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Many of you go outside your house crossdressed in order to interact with the real world. Personally, I do not. Here’s a question for you: Do you think you’re perceived by the general public who you engage with as - just a man in a dress? A man really trying hard to be female and wanting to be treated as such? Are there some who perceive you as an actual woman and don’t realize you’re really a male? Or - none of those and something else entirely?
These are the things some of us “indoor cats” wonder about 🥰
GP
It’s not always possible to know how one has been perceived by others. Sometimes people are simply being polite when using pronouns. Sometimes they are unsure and give us the benefit of the doubt. And often they may accept at face (and form) value, unless and until proven otherwise. I have most certainly passed on a few occassions. For example, one evening I was drawn into conversation with a young woman who was part of a bachelorette party. Near the end of the evening, I thanked her for me, a transgender woman, into their party. She was momentarily surprised and then insisted she had assumed that I was a genetic woman. I guess what she said was “a pretty, mature woman”. Needless to say, I was walking on air!
another situation came as an even bigger surprise as part of a conversation with the lady who owns my favorite wine bar. Ive known her for several years, but have always presented there as a woman. In one conversation I briefly mentioned playing sports in HS. She looked puzzled and observed that back when we were in school there really weren’t women’s sports. In that moment, it dawned on me that she had been assuming that I was a genetic woman. Rather than correct that, I reminded her that I had many older brothers, so I naturally joined in.
Hi Grace, As an intersex person who's out and open I really don't care how people see me but if I go out as is (jeans and a top without makeup) I'll be seen as female half of the time. If I glam up, then I usually just blend in and pass. My body is super feminine but my face is like a Rolling Stone's Grandmother. So, no matter what, I'm just the old lady in front of you. I've learned to accept it and no longer think that I'm 37 (now I think I'm 57 lol). My voice can pass but I really don't care so I'm just ready for however anyone perceives me. If there's a question, I just tell them that I'm an intersex person and perhaps give them the 60 second lesson on intersex people (we are as common as red heads). Thanks for this interesting question. Marg
I'm pretty sure I don't fool anyone into thinking that I'm anything other than a male (I won't use the word 'man'). But hopefully they'll see a male that's doing her best to live her feminine life openly 😊
If anything, I think not making it too difficult to guess, makes it easier for me. As they've already engaged with me mentally, even subconsciously, in making their guess. By the time I engage in any sort of interaction with them, they know who they're dealing with. So they're more relaxed about it and accepting of the differences in front of them.
I'll take it 🙂
i'm not totally passable but who cares. i guess no one really cares. i get alone with everyone and even have been thanked for going out dressed. some ask what is your pronoun? i tell them human. i try to look like a woman the best i can, but some things you can't hide. like voice, Adams apple and height. 10 years out dressed and 0 problems. it's all in your head. don't matter what people think about you, it's what you think about yourself. i went on a date with this guy once and he said i put in more effort than the real girls he's dated. i get complements from men and women. and lots of hugs.
I am primarily an indoor cat as well, Grace. One who lives in a hostile environment, where people with caveman mentality abound. However, I am now at a stage in my life where I have little interest in what others think. My life should be nobody else's business. Obviously I don't want them to make my life miserable. I appreciate you allowing me this opportunity to vent through this topic. Maybe I'm not answering any of your questions.
I live in an extremely conservative society. I have ventured out a few times in the last semester. Never from my main house. I always leave it in male mode. I am very careful. There will always be people who look at you well and others who look at you badly; but I feel that many are not even interested in looking at you. One problem here is that there are a few idiots who take photos of CDs and trans to upload them to the social networks and screw up someone's life. I don't understand what they gain from that. And if you walk around at night, as happened to me a few months ago when I went out for a walk from my hotel, you risk being approached as if you were an escort and having a really bad time. This scares me and leads me to take extreme precautions afterwards.
Fortunately, I have sporadic access to a secluded place where, at certain times and hours, I can walk around freely with little chance of anyone interfering. But I don't do it often. After all, as Aristotle said, I am a social animal.
Gisela
Do you think you’re perceived by the general public who you engage with as...
Well....that's kinda the whole thing, isn't it? How they perceive me is going to be based on their opinions and experiences, and all of that is completely unknowable to me. So speculating is absolute guesswork and my guesses are going to be about me, not them., which gives me no information at all. (shrug) I may as well consider what they think of the McRib.
I'm pretty sure I don't pass, but lots of people tell me how great I look and that's good enough for me. I'm not going out trying to blend in or be invisible, I'm going out to be my authentic self. That works every time! Whether strangers see me as a man in a dress or just some flavor of LGTBQ (as I am) is really none of my business, and I don't concern myself much with it. My look varies from Bowie-era androgynous to ultrafemme, and I am literally always wearing some article or another of women's clothes. Ultimately, I'm only interested in passing as myself; it's SO much easier.
I've never interacted with anybody to ask them that question directly. However, I suspect they think I may be transgender. I don't think I pass upon close inspection at all. Saying that I've used the restroom multiple times and have never been challenged before.
I spend probably 90% of my time as Cerys. This means I'm out and about most days, interacting with various people throughout the day. Do I pass? I doubt it. Do I get negative comments or reactions? Never... I have heard a few "Is that a man" type comments. I have noticed a few people take a second look. Most people treat me with respect, there was one barista in a local coffee shop that always called me sir. He's no longer there. Dropping stuff off at a charity shop the other day the lady behind the counter who was busy, asked one of her colleagues if "she could help this lady". In other shops, my wife and I have had "Can I help you ladies?" Overall, the whole experience of being a crossdeesser in the wild is positive. I recommend it to everyone. Seriously, 90% of the people won't notice, and 99% of those that do won't say or do anything negative.
Try and blend in. Try not to look "typically tranny". Try not to draw attention to your self. Just act as though it's perfectly normal. Hold your head high, and carry on!
Cerys
Grace, as you know, I have been out and about many times. I'm pretty sure that at a distance, I don't ring any alarm bells, I am highly unlikely to be spotted as male from the other side of a shop. Closer in, some people, if they are taking an active interest, may spot me as not quite female; close up, I still fool some people; speaking—not at all, but I put so much effort into all my looks and mannerisms that people probably just unconsciously think 'well, he/she's trying hard'.
Take yesterday for example. I went into a Cotswold Clothing shop and found a heavy-duty winter jacket (unisex, I suppose) which was very expensive. I tried it on and decided to buy it, taking it to the counter in full-on Becca-mode. I softened my voice, even though I was going to fool no one at such close quarters, but I instinctively tried anyway. The man who served me (I would say he was in his forties) told me all about the guarantee, how to waterproof it when necessary and if I gave him my email address, it would extend the warranty to three years. I gave him Becca's email address and he addressed me as Becca, checking the spelling (I am Becca but my email address uses Bekka because Becca was taken). He was unfazed, making eye contact (and I with him) and serving me exactly the same as he would anyone who was paying a lot of money for an item. I did not feel intimidated, unsure of myself or nervous in any way—confidence is everything.
Move on an hour and my wife and I are sat having coffee in a Marks and Spencer cafe. Just as we finished and were starting stand up, an elderly woman came and sat at the table next to us. The woman noticed me and stared...and I mean STARED at me, probably for a good 30 seconds or so. She obviously thought something was amiss (or she was an ageing lesbian who found me stunningly attractive—I'm going with that). I smiled at her as we picked up our stuff and left. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but in my heart of hearts, I think she was being quite rude. The way she came across, I can imagine that she would stare at anyone out of the ordinary—two gay men, a woman with no hair through cancer treatment, or even someone who had a giant spot on their nose. It might just be what she does.
These people are rare, in fact including her, only three people have made their observations blatant (but none have said anything) in the year I've been going out dressed. In truth, that's far fewer people than who might previously have looked at me in drab, before I became a cross-dresser, and sported shorts (365 days a year), odd socks, a shaved head and a blue beard. I'm used to being looked at; as a cross-dresser who tries really hard to look good, I don't think I'm looked at often enough!
As Abe Lincoln was reputed to have said: You can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all the time.
Shouldn't stop you trying though.
Hugs
Becca
As many here have said, it is hard to guess what other people are thinking.
But to answer your question, I believe the majority of people who see me believe that I am a woman. Genetically I'm lucky because I'm thin, have smaller hands, hairless arms and legs and a sparse, hard to see gray beard. I have worked hard on clothing, mannerisms and makeup in order to blend in and live my life as a woman. I have had countless dealings with people who believed I was a female.
In depth interactions with people is a different story because of my voice. If it's just a quick "thank you" I get away with it many times but anything more than that immediately pegs me as a trans woman.
But most people, especially women, don't seem to overly care.