I do wonder about some posts I've seen here at times, I just don't know the poster(s) well enough to make judgements.
ChloeC
I always tell the truth on CDH. As others have mentioned, we have spent so much time in our lives hiding the truth. One of the main reasons that I had to come out and tell my partner about my need to crossdress was the the sheer pressure of suppressing the truth.
The way I see it is that most of us using this website have shared experiences, so what is the point of being untruthful about it. I comment on subjects that I feel I can offer an opinion or view based on my own life experiences, and thus have no need for fabrication.
In my (I feel, rather extensive) time in the online world of being Melodee, I think what tends to happen is most easily explained like this:
I find myself on the "Self Spectrum" ('this is who I am') at one point, but I look at other points on that spectrum and think that either those are more where I should be, or at least where I think I want to be. However, in my everyday life I feel stuck at this point where I am. Because of this frustration, I put my online persona at a point much farther much farther down the Spectrum than that point I feel is more accurate to compensate for this.
Essentially, I think some may behave online in a far more girly/sexy/overt way than they really feel just to offset the discomfort they have of being where they are in the real world.
That said, I think this is normal, and I also think that some girls find that the spectrum points tend to come closer together the more real-world experience they have being out and about in girl-mode - whether they're CD or TG. It reduces that need to be so 'extra' when online. YMMV 🙂
Hi Amelia,
To me this site is about help, and encouragement. I can’t see the point in lying.
If I want to write fantasy I can do that someplace else.
Lara
Amelia,
Among CDH members, many sooner or later realize that it's best to be honest with yourself about your crossdressing life. It's a big weight off one's shoulders and helps alleviate the guilt and shame that CD'ers are often burdened with. That honesty carries over into conversations with other members because it's such a relief to finally share Cd'ing with others who understand where you're coming from and who won't judge you harshly.
I think most members here greatly value the benefits of honest discussions and opinions.
My scattered thoughts seem to coelesce around the concept of balance. I think we all have the right to look the best we can, whatever that means to us. We all have the right to try to live the life we think we want for ourselves. We can fake it till we make it. But getting stuck in the fakery is very limiting. Authenticity takes some effort. Being present here and now takes some effort. Many (most) girls who think they pass do not. "Blending" is a healthier goal than "passing" for most girls. Another Shakespeare quote, "To thine own self be true". Were the all the years in my life spent trying to pass and faking it till I made it THE OTHER WAY intentionally deceptive? No, I was doing the best I could at the time. Wearing fake boobs is one thing, developing a fake persona for the purpose of deceiving others is an entirely different matter.
Peace, balance, love, a wink and a smile,
- Robyn 🙂
“Honesty is the best policy” so the old saying goes, and honesty on social media raises all sorts of fascinating issues. Personally I see no point in joining a forum like this and then creating a fictionalised version of oneself. I think what it boils down to for me is that, here on this forum, we are all in the same boat, so we owe it to one another to maintain honesty in what we post about ourselves.