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Topic starter
(@Anonymous 92919)
Eminent Member
Joined: 3 months ago

Who needs reality or even honesty, right?

I was torn between writing this as an honest question, or writing the most outlandish story I could think of to prove a point.

Just so you know, when I come on here and post stuff, I endeavor to be as honest as I can about my life experiences and my opinions as drawn therefrom.  I won't tell you that I'm a gorgeous blonde bombshell, or write about stuff I don't have a clue on.

Unfortunately, I also tend to hold others to that same standard.  Is that a problem?  I want your opinions, gals.

I think we're all aware that some people online just make it up, their lives & experiences.  There are people who embellish their stories, and people who make up totally fake stories or steal them from others, can you tell the difference?  I see this as an ethical problem, and possibly a misinfo problem.  Apparently not everyone does tho.

I'd like to know what you think.  Is it ok to misrepresent yourself online?  A little bit?  A lot?  Does it even matter?

Thanks!

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56 Replies
24 Replies
(@heels234)
Joined: 9 years ago

Honorable Member     Mesa, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 466

Wow,very interesting question and essay.If anybody falls into the trap of lying ,how many lies must be told to cover the lies already told?This can go on for ever.I heard a wise man say "To thine own self be true".

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@heels234 Shakespeare had all the best lines 🙂

Oh God. I had to write essays on this when I did English A level  ... SOOOO long ago.

I still have flashbacks. I think everything was still in black and white then, so at least the flashbacks are all in subtle shades of grey. Not TOO scary.

I remember being told/taught that one interpretation of this phrase is that you should always be honest with yourself. BUT (we were told) some people interpret 'true' here as meaning 'beneficial', and say that Polonius is telling his son that he needs to think of his own benefit first.

If you embellish your CV, then maybe all you're doing is listening to Shakespeare 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

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(@heels234)
Joined: 9 years ago

Honorable Member     Mesa, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 466

@ellyd22 You are right Ellie,Shakespeare did have all the great lines.I remember the essays we wrote about his plays  and upon reflection,once you got thru the superflous  language ,they were great stories.The language still reminds me of prehistoric Yoda speak.Thanks to my English Literature teacher,I am now a better part time lady.

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 12 months ago

Honorable Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 405

@bang it's an interesting question isn't it? One has to always be wary of anything one reads on social media. I'm a great believer that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Here in our little community I don't see how untruths can do us much harm. I myself feel a little dishonest putting up mainly pics of my makeover in June rather than my fumbling efforts at home (although there are a couple of those). But at least I'm open about it. As someone (not Shakespeare) once said, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive".

Hugs, Chrissie xx. 

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@chrisfp99 

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive".

I can't believe that I was nerdy enough to Google this.

No-one will be interested, but it was Walter Scott in 1808 (thankfully, not Nixon in 1974).

I actually hate myself for feeling the need to check.

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 12 months ago

Honorable Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 405

@ellyd22 Ellie, you're a teacher. I would expect you to have an inquisitive mind! xx

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@chrisfp99 It's an occupational hazard. Obsessional fact checking will, in all probability, eventually be recognised as an official disorder.

I would love that disorder to be called 'Ellie's Syndrome.'

And, subsequently, I would love to see someone check that this was actually the correct name for it.

Speaking of fact checking, in what way are your makeover photos in any way dishonest?

That's like saying that GGs are lying when they put on their best face for a night on the tiles. 

It's what you look like, Chrissie.

You're gorgeous. Own it!

Hugs

Ellie x

 

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 12 months ago

Honorable Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 405

@ellyd22 that's so sweet of you Ellie, thank you hun xx.

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(@clarissa2)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member     jutland, Denmark
Posts: 371

@ellyd22 Maybe the correct name is: OCD light or just loving to learn thing and facts

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@clarissa2 You've reminded me of one of my many 'teaching-related' stories.

There was a girl in one of my classes who used to take everything out of her pencil case and line it all up in a specific grid pattern before she could even contemplate starting work. And, believe me, she had a LOT of stuff.

The different shades of highlighter alone were, in terms of their combined mass, enough to sink a battleship.

Once, when I was reaching across to show her how to do a chemistry calculation, I accidentally pushed one of the pencils out of its perfect alignment.

There was a moment of intense silence.

Then her best friend spoke up.

'You shouldn't have done that' she said. 'She's OC/DC'.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 92919)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 36

@ellyd22  gotcha! 😘

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Lady
(@meganfachs)
Joined: 5 months ago

Estimable Member     Central Ohio, Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 99

@bang Good question.  I see Crossdresser Heaven to be the best place to be 1,000% honest.  That’s what I strive for.  Where else will we be understood for good or bad experiences and given almost universal understanding and support?

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(@clarissa2)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member     jutland, Denmark
Posts: 371

@meganfachs Exactly my thought too. Be totally honest at crossdresser heaven

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Guest
(@Anonymous 92919)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 36

hi again everyone,

just wanna thank you all again for replying, those who did.  and a lot of you mentioned some things i'd like to respnd to if i could.

i understand polishing your resume and dating profile, those are givens generally i think.

ditto on hazy memories, yes & likely guilty here also.

false prophets, yea and then plus maybe not Marshall Applewhite but just "sheeps clothing" type people.  and the staff here is fantastic, yes!!

and makeover pics, wigs, breasts... that's more honest, not less.  you accomplished!  congrats gf's!!  in that sense you're being true to thine own self.  i think the quote about the tangled web came from Nixon in his farewell address.   

i agree that CDH is a help site & that it ought to be ok to be very honest (in an appropriate way of course) w/out fear, and that the concept doesn't work very well w/out honesty and some level of ability to take occasional constructive advice as feedback from peers.  

and maybe that's what worries me.  we're kind of a vulnerable population here.  i guess what i'm thinking of is called "catfishing".  it happened to a friend of mine.  it's the sheep's clothing thing.  i worry about the possibility of people getting hurt, or buying into stories that might not be real and wondering why they can't accomplish the same things.  i just feel like it's unfair to the community as a whole...

anyway, great feedback ladies thanks again i appreciate you!! 🙂

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Duchess
(@michellemybell)
Joined: 3 years ago

Honorable Member     Clearwater, Florida, United States of America
Posts: 395

@bang An interesting question ,especially since as a crossdresser I am creating a female illusion of myself.  Also, I hide the fact that I crossdress from everyone I know except you ladies and my wife.  I know the question was specifically about online but I think it's all relevant in the spectrum of honesty.  I always admire the brave girls who live openly and honestly in the world.

The title of the post reminds me of my refrigerator magnet that says.  "If cauliflower can be pizza, you can be anything"  

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@michellemybell 

Wait ... what?

Cauliflower can be pizza?

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Duchess
(@michellemybell)
Joined: 3 years ago

Honorable Member     Clearwater, Florida, United States of America
Posts: 395

@ellyd22 Sad but true!

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Lady
(@jameie)
Joined: 4 months ago

Eminent Member     Terre Haute, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 20

@bang Sadly morals aren't taught in schools today.personally I think most people are honest

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Lady
(@lisa55)
Joined: 2 years ago

Honorable Member     Gloucester, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 494

@bang I find that when I am on-line with you ladies I tend to be much more honest about myself. I have found that when I am here I can be myself, who I really am inside. I have been lucky and I do share my stories when I can and within reason. I guess it’s my way of say ‘yes, we all have hope, no matter what we thought would be the outcome.’ My wife, who I thought would never accept Lisa has embraced her, more so than I ever dreamed of! 

Once joining CDH, the first time 4 years ago, maybe, I wasn’t sure about myself so I said little and left after a month or so. Second time I joined, almost 2 years now, was a totally different experience. Now I know who I am and happy with myself as well as proud to be me.

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Lady
(@jameie)
Joined: 4 months ago

Eminent Member     Terre Haute, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 20

@lisa55 being here at CDH keeps us together as a family,once a family always family

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1767

@bang Interesting subject Amelia.  I remember reading a couple of stories here a few years ago, they were fantastically tragic, of course they were fictional.  A short time later that person was gone.  For those of us here we need a true story from others lives to help them find themselves. 

I know some of my own experiences put together seem questionable.  I have told almost everyone I know, I am out at work, I am out at Church, I do have a second job at Torrid.  I keep pushing myself out there partly because I have almost no pushback.  For me everyone is either accepting or tolerant.  

Thankful for all I have.    Cassie

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Guest
(@Anonymous 92919)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 36

@loneleycd hi Cassie,

it sounds like we may be at about the same place with stuff, haven't had any real pushback either in awhile.  but there definitely has been pushback before.  or maybe not truly pushback but just someone acting like a mo'ron.  thanks Cassie & long may you run gf!! 🙂

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 7 months ago

Prominent Member     Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 576

@bang I have said things here at CDH that I have never said to anyone else.  I am nervous and thrilled at the same time about doing this, but I feel that it is so good for me to face myself.  In complete honesty, some of the things I have said regarding transition planning are somewhat aspirational but if I don't set goals and challenge myself in this way it will never happen!

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1383

@bang There is a difference between being honest and being truthful. Our eyes are not cameras, and our brains are not hard drives (or solid state devices). If we misremember the order of things that happened to us, or we see things in a different light now than previously, we may not be truthful to the event, but we can still be honest. We may see things in the past through rose colored glasses, the highs and lows may seem of different intensities now than when we originally experienced them. We may embellish certain memories (every time he tells the story, the fish keeps getting bigger) and diminish others. If we tell it as best as we remember them, we are being honest.

There are certain sites where we are not being truthful, simply because they may be more roll playing sites rather than a support group like CDH. But that's OK, because everyone knows you're playing a role, and you know that they're playing a role too.

Then there are certain social lies, what I like to call The Emperor's New Clothes Syndrome. Since this is December, I'll give one such example. I have never heard anyone say that Scrooge was wearing a dress or a nightgown for almost half of A Christmas Carol. We call it a "nightshirt," everyone nods their heads and agrees, and we never bring up what our eyes are telling us. Here, everyone is being neither truthful nor honest. By changing the name of the garment, it is suddenly all right. We just all agree to blind ourselves to the problem, and there is no one to tell us "The king is naked." There are plenty more examples I can give, but I'll just leave it here.

All this being said, a site like CDH relies on the honesty of the members to tell their stories. You may think you're doing no harm, but you never know who will try to imitate you because of your stories here and get themselves into trouble because of it.

 

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Posts: 2301
Managing Ambassador
(@emilyalt)
Famed Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

There's a fine line between portraying oneself in the most positive terms and misrepresentation.  Ask any ambitious job seeker or hiring authority.  Is it wrong to "sell yourself" during the hiring process....or when you post something in an online forum?  I don't think so.  If the message is essentially true, I can overlook a little hyperbole. 

However, fabricated stories and blatant lies are a different issue.  Then the question becomes "who is this person harming" with their misrepresentation?  Is this person merely a BS artist, or are they trying to influence others?  We all know a few BS artists....and generally ignore them.  It's the false prophets that are the real danger.  Society is littered with them. 

I don't have time to check the veracity of every story I hear.  I'm choosing my battles wisely.  

As always, if something posted on CDH concerns you, contact the Managing Ambassador or any staff member.

/EA

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Posts: 2300
Hostess
(@ab123)
Famed Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

I have seen things written here that seem a fantasy but then some girls experiences do seem as such to others. You read into it how you will so long as it is not intended to harm or lead to something hurtful.

 

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Posts: 2003
Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Joined: 8 months ago

Hi Amelia

You’ve raised a really important question. You’ve phrased it eloquently, and I think you’re asking it in the right spirit.

So, how to answer?

I read what Emily wrote; I agree with her that it’s a natural human tendency to try and present yourself in the best possible light. That applies equally to whether you’re polishing your CV or you’re presenting yourself to an unknown audience online. After all, first impressions count.

Since you’re posting this as a question on CDH, I’ll direct my response to my experience here. I have to say that what I’ve overwhelmingly encountered on this site has been honesty and sincerity.

I’ll quote Emily here:

 If the message is essentially true, I can overlook a little hyperbole. 

Now let’s say (for the sake of argument) that someone recounts a story that sounds too good to be true, or to your ears sounds like an outright fantasy? It may very well not be true … but then again it might. The point is that you simply don’t know. Who are you ... who am I ... to judge?

If someone is embroidering the truth a little to make them feel better about themselves, I’m happy to let them get on with it. It doesn’t harm me. It doesn’t harm anyone else.

However, if at any point it starts to, and any falsehoods that they’re peddling look set to cause collateral damage to those around them  … that’s when I’ll make a fuss!

Thanks again for such an interesting forum post.

Hugs

Ellie x

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Posts: 338
Duchess Annual
(@shadowqueen)
Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Hi Amelia,

  I suppose most of us try to show ourselves in the best light. I like to be honest about who I am (well not really, AnnaBeth isn’t my real name) and what I’ve done, I really do go out in the back yard and on my deck ( I’ve got pictures to prove it) not much to embellish here lol. And when I dress the beautiful hair and the hips and the boobs, TBH they aren’t real. 
  I have been warned by friends to not compare myself with the other girls because some might not be completely honest about how they look or where they go. I think that could cause some girls some despair if they take it all too seriously. I guess just like all aspects of life some people are going to be more honest than others. Thanks for an interesting question.

AnnaBeth

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1 Reply
Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@shadowqueen

AnnaBeth ... you don't NEED to be comparing yourself to other girls. Other girls should be comparing themselves to YOU.

Hugs

Ellie x

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Posts: 338
Duchess Annual
(@shadowqueen)
Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Thank you Ellie, so kind of you to say.

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@shadowqueen It's very sincerely meant 🙂

Smile Face

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Posts: 547
Lady
(@dazzler)
Prominent Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Our very nature is living a lie, especially those of us that venture out into the world as female versions of ourselves, but that is why the lie should end.

The stories we tell of experiences  should be as truthful and as accurate as they can be. I say this because it might inspire or help others having difficulties. 
You can usually spot the fantasies, and I understand why people write them, but we need to be honest with ourselves and others.

Essentially, CDH is a help group. A group where we can share experiences, ask for ideas, ask for help, ask for opinions. It's also a place where we can seek encouragement (or not as the case may be).

We need to be open and honest. Maybe the group needs a "stories" section.

Cerys

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Posts: 359
Lady
(@vecca)
Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

To your point;

I’m a drop dead gorgeous 23 year old, 5’4” 100 lbs blonde former college cheer leader that was encouraged to dress in ladies uniforms because of my stature. I couldn’t compete for Mrs America because of my UNICEF Ambassador duties while serving in the peace corps on planet Xanadu. It’s a complicated mess there but I helped get it squared away by donating 8 inches of my hair for wigs for the tribal leaders’ wives.

In reality I’m a gal that will never pass who has a supporting wife and is lucky to have that. 

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3 Replies
Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@vecca

Ha! A valiant attempt at a double bluff 🙂

But you're fooling no-one, Ambassador Senn.

... *dramatic music* ...

Your secret identity is secret no more!

 

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Lady
(@vecca)
Joined: 3 years ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 359

@ellyd22 bwhahahaha

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@vecca You have NO idea exactly how much I  love that response.

Perfect

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Posts: 833
Duchess
(@chloec)
Prominent Member     Lakeshore, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Amelia, well, every post I've made here is a close to the truth as I can remember it. Now, I am getting on, and yes, I do believe that at times our memories can get a little out of whack. I was just reminded of that the other day, as I have a very vivid memory of me and my spouse several years ago, on a car trip, with me as we're going through some x-way interchanges wanting her to make sure Maps is giving us the right exits.  She denies that ever happened. So maybe it's me or her. idk. But over the years, I've actually written a lot of my cross-dressing experiences down, within not too long a time after they happened...and I have selfies, both still and movies, so I have some 'back-up' to give some validity. But I also write very speculative fiction (up on fictionmania) so that's where I let my imagination run...wild. And that outlet does help keep my posts here in check. I do wonder about some posts I've seen here at times, I just don't know the poster(s) well enough to make judgements. 

ChloeC

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Posts: 189
(@caroline2k)
Reputable Member     Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I always tell the truth on CDH. As others have mentioned, we have spent so much time in our lives hiding the truth. One of the main reasons that I had to come out and tell my partner about my need to crossdress was the the sheer pressure of suppressing the truth. 

The way I see it is that most of us using this website have shared experiences, so what is the point of being untruthful about it. I comment on subjects that I feel I can offer an opinion or view based on my own life experiences, and thus have no need for fabrication. 

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Posts: 431
Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Prominent Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 7 months ago

In my (I feel, rather extensive) time in the online world of being Melodee, I think what tends to happen is most easily explained like this:

I find myself on the "Self Spectrum" ('this is who I am') at one point, but I look at other points on that spectrum and think that either those are more where I should be, or at least where I think I want to be. However, in my everyday life I feel stuck at this point where I am. Because of this frustration, I put my online persona at a point much farther much farther down the Spectrum than that point I feel is more accurate to compensate for this.

Essentially, I think some may behave online in a far more girly/sexy/overt way than they really feel just to offset the discomfort they have of being where they are in the real world.

That said, I think this is normal, and I also think that some girls find that the spectrum points tend to come closer together the more real-world experience they have being out and about in girl-mode - whether they're CD or TG. It reduces that need to be so 'extra' when online. YMMV 🙂

 

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3 Replies
Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@melodeescarlet 

I really had to think hard about this. I've added a few under linings to indicate the way it actually sounded in my head *Ellie hopes fervently that other people also experience voices in their heads while reading*.

I find myself on the "Self Spectrum" ('this is who I am') at one point, but I look at other points on that spectrum and think that either those are more where I should be, or at least where I think I want to be.

However, in my everyday life I feel stuck at this point where I am. Because of this frustration, I put my online persona at a point much farther down the spectrum than that point I feel is more accurate, to compensate for this.

Once I'd digested what you wrote (it was pretty deep, and I'm a Bear of very little brain, as everyone knows by now), I realised what an interesting perspective it is.

As always, Melodee  ... thank you 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

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Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 7 months ago

Prominent Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 431

@ellyd22 Thank you, that's exactly as I had intended it! Just forgot I could emphasize that way! 🙂

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@melodeescarlet It sounded absolutely flawless in my head. A perfect Melodee podcast 🙂

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Posts: 1503
Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Amelia,

To me this site is about help, and encouragement. I can’t see the point in lying.

 If I want to write fantasy I can do that someplace else. 

Lara

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6 Replies
Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@secretpassions Absolutely, Lara 🙂

This is an amazing site. I genuinely believe that, or I wouldn't have stuck with it. 

I can only speak from my own experience, but when I joined CDH five months ago I felt isolated and alone. For reasons that seem pretty trivial in retrospect *to the wiser, five months older and infinitely more experienced me*, signing up felt like a bit of a leap. But everyone here was so welcoming and accepting. I didn't feel like a freak or a misfit any more.

I credit CDH with giving me the support and encouragement that I needed to come out to those I love. That's not an exaggeration. I GENUINELY mean it. I've written about those 'coming out' experiences here, warts and all. I've also read many other posts from many other girls. Some leave me buzzing; others, I have to say, leave me in tears.

But, Lara, I absolutely agree with you: 'This site is about help, and encouragement'. I see the girls here helping and encouraging others every single day.

Unless I'm being exceptionally naive, what I don't see is people habitually lying.

Girls come on here, they tell us what they feel they are able to about their lives, and we respond.

Long may it continue.

Hugs

Ellie x

 

 

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Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1503

@ellyd22

I feel so much the same about everything you have mentioned. Except I haven’t come out to family members. My wife knows something is up as I wear leggings around the house most of the time, and occasionally paint my nails.

But yes, I think that there is less reason for lying, or embellishment when we are looking for advice, encouragement, and wardrobe ideas. The idea of embellishing to impress seems silly too, when we are mostly anonymous here.

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(@justnikki)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Posts: 347

@ellyd22 Right there with you, sister. I can count on one hand the number of posts here that struck me as eye-rolling fiction, always by anonymous transient users with few posts. Everyone else strikes me as honest and forthcoming about who they are (and what they're wrestling with). I agree that social media is mostly artifice, but not here. This is what a well-moderated forum can be: useful, genuine, and real. The people who post regularly here have taught me, supported me, and inspired me. Several of you I have met in the real world. None of that can come from fronting.

For most of my life, I lived the lie of omission; this part of me was closed off to the world. Now, I have the opportunity to share my whole self, AND there's a lot of learning to do. Why on earth would I then choose to keep living a lie? For better or worse, y'all get the unvarnished me. Sorry, not sorry!

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Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003

@justnikki 

Everything you've written (as usual) resonates 1000% with me.

I've been thinking quite a lot about this thread.

I mean really ... a LOT.

In response to the opening post, a few of the girls went down the route of suggesting that they're being deceptive through the very act of dressing, or by presenting online in a female persona under an assumed name.

I don't want to put words in @bang 's mouth, but that really wasn't the intention of the thread.

So, as a response to those girls, I'd like to turn it round.

The way I see it is that in that moment of dressing we're actually revealing an essential truth about ourselves. We aren't telling a lie at all, and we shouldn't allow ourselves to think that we are.

Don't feel guilty, don't feel ashamed. This is who we are. Own it. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Here on CDH you all know me as Ellie; you might think that's a pseudonym, and that I'm presenting a false 'online' face to you ... but in fact I've been Ellie for a long, long time now. I ditched my male name more years ago than I care to remember, even if the world at large still calls me that.

It ISN'T who I am. So where's the lie?

What you (and the people that I've come out to) see is the TRUE me. The 'online' version of me isn't the false one. The version that most of the world sees is 🙂

What I'm getting at here, in my usual rambling way, is that CDH is a place where we can actually be ourselves, without fear.

No deception.

No need to lie, or hide.

It's somewhere where we can actually be honest about who we are.

I'm TOTALLY in love with that idea.

Hugs

Ellie x

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Guest
(@Anonymous 92919)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 36

@ellyd22 yea no i've already addressed crossdressing or whatever as being more honest and not less.

my original thought is people making up whole fake personas that have nothing to do with reality, or telling us they've transitioned when they haven't... stuff like that.  And yes, it happens even here.

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 12 months ago

Honorable Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 405

@justnikki well said Nikki! xx.

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Posts: 1093
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Noble Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Amelia,

Among CDH members, many sooner or later realize that it's best to be honest with yourself about your crossdressing life. It's a big weight off one's shoulders and helps alleviate the guilt and shame that CD'ers are often burdened with. That honesty carries over into conversations with other members because it's such a relief to finally share Cd'ing with others who understand where you're coming from and who won't judge you harshly.

I think most members here greatly value the benefits of honest discussions and opinions.

 

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Posts: 899
Managing Ambassador
(@robyn99)
Noble Member     Texas, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

My scattered thoughts seem to coelesce around the concept of balance. I think we all have the right to look the best we can, whatever that means to us. We all have the right to try to live the life we think we want for ourselves. We can fake it till we make it. But getting stuck in the fakery is very limiting. Authenticity takes some effort. Being present here and now takes some effort. Many (most) girls who think they pass do not. "Blending" is a healthier goal than "passing" for most girls. Another Shakespeare quote, "To thine own self be true". Were the all the years in my life spent trying to pass and faking it till I made it THE OTHER WAY intentionally deceptive? No, I was doing the best I could at the time. Wearing fake boobs is one thing, developing a fake persona for the purpose of deceiving others is an entirely different matter. 

 

Peace, balance, love, a wink and a smile,

 

- Robyn 🙂 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 92919)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 36
Posts: 769
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Noble Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 months ago

“Honesty is the best policy” so the old saying goes, and honesty on social media raises all sorts of fascinating issues. Personally I see no point in joining a forum like this and then creating a fictionalised version of oneself. I think what it boils down to for me is that, here on this forum, we are all in the same boat, so we owe it to one another to maintain honesty in what we post about ourselves.

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2 Replies
Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 8 months ago

Famed Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 2003
Duchess
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 449
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